by M. Ullrich
A slug made its way along the sidewalk, and Berit found its slow and steady pace soothing. She felt sad for Lauren, infuriated by the people taking advantage of her, and jealous of Rebecca for acting like a rightful owner of a piece of Lauren’s life. The front door creaked open, putting an end to Berit’s turmoil.
Berit raised her head to catch her first glance of Lauren. She licked her lips instantly. Lauren was wearing a long, flowy skirt that had a tie-dyed pattern of every earth tone you could imagine, and she’d paired it with a simple navy blue T-shirt. You’d never expect these articles of clothing to work perfectly together, but they did. The tightness of Lauren’s shirt showcased her breasts and midsection, and Berit wanted to run her hands along the soft material. Lauren yelled something into the house before closing the door and approaching Berit. She touched her hair subconsciously.
Every other feeling left Berit’s chest once Lauren stood before her. She was left only with awe, admiration, and desire. “Wow,” she said breathlessly.
“Wow, yourself.” Lauren leaned in and pecked Berit’s lips, but Berit pulled her in for a much deeper, sensuous kiss. She pulled back, dazed, and said, “Again, wow.”
“You look incredible.” Berit ran her fingertip along Lauren’s clavicle. “And you cut your hair.” She fingered the ends of Lauren’s chestnut hair, which was now just below her chin and tucked behind her ears. Lauren’s new style included blunt bangs that ran straight along her brow line, adding a new intensity to her dark eyes. “I love it.”
“I was worried it wasn’t me, but I wanted something new for our first date. Rebecca said the bangs make me look twelve.” Lauren began to lower her head, but Berit grabbed her chin and encouraged her to meet her eyes.
“The bangs make your eyes even more dangerous and sexy than they were, and I think I hate Rebecca.”
“You could never hate anybody. Your heart is too good for that,” Lauren said as she snaked her fingers between Berit’s buttons and caressed the skin between her breasts.
Berit melted at the touch. She gripped the handle behind her and opened the door. “Let’s get out of here before I either take you in my back seat or march back into your house to give Rebecca the finger.”
Lauren smiled and climbed into the Jeep. “Where are we going?”
“You’ll see.”
After a forty-five minute drive, Lauren became restless. She started to fiddle more with Berit’s right hand, resting on her thigh. Lauren’s legs bounced up and down countless times, and she couldn’t stop changing the song on the radio. Normally, this type of behavior would irk Berit, but she found it endearing with Lauren. She wondered when or if anyone had surprised Lauren.
“We’re almost there.” Berit took another sharp right.
“Finally. We’ve been driving forever.”
Berit laughed at Lauren’s exaggeration. “Hardly.” Berit steered her car up a long driveway and parked in a nearly empty lot. She cut the engine and sat silently, waiting for Lauren to notice the signs around them. The wait was worth it when Lauren’s eyes grew wider and brighter than Berit had ever seen them.
“We’re at a botanical garden?” Lauren couldn’t get her seat belt off fast enough. “I didn’t know we had any so close.”
“It’s a large public garden, but I’m sure it’s not as fancy as the ones you had back home.”
Lauren paused before opening the door. She turned back to Berit and smiled sweetly. “America is my home. England is a small place in my heart that holds memories. Come on,” she said excitedly as she jumped out of the Jeep.
Berit followed and held Lauren’s hand the moment she caught up. She couldn’t recall the last time she was on a real date. She tried to remember walking hand in hand with a woman, leisurely strolling and insisting on paying for each other, but she kept coming up blank. She tightened her grip on Lauren’s hand.
“Which way should we go first?” Lauren said, glancing over the pamphlet she was handed at the donation desk. She struggled to open the folded paper because she wouldn’t let go of Berit’s hand, melting Berit’s heart in the process.
“Whichever way you want to go.”
Lauren looked up at Berit with a bright smile. “Let’s head to the bamboo forest.” She tugged Berit along.
They weaved between natural exhibits and artistically plotted and planted displays. Lauren would stop at every other place of interest to read facts from a plaque or share a memory from her flower-filled childhood. Berit soaked up every second and made sure she forced Lauren to stop, kiss her, and literally smell the roses. Berit stood with Lauren in front of her, holding Lauren close as they stared out at a small pond. Dusk had fallen, painting the sky with raspberry and orange hues, and they knew their time at the gardens was drawing to a close.
“This is beautiful,” Lauren said quietly, her voice peaceful.
“The way you feel right now as you look at the sunset and all of these flowers is exactly how I feel when I look at you.”
“Berit…”
She held Lauren tighter. “I mean it, Lauren.”
“I know you do.” Lauren took a deep breath and settled back into Berit’s embrace. Minutes of silence passed, punctuated by the sound of crickets coming to life. Lauren looked up into Berit’s eyes.
Berit knew this was the perfect moment to share her huge feelings. Right then, in front of the sunset and the pond with picturesque lily pads. Berit wanted to tell Lauren she was falling into that deserted territory labeled love. She took a breath and opened her mouth, but she wasn’t quick enough.
“Why are you so nice to me?” Lauren said first, deflating Berit’s bravado and breaking her heart simultaneously.
“What?” Berit said, nearly squawking.
“No one has ever cared like you or treated me the way you do. I’m not even talking about the sex.” Lauren’s smile did nothing to soften what she was saying or hide the tears in her eyes. “I was used to being treated a certain way and figured it’s what I deserve.”
Berit placed her fingertip on Lauren’s lips. “Please stop.” She kissed Lauren’s nose. Her heart and mind were at war with how to answer Lauren and her big, doelike eyes. “No one has cared for you or treated you the way I do because none of those people were me.” Berit tucked a single runaway strand of hair back behind Lauren’s ear. “Sometimes it takes meeting the right person to see your true self.”
Lauren didn’t say another word. She just kissed Berit deeply before leading them back to the Jeep. Once they were buckled in, she turned to Berit. “Take me straight to your apartment.”
“What about dinner?” Berit asked, not really caring about food when Lauren wore such a devious smirk.
Lauren leaned across the space between their seats, pressing her lips to Berit’s jaw and then ear. She nipped at Berit’s earlobe and said, “Make love to me first, food after.”
Berit put the car in reverse, her hands shaky from Lauren’s tone and words, and stepped on the gas. “Yes ma’am.”
* * *
Berit leaned against her kitchen counter in a loose tank and sweatpants, holding out a bowl of chocolate chip ice cream to Lauren. She waited patiently while Lauren filled her spoon to capacity. Lauren, dressed in Berit’s green shirt from earlier that evening, sat at the bar, looking more delectable than their dessert.
“I really have to get ice cream the next time I go to the store,” Lauren said, licking her spoon clean and going back for more. “I usually skip it to save money, but I do love it so.”
“You can eat my ice cream any time you want, and you can stay in my apartment any time you want.”
“Thank you. I’ll definitely take you up on that.”
“The ice cream or the apartment?”
Lauren eyed Berit oddly. “The ice cream. I do have to go home from time to time, no matter how wonderful it is here and how charming your dog is.” Hugo was sleeping belly up in one of his many beds.
“I don’t understand why you have to go home.” Berit knew sh
e sounded childish.
“Because it’s my house.”
Berit stabbed at the ice cream aggressively.
“Okay, whoa, stop murdering the ice cream.” Lauren placed the bowl on the counter. “Where is all of this coming from?”
“Your roommates are jerks,” Berit blurted out. “I know Jorge is your friend and supposedly cares about you, but the whole thing with Briana is fucked up. She was more concerned about you going to the store so she could have snacks than making a nice first impression with me, the woman dating her sugar daddy’s friend. And don’t even get me started on Rebecca.”
Lauren hung her head. She looked ashamed and embarrassed. “How long were you in my house?”
“No more than five minutes. Rebecca didn’t tell you I was waiting?” Lauren shook her head. “There’s a shocker.”
“She came into my room to make a comment about my bangs and said a car was waiting out front. I assumed it was you. I’m sorry.”
“You have nothing to be sorry for.”
“I’m sorry for the way they acted and for everything you saw. You know how much I hate living there.”
Berit pushed the bowl onto the counter and moved closer to Lauren. She had to choose her next words wisely. “It’s not healthy for you to live there.”
“I’ve tried to talk to Jorge—”
“You should move out.”
“I can’t,” Lauren said, her voice raising an octave. “I pay over a third of the rent.”
“Jorge will have to pay more, which he should be doing now.”
“He can’t afford it.”
“What about Rebecca?” Berit was growing to hate the name.
“She wouldn’t go for it.”
“Because she’s only living there for you,” Berit said without thinking. Not only did she sound accusatory, but she also sounded a little too jealous for her liking. “I’m sorry.” Berit rubbed her face roughly and ran her fingers through her slightly knotted hair. Lauren had yet to relax. Oh, how she wished she could go back in time to the beginning of their dessert. She’d approach this topic much more carefully.
Lauren let out a sigh. “I do think it’s a control thing for Rebecca, but we can’t afford to lose her income, and it’s difficult to find a roommate willing to live on a couch.”
“Move in with me,” Berit said, as if the solution was so simple and obvious.
“Hell, no.” Lauren’s quick answer cut Berit like a dull razor.
“Not even taking a minute to think about that one, huh?” Berit took the bowl to the sink and began washing it out. “You live with grown adults who leave their dishes piled up in the sink. Jorge and Briana’s clothes are stained, which I guess is a sign they’re soul mates, and the barely responsible one is your ex who sticks around to control you.” Berit emptied the bowl, flinching at the water that splashed back at her. “I see how I’m the worst choice out of the two.”
“You’re not.” Lauren’s voice came from surprisingly close over Berit’s shoulder. Berit dried her hands and turned to catch Lauren looking at her with wide, earnest eyes. “You’re the best choice, my favorite choice without hesitation, but that’s the problem.”
Berit looked at her blankly, her mind lagging behind.
“I won’t U-Haul with you,” Lauren said.
“I’m not asking you to U-Haul.”
“You are.” She cradled Berit’s face. “And that makes me feel weak inside, but I’m not willing to risk what we have by moving in with you. What I feel for you is big and growing at a scary fast rate, but it’s not a feeling I want to use as an excuse to avoid the mess I’ve gotten myself into over the years.”
Berit hated that Lauren made sense. She nodded. “Okay.” She puckered up when Lauren leaned in slowly.
After a soft kiss, Lauren said, “Being with you makes me feel like maybe I’m strong enough to face the mess, though.”
Berit smiled. “Good. I hate seeing people I care about get taken advantage of. It happens all too often. Lord knows it’s happened to me enough for one lifetime.”
“What do you mean?”
Berit finished cleaning up quickly and prepared for what was never a quick story. “When I started planning for the Dollhouse, I had different ideas in place and I was looking at several locations. The first was a larger lot, which allowed for more parking and interior space. I would’ve had to build, but I was confident I could get the money through loans and investors.”
Lauren slid her hands into the large arm holes of Berit’s tank and tickled her ribs. “Do I even want to know what you had planned for all that extra space?”
“A dance floor and exotic dancers.”
“You’re not kidding.”
“I’m not. I wanted to take the lesbian world by storm, and what better way than to bring crafted drinks, hot dancers, and the club scene to them in northern New Jersey? Imagine dancers of all shapes, sizes, colors, and looks catered to queer women and not clichéd male fantasies.” Berit heard her voice turn all business, which happened every time she told the story of the Dollhouse. “But the newly elected mayor had other plans.”
“Does the mayor even get involved with things like that?”
“Not usually, but for me he made an exception.”
“Because of the bad blood between him and your father?”
“Bingo.” Berit reached out to smooth the crease between Lauren’s eyes. “At first, he approached me directly, using my father’s mistakes against me in order to guilt me into looking for a new location or giving up altogether. But eventually he realized I wasn’t going away.”
“What did he do then?”
“He wined and dined city council members and spoke directly to townspeople about how this city didn’t need that kind of sin.”
Lauren’s crease grew deeper. “I thought you said he was fine with you dating his daughter.”
“He was, but he was also willing to play the role of Jesus-worshiping homophobe to get people to shut me down.” Berit shrugged and started to turn off the lights. Hugo jumped up and followed them into the bedroom, where he took his rightful place at the foot of Berit’s king-size bed.
Lauren pulled up the covers from where they lay in a discarded ball beside Hugo. “How did you finally open the Dollhouse?” She fluffed her pillow and set her alarm. The easy, natural move wasn’t lost on Berit.
Berit stripped and slid between the covers, holding her breath that Lauren would do the same. She smiled broadly when Lauren undid each button slowly and let Berit’s shirt fall to the ground before she joined her. She pulled Lauren close and continued her tale. “I downsized my plan, picked a different location, and presented it myself in front of the city council, as well as at a town meeting. I lied a teeny bit in my description of the bar.” Berit held up her hand, index finger and thumb no more than millimeters apart.
Lauren pressed her naked back into Berit’s front. “What did you say?”
“That I wanted to open an artisanal bar that would be a safe space for women.”
“Not much of a lie.”
Berit reached back and turned off her bedside lamp. “It was a lie by omission. I didn’t clarify it’d be a safe space where women could meet other woman for casual and not-so-casual sexual encounters.” Lauren giggled in her arms, the sound a soothing lullaby for Berit.
“The Dollhouse was and always will be a safe place for me,” Lauren said in a sleepy voice. “Just like you, Berit.”
Berit kissed Lauren’s neck lightly. “I want to be the safest of all the places for you.”
“You are,” Lauren mumbled. “The more I fall in love with you, the more you are.”
Berit lay wide-awake long after Lauren’s breathing evened out. Lauren’s confession played over and over in her head and made its way into her heart moments before she drifted off into a peaceful slumber.
Chapter Twenty
“Make sure the longneck craft beers are fully stocked. I have a feeling those will be the biggest seller tonight
.” Berit made a check on her paperwork. Stud Night was her idea, building off their successful Femme Night in the winter. Not much planning went into the event, just the right amount of advertising on social media and the promise of drink specials for boyish women and their partners. Berit loved big theme nights, but simple nights like these were her favorite.
“Don’t forget the most important rule,” Berit said to Lou and Dee, her main bartenders for the night. “Studs and butches are the stars tonight, but anyone walking up to the bar gets special pricing.”
Lou smirked and pulled her hair back. “I love nights like these.”
“Because butch women love you.” Dee pinched Lou’s bicep.
Lou flipped her ponytail, the small motion underlining her femininity. “They really do.”
“One more thing.” Berit held up her index finger. “If you notice a bulge,” she said, pointing between her own legs, where her tight jeans were noticeably fuller, “give your customer a wink and an extra dollar off their drink.”
“So we should stare at everyone’s crotch tonight?”
“Yes, Lou, grab ’em, too.” Berit rolled her eyes. “No. If you happen to notice, you notice. I’m going to check on Lauren. You two get organized and prepare yourself for a busy night. I pushed Stud Night hard. I’m hoping it pays off.” Berit stalked off to the stockroom where Lauren was checking their on-hand inventory. She adjusted herself discreetly. Lauren had no idea Berit was packing, and Berit wanted to introduce her to the fact slowly. But when Berit found Lauren bent over, all her control slipped away.
She approached Lauren quietly, getting little to no reaction when she placed her hands on Lauren’s hips, but when she pressed her firm cock against Lauren’s ass, Lauren jumped up with a yelp.
Berit was torn between arousal and worry.
“Hi, Berit,” Lauren said, her breathing rapid from being startled. She checked over Berit’s shoulder and whispered, “What are you doing with that?” she said, appearing more concerned than interested.
