by Rachel Del
But try as he might, Nathan couldn’t fall asleep and after a longing look at Lily’s sleeping form, he slowly rose from the bed, gathered his clothes from the floor and crept out of the room, quietly closing the door behind him.
Chapter 9
Lily awoke late on Sunday morning, wondering if the night before had all been a dream, but the lightness in her step assured her otherwise. As she showered and dressed, her mind ran wild thinking about the implications of what had happened…. and what it meant that she had woken up alone.
Even an hour later, as she left the empty house and headed for Shoreline Park, a steaming cup of coffee in hand, she felt as lost as ever. So what if she was falling for him? She wasn’t ready for this. She knew that, and yet she had allowed herself to sleep with Nathan. Had she missed the touch of a man so much to let that happen? And what had Nathan been thinking? He knew what she was going through… how she was feeling. He must have been thinking as little as she had been. It was the only explanation.
Lily felt nauseated. Thankfully, the cool breeze coming across the water seemed to help her some, and she continued to walk further and further from the house, watching everyone she passed by with rapt curiosity.
As Lily climbed the porch steps she could see Nathan and Tanner seated at the table, finishing off a plate of eggs and bacon. She stopped just steps away from the door when she heard her name.
“So what’s the deal with you and Lily?” Tanner asked, motioning to Nathan, who fought back a smile.
“The deal? We work together.”
“I thought I sensed some awkwardness yesterday.”
“Hmm.”
“So you’re not dating then?”
“She’s married.”
“It wouldn’t be the first time someone stuck it to the man,” Tanner responded.
“I suppose not,” Nathan responded. “But we’re just friends.”
Tanner poured himself another glass of orange juice.
“Probably better that way anyways,” Tanner began. “She’s got a kid right? You don’t want anywhere near that baggage. I mean, raising someone else’s kid? No thanks.”
Nathan felt himself go hot, his desire to jump Tanner tempered only by his need to keep things civil for business sake. If he shot off his mouth, or god forbid hit the guy, there was no way that they would close this deal today… and he’d likely lose his job.
Instead of lunging at him like he wanted to, Nathan raised his own glass to his mouth. “Right. True,” he muttered.
“Always keep things casual, man. Life’s too short to be nailed down to one woman.”
It took all of Lily’s energy not to crumble to the porch floor. After what felt like hours but was only a moment or two, Lily took a deep breath and pushed open the door, a forced smile on her face.
“You were up and out early,” Tanner said.
“Yeah. I needed to inhale some more of that Pacific Ocean air before we head back to the desert,” she responded. She slowly lifted her gaze to Nathan, searching desperately for answers to the questions she was too afraid to ask.
“I’m going to go pack,” Lily said, tossing her empty coffee cup into the garbage.
“You still have half a day, you anxious to leave or something?” Tanner asked jokingly.
“I don’t like leaving things until the last minute,” she said.
She could feel Nathan following her as she headed back to her room. Once inside, she heard the door shut quietly behind her.
“Lily…” he began.
What she wanted right then, more than anything, was to cry, but no sooner than the emotion hit her, it vanished, replaced with anger. She flew towards the closet and began tearing her clothing off the hangers and then stuffed them into the bag she pulled from under her bed. She couldn’t stand to spend one single moment longer in that house. She had to get out.
She gathered her items from the en suite bathroom, throwing them into the bag and zipping it shut. She lunged for her cell phone on the side table and spun on her heels, headed for the door.
“What’s going on? I was hoping we could talk… about last night.”
A shrill ringing from the phone in Lily’s hand caught them by surprise.
“Hi Thomas,” she sighed.
“Lily… I… My mom…” He sounded hysterical and nonsensical.
“Wait, slow down Thomas, I can barely understand you.”
“Lil,” he began, his voice heavy with sadness. “My mom had a stroke.”
“What? Is… is she okay?”
“She’s gone, Lil. She died shortly after she got to the hospital.”
Lily released the breath she wasn’t aware she had been holding. “I’m so sorry…”
She was shocked to hear Thomas crying on the other end of the line. He was always so in control of his emotions. He hadn’t even cried when Ben was born.
“I need you, Lil,” he choked.
“What?”
“I need you. Can you come home?”
Lily’s body went rigid. She stole a glance at Nathan, standing in the corner with his hands clasped in front of him.
“Thomas, I’m six hours away, I—“
“I’ll send a car for you. Ben is with Christina. Just please come home. Please.”
Lily took a deep breath. “Okay. Okay, I’m coming home.”
Lily disconnected the call and threw her phone into her purse. “I have to go.”
Nathan released his hands and stepped towards the door. “I was really hoping we could talk about last night,” he said, and then added, “do you need a ride? We could talk on the way home.”
“No, I’ve got a car coming for me.”
“Okay,” Nathan replied meekly. He tugged open the door and watched her step through it. “We’ll talk later?”
Lily stopped in her tracks, her back to him. “We’ll see,” she sighed. Nathan didn’t stop her as she walked away.
__
“So why exactly did she have to leave early?” Tanner asked as he watched the black sedan pull out of sight.
“Something with her husband, I guess.”
“Women, man. It’s always gotta be so dramatic,” he began, then switched gears. “Hey, at least now we can hit the driving range.”
“Sure, why not.”
It was actually the last thing Nathan wanted to do. Without having had a chance to discuss with Lily what had happened the night before he vacillated between feeling optimistic and downright terrified, and her strange behavior that morning had done nothing to help.
There was no way that he was going to be able to concentrate out at the driving range, and somehow he knew that Tanner wasn’t going to be one to let him off the hook if he did terribly.
“Actually man, I might as well head back to Vegas. Without Lily to talk to the drive is going to feel more like ten hours rather than six.”
“No problem.”
While Nathan packed up his things, Tanner busied himself in the kitchen, putting away dishes, wiping down the counters and then poured a couple of drinks. It wasn’t long before Nathan appeared next to him.
“Thanks for your hospitality, we had a great time.” He held out his hand, which Tanner took eagerly.
“Stay for a drink,” he said.
“I really shouldn’t.”
Tanner smirked. “Come on, we’re celebrating.”
He held out a glass of what looked to be whiskey, which Nathan begrudgingly took.
“Oh? And what exactly are we celebrating?”
“We’re celebrating the fact that Regan & Wiley is signing the great Tanner Young.”
“Well hell,” Nathan said. “I’ll drink to that.”
They had done it.
__
Lily, like most people she knew, rarely knew what to say when times were rough. Add in the fact that it was her soon to be ex-husband that she had to comfort, the awkward scale was off the charts.
As she climbed from the town car and waited for the driver to gather he
r bag from the trunk, she tried to summon the right words to say, but came up short.
She found the front door open and stepped inside, hearing the telltale beep of the alarm. Thomas would know that she was there. She removed her shoes and moved down the hallway towards the kitchen, expecting she might find him there.
Thomas sat at the island, drink in hand, looking the worst she had ever seen him. When he caught sight of her, she felt her heart begin pounding away in her chest. She still didn’t know what to say.
As she approached him, he pushed back the chair and moved towards her.
Lily felt herself being pulled into his familiar embrace. Then again everything about him - about them - was familiar: from the way he had combed his hair to the smell of his t-shirt, to the impeccably tidy kitchen around them, to the way their bodies fit together.
“Thank you for coming,” he said. Lily could tell that he was trying to hold in his tears.
“I’m. So. Sorry,” she responded, annunciating each word, trying to somehow iterate to him how incredibly sorry she really was.
It was with those three simple words that Thomas fell apart in her arms.
__
“What do you need from me? What can I help with?” It was the one area that Lily knew she could be of assistance.
“Is this going to be too hard for you?” Thomas asked. “How many years has it been now?”
Lily had to think for a moment. “Nine.”
She was still for a moment, deep in thought. Somehow, nine years had already passed since her mother’s death. She knew how Thomas was feeling, how he would feel for years to come. Losing a parent changes you. Some people never recover.
“Sometimes I think it would have been easier if Mom’s death hadn’t been so quick. If it was something gradual we all would have had more time with her.”
“Trust me when I say that you think that would help, but it won’t. I watched my mom struggle with her cancer for months on end. It doesn’t make it any easier once they’re gone.”
Thomas placed his hand on top of hers and gave it a little squeeze. “You’re right. I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay,” she sighed. “Hey, how’s your dad doing?”
“You know how he is, Lil. If he were falling apart, no one would even know.”
“I’ve wanted to call…”
“He probably wouldn’t talk to you, which is my fault. I’m sorry about that.”
“Yeah,” Lily responded absentmindedly. There had definitely been a shift in her relationship with her in-laws once she and Thomas broke the news, but Lily had assumed that Chase would understand that there were two sides to every story, the way his wife had. But as the weeks went on it was clear that he had no interest in seeing or hearing from her.
She looked out towards the backyard. “There’s a lot to do. We should get started.”
An hour later they had compiled a list of things to do and had made some calls to divvy up the work among family members and close friends.
“My black suit,” Thomas said suddenly. “It’s still at the house.”
She knew he meant their house. Well, her house now.
“I need to get home and shower anyways. I could bring it back to you tonight? Maybe grab us some take out? Have you eaten anything today?”
Thomas motioned to his almost empty glass; his third of the afternoon. “Does a liquid diet count?”
“Only for today it does,” she responded. She rose to her feet.
“You go home and get cleaned up. I’ll come by and get the suit from you. There’s no sense in you doubling back. I’ll get some food as well.”
She nodded, heading for the front door. “Oh,” she said suddenly. “I forgot that I don’t have a car.”
Thomas reached into the ornate bowl on the side table to their right and pulled out a set of keys. “Take mine,” he said. “I’ll drive the truck over later.”
Lily reached for the garage door handle and then felt a hand on her shoulder.
“Thank you for coming home, Lil. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
Chapter 10
Even a cup of tea and a long hot shower back in the comfort of her own home couldn’t help shake the familiar feelings from Lily’s body. Though it had been nine years since she had buried her mother, she felt the same rush of emotions now, the same surge of sadness and feeling like nothing would ever be the same again.
Lily was in her housecoat, a towel wrapped around her head when she heard the doorbell. She crept down the wooden stairs, thinking how likely it was that she would never get used to Thomas having to ring the doorbell of his own home. She pulled open the heavy door.
“Come on in,” she said. “I’m just going to run upstairs and change.”
She was gone only a few minutes.
“I didn’t know if I should just come in since you were expecting me, but I figured….” He trailed off. “Anyways, I come with replenishments.”
He followed Lily into the kitchen and set the bag on the table, removing a number of containers from the bag.
“Archi’s…” Lily said wistfully.
“Do you remember?” Thomas asked, though Lily was already transporting back in time.
“I don’t care what you say, I’d take Thai over an expensive hotel meal any day of the year.”
“You want a beer?” Thomas asked, opening the fridge.
“Nah,” Lily said. She pulled the thick, black elastic off of her wrist and pulled her hair up into a bun on top of her head.
“Uh oh, the hair is going up. You mean business.”
The shrill ring of the phone caught them off guard.
“I’ll go grab it,” he said, setting down his fork. “When I get back there better still be two spring rolls on my plate.”
He was gone for what seemed like only a minute.
“Telemarketer.”
“Hey,” Lily said suddenly. “Tell me something I don’t know.”
Thomas looked at her, smirking. This is what he loved about her: she could always surprise him. And she kept him on his toes. She would decide that during a UNLV Rebels game at the Thomas & Mack Center was the optimal situation to discuss their starting a family, or that the best way to tell him that she was ovulating and he should come home for ‘lunch’ was by screaming it loudly enough into the phone that he was certain everyone in his meeting could hear.
He never knew what was going to happen next, and he thrived on that. She was the only exciting thing in his life.
Thomas thought about what he could tell her. He knew that if the roles were reversed and he were asking the question, she would come up with something raw and honest.
“Okay,” he said, reaching out across the table and holding her hand. “Do you remember the first time I brought you by the house and you asked about Clare?”
“I do.”
“You asked what happened with us. Well, you happened.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean that the moment I laid eyes on you I knew you were the one for me. I broke things off with Clare the next day.”
“But that doesn’t make any sense. We met at that bar… what was it called…”
“Blue Martini.”
“That’s it, Blue Martini. That night we met you said your last relationship had ended a month earlier.”
“That’s true,” he said. “That may have been the night you first met me, but I knew of you before then.”
“What?” she said, pushing another mouthful of food into her mouth.
“I had seen you there before. Almost a month to the day, actually. I would have come up to you then, but I was with Clare and her friends. I bribed Christina for information on her way out the door.”
“You’re joking right?” Even as she said it, she was laughing. “How come you never told me this until now.”
“I guess without even knowing it I was saving it for just this moment, when you needed to hear something you didn’t already know.”
> Lily leaned forward and kissed her husband and then looked down at her plate.
“You know, I’m going to have to cut down on this kind of stuff,” she said, stuffing a mouthful of spicy eggplant into her mouth.
“Why’s that?”
“I’m pregnant.”
She never ceased to surprise him.
When Lily looked up into his eyes Thomas knew she had remembered that night. But as quickly as she looked at him, she tore her eyes away. There was no sense in reminiscing; it wouldn’t change a thing.
“I pulled your suit out of the closet,” Lily said, changing the subject. She couldn’t do this, not tonight, not after what had happened the night before…
“Lil…” Thomas stepped towards her. “Are we ever going to talk about us? A real, honest conversation?”
“It’s a little late for that.” It came out in a whisper.
“But it’s not, Lil. And you know as well as I do that we never really talked about it the way we should have.”
He was right. They hadn’t really ever discussed months ago why their marriage was over, they had only both known that it was. But why now? What could they possibly gain from opening up the wounds that she was still desperately trying to heal?
“Thomas,” she said, inhaling a deep breath. “Your mother just died, and I get that maybe that’s making you feel really emotional and maybe wistful, but there is really nothing to say… I have nothing to say.”
“Then let me do the talking.”
__
Nathan glanced at his watch for the millionth time that evening. It had been almost nine hours since Lily had left and he had yet to hear even a word from her. Though he knew that she was not in the ideal situation at the moment, he had thought that she would at least shoot him off a quick text. If nothing else, he wanted to know that she had gotten home safely.
He looked at his watch again.
“Screw it.”
He sprang from the couch and leapt for his keys, kicking on his sandals before heading out the door that he didn’t even bother locking behind him. They need to talk, and if she wasn’t going to come to him, he would go to her.
