Did she really think that? Seth didn’t have long to consider it because he found himself ensconced in a brief perfumed hug from Mrs Conroy. He tried to clear his fogged brain. Think, dammit.
“I look forward to next time, Seth.”
“Unit next time, you never saw us this time, right?”
His old teacher stared up at him; her eyes shrewd and assessing. Then she nodded, and was gone, disappearing into the nearby library.
Chaos management. His job shouldn’t be about chaos management. It should be about rigorous procedures that were strictly adhered to. As they walked away he faced up to the fact that bringing Lily out was a mistake, another one. His judgement was shot to hell. He’d left a high profile witness unguarded and unsupervised, for what? A matter of life or death? No. Women’s underwear. Jesus Christ.
He knew he was walking down the road too fast for Lily and that she was struggling to keep up, but he couldn’t help himself. He kept one hand on her arm, determined to get this over with. Get back to the witness. No more risks.
“Seth, you’re not annoyed are you? I had to let her think I was your girlfriend. If I hadn’t, she’d have kept quizzing you.”
Unbelievable. He ground to a halt turned to face her and grasped her by the upper arms. Looking into her eyes, he could see that she really thought that’s what was annoying him. Everything about this was dangerous, and the bottom line was she was far too attractive to him and that was why he was functioning so badly. “You told her your name, for fuck’s sake!”
Lily looked as if she had slapped him. “Oh. I’m sorry, I didn’t think—”
“No, you didn’t,” he interrupted.
“Well I’m sorry, this is all new to me and…” She frowned. “Back up a minute, what the hell difference does it make if she knows my name anyway? It’s Adrian who is the important one.”
Seth groaned aloud with frustration. “She’s a wily sort, and she knows me. Bringing a woman like you home is never going to happen, that’s what will raise her suspicions that you’re a witness.”
The colour was draining from her face. “Look, I know you would rather I wasn’t here, and I’ve made mistakes, but there is no need to be so rude about it.”
Seth cursed aloud. “I didn’t mean I don’t want you here, you’re…” He struggled to find the appropriate words, and then struggled to come to terms with the words that popped into his head. “You’re a great girl, Lily.”
He loosened his grip on her shoulders. She looked upset and that frustrated him even more. “My parents accept my job takes over my life. Annie Conroy is very close to my mother. She knows what I do for a living. We shouldn’t even be out in public, and now there’s a danger that she’ll start passing her suspicion on in hushed whispers and soon everyone in the town will know your name. If your name is announced on TV, the connection will be made. All of this puts Adrian in danger because there is a connection between the two of you, and he doesn’t need that kind of attention.”
“Okay, I’m sorry. It was a mistake, all right!” Her lips tightened for a moment and she looked sorry she’d spoken. “Oh, crap! I keep saying and doing the wrong thing today,” she blurted, shaking her head.
That rueful, annoyed face didn’t look right on her. He wanted it gone. What the hell was wrong with him? He shouldn’t even be thinking about stuff like that, it was way beyond his role here. A bit of emotional support, yes, but this sot of…caring, was above the call of duty. Too bad, he wanted to make her happy. Then he noticed that people were staring at them from across the street as they walked by. Shit. This was a small town, and gossip spread like wildfire. So much for keeping a low profile and not drawing attention, they were arguing in the middle of the street.
“Jesus Christ, you’re making my job more difficult than it has ever been, and that is no small thing, believe me.” He couldn’t help glaring at her. “You need to understand that I would lay down my life for Adrian, and it’s my job. I’ve left him up there at the house alone and I’m here with you, breaking cover to buy you fancy underwear because you’re such a bloody pain in the arse.”
Lily straightened up. Narrowing her eyes, she pulled out of his grasp.
At least she didn’t look hurt anymore, which was a bloody relief.
Swivelling his head, he tried to get his bearings. They were two doors from the women’s underwear shop. “Come on, let’s get you this bloody underwear and get out of here.”
Chapter Fourteen
Lily had learnt more about Seth in the past thee hours than she had in the whole of the past three days, and yet she felt further away from him than ever. Sometimes, when he’d made love to her, it felt as if he was pouring his soul into her, and now—a chasm. Back at the house there was such a vibrant connection between them. It wasn’t just the sex, not just the things they had done with Adrian, but beyond that, like he really cared. Other times, like today, she couldn’t say or do the right thing. What was it about him? And—more to the point—why did she keep the ballsing it up with him?
“Good morning.” The shop assistant stepped out from behind the glass display cabinet that doubled as a counter top. “Is there something specific I can help you with today?”
“Thank you, we’re just browsing.” Lily ventured deeper into the shop, but her attention was still with Seth, her mind running with all the things that had been said. She was just a nuisance to him, and it shouldn’t hurt, but it did.
He was walking alongside her but looking beyond, through the window, his brow drawn down, and a horribly serious expression on his face. Was he still annoyed about his mother’s friend? She’d never seen him so obviously flummoxed, and she felt bad. She’d gone along with it partly for fun, to see what he said, and that was wrong, he’d made that well and truly obvious. It had been a bit of a laugh, and now she regretted it.
As she walked through the shop, she noticed that there wasn’t a practical piece of underwear to be seen. This was a full-on exotic lingerie shop, and as her gaze ran over the displays of satin, lace, and frippery of all kinds, her fingers itched to make the items hers.
Then she caught sight of a price tag, and gulped. The last thing she needed was to run up a big credit card bill, but then she glanced his way. She’d never had two men wanting to see her in her new undies before, and probably never would again. Wasn’t that a good enough excuse to labour the credit card somewhat?
That’s when she noticed he’d glanced back from the window and he was staring at the underwear as well, his eyebrows slightly lifted, his head titled back as if he’d suddenly found himself in a situation that he couldn’t comprehend. The look on his face was too funny, and she had to bite her lip, the tension in her dissipating a tad. Perhaps she could ease him away from his bad mood with some of the sexy underwear? It wouldn’t be easy, but Lily was willing to try anything, to hell with the expense.
Scanning the nearby table, she lifted a handful of lace and held it up. “What about this, do you like it?” She shimmied the flimsy one-piece in front of her chest, and then waggled her finger through the open crotch.
Glazed eyed, he stared at the lace teddy, and then shook his head slowly, sighing deeply like a man coming to terms with his burden. “I knew you were trouble the moment I saw you, and you just seem to keep hammering that fact home.”
“You don’t like it?”
“Of course I do, especially on you. Buy whatever you want.” Peering at her, looking perplexed, he leant in and whispered in her ear. “I’m sorry I shouted. I’m just trying to do my job.”
She lowered her hand to the table, underwear included, dreams of show time forgotten for a moment. Yes, she had lost focus; she’d shoved the dark side out of her mind and let the good stuff fill it. There was a killer out there, and Adrian—who she cared about deeply—was his target.
“I have that item in your size.” The assistant’s voice came from somewhere behind her.
Lily nearly shook her head, regretting that she had even dragged Seth th
ere. “Thank you,” she said quickly and flipped through a rail of garments with unseeing eyes.
It wasn’t that she had forgotten Adrian’s circumstances—how could she forget the sounds of that gunshot and the drama that had followed. She’d just got wrapped up in the situation between the three of them, the dynamic, and she’d happily let the rest take a back seat. Adrian was trying to do the right thing by standing up in a court, no matter how dangerous. She stared over at Seth’s back, aching for him to be beside her again, his hand holding hers. I’m wrapped up in him, too.
She took a deep, unsteady breath, bracing herself to be hurt, badly. If today had proved anything it was that she was clueless, and the fun they’d shared was precious and sweet and hotter than hell, but it was also tenuous and transitory and she had to face up to that fact.
He turned away from the window and looked across at her, powerful shoulders broadening even before her eyes. His eyebrows were drawn down. She readied herself to leave, feeling ready to walk out that door and keep walking all the way back to London and her own life, no matter how dull. “Let’s go.”
Seth walked back to her, stopping her in her tracks, his arm around her waist.
Her heart beat wildly. She was ready to push his hand away, but couldn’t. Forcing herself to meet his gaze, she found contrition there in his expression.
“Buy that…thing,” he said, gesturing at the lace teddy she’d previously had in her hand. Snatching up a couple of pairs of exotic knickers from the table display, he shoved them into her hand. “Those too, just hurry up about it.”
Her eyes stung with the threat of tears and she blinked them away, refusing to give in to it. His expression was still tense, and he didn’t make contact with her, but it was enough. She nodded, relieved. At least she knew he wanted her to wear them, he wanted to see her in them. Silly though she knew it was, her body warmed through again, gladly.
Seth groped in his pocket, pulled out his wallet and slid her a wad of notes.
“It’s okay,” she said, “I can pay.”
He shook his head. “No, I’ll pay.”
There was an emphatic tone to his voice, and the comment came out much louder than he meant, she was sure of it. “But…I can afford it.”
“For god’s sake, Lily,” he declared, loudly, “it’s my fault you don’t have any decent underwear!”
The assistant dropped the display she was working on and stared over at them before she bent to retrieve it.
Lily looked at him, and now she was the one who was lifting her eyebrows. What with the prim Mrs Conroy and her remarks about Sunday school teaching, and then this, they were causing quite a stir in Conwy. “That’s very chivalrous of you, Seth, but I have my credit card.”
Seth grasped her hand, holding her in against him, and then whispered close against her ear. “You must use cash, sweetheart. Cards can be tracked. If you use your card now that can pinpoint your location for someone who knows how to work the system.”
Someone like another cop, a cop who was working for the man who Adrian was testifying against. When his message hit home, she felt as if they were finally coming to an understanding of each other. This was hard for her, but it was for him too. “Right, of course. Sorry, I didn’t think.”
He nodded his head at her. “Be safe, okay.” He pushed the cash into her hand. “And hurry, please.” With that, his attention was once more on the street outside.
He was constantly worried about Adrian, and about her, too. Lily took a deep breath, and then smiled over at the assistant who was watching them. She tried to look normal—whatever normal might be. Given her current, unexpected circumstances she’d lost touch with normal. Laden with feminine guilt, she clutched the underwear that he’d liked and took her stash to the cash register.
“You’ve made some lovely choices,” the assistant commented as she began to scan the price tags.
Lily nodded.
“We have matching accessories for this item.” It was the black lace one-piece. The assistant reached onto the shelf behind her and lifted lace topped stockings.
“You have to have the full set.” It was Seth, and he was back at her side.
Lily nodded, and the two items were added to the bag.
Moments later they were on their way. They walked to the car double-time.
Seth didn’t say a word. He kept one hand under her elbow all times.
“I’m sorry about the credit card business,” she said, as they reached the car and they were out of earshot of anyone else around. “I should have been more…cautious. I feel clueless.”
“You are clueless, but that’s no bad thing. I’d hate to be shagging a woman who knew about this sort of stuff, that wouldn’t bode well.” He was joking, trying to put her at her ease, but he also turned her to face him, and this time it didn’t skip her attention that he was shielding her body as they stood outside the car.
Looking deep into her eyes, he studied her. “This is a difficult situation. It’s unfortunate you had to be dragged into it, but my duty is to protect.” His hand cupped her jaw, and she turned and kissed his palm. “I’ve been doing this job a long time, maybe too long. It’s lonely work. You’re good to be around, Lily, you’re a breath of fresh air. You’ve made this…easier on me.” After a long moment, during which she could scarcely breathe because of the way he looked at her, he sighed and his glance flickered away. “But I can’t ever totally forget why we’re here.”
She found it strangely hard to speak, but she wanted to. Difficult as this was, she wanted it, because she felt more connected to him than she had at any point in their time together, and she didn’t want the moment to escape. She rested her hand against his chest. “I’m sorry that I wasn’t more aware of that. I should have known. I’m having fun with you and Adrian, I can’t deny that, but deep down I’m worried about the stuff I had to leave behind. I should have been more aware of what you and Adrian are dealing with too.”
His gaze locked back on hers. “You couldn’t possibly know how all this works, how it affects someone like Adrian, or me.” He stroked her hair. “I don’t expect you to know, but sometimes I can’t be exactly how I want to be, with you.” Again he paused. It was as if he wanted to say more, but couldn’t decide how much or what to say.
Lily knew better than to push him. He’d said enough. He’d revealed more about himself inside that one minute than he had in three days. She stared up at his handsome face, her emotions tangling. “I’m sorry about the lingerie.”
“I’m not.” Smiling sardonically, as if brooding on some inner thoughts, he shook his head, and nodded his head at the passenger door.
She turned to the vehicle and her hand went to the door handle automatically, but he closed his over it, making her pause. “In this job,” he continued, standing close at her back as she waited for him to open the door for her. “I signed up for it all, to protect or die. When we are outside the safe house I can’t afford to be distracted. Duty has to come first when you’re protecting witnesses, and that means both of you.”
Every part of her back was protected by his body, just as he had in London outside Adrian’s office, and it was so subtle but so obvious that she had to bite her lip to stop herself from responding.
The car door clicked open. She lifted the handle and then glanced over her shoulder at him. “Thank you.”
“I did wonder there for a while, but you’re worth the trouble, every ounce of it.” The teasing expression was returning to his face, and the set of his mouth indicated he was accepting the way she was, that he might even enjoy being kept on his toes. With the lightest of strokes he touched her face.
It was so brief it made her yearn for more, but she didn’t hassle him. Instead she got into the car quietly, clutching her lingerie bag to her chest as she settled into the seat.
The thunk of his door shutting locked them together in the intimate space, and yet the journey back to the house was silent. The landscape along the meandering road that had
fascinated her on their outward journey seemed almost therapeutic this time around. Why, because she needed the space? Glancing over at him, she realised this had knocked her back a peg. She’d been gung-ho on the danger, the sexy set-up, and the fire between the three of them. When had she got to be so bound up in herself and her needs? Back in her days of not being able to do her duty as a nurse, it was always because she thought she was fighting for the good cause, and for the rights of the patient. Then again, she’d never been involved in anything like this before, and yet it had been so obvious and she kicked herself for not being more aware, for not making it easier for him. She’d got carried away on the dynamic and forgotten the reason why they were all stuck out there together. Seth had to be stressed out of his eyeballs, and she was busy having fun.
As they closed on the valley where the hotel was located, he changed down the gears and then he moved his hand to her thigh, squeezing her. It was reassuring. She was relieved to see the Hafod Y Coed sign, and silently read the words with even more interest now that she knew it was his childhood home.
“Does it all look okay?” she asked as they pulled up at the back of the building, and her stomach was knotted.
“Looks good so far.” He smiled her way. He didn’t say more than that, but she felt as if they had met each other half way in understanding.
When they walked into the hallway, she had the overwhelming urge to shout out to Adrian, to be sure, but Seth beat her to it.
“We’re back.”
“I’ll put the kettle on.” Adrian’s voice reached them from the kitchen area.
“He’s fine.”
Thank god. The sense of relief she felt made her light-headed, the knot in her stomach unravelling. If anything had happened to Adrian while they had been gone she’d never have been able to forgive herself. She dumped the lingerie bag on the hall stand, resenting it all of a sudden. Luxury items they were, in more ways than one. It was a luxury she truly could have done without. She could have made do.
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