by Jae
“Hey, Annie.” A warm smile brought out the dimples in Drew’s cheeks.
Annie smiled back but didn’t know what to do with her hands.
Drew solved that problem by giving her a hug.
Tiny shocks raced up and down Annie’s body. She allowed herself to melt against Drew for a moment before she pulled back. “Let’s go,” she croaked.
“You didn’t catch a cold too, did you?” Drew directed a worried gaze at her. “You sound a bit hoarse.”
“No, I just ... um ... no. I’m fine.” Under the pretense of getting her purse, Annie turned away to hide her burning cheeks.
But instead of waiting at the door, Drew followed Annie inside. “You need to change before we go.”
“Change?” Annie stared down at herself and bit her lip. You look like an accountant. Then she straightened her shoulders. What do you care if she likes the way you dress?
“Oh, sorry, I forgot to explain. I had a great idea on where to go for dinner. It’s not a restaurant, so I had to do some last-minute preparations. That’s why I’m a bit late.”
So it hadn’t been Lynn who had made Drew late. The tension receded from Annie’s shoulders, and she inwardly growled at herself for caring where Drew had spent the night. “Where are we going?”
Drew shook her head. “I’m not telling you. It’ll be a surprise.” Her dark eyes glittered like those of a child with an exciting secret. “Just dress warmly. Jeans, a sweater, and a jacket. And sensible shoes because we need to walk some distance.”
As Annie walked toward her bedroom to change, a thought shot through her mind, A woman in sensible shoes. Didn’t one of the websites say that’s another term for lesbian?
* * *
“Where are you taking me?” Annie asked for the third time.
Drew smiled and threw a quick glance at her puzzled passenger before she focused on the road again. “Don’t be so impatient.” She reached over and nudged Annie’s knee. “Don’t you trust me?”
“Of course I do,” Annie said without any hesitation.
Her tone said it wasn’t just an empty reassurance. She really trusts me. The realization made Drew feel better than she had when she won an archery competition. She suspected that Annie’s trust was a prize that was harder to achieve than half a dozen bull’s-eyes in a row.
They rode the rest of the way talking about Drew’s work in the vineyard and about the novel Annie was reading.
Finally, after an hour, Drew turned into a small parking lot. “We’re here.” She got out and circled the car to open Annie’s door for her. Doing little things like this for Annie felt good even though Drew scolded herself for treating Annie like a date.
“Here? But that’s ...” Annie got out of the car and paused. Her chest lifted and fell as she breathed in the salty air. “We’re at the beach.”
“Yes.” Drew lifted a large basket and two blankets from the trunk. “I thought we could have a picnic.”
One of Annie’s brows rose. “A picnic? In November?”
Drew suppressed a smile. Clearly, Annie wasn’t the adventurous type. “Anyone can have a picnic in July, and this is California after all. We won’t freeze to death.” She settled the handle of the basket in the crook of her arm and lightly touched the small of Annie’s back to guide her.
Side by side, they strolled along the wooden boardwalk that ran the length of the cliff above the beach. An elderly couple sat on one of the benches, and a woman had taken an easel down to the beach, but otherwise, they were alone. Seabirds flew daring maneuvers around them.
If we’re lucky, we’ll also see ... Ah, there they are.
Two ground squirrels skittered over the planks. Instead of running away, they approached Drew and Annie. One of the squirrels lifted up on its hind legs as if to see what the humans had brought.
Drew reached into the covered basket and pulled out a handful of peanuts. She handed half of them to Annie. “Ever fed a squirrel?”
Annie shook her head but willingly took the peanuts. “Wow, you came prepared. How did you know there’d be squirrels at the beach?”
“I’ve seen them here before,” Drew said. “They’ve gotten used to people and can get quite pushy. Last time I was here, they nearly stole my granola bar, so I thought I’d bring some nuts with me, just in case.”
They sat on a bench and dropped peanuts at their feet.
A third squirrel scampered over and chased off the other two.
“Hey!” Annie waved her index finger at the squirrel. “Don’t be such a bully.”
But, of course, the squirrel didn’t listen. It gobbled up the treats until its cheeks bulged.
When all the peanuts were gone, the squirrel ran down the boardwalk, its bushy tail fluttering in the wind.
Drew watched Annie take it all in. A sense of awe made Annie’s usually controlled face glow. Drew smiled, glad she hadn’t just taken her to a restaurant. Moonstone Beach was one of her favorite places, and she was happy she could share it with Annie. “Come on.” She stood and led the way to the stairs. The wind picked up as they descended to the ocean.
Instead of sand, tiny, colorful pebbles covered the beach. They strolled along the shore, stepping over driftwood or stopping to pick up shells every once in a while. Waves crashed against rocks jutting into the ocean, and in the distance, seals soaked up the last rays of sunshine.
God, this is ridiculously romantic. A few times, Drew barely resisted the urge to take Annie’s hand. Maybe bringing her here wasn’t such a good idea after all.
One glance at Annie made her change her mind. With her golden hair blowing in the wind and her cheeks reddened by the breeze, Annie looked more carefree than she ever had. She walked with her head held high, not slouching as she often did.
Next to a large piece of driftwood, Drew set down the basket and unfolded one of the blankets for them to sit on. When Annie sat cross-legged next to her, Drew settled the second blanket over their laps. “Is this okay?” She nodded down at the shared blanket.
“Of course,” Annie said, but her gaze wandered to something behind Drew.
Drew turned and followed her gaze.
A bit farther down the beach, a woman made use of the gorgeous fall weather to paint a seascape. The woman glanced at them and then looked back at her easel.
“That’s not your mother, is it?” Drew asked.
Annie jerked around. “What?”
“The woman with the easel ... she’s not your mother, is she?”
“No,” Annie said. “My mother lives in Fresno and doesn’t come here to paint. I don’t know the woman.”
What is it, then? Is she uncomfortable with someone seeing us share a blanket? But Annie said nothing, so Drew decided to let it go. She needed to trust Annie to tell her when something made her uncomfortable.
Drew unpacked the basket. Their improvised dinner consisted of cheese, grapes, French bread, and chocolates. When she had remembered that Annie was a vegetarian, she had left her favorite spicy salami at home. She uncorked a bottle of her best Cabernet Sauvignon and poured Annie a glass, then filled her own. “It’s not a four-course meal,” Drew said, “but it’s the best I could do at such short notice.”
“Oh, please, don’t apologize. This is the best dinner I’ve had in ...” Annie shrugged. “Probably forever. I’ve never had a picnic on the beach.”
Drew lifted her glass. “Then here’s to picnics on the beach. May there be many more of them in your future.” One second after she had said it, Drew scolded herself. That’s practically telling her you want to spend more time with her in the future. But Drew knew giving in to that wish wasn’t healthy. After Thanksgiving, you need to keep your distance, at least until you get rid of that damn crush and can just be her friend, without daydreaming about more.
Annie touched her glass to Drew’s. “And in yours.”
When they took the first sip, their gazes met over the rims of the glasses.
For a moment, Drew thought she read the
same longing in Annie’s eyes, but then Annie’s gaze veered away toward the point where the ocean met the sky. Just wishful thinking.
* * *
Annie swept a few bread crumbs from the blanket.
Drew lay stretched out next to her, her arms folded behind her head.
The sound of the waves crashing against rocks created a soothing rhythm. The sun was slowly creeping toward the horizon, but the blanket provided enough warmth.
The woman farther down the beach packed up her paints and easel and left.
Finally. Annie leaned back on her elbows. At last she could enjoy Drew’s company without worrying about how it seemed to others. It bothered her that she cared about what a perfect stranger thought, but she couldn’t help herself.
Again, like a catchy song that she couldn’t get out of her mind, Sarah’s words echoed through her. Maybe your reaction isn’t about Drew and her sexual orientation. It’s about yours. “Drew?”
“Hmm?” Drew opened her eyes and looked at her, her gaze warm and open.
Annie swallowed but finally found the courage to ask, “How did you know you’re gay?”
Drew sat up so that she was face to face with Annie. A soft smile played around her lips. “How did you know you’re straight?”
The question caught Annie off guard. “I ... I just ...” She stopped and frowned. She had assumed that she was straight just like everyone else and never questioned that assumption before. But now I do. The lump in her throat prevented her from saying anything else.
“As a child, I felt different from all the other girls,” Drew said when Annie stayed silent, “but I couldn’t put my finger on what it was that made me so different.”
Annie gave her a sympathetic nod. She had felt like an outsider during childhood too.
“Then my friends started being interested in boys while I just couldn’t see what was so fascinating about them.” Drew grinned. “Well, besides climbing trees and playing soccer with them.”
“But not being interested in boys doesn’t automatically make you gay, does it?” Annie said. “I was a late bloomer too. In school, I got teased because I just wasn’t interested in all the things other girls liked—boys, fashion, cheerleading ...” That had been one of the most painful times in her life. No one had defended her when the other kids teased her, not even her big brother. Jake seemed to think the teasing was all in good fun. Annie took off her glasses and rubbed her eyes. It was about as much fun as having a root canal.
Drew reached over and squeezed Annie’s knee as if she could read her thoughts. “Kids can be cruel. And no, not being boy-crazy as a teenager doesn’t necessarily mean you’re gay. But when I met my first girlfriend—boom! The connection, the butterflies, the burning passion, everything that I was supposed to feel for a boy ... all of it was suddenly there—with a girl.”
Annie put her glasses back on and stared at the horizon, where the ocean met the sky. Had she ever felt a deep connection or burning passion for anyone? No. She had convinced herself that she was in love with her ex-boyfriend, but now—
“Any particular reason you’re asking me this?” Drew asked.
Annie glanced at her, then returned her gaze to the horizon. On the one hand, she wanted to tell Drew about the new feelings she was experiencing. Maybe Drew would be able to help her clear up some of the confusion. But on the other hand, Drew was the person who made Annie question her sexual orientation, so how could she give her objective advice? Besides, she was involved with Lynn—or close to getting back with her. No, she couldn’t tell Drew. “No reason,” Annie said. “I guess I was just curious.”
“So how about you?”
“Me?” Annie’s heartbeat sped up. What was Drew asking? Did she suspect that Annie was confused about her sexual orientation?
“Yeah. You practically know my life story, but you never talk about your past relationships.”
Not much to tell, Annie thought but stopped herself before she could say it. Come on. This is Drew. She never judged you. Sucking in a soothing lungful of salty air, Annie turned toward Drew. “What do you want to know?”
Drew crossed her legs Indian-style, put her elbows on her thighs, and leaned forward. “Tell me about your last relationship.”
“His name was Patrick,” Annie said. While she didn’t like talking about him, she figured it couldn’t hurt to tell Drew. She trusted Drew. And besides, Jake would become suspicious if Drew didn’t know a thing about her relationship history. “He’s an auditor. We met through work.”
“Love at first sight?”
“God, no.” Annie smiled. “At work, I tend to be so focused on the job that it took me three weeks to figure out he was flirting with me.”
Drew chuckled. “That’s cute.”
“No, just clueless.”
“Don’t be so hard on yourself.” Drew reached over and nudged Annie’s knee. “So what happened when you did figure it out?”
“He asked me out and I finally said yes.” Annie had been twenty-five back then. All the other women her age had already been in several relationships and her family kept commenting on her lack of love life, so dating a nice guy like Patrick had seemed like the right thing to do.
“Finally?” Drew asked. A smile crinkled the edges of her eyes. “How often did he have to ask until you said yes?”
Annie shrugged. “Three or four times.”
“Wow.” Drew whistled through her teeth. “Persistent guy. I have to give him that. So how long were you together?”
“A little more than two years.” Two birthdays, two Valentine’s Days, and two Christmases of which now only painful memories and jewelry she never wore remained.
Drew studied her for a few moments. “Were you happy with him?”
Why was it that no one else had ever asked her that question? She shrugged. “I suppose. Everyone always said what a nice couple we made.”
“Did you think so too?”
“We were a good fit. We’re both really independent and need a lot of time to ourselves.” Annie clamped her teeth around her bottom lip. “At least that’s what I thought.” She couldn’t stop the bitterness from creeping into her tone.
“What happened?” Drew asked.
“He cheated on me during the last year of our relationship. When I caught him, he said it was because I wasn’t emotionally involved enough in the relationship.”
The picnic basket nearly toppled over when Drew kicked out her legs. Her brown eyes blazed with anger. “What an asshole! First he cheats on you and then he has the audacity to blame you? Jesus!”
Annie blinked. Drew seemed almost more upset than she had been. “He wasn’t totally wrong, you know?”
“Yes, he was!” Drew grabbed a handful of pebbles and threw it toward the ocean. “If he wasn’t happy with the relationship, he should have talked to you, not gone and had an affair.”
Annie stared at her. Drew was right, of course, but she hadn’t expected her to be so passionate about it.
Drew rotated her head until the bones in her neck popped. She gave Annie an apologetic smile. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to go off on you like that. I just can’t stand the thought of someone hurting you. I admit I don’t have the best track record with relationships, but I never, ever cheated on anyone. I’m sorry it happened to you. You don’t deserve that.”
“Don’t worry.” Annie emptied the last of the Cabernet with one big gulp. “I survived.”
“I wish you’d stop doing that.”
Annie frowned. “Doing what?”
“Pretending that nothing can hurt you emotionally.”
Annie pulled her knees up to her chest and folded her arms around her legs. “I don’t do that.”
“Yes, you do.” Drew looked deeply into Annie’s eyes. “You pretend not to care when your parents pick the restaurant on your birthday or your boyfriend is cheating on you, and you pretend that Jake’s stupid tricks are merely annoying you instead of hurting your feelings.”
“His
tricks don’t—”
“Annie,” Drew touched one of the arms that were wrapped around Annie’s knees, “be honest with yourself. Of course it hurts you when Jake is playing tricks on you and never takes you seriously. If it didn’t hurt you, why would you be so intent on taking revenge?”
Annie snapped her mouth shut, which she had already opened for a denial. God, she’s right.
Drew reached for her hand.
Annie’s first impulse was to pull back. Her defenses were down, so the touch felt too intimate. But when Drew just held on lightly, Annie left her fingers in Drew’s gentle grasp.
“Next time someone breaks your heart, don’t pretend that it’s just a scratch. Don’t let anyone get away with hurting you.” Drew squeezed Annie’s hand, looked into her eyes, and added more quietly, “Okay?”
Shaken, Annie nodded. “Okay.” Her voice was barely more than a whisper.
Drew let go of her hand.
Annie swallowed, no longer sure what to say. Usually, Drew was so laid-back and easygoing that the sudden intensity had startled Annie.
“So what about before Patrick?” Drew asked after a while.
Annie shook her head.
“No other long-term relationships?”
“No.”
“Really? Don’t tell me you’re the one-night-stand type.”
“I’m not.” Annie hesitated, then decided to be honest with Drew. “Patrick was my first and only relationship.”
A seagull let out a piercing cry.
“Wow,” Drew murmured and shook her head back and forth. “That’s just ... wow.”
Annie studied the horizon, aware of how unusual having had just one relationship was at her age. She searched for an explanation, then realized that Drew wasn’t waiting for one. The look in Drew’s eyes was accepting, not judging. Annie relaxed her tense shoulders.
“What a jerk,” Drew said. “To be your first and only lover and then ...” She shook her head. “Patrick didn’t deserve you.”
They sat side by side, just listening to the sounds of the waves and the seagulls for a few minutes.
Finally, Drew got up and walked closer to the ocean. “Wait here. There’s something I want to show you.” She climbed over several large rocks, then stopped and bent to pick up something.
