I open the first one and pull out three gift certificates to a spa Envy in downtown Savannah. When I open the letter attached, a smile pulls at my lips as I read what he’s written.
Babe,
Merry Christmas. I hope you didn’t think I’d forget our first Christmas together. These first couple of months will be difficult since we are used to being together often. So, use these gift certificates for you. Take your friends along and have a good time.
I love you.
Riley.
I look up from my letter, smiling like a child who’s just received their first bike.
“Looks like we’re going to the spa ladies,” I announce as I wave the gift certificates around, which causes Jen and Candace to laugh.
“Now, here’s the second one. No special instructions were given for this one, but I think you should wait until you get home to read it in private,” Candace states in a soft voice with a sad smile.
I nod and muster the best smile I can. “Thank you. For everything.” I sigh before I look between her and Jen. “I don’t know where I’d be right now without either of you.”
Candace smiles sweetly. “We love you, too.” She offers me her hand to help pull me up off the floor so we can all leave.
Sitting alone in Riley’s room, I lean back against the headboard and hold the letter Riley left for me. Trepidation keeps me from opening it. I want to know what he had to say to me, but then again, I want to wait for when I’m really missing him and I think I just can’t take it any more.
As I sit and contemplate what to do, I decide screw it. Sliding my finger underneath the corner of the flap, I break the seal. My eyes screw shut tightly as I take a deep breath and then I begin reading his words.
My Love,
Please do not fear for me while I am gone. I know this is as hard for you as it is for me, but I’m in good hands. My fellow comrades have my back and know that we live for this shit. But also know that I will miss you every day we are apart. The memory of your smile, your laugh, the way you look at me when we’re making love, the way you need your coffee in order to wake up in the mornings. Those things are what will get me through the toughest of days. I will see you in my dreams and while I’m in the shower. I hope you’re laughing because God, I love that sound. My love for you will not diminish. It will only grow. You know the old saying ‘distance makes the heart grow fonder’ or some shit like that.
I know you’re worried about us drifting apart, but that doesn’t have to be us. Kels, you’re my one and only. It’s only a matter of time before I kneel down on one knee, ask you to marry me, and make you barefoot and pregnant. Don’t act shocked. You know it’s coming, too.
I am the luckiest man alive to have you by my side. Dream of me often. When you’re missing me, just close your eyes and I’ll be there waiting for you. When you miss my voice, replay every voicemail I’ve left you and you’ll hear me. When you miss my scent, smell my pillow and that will be a reminder that I’m there with you.
Now here comes the hard part. I am a realist and you know this. But in case I don’t make it back to you, know that I have never loved another like you. You are my light in the darkness, my missing puzzle piece, my best friend, my soul mate. You have made me the happiest man in the world and given me every reason to fight extra hard to make it back to you. Please know that I am so sorry for everything I have put you through and if I could go back in time, I would have done a lot of things differently. I would have watched you more often when you slept. I would have captured every laugh, tear, smile, and kiss in a mason jar, sealed it up tight, and brought it with me. I will watch over you from above and make sure you have a love you deserve. I will love you for all of eternity and I will not be upset if you choose to move on. I would want you to be happy. I would want you to share all the love you have within you with someone else.
I love you and I’ll catch you on the other side, whether it be in a hangar or in Heaven, because even there, you are mine, too.
I love you and I’ll see you soon.
Yours forever,
Riley
By the time I finish reading his letter, I’m curled up in a ball in tears. I laughed at some parts and cried at others. My heart feels light and heavy at the same time. Such contradicting emotions, but both are warranted. We both wrote letters to each other. It wasn’t planned. We both expressed how much we love and will miss each other. And we both expressed how we’d feel if he didn’t make it back home.
As I lay there, silent tears streaming down my face and wetting the blanket beneath me, a small smile lights up my face. Riley will make it home. He’s too damn stubborn for anything else to happen. Plus, he’s a man who, when he sets his mind to it, gets what he wants.
September, Nine Months Later…
Banners hang everywhere. Some made by the families that have missed their soldiers while others have company mascots printed on them. A podium stands in the center of the hangar with an American Flag on the side of it. The energy inside the hangar is palpable. Wives, mothers, children, fathers, girlfriends, boyfriends, and husbands sit restlessly on the bleachers waiting for their loved ones to return home. News crews are here to capture some of the happiest moments that some of these people will ever have on video, only to share it with the world. The chatter inside the enclosed space echoes throughout as people talk excitedly. Kids run around holding miniature size American flags in their hands.
Me, I’m too restless to sit. So, here I stand next to the bleachers with Jen, Lana, Ron, and Candace. I’m in an emerald green maxi dress with a thin brown belt secured under my bustline. I’ve piled my long hair on the top of my head in a messy bun. Lana’s dressed causally in khaki slacks and a sky blue, button up T-shirt. Jen, well she showed up in white shorts, a red tank top, and blue strappy sandals. I looked at her and laughed when she claimed she was trying to be patriotic. Ron stands next to his wife, his hands tucked loosely into a pair of black slacks and dark blue, button up, dress shirt.
To our right sits a woman with a little baby girl nestled safely in a stroller. She looks no older than a month old. A stray tear escapes when I read the sign the young mother holds in her hand. ‘I can’t wait to meet my daddy’. Happiness, such as I’ve never known before, fills my heart. I can’t wait for her to meet her daddy, too.
Nervousness anxiety fills the air as we wait for the buses to deliver the missing pieces of our hearts back to us. After things went to shit between Riley and me, this is the last place I thought I’d be standing right now. But the night that he showed up at my apartment begging for my forgiveness and telling me he had come down on deployment orders was an eye opener for me. No matter the emotional hell he put me through, I still couldn’t see myself with anyone but him. So instead of jumping straight back into our relationship, we took the nine-month separation the Army offered us as a time to get to know each other again. And it was a nice reprieve.
So much has happened these past nine months. With the benefit of Skype, Riley and I saw and talked to each other as much as our schedules permitted us to. There were times where we argued, but we’ve learned how to talk things out and the importance of communicating. Things are going great between us. A week after he left, I moved into his house and have been there ever since. I’ve received my nursing license and was hired on at the local hospital in Savannah. Currently, I’m a neonatal nurse who’s studying for her Neonatal Nurse Practitioner exam.
Jen started dating Turner not long after Riley left. She says it’s not serious, but I call bullshit. When you’ve been together for six months, that screams pretty serious to me. Candace and I have grown closer since the guys deployed. I finally understood what she meant when she said ‘we may not be blood but we are family’. Military families and their soldiers are the only ones who can truly understand what it is like to be separated from someone by choice. It’s a cause we all support, humanity. I still talk to Lyle every now and then. We’ve kind of drifted apart because I try to respect Riley’s wis
hes. The last I talked to him, he was dating someone but didn’t think it was going to go anywhere. I truly hate that for him because he is a good man and any woman would be lucky to have him. But in time, he will find his forever, that I am sure of.
The last time we spoke to Riley was two days ago and he was in Kyrgyzstan on his final leg of deployment before he headed home for the states, to me. For nine months, I’ve waited for this day, I’ve dreamt about this day. I made sure to tell my boss that I had to have today off. Naturally, she understood. I mean, who wouldn’t? My soldier, the love of my life, my forever was coming home. Excitement courses through me as I switch my weight from foot to foot, impatiently waiting to see my man.
“Come on, we need get over there by the podium,” Candace says, grabbing my hand so we don’t get separated in the sea of people. “It’s almost time.” Lana, Ron, and Jen follow dutifully behind us. Candace is a beautiful person inside and out. She’s in a beautiful knee-length, white, summer dress with brown cowboy boots. Her long red hair off sets her alabaster skin. But what really captures people’s attention are her light green eyes. They’re so vivid you can’t help but stare.
We shove our way through the throngs of people, finally reaching our destination. Candace locks her arm with mine and turns to me with a broad smile. “Gahhh… I’m so damn excited this deployment is finally over.”
“Me too,” I respond, my excitement matching hers.
All of a sudden, movement catches my attention behind the crack of the closed hangar doors. Pushing up on my tiptoes, my eyes widen as I ask, “Is that them?”
Candace follows my lead, looking too. “Yeah, it is,” she says. With wide, sincere eyes, she turns to me. “Thank you for coming. You have no idea how much this will mean to Riley. Sometimes, the single soldiers, when they return, they have no one waiting to welcome them home. It’s sad really. They put their lives on the line for us and nobody comes out to express how much it means to them that they made it back safely.”
“Really?” I ask, baffled by her revelation.
She shrugs. “So, when you see me hugging people I don’t know and expressing my gratitude, don’t be shocked. I’d like to know people cared if it was me, you know?”
See? Beautiful inside and out.
A man in uniform takes his post behind the podium. He taps on the attached microphone, calling out, “Testing. Testing. One. Two. Three.” He nods to somebody and continues. “Welcome.” His voice is stern and demands your attention. “Who here is ready to welcome their soldier home?” he asks.
Our group joins in with the screams, catcalls, and whistles as everyone in the hangar helps to amplify the sound. “That’s great to know because these soldiers, your soldiers, are Heeeerrrreee…,” he shouts into the microphone, “And we are proud to,” he says, his voice growing louder and louder with every word, “welcome them Hooommmmeee,” he shouts as the hangar doors slowly slide open.
Tears threaten to spill as I look past the doors to see hundreds of soldiers lined up in an impeccable formation, patiently awaiting the order to march forward. After tense seconds, the sound of boots stomping in rhythm makes my heart beat to the same staccato. My ears ring at the sounds of people chanting for their soldiers and the screams and whistles beside me from Candace, Lana, Jen, and Ron. Candace drops her arm from around mine only to cup her hands around her mouth while she shouts and shows her enthusiasm for her husband, for her soldier.
As the soldiers come to a halt a few feet in front of the podium, that same pull is there, the pull that I’ve only felt with Riley. It pulls my eyes directly to the second row, where he stands in the middle of the formation. As if he can sense it too, those clear blue eyes of his find mine. A slow smile spreads across my face as I watch his expression morph from astonishment to pride that changes to desire that ultimately changes to love. It’s not a facial expression. It’s all seen in his eyes. I can only hope that he sees the same things in my eyes as well.
Finally, the crowd settles down while the man up front continues his speech about a job well done and congratulating the soldiers on successfully completing their mission. I barely hear any of it as my blood begins to course at rapid speeds through my veins. Butterflies take up residence in my stomach from the excited anxiousness surging through me. My limbs feel shaky as I wait impatiently for the man to dismiss our soldiers to us.
Everyone falls silent as the National Anthem plays over the loud speakers. Civilians cross their right hands over their hearts while the soldiers stand at attention, paying homage to our country. Shortly after the first song is played, the Dog Face Soldier song is next, followed by the Army song, which the soldiers all sing loudly to. All I’m able to think of is that Riley kept his word. He made it home to me safe and sound. We’re all right, our relationship pulled through even the darkest of hours, and here we are still standing strong.
I’m in such a daze I vaguely hear “go get your soldiers” yelled out before all pandemonium breaks loose. People are running and jumping into their soldiers’ arms. Mothers and fathers who have just returned cry in joy as they kiss their families and hold their children. Soldiers who are basically children no older than eighteen hug and laugh and joke with the people who are there waiting for them.
Me, I stand there frozen in place as my gaze locks onto Riley’s. I know I said I was going to wait for him by the podium, but suddenly my feet have a mind of their own and I'm on the move. I lift up the front of my maxi dress and haul ass towards my man. He must already know it’s coming because he catches me as I leap into his arms. My arms are bound around his neck, his around my waist, and he holds me up off the ground. The biggest smile spreads across my face as tears of relief and utter joy stream down my cheeks. I lean back to cup his cheeks in my hands. My eyes search his for a beat before I lower my mouth to his.
My top lip covers his bottom one before I show the same attention to his top lip. I can taste the saltiness of my tears as they mix in with our kiss. With this kiss, I pour out my heart and soul to him. I tell him in this kiss just how much I’ve missed him, how much he means to me, and how proud of him I am. It’s been the longest nine months of my life and I pray that I never have to do it again, but if I do, I’ll be right here waiting for him every time.
“God, I’ve missed you,” he groans as I continue devouring his mouth.
“I love you, so much, baby, ” I whisper around his lips. “I’ve missed you more than you can imagine.” I pull back from his lips only to tell him softly, “I am so damn proud of you and the man you are.” I stare into his eyes, hoping to convey every damn emotion I have running rampant through me and then I lean back down to taste my man again.
“All right, that’s enough,” Jen says from behind us, causing us both to chuckle.
Riley slowly slides me down his body, his eyebrows raised. I smirk at him when I feel the tent in his pants that I will evidently be concealing for him. I turn around, but stay directly in front of him. He wraps his arms around my waist and smiles at our friends and his family.
Lana is teary-eyed as she stares at her son. Slowly, she walks up to us and when I try to move, his hold on me tightens. It’s a movement that Lana recognizes and causes her to laugh.
“Sorry, mom. I love you, but I need to hold onto my girl for a little while longer,” he says with a grin.
Lana nods as she looks from me to him. Riley bends down awkwardly when his mom reaches out to wrap an arm around his neck in a hug.
“I have missed you so much, son,” Lana croaks out. She pulls back and smiles at him. “Thank you for coming home to us,” she whispers as her first tears break free. Pushing up on her tiptoes, she kisses his cheek and I hear her tell him how much she loves him.
Riley stares at his mom with such adoration and says, “Love you, too, mom.”
As she takes a step back, Ron steps forward with a proud smile on his face. Instead of making a go to hug his son, he extends his hand, which Riley gladly accepts and claps him on the shoulder. “W
elcome home, son. I hope it’s the last time we have to say that.”
“Me too, dad,” Riley nods. “This deployment wasn’t as bad, but being away sucks.” He trails off with a shrug.
I look over my shoulder at Riley, smiling at him as he looks back at his dad. His eyes flit down to meet mine and he winks at me before leaning down to peck my lips.
“So, I’d give you a hug, but, uh…,’ Jen points to where I’m standing and smirks, “I think I’m all right.”
Riley bursts out laughing and I blush a deep shade of red because my best friend has just ousted us in front of his parents.
“Thanks Jen, always the one to watch what you say,” he says, still laughing.
“Where’s Brad and Candace?” I ask.
Riley leans down and whispers, “On the plane, he said he was taking her home as soon as we were released.”
“Oh…” I laugh quietly with wide eyes.
Ron looks at his watch and says, “Well, son, you ready to get on home?”
Riley looks down at me and nods with a soft smile. “I’m already home. As long as I have Kels, I’m already home,” he whispers just before his lips close over mine.
I’ve grown up with a life filled with decisions that were made for me, not because I chose them. All I’ve ever wanted was to be happy and be loved. It took me twenty-eight years to get it, but it happened. And it happened with a man that’s like a raging inferno. His love for me grows and grows, never to be contained. It’s wild and devours everything in its path. With one gust of wind, it’s true colors show as it rises above, forever growing, consuming everything in its path. I just happened to be the one consumed by him and I wouldn’t have it any other way.
The End
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
This section is always the hardest to write for me. Weird, huh? You’d think this would be the easiest, but it’s not. This book came to life in the span of two weeks, literally. And there are a slew of people that I have to thank for that. This is my solo debut and without all of these people I’m about to mention, it wouldn’t have been possible.
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