by Sarah Gai
“I love them,” Autumn smiled widely, taking a sip of her drink.
“I was thinking of hiring a kid for the summer, but I could take you on permanently, if you’d like.” He intelligently adjusted his glasses with one hand.
“That would be wonderful,” Autumn said elated. “Thank you so much.”
“You can start whenever you’d like.”
“Is tomorrow too soon? I want to pay Ava for room and board.”
“Tomorrow sounds great. I open at ten.”
Dinner was delicious and the conversation between the twins and Autumn slipped back into their usual patois. John fit in with the group effortlessly. Saying goodnight, Aiden and Autumn left together after thanking Meg and John for their hospitality.
“I’ll walk you back to Ava’s,” Aiden offered as the door shut behind them.
“Oh, you don’t have to,” Autumn murmured, tucking a piece of hair behind her ear. “It’s so close and I’m quite safe.”
“I know, but I want to,” he assured her.
“Okay.”
They walked in silence for several minutes; Aiden had his hands deep in his pockets while Autumn crossed her arms over her chest. They had known each other for so long, yet they were at a loss for words in this new environment together.
“I’m…glad you’re back.”
“You’ve said that…several times.”
He laughed, rubbing his head. “Yeah, I know.”
Already close to Ava’s, Aiden stopped walking, turned to Autumn, and kissed her awkwardly on the cheek. Then he took a step back, watching to see if she would react with shock or surprise by his boldness.
Autumn placed a hand on his cheek and before she even had time to think, she found herself pulling him forward to kiss him on the mouth. It was a spur of the moment decision, yet Autumn knew she might have just shifted their friendship into unknown territory.
Of all the stupid things! she thought as they kissed, having no idea why she did what she did. She was the first to pull away; the weight of the moment catching up with her thoughts. She felt awash in emotions—shame, elation, guilt, and giddiness. All those years, it had always been Eric who held her heart. Why on earth did she just do that? And why did her stomach feel fluttery and warm about it?
Aiden noticed the look of shock on her face, but said nothing about the kiss; he simply smiled down at her and said, “Goodnight, Autumn.”
“Night,” she managed to respond.
Autumn did not move from the spot just next to the B&B steps as she watched Aiden stroll away. When he was out of sight, she pulled herself together and made her way around back, heading directly to her room.
As she settled into bed, she could not help but think about what she just initiated with Aiden. Was it wrong? Yes, she had feelings for Eric, but they had not seen each other for six years. Was it just the thought of what could have been between them that kept her wanting him? Did he even think about her?
Autumn’s mind was bursting with unanswered questions, but she knew one thing—being back in town again meant there was no room for a relationship. She needed to find out who she was without relying on someone to love her.
Autumn
The next day, Autumn got ready for her new job. Ava gave her a pair of nice black slacks and a blue oxford blouse to borrow. She put them on and walked down the hall to Ava and Sharon’s rooms.
When she opened the door, Ava smiled and commented on how nice she looked. “I have something for you to finish the outfit,” she said, walking to a side table. She picked up a delicate gold watch with tiny diamonds set where the numbers should be; it was delicate and almost too pretty for Autumn to wear. “Your mother and I were close. She left this for you, so that …”
“I didn’t know you knew my mother,” Autumn was stunned and automatically brimming with questions.
“Yes, now that you’re grown up, I should really tell you about her.”
“Why didn’t you say anything before?”
“Your father…”
“Didn’t want me to know,” Autumn finished glumly. Ava motioned for Autumn to put the watch on her wrist.
“You look gorgeous,” Ava complimented.
Sharon walked in and upon seeing Autumn smiled broadly. Walking over, she touched a finger to the watch secured around Autumn’s wrist. “Pretty.”
“Thank you,” Autumn replied. “Wish me luck, ladies.”
“Luck!” the two sisters chimed happily.
“Oh, and Ava, when I get home, I really need you to tell me more about my mother. Please,” she pleaded.
“Of course sweetie, we have all the time in the world,” she said with an upturned smile.
Autumn walked down the street, crossing over onto Main where John’s bookstore, Books on Main, was located. She opened the glass-paneled front door and found herself in a homey, paper-scented atmosphere. Looking around, she marveled at all the books surrounding her. Autumn could not believe her luck; her first week back in town and she was already blessed with employment.
John walked out from the back, carrying a gray cat in his arms. “Hello, Autumn!” he smiled, pushing his glasses back up his nose.
“Hi, John,” her tone conveyed her nervousness.
“Glad to have you onboard. Meet Herman,” he pointed to the cute little fluffball in his arms.
“Hello, Herman,” Autumn greeted, reaching forward to scratch him behind the ears. The cat let out a purr before it began squirming in John’s grip.
“He’s the store’s book cat,” John explained. He put Herman on the ground who ran off into the maze of shelves. “Let me show you the ropes and then get you started doing some shelving.”
“Okay,” she replied eagerly.
She really loved working at the grocery in Nevada, but she was ecstatic to be working in the bookstore. Books were her passion in life—a connection to her friends when she was far away from them and her comfort during the hard times. It was the only kind of schooling she ever had.
Some hours later and well into getting the layout of the store down, Autumn started shelving the advance copies of new fiction when Pastor Graham entered through the shop door.
“Congratulations on your new job, Autumn.”
“Thank you, Pastor.”
“How is your first day going?”
“Really well so far. I think this is a job made in heaven,” she enthusiastically responded.
“Excellent,” he said, lacing his fingers together, as though he was thinking. “I know it’s probably not the best place to talk about things, but I need to discuss Eric with you.”
“Oh?”
“He’s heading to Vietnam now after Peru. It wasn’t planned; he was supposed to come home. I think if he knew you were here, well…that would change things. I can’t keep your return a secret from him sweetie. It’s lying by omission, Autumn. It’s going to hurt him if he finds out you are here and he went to Vietnam. He really spiraled out of control when you didn’t return the summer after you left.”
Autumn’s heart clenched as if it might stop beating. She hated to pain anyone, but Eric most of all. “Please, Pastor,” Autumn begged. “You cannot tell him, not yet. Let him do his missionary work. It obviously makes him happy and he wouldn’t extend his trip if he didn’t love it, right?”
The corners of Pastor Graham’s eyes crinkled before he nodded. “Okay, Autumn, but I’m not happy about this,” he stated as he placed a hand on her shoulder. “He cares about you.”
Her jaw dropped before she spat out, “Still?”
“Still,” Pastor Graham assured her.
She nodded her head, still processing the fact. Of course he still cared; they were friends that summer after all. Well, maybe a little more, but they were teenagers, young and just finding their feet in the world. Surely, Eric moved on. He was handsome and, from his stories, had a wild side. Had there been other girls since her? Yes, there had been, like the girl she saw hanging all over him that time she saw him in Me
mphis. Besides, who would spend the last six years pining over a person they spent one summer with? Autumn, that’s who.
Autumn changed the subject before the pastor started questioning her silence. “Can I help you find something, Pastor?”
“Oh, I’m just browsing,” he replied, strolling off with his hands in his pockets.
So, he only came to talk to her about Eric.
She returned home to Ava’s at the end of the day to find Aiden waiting for her. He was sitting on the porch in his cover-alls with a bouquet of wild flowers in his hand. When he saw her stepping up to the house, he got up and held the flowers out to her.
She smiled at the sweet gesture. “Thank you.”
“How did your first day of work go?”
“Wonderfully.”
“Good. Could I take you out for dinner, maybe?”
“Sure,” she replied. “When?”
“Now.”
“Um...okay.”
He smiled and made his way down the porch steps. “Sorry I’m not dressed up. I should have...”
“It’s all right. I’m not either, so we will look underdressed together.”
“I just wanted to be here when you got back is all. Plus, you look beautiful in everything.” He cleared his throat as a blush crept up his neck.
She smiled at his sweetness. Why had she never noticed it before?
He reached out, taking her hand and entwined his fingers with hers. Autumn didn’t know what to make of it. The first time someone entangle his fingers with hers was all those years ago with Eric. Autumn quickly shook her head to dissipate the thought.
They walked in silence toward the local diner, which served the Kitchen Sink Burger—essentially everything in terms of toppings, but “the kitchen sink.”
“So, why did you never call?” he asked Autumn as they sat in a mustard yellow vinyl covered booth, waiting for their food to arrive.
“I never really had the opportunity,” she sighed. “My father was adamant I was not to have any contact with anyone in Ligonier. We continued to move around until about a year ago, just after he was diagnosed with cirrhosis of the liver. There were so many times I wanted to leave but…he needed care. So, stupidly I stayed to support him.”
“Rough. We would have come to get you, you know.” He reached across the table, taking her hand again.
“Sometimes, when you’re in a bad situation, you don’t always know when to get out,” Autumn said quietly.
She had been asking herself of late whether she remained with her father because of his threats or because of plain stupidity. But she knew it was more than that. It was fear—fear of her father, fear for her friends, and most of all, fear of the unknown and being alone. Autumn had no idea if coming back would have brought acceptance by the ones she loved, especially after such a long time.
It was all too easy for people to tell an abused person to leave his or her situation, but after living with it for so long, it became all you knew. A part of you fights for survival, for the hope the other person will change, yet another part of you feels defeated, as if you’ll never be good enough for anything or anyone else. It was tragic, but true.
“Well, it doesn’t matter now because I’m back and I have no plans of ever leaving again,” she reassured him.
“No way. Besides, just try to leave and Meg will hog-tie you this time!” he laughed and she laughed right along with him.
Autumn
Dinner was enjoyable and Aiden was on best behavior. Being the gentleman he was, Aiden paid the bill and walked Autumn back to Ava’s. She was unsure if Aiden thought they might kiss again after her last spontaneous performance and she wasn’t sure whether or not she wanted to kiss him again. Her stomach was in knots; the date was nice, sweet, and safe and, on some level, it felt right, but Autumn had no idea what it meant.
But, as she should have known, Aiden was patient and cautious, leaving the next move up to Autumn. She was thankful for that and with a quick hug, she said goodnight and thanked him for a nice dinner before retiring inside.
Autumn entered the house and climbed the stairs to her bedroom. After she changed into her pajamas and was about to jump into bed, there was a knock on her door.
“Come in,” she said in a singsong voice.
Ava opened the door and popped her head in. Her dark chocolate colored hair was in rollers signifying she, too, was preparing for bed. “Hey sweetie, just seeing how your day went,” she chirped.
“Oh, Ava, it was amazing. A dream come true, really,” she grinned.
“That’s wonderful! And how did tonight go?” she raised an eyebrow; obviously knowing Autumn had been out with Aiden. She guessed Ava must have seen or spoken to him while he sat on the front steps.
“Tonight was…nice. Aiden’s a really sweet guy. Best friend you could ever ask for.”
“So, he’s just a friend, huh?”
“Hah, yes, at this point that’s exactly what he is,” Autumn laughed. She never had someone so protective and nosey to pry into her life—she secretly loved it. Whether that was normal or not, Autumn neither knew nor cared. To have people who worried about her and asked about her day was magical.
“Well, sweetheart, I’m glad your settling in here well. I’ll let you get to sleep,” Ava smiled and rose to leave.
As she began to close the door, Autumn called after her. “Wait, Ava…”
“Yes?”
“You mentioned you knew my mother this morning. How?”
“Well, we go a long way back Autumn. I…can I talk to you about this tomorrow or in a few days? I know you want answers, but your mama is a hard topic for me,” Ava sounded dejected.
Why did she seem so nervous about talking about her mother? “Of course. Can I ask you just one question?” Autumn had to know; it was the one thing plaguing her for years. “Did my mother love me?”
Ava looked at Autumn as if her heart was breaking. Bringing her hand to her chest and swallowing the lump stuck in her throat, she answered, “More than you will ever know. You were her world, Autumn. I promise you that much.” Then without another word, she disappeared and closed the door.
Ava would never lie to her, she was sure of it; a tear streamed from Autumn’s eye. She knew her father was wrong when he repeatedly told her that her mother left because she didn’t want her. Now she knew her mother loved her—but why did she leave? Or had something else happened?
Autumn longed for the answers, but they would have to wait. She had lived her life thus far without the knowledge; a few more days would not hurt.
Autumn had been officially employed for an entire week at the bookstore and things were going great. For the first time since she could remember, she had a spirited bounce in her step. When she got out of bed each morning, thousands of possibilities flooded her mind; she could save her money to travel abroad or buy her very own car. Best of all, she could study. She has no idea how to go about it, but it was something she always dreamt about.
She remembered the twins complaining about all the homework and tests they had to do each school year; Autumn was always jealous and longed for something to push her, to learn all she could about life.
John taught her basic computer skills she needed to catalogue books, ring up purchases, and check stock. It was foreign to her, but her brain was like a sponge soaking up all the new information with enthusiasm.
The bell above the bookstore door rang and Autumn looked up from the register with a smile spread across her face as she welcomed the new customer.
He was a tall man in his late forties with a crew cut and day-old growth on his face. He was stocky and someone Autumn knew she would never mess with if she could help it.
As the man approached the counter, Autumn stood up straight, still grinning, and greeted, “Good afternoon, can I help you with something?”
“You Autumn?” he gruffly asked.
A small panic built up inside and she swallowed. “Yes, I am. How can I help you?” she remained polit
e.
“Hmm, I can see why he took so long to get over you. You’re a pretty girl.”
“Ahh, okay. I’m sorry, I don’t know who you are talking about. I’m new in town so you must have the wrong girl,” Autumn replied.
“Nope you’re her. I’m Alec Foster, Eric’s father.”
Autumn didn’t know what to say. She never expected to meet Eric’s dad, not there anyway. The most she heard about him was he lived in Memphis and was once a part of a motorcycle club.
“Hi Alec, it’s nice to meet you.” Autumn held out her hand courageously, though secretly she was shaking in her boots. After a minute of not taking it, Autumn dropped her hand down to the counter as he continued to examine her. He didn’t look cross, but rather curious, as if he was internally taking notes on her behavior and attempting to figure out what to say.
“Look, I don’t know you. Well, apart from what I’ve heard from Eric and Graham. You seem like a nice woman, but here’s the thing—after my son returned to Memphis a few years back, after you ran off, he was a messed-up young man. Took him a long while to get his head sorted out.”
“I’m sorry, truly. I would never hurt Er…”
“Listen, I’m not saying it’s your fault. But he’s happy now, doing things and going places I never thought possible. I don’t want you screwing that up.”
Autumn was speechless. She should be angry, hurt, ashamed, even upset at the nerve of this stranger waltzing in and laying down the law. However, she did not feel one of those emotions.
As she looked up into Alec Foster’s face, she recognized how much love Eric’s father possessed. Whether he was right or not, he was trying the only way he knew to protect his son’s heart. Autumn had respect for the immense man. She never wanted to hurt Eric; however, she still held hope after six years there would be an inkling of a chance, but she knew then all hope was gone.
“I understand, sir. What would you like me to do? I could leave?” she suggested.
Alec laughed a deep, belly laugh. “Wow, I didn’t expect my little speech to go so well. You really are one-of-a-kind, aren’t you?” he replied with an amused tone.
