“I’m fine. Do you need to sit? You look kind of pale,” he said.
“I’ll be okay in the back. Take your spot. At least I’ll be near the bathroom so if I have to throw up from the morning sickness . . .”
The blonde woman stood up. “You two should be together.” She waved Mari into her spot and moved aside.
“Thanks . . . You sure you don’t mind?” Mari asked her.
“Not at all.” She gazed down at Mari’s ring finger with a look of regret, swallowed and moved swiftly to the back of the plane to find a new seat.
Mari ushered Adam to sit by the window so she could take the aisle seat.
“Did I put a baby inside you?” he whispered, leaning into her shoulder so his lips were at her ear.
“No. We have to have sex for that to happen, and even then, I’m going to make sure that never happens . . .”
He sat up and looked as grave as he did at the cemetery.
“Something wrong?” she asked him. Now he was the one looking washed out.
His gaze went to the window. “Nothing.”
“Don’t lie to me.” She scratched his back. “You told me I couldn’t do that to you. I want the same courtesy in return.”
“I think you should reconsider having kids with me. You’d be a great mom, and I want kids,” he said with a rasp in his voice. Emotions were cutting off the speech in his throat, it seemed.
She struggled to get him to turn around and face her, but when he did, she placed a gentle, understanding kiss on his lips. “I love you . . . But slow down, okay? I’m not ready to talk about this kind of stuff. It’s scary enough to even consider having a boyfriend.”
“Then why did you put on a ring and pretend to have my baby inside you?” His eyes implored her as if to make the charade all true.
The fasten seatbelt light was on and the stewardess gave the usual speech about safety. Mari ignored it and attended to him.
“I was trying to manipulate a situation without making a fuss. I wanted it to be that lady’s choice on her own to move. If we started asking people to do what we wanted, they might’ve refused,” she explained.
“So you lied to spare her feeling uncomfortable?”
“Yeah.” She smiled.
“But what about my comfort? I don’t like thinking about how I want my baby inside you, and you don’t want it there. I don’t like imagining that’s my ring on your finger, and you might not really want one there,” he said. He reached out and touched the diamond.
“I’m . . . God, I’m sorry . . . I didn’t think . . . This was my mom’s wedding ring. I grabbed it at the last minute at my dad’s place and didn’t want it to get lost in my suitcase,” she said, staring at the way his fingers fiddled with the gem.
“I want to ask you to marry me, but I worry you’ll say no. It was so difficult to get you to even say yes to being my girlfriend. But I want forever with you.” His gaze shifted to her face. “And even that won’t be enough . . .”
Her entire chest and abdominal cavity felt like it was filled with concrete—so heavy and immovable.
“I really screwed this up, didn’t I?”
He nodded and sucked his lips into his mouth, probably to keep from saying the wrong thing. The looks he was giving had her on the verge of tears and close to begging forgiveness at his feet.
She pulled his bottom lip back out with her thumb and kissed him.
“How can I make this up to you?” she asked softly.
He curled over and laid his head on her belly. She draped an arm over him and stroked his hair with the other.
His hand was on her calf, gripping it.
The plane was taxiing down the runway. A moment later they had lifted off and were angled up into the sky where Adam belonged with the other angels.
Once the plane stabilized, flight attendants started handing out drinks and snacks.
Her legs vibrated, and he was humming.
Was he that stressed out that he was converting numbers into music? Had she done that to him?
“Would you like something to drink?” the flight attendant asked Mari.
“One Sprite and one water, thanks,” Mari replied.
Adam’s head popped up. “Is the soda for me?”
“No.” She gripped his chin softly. “You haven’t eaten in a while, and we’re in-flight.”
His lower lip jutted out. “But you’re gonna drink a soda in front of me?”
“How mean do you think I am?” She chuckled. “It’s for you to take home. I need to make this up to you somehow.” A lame apology seemed lacking—so did a soda—but what else did she have to give?
“You’re so good to me!” he squealed and tossed his arms around her.
She hugged him back. “Do you forgive me, then?”
“No, not yet, but I do like it when you think about me and how much I want to drink that stuff.”
When he sat up, she told him, “Adam . . . I’ve been thinking.”
“About what?” He moved his bangs off his forehead. Was he sweaty?
“I think we need to wait . . . I mean, I want to, but let’s wait . . .” she went quieter “. . . to sleep together.”
He stiffened. “I’m ready. I’m not a child anymore.”
“I know, I know . . .” She patted his knee. “It’s just that I’ve already had you breaking so many rules. I already worry I’ve corrupted you, and your purity is one of the things I treasure most about you. If I were to destroy that for my own selfish reasons, then I’d . . .”
His eyes sagged. “You think I’m ugly?”
“God, no!” she blurted, then sat back in her seat and made sure to scoot closer to him. “I want you more than anyone I’ve ever wanted in my entire life.”
“Then why?” he asked in a hushed voice, seemingly more aware of others around them. His eyes were filled with anguish.
She was proud of the way he adapted so fast, regardless of how he might be all twisted up inside. It showed he could focus externally and be self-aware. “I have so many things I struggle to forgive myself for . . . I don’t want any more of them to involve you.”
He stared, and his brow crinkled. “I think I understand.”
“You do?”
“Yeah. You’re saying you want me to wait until we’re married. That means you’ve said yes.” He took her hand, entwined it with his and settled it in his lap. His whole back loosened, and he relaxed into his seat with a dreamy look on his face.
“I have no choice, do I?” She chuckled.
“Nope. You’re my Mari, and I can wait to have you if it means you’ll be mine forever,” he lilted. “We’re marrying.”
“Sounds like you’re stuck with me,” she said, her head swimming. She yawned, and her whole body was groggy. She could argue with him later about how he shouldn’t settle for broken goods.
He pulled her into his chest. “See why we needed to sit together? You need to sleep.”
“I dooo,” she said through a long yawn.
“Your dad told me you had nightmares every night and hadn’t slept well at all.”
“When did you talk to him?” She slumped more into his body.
He tickled her back, drawing the shapes of numbers through her shirt. It made her smile. “When I first got there. I had to listen to him talk about you before he’d let me go up to your room.”
“I didn’t realize you had much of a conversation,” she mumbled. Her eyelids drooped.
“There are a lot of things you probably don’t realize about me, because I am full of surprises,” he said.
That was the last thing she heard because sleep finally took hold and didn’t let go until they were twenty minutes from home.
When she woke, there were two piercing blue eyes on her face.
“I love watching you sleep. When we’re married and living together, I’m gonna watch you all the time.”
“You’re creeping me out,” she said, chuckling and wiping the sleep out of her eyes.
There was a tickle at her navel.
She looked down and saw Adam’s naughty hand had made its way inside her shirt.
“How long has that been there?” she asked.
“Not long enough.” He smirked.
“What else did you do while I was sleeping? Any exploring I should know about?”
“Nothing to talk about,” he said, biting back his growing grin. “Besides, I’d rather show you later . . .”
Only if she could wait that long.
Chapter 17
Mari was fun to watch sleep. Sometimes she talked, and if he moved an inch, she whimpered, frowned and grabbed at him. His whole body tingled at how she gripped him so fiercely and would then subsequently calm down right away. It made his heart rush to know she needed him as much as he needed her.
But now she was awake, and though she was holding his hand, she was contemplative and reserved.
“We should take you home first so I can explain to your dad. He’s gonna hate me so much more now. Another reason to wait before I get you naked and take advantage of your innocence.” She sighed.
“No, I’ll talk to him. It’s not your fault I came after you,” he said. He stroked the back of her hand. “Mari . . . ?”
“Yeah?” She turned to him.
“I want to kiss you as much as I can before I go home. I’ll probably be in trouble, and my dad will probably try to separate us. I won’t let that happen, but it might take some time to figure out how to get past him.”
She leaned into him, and the slow smoldering kisses began. The plane was circling the airport, almost ready to descend. He wanted to watch out the window, but this was more important.
Mari let him take charge, touch where he wanted, kiss where he wanted, but he was careful to not make a scene. She wore a sweater so it was easy to conceal where his mischievous hands were. A handful of her was better than a soda.
“You’re forgiven now,” he said, caressing her in places he dreamed about all the time.
Her eyes were heavy and there was heat there, more scorching than the temperature of her body.
“You don’t smell like smoke—I like that,” he said, smiling, then kissing her again. She tasted and smelled clean and very Mari. He kind of missed that cigarette smell a little, but he would never say because she had to stay healthy so they could live a long time together and she could also someday have his baby.
She smiled back. “I guess I wasn’t thinking about it . . . Great—now I am, and I can’t have one.” She groaned and slid back into her seat. Her head tipped back into the cushion.
“You’ll forget again . . . I’ll make you.” He redoubled his efforts to make her think only about him and feel his touch.
It was hard to be gentle when the plane was landing and jostling them around, but his chest was tight over the thought of parting with her. They’d been together for the longest amount of time over the last twenty-four hours. They only left each other’s sight to go to the restroom. Other than that, they were always entwined in hugs, kisses or holding hands while talking. It was the best time he ever had, even though she had to say goodbye to Megan and apologize to Owen.
The plane pulled up to the terminal, and she held him really tight.
Was she okay?
“Adam . . . No matter what happens when we get home, I want you to know something . . .”
He patted her hair. “What? Is there something wrong? What do you think’s gonna happen?”
“Shh . . . Just listen. This is gonna be hard to say as it is.” She pulled back, then settled her forehead on his. “I love you . . . I really do.”
His breath caught in his throat. “You’re not lying either, I can tell. Your eyes tell the truth,” he said, his own eyes sparkling with tears.
“I would never lie about something like this. You mean so much to me, and I wanted you to know. I wanted to say it when there are no distractions and no other circumstances that’re pulling it out of me. I felt bad I told my dad that I love you, before I told you how I felt about you when we were alone together. I just wasn’t ready before. I hope you can understand that and forgive me.” She pulled back.
He resisted their parting and tugged her forward for one more kiss. “I forgive you fully, and it’s okay that you waited to tell me. You had to be sure. I like that you are now—that you aren’t afraid any longer of these feelings or of me.” He looked her in the eye. She was scaring him a little bit with the look of dread in her eyes. “What’s going to happen now?”
“I don’t know, but it probably won’t be good when I tell my mom I’m leaving, and I won’t live with her or my dad ever again.” She swiped at the corner of her eye. It was moist there.
“Will she be mad?” His voice broke.
“I don’t know. I’m hoping she’ll be relieved more than anything.”
He shook his head. “How could anybody be relieved to see you go? Not possible. I’d cry and beg you to stay.”
She smiled, and a tear slipped out of her other eye. A sigh released, and she said in a quiet voice, “That’s because you see the good in everyone. She doesn’t quite get that concept. I’ve been nothing but trouble. I killed a kid, was hooked on drugs, ran away and then came back with promises of cleaning up, only to have two relapses and be held back a grade twice. She was probably worried next I’d empty out her bank accounts and start poisoning her.” She chuckled low in her gut and looked away with a sharpness to her features. “It never mattered how hard I tried. I never did anything right.”
He stroked her cheek. “She’s blind. You do everything right, and I’m glad I get to see it.” He leaned in and ran the tip of his nose along her jaw, then kissed her chin. “So perfect, my Mari.”
The plane was almost emptied. She stood up and went to get their carry-on bags, but he managed to get around her and beat her to it.
They were both quiet as they went to get the rest of their luggage.
“I wonder why your parents were ever together. They seem a poor match,” he said.
“They were. It was one of those opposites attract kind of things.” She snorted. “Kind of like us, I guess.”
He frowned and stopped walking, then pulled her over to the side. “Wrong! We’re exactly alike!”
“Adam, we have almost nothing in common, and we’re—” She turned away, but he grabbed her and made her look at him. “What’re you doing?”
“I want you to describe your parents to me right now. I’m going to show you how I’m right, and you’re dead wrong.” His nostrils flared, and his pupils dilated.
“Okay, um . . .” She bit her lip to concentrate. After a breath, she said, “My dad wallows. He builds physical walls around himself with his junk to block out what he doesn’t want to see and to keep people at a distance.” Adam nodded. “My mom loses herself in other men. She gains her self-confidence from them. As soon as they say something about her she doesn’t like, she gets rid of them and moves on. She can’t take any criticism at all.” She leaned against the wall behind her. “When they were together, my dad never complimented her, so she got depressed. They didn’t really fight—they just kind of disappeared into their own little worlds and eventually they had nothing left . . . Not even me. It was like they didn’t know how to be a family. They only knew how to ignore each other, ignore me and most of all—ignore everything around them they didn’t want to deal with. Mom left.”
“Here’s what I see with us,” he began. His eyes were stern, his jaw taut. “I’ll start with me. I’m outspoken about my emotions because it hurts me too much to hold them in. I know who my real friends are, and I can tell now when somebody really likes me or not because their eyes tell me. I try really hard to be safe around people and keep them from harm, because I’ve hurt people before.” He stepped in front of her and swayed back and forth with his hands in his pockets. His gaze was direct. “Now for you—I see a very strong woman who also protects people around her.” Her eyes dropped, and she stopped breathing. He placed his
palm over her heart. “You’re better than me, because you don’t talk about people that harm you. You don’t need me or anyone else in order to have any self-confidence. You already have that on your own. So, you’re not like your mother at all.”
She opened her mouth to negate what he’d said, but he didn’t let her.
He held up his other hand so she’d keep from saying he was wrong. When she closed her mouth, he set that hand on her shoulder, gripping it firmly. “You could talk bad about a lot of the people who hurt you and even seek revenge, you know, but you don’t. We both care about how people around us feel. We have that in common. We both just want to be the best people we can. We encourage each other—we don’t hold the other back. Those are all the things that are alike, along with both of us being survivors from a lot of tragedy. We’re the same, you and I—we just have different problems with similar outcomes. Throwing up triggers you. Stress triggers my numbers. How does all this make us opposites?”
She winced for a second. “I guess it doesn’t. I only meant your innocent to the world, and I’m—”
“Bullshit.” His eyes went to slits, and his breathing took on a whole new quick pace. She gasped at his outburst and foul word. His chest lifted. He felt bolder than ever. She had to hear this. “You know that’s not true. You’re not evil, Mari. The only thing that is different here is that I had one caring parent that sheltered me to keep me more child-like, and you didn’t. And do you think that’s benefited me? I’m twenty-one, and I’ve just barely figured out the mere basics of human sexuality. Is that a good thing? I was about ready to molest you on this plane because I’ve been so deprived and am so goddamn ready to split my way through my pants to get at you.”
She blinked and stayed silent.
“No, it’s not okay. So, don’t go saying we’re opposites, because we’re not. We need each other. We both need and want constant touch from each other. We’re not taking at the other’s expense where the other simply can’t give back to fulfill their partner’s needs.”
Harkham's Case (Harkam's #1) Page 24
