by Honor James
Chapter Two
January 20, 2035
Time was not always a friend, she realized as she looked out the window of her therapist’s office. Time, that magical four-letter word that she was told would heal all wounds when she was younger. It was a sham. She knew that now. Again, the same question that she had been asked for what felt like forever. “And how are you feeling today, Briar?” Oh if only she could answer that truthfully. If only she could give the real answer to that question, but she couldn’t. To give the answer she wanted to give would be admitting just how badly damaged she was.
“Fine,” she said instead and continued to watch the red robin feed its chicks outside the window. She wasn’t fine. She would never be “fine” again in her lifetime. She would always be damaged. She would forever be broken. Worse part, she would never be good enough. Ever. Not for the men that drew her like a moth to a flame. Nope. She was sick, twisted, and perverse, and she knew it now. It had taken that bastard four-letter word to show her just how truly not fine she was.
“And the headaches?” the woman pressed.
“Fine.” Fine, the only word she could use without coming unhinged.
A pregnant pause, a heavy sigh. “You have to talk about this, Briar. Keeping this inside of you is not doing you any good.”
She didn’t know what it was that happened next. One minute she was watching the red bird feeding her young, the next she turned into a raving lunatic. Screaming, crying, sobbing, tearing her soul inside out as she told the good doctor just exactly what she had been keeping inside of herself.
Minutes, hell, maybe hours later, Briar was on the floor with her therapist holding her, soothing her as if she were a child. The woman’s hand brushed over Briar’s long hair soothingly, gently as she whispered nonsensical words to her. Calming her like a mother would a child.
The tears that filled her body then were ones of release. She had done it. She had told someone what had happened then. Yes, they all knew what had happened thanks to the recordings but she hadn’t spoken of it. At all.
A huge gulp, another sob, and Briar wiped her wet eyes and icky nose on the doctor’s jacket sleeve. Okay, so that wasn’t cool, but it was all that had been accessible to her then. “Shh, that’s right.” The doctor spoke softly. “Now you can begin to heal,” she told Briar so soothingly, so knowledgeably that for a moment, only a moment, Briar believed her.
After a very long time, both women got up and Briar accepted the Dove facial wipes to clean and soothe her face after the horrific session. The softness of the wipe and the clean scent all went such long ways in helping her calm. Something as simple as a soap that had been around for, well, forever.
“I want you to continue with your meds, Briar. No more sleepless nights or I’m going to order tranqs for you. Neither of us want it, but we need you. Yes, you are the medical examiner, but you are also the only medical doctor in the Base for obvious reasons.” The former doctor having been shot in a drug deal gone bad, of all things. “So we need you,” she told Briar again.
Briar could only nod. She rubbed at the small marking that she’d had since birth, a wolf with angel wings that was on the inside of her inner left elbow, a marking that no one had ever seen but still flared up from time to time to ache. Especially after she met Byrne and Danel. Yep, she was all kinds of fucked up and knew it.
Chapter Three
February 14, 2035
Of course, Valentine’s Day. A day made by the candy and card makers so very long ago. Of course it would be Valentine’s Day when she saw them next after her breakdown in her shrink’s office, or breakthrough as her shrink told her.
Briar actually had to hide her smile, something that not many were used to from her around here. “So Sylvester got his claws into you and now you want me to see if I can what?” Kiss it and make it better? If you had asked her three weeks ago if she would be willing that would be a big fat hell no. Now, well, now Briar wasn’t so sure that it would be just that.
“Get up on the table. I will grab supplies and yes, you will give me blood to ensure that there are no nasty parasites in your system from the attack. Stranger things have happened, you know.” Like her smiling. Or more so, her reaching out and touching Danel’s arm as she walked past him to go to her office for supplies. Yep, stranger things indeed.
When she returned both men were staring at her, unblinking and looking confused. Byrne was by the door to the hall, well away from her, ensuring he was never too close. Danel was sitting on the table, as she’d ordered, and had paused all motion in midscratch of a mark on his neck.
“You okay, doc?” Byrne asked her. “Not complaining or nothing, because really, when you’re around there’s no need to ever complain. But you seem, well…” He looked to Danel and shrugged as if to say, what the hell am I trying to say here?
“You seem rather relaxed given we’re within twenty feet of you,” the Ahnjel said quietly. It was his way. He was usually quiet. Unless he was arguing with Byrne or one of the other Luhpynes, then it tended to get loud. Didn’t matter the species, all guys thought they were always right even when they were just so very wrong.
“I’m fine, Danel,” she told him quietly and pulled on the gloves. “I am just working through my issues.” They all knew what her issues were, every single damn one of them, and it drove her nuts that everyone knew. But it was a good thing, too, because that way they didn’t ask her questions she didn’t want to answer. She did look over at Byrne and smile. “That was sweet of you to say, very much so.” And holy shit there was a blush on her cheek when she turned back to Danel. “So wanna tell me what happened?”
They were staring at her again, like she’d suddenly grown another head. “I’m not sweet. You shouldn’t start rumors like that,” Byrne said. “And he got into a fight with a cat.”
“It wasn’t a damned cat.” Danel’s voice rose a bit.
“It was a relative of a cat,” Byrne said, a grin curling his lips. “He was apparently attacked by a lynx who took exception to him being on its owner’s front porch. The cat won, obviously.” He waved a hand at Danel’s visage.
“Looks as if it had a serious hissy fit on you. I’m surprised you just didn’t smooth talk the animal.” There was something about Danel’s voice that made Briar all weak in the knees. Then again Byrne’s voice did it to her as well. “And why in the world would someone keep a lynx as a pet? Did you call animal services?”
“Some animals and humans are not susceptible to the vocal intonations of my kind,” Danel said. “Besides, I was more concerned about its attempts to claw out my eyes than attempting to sweet talk it. It appeared to be on a mission to take my head off one strip of flesh at a time. And yes, because the owner was resistant to me shooting the flea-bitten fur ball, I called in animal services.”
“Well, that’s a good thing at least.” She began to work on cleaning up his flesh and watched his eyes as she did so. “Your voice is one of those things that takes people by surprise,” she admitted as she tended him. “With your healing, I don’t think I will need to stitch you up.”
He regarded her with his pale eyes, his expression revealing nothing. “Interesting,” he commented, turning to throw a look at Byrne. It only took a moment, but she’d swear a whole conversation took place before he looked at her. “People either run the other way or, and I’m not sure it’s any better, throw themselves at me. It’s why I try not to speak in a crowd.”
“And then you have me.” She neither ran for him or away from him. She wanted to, she wouldn’t lie, but in truth she had to take very careful steps or she would be lost before she could find herself, and that wasn’t something she was willing to trade off for. She did care for these men, but until a few weeks earlier she hadn’t known herself nor could she face them without fear. Today, however—well, today was a new day. “So what is it that you were trying to get from the lynx’s owner?”
“She was a potential witness to an attack. I was standing safely on the po
rch, with a screened door between me and it when it came wandering out. It stopped, looked at me, and then tore up the hall. Fucking thing whipped past his moronic owner, took out the door, and proceeded to fucking shred me.”
“Danel,” Byrne said softly from the doorway.
The Ahnjel heaved a breath and then forced it out slowly. “Sorry, doc,” he murmured apologetically, even shot her a sheepish look. He didn’t normally swear. They all knew that.
“It’s okay. I have said far worse than that in my life and will likely say far worse than that before it is all said and done. Believe me, I am not a shrinking violet.” Well, not any longer at least. Looking to them, she sighed and turned so that she could face both men. “I just ask that you give me a little more time? I am working through this and really hope to be able to walk into a newer life with you both. For now though I really just need a small bit more time?”
Byrne straightened, looked like he wanted to move, but didn’t. He stared at her and then nodded. When she looked to Danel, he tipped his head slightly. “Whatever time you need we’ll give you, always,” Byrne said, making her look his direction again.
“Thank you for that consideration.” She peeled out of her gloves and continued. “All that I am doing by denying what I am feeling is hurting myself and the two of you, and I am letting that bastard win.” The attack on her from a Luhpyne in her own morgue had been more than a physical attack. It had been psychological and for far too long she had allowed the Luhpyne who had brutally raped and attacked her to win. She had gone through far too much. She had went through surgeries to live, but now she had gone through therapy for the mental scars that were left on her soul just as she had physical scars on her body. There was so much venom in her tone when she spoke it was clear how she felt about that. “And all it does is hurt me more. I am working through things. I am actually in a place I can talk to you about it instead of running, and to me that is huge.” Just her being here with them without armed female guards was huge in telling how far she had progressed.
Danel slid off the table when she moved back and moved so he was closer to Byrne than her. “It matters not how much time you take, Briar. Take all the time you require. We’ll still be here when you are ready.” He tipped her a small bow and then, saying something to Byrne in a low murmur, left the morgue.
Byrne’s lips twitched and he shot an amused look over his shoulder. Shaking his head, he looked at her. “We’ll see you around, Briar,” he said softly. Tipping his head, he never bowed like Danel seemed wont to do. He turned and headed for the door.
“See you boys around,” she called and sighed. Rubbing her temples, she shook her head and, to the empty room, said, “Run off the only men that could ever mean anything to me.”
“You aren’t running us off,” Byrne said from the doorway. “We just don’t want you feeling crowded either, Doc. You went through hell, worse than hell, and are still having to live it every day. We just don’t want to be the cause for more pain for you.” He moved a little closer and held out a folder to her. “I forgot to give this to you, mainly because I was laughing at Danel. It’s a list of questions I have about some cold cases the captain has me looking at. I’m hoping you can help me out with some answers. Give them a read and let me know, when you can, no rush.”
“Sure.” Her face was scarlet as she took the folder from him. She had thought that they had both left and here she was, talking aloud and one of them caught her. Wonderful. Just. Wonderful. “What am I looking for in these?” she asked him softly. “Is there anything specifically that I need to watch for?”
“They’re just questions. I’ve attached copies of photos where necessary or references to various things like the autopsy, oddities I saw, and whatnot. I just want to know your opinion and thoughts. I’ll have more questions, I’m quite sure, but for now these are the important ones that I can’t find answers to in the files.” He reached partway toward her but then dropped his hand. “Don’t be embarrassed, Doc. There is no reason to be around your mates.” He stepped back and stuffed his hands into his jean pockets. “I’ll, uh. I’ll leave you to those, let me know when you’re done and I’ll come back and get them from you.”
“Byrne?” Briar called out to him and licked her lips. Biting her lower lip, she took a moment, and then taking a deep breath she said, “Thank you. For everything. For being here with me. For giving me the time that I needed. Thank you, very much. I hope that I’m worth the time.”
“Of course you’re worth the time, Briar. You’re worth everything,” he said softly. “You’re our mate, we would do anything for you. I’ll let you get back to work now though. I should as well considering the stack of paper I currently have on my desk.”
“How about lunch?” She found herself asking it without even thinking about it. She looked at him and nodded. “Would you guys maybe like to have lunch with me? In the cafeteria?” It was a big step to her, huge step actually, and he would have known it, too.
He stared at her, his mouth hanging open until he seemed to come back to himself and snapped his mouth shut. “Sure, I’d like that. Can’t speak for Danel, but I’ll ask him to join us.” He frowned slightly. “Are you sure, Doc? I don’t want you rushing for any reason. We’re working on your schedule, darling, you don’t ever have to push if you’re not ready.”
“I’m sure, Byrne,” she told him with a nod. “It’s only lunch. I’m not rushing,” she whispered. “Please, this is what I want to do. I want to be able to have lunch with you boys. I want to be able to try to start a normal relationship if we can. I’m not saying that means us getting naked over lunch, but I would like to spend some time with you please.”
He grinned suddenly and chuckled. “Damn, and here I was getting all hopeful,” he teased with a wink. “We’ll do lunch, Briar. Why don’t we say around twelve thirty? Most of the crowd will be through by then and it should be a little quieter,” he suggested.
It took her a moment to realize he was teasing her. She then began to giggle and shook her head. “Oh you are bad. So bad,” she teased him. “But I like it. Twelve thirty sounds perfect. I will see you then, hopefully both of you but at least you, right? You aren’t going to stand me up are you?”
He looked like he wanted to reach out again but stopped himself. He just nodded firmly and held her gaze. “I’d never stand you up, doc. Not now, not ever,” he told her. “I will see you at twelve thirty. And if Danel is around he’ll be there, too. Count on it.” Smiling, he took a couple of steps backward to the door and then turned and left her office.
Chapter Four
They were there, in the cafeteria. Joking as they collected food. From the look on Danel’s face, Byrne was still giving him a hard time about the cat. The Ahnjel turned and started to make a comment, she’d bet on it, but caught sight of her. He lifted the hand he’d been poking Byrne with and waved with a small smile on his lips. The Luhpyne turned and grinned at her, tipping his head in a come join us motion.
Briar steeled herself and smiled right back at them. She moved to them and got right between them, more than one eye turning their way when she did so. “Was he picking on you because of the lynx still?” she asked and began putting food for herself on each of their trays. “He really shouldn’t.” She stopped and looked up at Danel, lifting her hand and turning his face slightly. “Still looks bad, but looks better than it did. I need you to come back to the lab with me after lunch. I want to clean it again, and sadly, you need a shot. Sorry.”
There was dead silence in the entire cafeteria as Danel looked down at her. “All right.” He nodded, his skin sliding over her fingers lightly. “Did you get enough food? Or did you want to get something else before we grab a table?” he asked, lifting up the tray in front of him.
“Just two bottles of water when we hit that far down, please.” She knew it was silent because of her. She wanted to have the floor open up and pull her down. This was why she didn’t come out of her lab often, why she stayed away from ever
yone. It was because this was the reaction she got. It seemed as if the moment she walked out of her lab people stared at her with either pity or worry. Everyone treated her with kid gloves and while she had needed it for a while, it wore on her nerves at times. Yes, she had been very glad for it when the event first happened, but now it was starting to make her feel even more paranoid than she typically did.
“Hey,” Byrne said from behind her. “Let’s move and grab a seat. Danel can grab water and meet us at the table,” he told her quietly. When she looked at him, he smiled gently, “Come on, Doc. Let’s go and find a seat where we can sit quietly and be undisturbed by the lookie-loos. If they want a show they can go to the theater and pay for it.”
“Sounds good.” She moved along with him, noticing how Byrne put himself between her and the others, and she was ever so thankful for that. When they finally took their seat, she moved in a little closer to him, a movement that had many of the people in the cafeteria almost going for their weapons. “What the heck is wrong with them?” she asked and moved closer, hiding almost if that were possible.
“You’re not exactly avoiding me,” he said with a snort of laughter. “The fact you’re pretty much cuddled up next to me has them wondering, I’m sure. So I’m guessing either they think I’ve got dirt on you and am using it to get what I want, thus the weapons. Or they think you’ve been drugged and thus the guns. Either way I have a feeling I could end up with some additional bullet holes soon.”
“If they all weren’t such busybodies,” Danel said loudly as he joined them. “They’d realize that Briar doesn’t do a damned thing she doesn’t want to do unless it’s exactly what she wants to do.” The Ahnjel turned a dark, warning look on those sitting there. “And they should all mind their own business unless otherwise asked and get back to work.”
