I walk from the kitchen into the living room, intent on curling up on the couch, when my eyes involuntarily stray to the foyer.
To the side table sitting there.
To Beck's keys he left on that table.
He had no reason to take them, since they were walking to the Ferry Building and I was staying here.
My dad's voice fades away and I walk up to the table. I grab the key chain and turn it over in my palm to study.
In addition to his Audi key, I recognize the condo key. It has a blue rubber protector over the head, same as mine. There are two more door keys on the ring, and I know one of them belongs to his locked office. My head swivels and I gaze down the hallway.
"...so we're just hanging here gorging on leftovers. What are you up to today?" my dad's voice cuts back into my thoughts.
I shake my head and my fingers curl around the keys. "Um...we're all going to hang out at the Ferry Building."
The lie comes easily, my focus intent on the hallway as I start walking that way.
"Sounds like fun," he says jovially. "Well, you just try to plan a trip home and bring that man of yours with you. I can't wait to play overprotective dad."
My father laughs heartily and I give a half chuckle, the office door looming closer. "All right, Dad. I gotta go, but I love you."
"Love you too, sweetie," he says. "Talk to you later."
"Bye," I say vaguely, and disconnect as I come to the door. I pocket my phone and hold the keys out in front of me, considering which one may fit the lock. Doesn't matter if I get it wrong. Got plenty of time to try again.
I choose a key and slip it into the keyhole. With my other hand bracing the knob, I turn my wrist and feel the lock give smoothly.
My heart rate jacks up, and a rush of adrenaline goes through me. I start to twist the knob, but then a feeling of foreboding rips through me. I hesitate a moment...consider my options.
This isn't optimal.
I turn the key back the opposite way, reengage the lock, and pull it free. My heart is still pounding but I feel immense relief in my decision to back away, knowing this was the right call.
I have no clue when Beck will be back. It could take me hours to search his office and I don't want to be interrupted. It has to be done on a day when he's at work and I have little to no chance of being caught.
I glance down at my watch. Beck's been gone less than ten minutes, and I'm better served by trying to rush out quickly and get a copy made; that way I can search at a more opportune time.
I tell myself firmly my hesitation has nothing to do with my distaste in betraying the man I've come to care a great deal about.
No matter what my feelings are for Beck, I simply have to do this, I reassure myself. This is for my own good, and if I have to sacrifice his trust in this small way, I'm going to have to just fucking live with it.
Besides, I reason to myself, if I can cut this albatross known as Jonathon Townsend from around my neck, I can then truly be free to be everything to Beck that he deserves. I further reason to myself that this has to be done for Beck's own good. That it's the only way I can give myself to him freely and without any walls or lies staining our relationship. Even better reasoning, if I can end JT's existence, I will be freeing Beck from a toxic relationship with his business partner.
I pocket the keys and walk quickly into the bedroom. I put on a light jacket and grab my purse. I know there's a local hardware store about four blocks away, in the opposite direction of the Ferry Building. With any luck I can be there and back within half an hour...no more than forty-five minutes, with a copy of the office key safely in hand.
Yeah...that's my best play at this moment.
--
The elevator comes to a halt, and I pat the copy of the key in my pocket and flip Beck's key chain jauntily in my hand. I feel good about this. I have a plan starting to come together.
The elevator doors open and I step into the hallway, Beck's condo directly ahead. I raise my head and come to a dead halt. Beck stands there with his arms crossed over his chest. Caroline's got Ally in her arms and her face is red and shiny with tears.
"What's going on?" I ask cautiously as I walk toward them.
"Ally got in a snit and pitched a toddler tantrum," Caroline says with a sheepish grin. "After a two-minute shrieking session in the bookstore, we decided to head back. Figured we could just hang here today."
My eyes cut over to Beck and he's eyeballing the key chain in my hand. "We couldn't get in."
"Oh," I say softly as I look down at the keys. "Sorry."
"Where were you?" Beck asks, and I can tell by the tone of his voice he can't fathom where I would have been with his keys. This makes me panic and my mind races to find the perfect excuse, but nothing comes to mind.
"Um," I hedge for a split second too long, because it sounds like I'm searching for a lie, so I just blurt out, "I borrowed your car. I decided to go to my apartment and pick up a few things."
It's completely obvious when Beck's jaw tightens, and I know he doesn't believe me. "Didn't make it very far, did you?"
My feet move and I walk quickly to the door, avoiding eye contact with him. I put the key in the lock and open the door. Caroline slips through, keeping her own head down. I know she can feel the tension between us.
I start to follow her in but Beck grabs my arm and turns me to him. He looks at me in question, expecting a response. I swallow hard and lift my chin in a display of a confidence I'm not feeling at all. "I made it as far as the First Street on-ramp and the traffic was horrible. Decided to come back and see if maybe you wanted to go with me later."
His eyes bore into mine, actually flicking back and forth as if he's trying to see truth in what I'm saying. He stares at me so long I almost blurt out the entire truth to him.
Everything.
About JT and my nefarious plans.
But then Beck just gives me a curt nod, drops his hand from my arm, and walks into the condo. I take a deep breath and follow him in.
Caroline is setting Ally up on the couch and has the TV remote in hand, presumably to get her favorite Dora the Explorer to watch. She shoots me a sympathetic smile and then her head turns to follow Beck as he walks back into the bedroom. I smile back at her and hurry down the hall after her brother, feeling impending doom rushing in on me.
When I enter the bedroom, I find him at the window looking out over the city, his back stiff and arms crossed over his chest. I close the door softly.
He turns to me and asks, "Are you lying to me?"
I force myself not to wince at the condemnation in his voice and his acute perception. "No, of course not."
God, yes, I'm lying, Beck, and I'm so very sorry. I hope you will forgive me this transgression. I swear I have good reason.
"You're lying," he says adamantly. His arms fall away from his chest and in strides up to me, taking his key chain from my hand.
"I'm not," I say quickly.
"Sela," he barks at me, and I snap my mouth shut. "When you didn't answer the door, I thought I might have an extra house key in my car. I went down to the garage to look because I have a remote concierge unlocking service through Audi. My car was there. No extra key in there, but my car was fucking there. And I know we're still trying to get to know each other, and you probably haven't figured this out yet, but I have no patience whatsoever to suffer liars in my life. I refuse to do it. So where in the fuck were you and why in the fuck are you lying to me?"
I shrink back from the anger in his voice. I practically shrivel up from the pain in his eyes.
"I went for a walk," I whisper, the need for self-preservation making the lie fall from my mouth easily. "Your keys were just lying there and were easier to take than going back to the bedroom for mine."
"Then why lie to me?" he grits out. "Why tell me you took the car to your apartment, which I don't give a shit if you use my car. I just care that you lied to me."
"I don't know," I blurt out, panicked that I m
ay be losing something very important in this very moment. I forget about the perfect story and pour out emotions that are based in truth. I hope the half-truths cover up a full truth I could never tell him. "I went for a walk. I've been overwhelmed with everything that's going on with you and me. It seems too good to be true and I've never had this before, and I'm scared, Beck. I'm afraid it's going to all fall apart on me and I can't tell you that, because I don't want to seem clingy and unsure of myself. You like my confidence, right? So I don't want to seem anything less than that to you. And when I got off the elevator and saw you there, and you looked angry...I just lied. I wasn't thinking straight. But I swear...that's all I was doing. I was out for a walk."
Beck turns away from me in frustration, scrubs his hand through his hair. He then spins back and looks at me with sadness. "Why would you feel so unsure about me? What have I done to make you feel that way?"
I can't help the shaky sigh of relief that comes out, and I hope he doesn't understand that my relief stems from the fact that he just bought that half-baked story. I cover it up by immediately walking up to him, pressing my cheek to his chest, and wrapping my arms around his waist. I squeeze him to me, fear gripping me when he doesn't return the embrace.
My voice is small and weak when I say, "I'm sorry. I'm just so afraid of fucking things up with you and I don't want to lose this."
Then I tell him an absolute truth. "I think you're the best thing to ever happen to me, and when you're given a gift like that, the prospect of losing it can be a little consuming."
Beck lets out a pained moan and his arms wrap around my upper back. He squeezes me hard and presses his lips to the top of my head. "Jesus, Sela. I'm not going anywhere and there's not much you could do to push me away from you. You're perfect as is and I'm insanely happy being with you, okay?"
I nod into his chest. Burrow in tighter to him.
"Just don't lie to me," he says gruffly. "Don't ever lie to me, don't ever do anything to make me distrust you, and everything is golden. Okay?"
My heart sinks.
Because I fully intend to keep lying to him until my quest is complete.
Chapter 20
Beck
Three sharp raps to my office door have me raising my head and blinking my bleary eyes. I rub my fingers over them, happy for the break from reading code.
"Come in," I say gruffly, picking up the bottle of mineral water on my desk and taking a long swig.
The door swings open and JT walks in. He looks...different. Instead of the normal custom-tailored, three-thousand-dollar suit he wears with diamond cuff links, he's got on a pair of dark jeans and a burgundy cashmere sweater. He never dresses casual for the office and it catches me off guard, because JT likes to flaunt his money, and nothing says money like Armani.
I immediately notice his eyes are clear and his pupils are normal, and I wince internally that this has become my standard practice whenever I see him. He shoots me a grin and says, "What's up, bro?"
"Not much," I say, leaning back in my chair. "Just reviewing some code for the new platform. It's a bit buggy."
"I saw the mock-ups last week," he says as he sits down in one of the guest chairs opposite my desk. He props an ankle on the opposite knee and relaxes back casually. He looks almost...carefree.
This should make me happy, but rather makes me suspicious. I wince again, because I'm supposed to be giving him a second chance.
"Good holiday weekend?" he asks, his eyes bright with interest.
"Um...yeah. Caroline and Ally came to visit for a few days, and Sela and I just hung out around the city this weekend. You?"
"I spent it up at my folks' place in Windsor. Just relaxing with them. Actually had time to read a book."
JT's parents have a winery estate in the Sonoma Valley. It actually produces, but it's more of a vacation home than anything for them, and they only use it sporadically, preferring to spend most of their time at their home in Sausalito. JT's family made their money in tech but they have their fingers in several pies.
I cock an eyebrow at JT. "You just went there and relaxed? Read a book?"
"I had some wine and cheese too," he says with a wink. "And turkey, of course."
I shake my head and try not to smile at his winsome ways. I know he's trying to show me the new JT, but it seems odd to me. It's been so long since I've seen this I'm having a bit of a hard time trusting it.
"Did Karla get that agreement to you last Monday?" he asks, his expression turning serious. "You never said anything."
"Yeah, I got it."
It's sitting in my desk right now under lock and key. Karla brought a copy to me, sealed in an envelope, as soon as I walked in that Monday morning after I met with JT. I grimace in distaste at what I'd read, but if the signature on the document is real, then that Sugar Baby clearly had a seriously kinky side that she wanted JT to indulge her in.
I didn't accept the agreement on its face. I looked up the Sugar Baby on the database--Melissa Fraye--and compared her photo to the woman I remembered that night at the mixer. It was the same. I even pulled up the scanned photo of her Sugar Baby agreement with us, and the signatures matched.
That did not ease my conscience completely though. I know way too much about computers and graphics, and know exactly how easy it is to pirate a signature off one document and place it on the other. I know I shouldn't be concerned. I know I should give JT the benefit of the doubt, but I can't help but fucking remembering Sela's words and how assured she'd sounded that morning when I came back and told her about my meeting with JT.
I don't believe it.
I don't trust him.
It wasn't consensual.
Her doubt in him makes me still doubt to some degree, and I have to marvel at the way in which I seem to trust her but not a man I've known for far longer.
A man I have far many more ties and memories with than I do a woman I've known for a little less than a month. JT and I go back for years. Our parents did business together. He came to all of my ostentatious birthday parties, and I went to his. We skied together in Tahoe on winter breaks, and backpacked together in Europe. Prep school days, Stanford. Next to Caroline and Ally, he's the person I was closest to in the world.
Beyond all of that, JT and I share a bond that Sela can't comprehend and that is deeper than even what she and I will ever have.
A sudden spark of guilt hits me hard, that at some point I had forgotten that. When JT went off track, I just let myself get consumed by my career and building this business. I ignored his partying and turned my nose up at the Sugar Babies he'd burn through. I figured it was his due, I guess, and only when it got to a breaking point did I bother to take the fucking time to do something about it.
Maybe...just maybe if I'd paid a little bit better attention, and been a friend a little earlier, I could have pulled him back from the brink a little quicker.
"Those look like some deep thoughts, dude," JT says, and I blink my eyes, bringing him into focus. His head is tilted, looking at me with amusement.
I shake my head and give him a confident smile. "Nah...just still thinking about the code I was reviewing."
Not about to tell him that I'm having a hard time buying this nice-guy act.
"Remember that time you and Barry Kratzel were building that...what the fuck was that program...the one where it would measure a woman's ability to be a one-night stand?"
I snorted and then a laugh popped out. "Yeah. We thought it was brilliant. Luckily our professor did too, but I think that was only because he was recently separated from his wife and was hoping like hell it worked."
JT laughs right along with me, the laugh lines around his squinted eyes looking natural and without the calculation that I normally see. "I tried that stupid thing out and hooked up with that crazy girl in my econometrics class. Your fucking program told me I had a 99.3 percent chance of her not caring that I didn't call her the next day."
Grinning at JT, I remember that with fondness. It was
a program I'd created my freshman year in a course entitled Reliable Algorithms. I used my buds in the fraternity to beta test it. It was an app where you could be out on a date, take a piss break after you'd had some time to talk to the girl, and answer a series of ten questions based on what you'd learned so far. It would then spit out odds on her being the perfect one-night stand. We didn't really think it had much practical application outside of drunk college students, but figured it would impress our professor.
We got an A on the project.
JT banged a girl who ended up stalking him for almost a month before she finally got the hint he wasn't interested after their one night together.
"Those were the good ol' days," JT says, turning his head to look out the window with a slightly regretful tone in his voice.
"Yeah, they were," I agree softly.
JT clears his throat and stands up from the chair, turning to look back at me. "So, listen...I've got Sam putting together a proposal for us to consider. It's for a start-up based out of Santa Clara, and they're developing software that will read facial expressions."
"I read about that a few weeks ago," I say with a nod. "It's supposed to analyze emotional responses consumers have to certain products."
"Yeah...it looks very promising. I want you to take a look at it and give me your thoughts."
I blink my eyes in surprise. JT never runs this shit past me. At first I didn't care, because he's the one with the MBA and is the king of investing, but it appears he may be truly trying to forge a stronger partnership with me.
"Sure, be glad to," I say with a smile of gratitude.
"Cool," he says, and turns toward the door. When he reaches for the knob, he turns back and says, "Are you and Sela interested in getting together for dinner sometime soon? I'd like to learn more about this woman who seems to have taken you off the market."
I study his face carefully, trying to see if there is an ulterior motive. Perhaps sleazy intent. At the very least, too creepy of an interest. Instead, he looks back at me with open friendliness and I decide to finally give one to him.
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