by Beth Goobie
“So you’ve got five,” said her twin. “In your brain. And more, all through your body.”
Nellie’s knees dissolved and suddenly she was sitting on the floor, watching the ceiling slide into the walls. “I do not,” she said weakly.
Her twin sighed impatiently. “I didn’t know about mine until Deller—” Abruptly her face twisted and she ducked her head. “Stop it,” she hissed, and knuckle-punched her right thigh several times. After a long moment she raised her head and rubbed her eyes. “These boys I know grabbed me one day for a joke and shaved my head,” she said huskily. “That’s how I found out about the scars. Then I saw my file and yours, and I found out what they did to my brain.”
“I don’t care what happened to you.” Scrambling to her feet, Nellie backed up until she bumped into a wall. “So what if you’re my twin? What happened to you doesn’t have anything to do with me.” Shrieking, she was bent double, her face flushed and burning. The shorn-headed girl was lying, she was lying. Detta wouldn’t do something like that, they wouldn’t open a person’s head and put something into their brain. Especially not an Advanced cadet’s brain.
“Shut up,” Nellie yelled, the blood roaring in her ears. “Just shut the fuck up.”
“I went pretty crazy when I found out about my scars,” her twin said, watching her quietly. “I practically scratched the skin off my scalp, trying to get the things out. Then I realized I couldn’t, and no matter what was in my brain I was still me. Just like you’re still you.”
“I don’t have things in my head,” spat Nellie.
“Prove it,” said her twin.
“To who?” Nellie jeered. “You?”
“Yourself,” said her twin. Their eyes locked, and in the huge desperate moment that followed, Nellie felt herself begin to get a grip.
“Okay,” she said, straightening. “We’ll do a little checkeroo of my head just so you can see I don’t have any scars, and then we’ll stop talking about this crap.”
“Deal,” said her twin, patting the bed. Taking a deep breath, Nellie crossed the room and sat down beside her.
“Do you want to, or shall I?” asked her twin.
Dizziness swept Nellie. “You can,” she said in a high skittering voice.
Slowly her twin loosened Nellie’s ponytail. “The first one,” she said, getting to her knees, “is on the top of your head. Like mine.” Fingers probed Nellie’s scalp, parting her hair, and then her twin breathed in, harsh and quick. Triumph. “Right here,” she said. Taking Nellie’s finger, she ran it carefully along a ridge that ran the right side of the top of her head, front to back.
Easy to miss, Nellie thought weakly as she touched it, since her hair was parted in the middle.
“And here,” said her twin, tracing Nellie’s fingertip along a soft ridge at the back of her head, then down a third that ran the left side. “And also ... “ It took her a moment to find the last two scars, both on the right side of Nellie’s head. “These are the ones I haven’t got,” she said, running Nellie’s finger slowly over them.
“I’m going to be sick,” Nellie mumbled.
“Over there,” said her twin, pointing to the toilet. Nellie made it just on time. Kneeling over the bowl, she heaved wave after wave of acid fear.
“Here,” said her twin, handing her a plastic drinking tumbler. “It’s the juice they gave me for supper.”
Wiping her mouth, Nellie drank, then sprawled against the wall by the toilet. Her twin returned to the bed. Overhead, the security alarm beeped faintly.
“Where are the other ones?” Nellie asked finally. “The implants you said were in my body.”
“All over,” her twin said vaguely. “There are a lot of them.”
Nellie rode out another wave of fear, too drained to feel it much. “I guess they would’ve used the Flesh Healer to heal the skin so there were no scars,” she mumbled. “Except on my head. Why wouldn’t they heal the scars on my head?”
Her twin shrugged. “So they could make you believe they put a bomb in your head and could blow you up if you didn’t do what they said. That’s why they made the scars so big. They didn’t have to. The implants are tiny. They made the scars big just to scare us.”
Nellie scowled, disbelieving, then said, “They just heard you say all that. They’ve been watching through that screen on the wall.”
Her twin shrugged again. “So?”
“Won’t matter,” said Nellie. “They’ll make me file it, or send me to a Mind Cleanser.”
“A Mind What?” asked her twin. Nellie explained, and the other girl’s eyes widened. “Okay, so what did you mean by ‘file it’?” she asked, and Nellie explained further. When she’d finished, her twin slumped back onto the bed. “So that’s why,” she said emphatically.
“Why what?” Nellie’s dazed feeling was finally lifting and her brain coming back to life.
“Why I can’t remember anything about my life in the Interior,” said her twin. “I just get little bits — about Mom, where we lived and school. I must have filing cabinets in my head too.”
Without warning the door to the observation booth opened, and Col. Jolsen stepped into the room. “Cadet Kinnan,” he said crisply, ignoring the shorn-headed girl.
“Yes, sir.” Immediately Nellie surged to her feet. “Reporting for duty, sir,” she added for good measure, snapping a salute.
“You’re finished here for tonight,” said the colonel. “Come along.”
Turning, he stepped through the doorway and Nellie followed. It was only after the door had shut behind her that she remembered her twin. A glance at the monitoring screen showed the shorn-headed girl sitting on the bed, slit-eyed and scowling. Briefly Nellie hesitated, and then the snap of Col. Jolsen’s fingers had her scurrying toward him.
“No need to record what just took place, cadet,” he said brusquely, holding the door open. “It was observed and recorded by Sgt. Drump and myself.”
Creepy-crawlies scuttled up Nellie’s back as she passed him. Her scalp felt electric, the scars lit up and dazzling. In a daze she stared at the brightly lit hallway. It felt unreal, like a picture in a magazine. Was this her life? Could it be anyone’s life?
“This way, cadet.” Col. Jolsen started down the hall. To her surprise he didn’t turn into the corridor that led out of K Block, but continued further down the passageway. Abruptly he stopped at a door and knocked, then waited until a voice called, “Come in.” Again he held the door for Nellie, and again she felt creepy-crawlies shoot up her back as she ducked past. Once through the doorway, she found herself standing in the center aisle of a classroom, facing two men in Detta uniform who were seated behind a long table at the far end of the room.
“Cadet Kinnan,” said one of the men, indicating a chair in front of the table. “Sit down.”
In absolute silence, Nellie walked to the chair and sat down. The air felt thick and edgy, like a throat waiting to clear itself. The two men sat motionless, staring at her. Nellie stared back.
“You’ve just had a conversation with your twin,” said the man who’d already spoken. Nellie’s eyes widened and she sagged slightly. So, it was confirmed. She and the shorn-headed girl were twins. Nellie Joanne and Nellie Joan.
“Yes, sir,” she said quietly.
“And your twin has given you some information that is skewed and incorrect,” the man continued. He flicked a wall switch and the monitoring screen behind him filled with a diagram of the human brain. Immediately Nellie’s eyes flew to the five points her twin had touched on her scalp. There they were in the diagram, tiny black circles with arrows pointing to them.
“These are the implants that were placed in your skull,” said the man. “Dr. Nova, who is sitting beside me, performed the operations several years ago.”
Dr. Nova nodded at Nellie and the first man continued. “You must understand, cadet, that you were chosen for these operations out of a vast number of applicants. Psychological profiles were studied, prayers said to the G
oddess and star alignments carefully analyzed. Who would the Goddess choose to bless with these implants? we asked ourselves on a daily basis. Who is to receive this, the Goddess’s most sacred blessing?”
“Cadet Kinnan,” the man said intensely, leaning forward and staring at Nellie. “The Goddess chose you. And your twin, Nellie Joan.” For a long moment he continued to lean forward and stare at her intently. Then he sighed and settled back in his chair. Beside him, Dr. Nova sat motionless. Nellie wanted to swallow, she wanted to lick her dry stunned lips but she was riveted, trapped on the knife edge of the man’s next words.
“You must understand that unbeknownst to us there was a traitor in the picture, cadet,” he said heavily, staring down at his hands. “Someone who wanted the project to fail, who was willing to defy the Goddess’s great will.” He sighed quietly. “That traitor, cadet, was your mother. For her actions, she will always be remembered as one of the Empire’s most despised infidels.”
At these words, a huge black whirling took over the inside of Nellie’s head. My mother? she wanted to cry. My mother, who I don’t even remember except for her name, Lydia Stella Kinnan? How could she be a traitor when I’m one of Advanced’s most functional cadets? Please don’t blame me for what she did. It’s not my fault, I’ve proven my loyal—
As if reading her thoughts, the man lifted a hand. “No need to worry, cadet. Your mother has been released and is no longer a threat to the Empire or your personal safety. As for your weakness just now in your twin’s cell, you will receive two pejoratives, nothing more. Your shock was understandable.” He paused, his eyes growing thoughtful. “And now that we’ve recovered your twin, we can finally get back on track. Told you she came to rescue you, did she? Well, cadet, now it’s time for us to rescue her. And you’re going to be a big part of that.”
Nellie’s body convulsed slightly. No, she wanted to howl. You don’t understand. She’s my identical twin, we’re too much alike. I get into the same room with her and she just walks into my head. Get someone else to observe her, someone like Tana. Tana would be functio—
“This means,” continued the man, oblivious, “that you’ll be on special assignment until we’ve completed our task. I’ve let Col. Jolsen know that you’ve been pulled from the Advanced program until further notice. A double room has been set up for you and your twin here in K Block. From now on you’ll be eating, sleeping and running drills with her. Pretend to like her, get to be friends, but don’t ever fool yourself into thinking you actually are friends. Remember, this girl’s thinking was shaped by the enemy, your mother. Your job is to find out how she thinks but not be influenced by it. And you’re to report everything she says and does to us.”
Turning in his seat, he flicked the wall switch and the diagram of Nellie’s brain disappeared from the screen. “That will be all, cadet,” he said, his eyes skipping past her face to the back of the room. “Col. Jolsen?”
Brisk footsteps started down the aisle toward Nellie. When they reached her, she knew she would be taken from this room to somewhere in K Block, where she would be imprisoned with her twin. There the two of them would become some kind of experiment. No, not become. They already were an experiment, had been for years.
It’s all for the Goddess, Nellie reminded herself shakily. The Great Mother of us all.
“Excuse me, sir?” she quavered.
Col. Jolsen’s footsteps halted. Behind the table, the two men focused on her with careful surprise.
Nellie swallowed. “Could you tell me ... please,” she asked, fixing on Dr. Nova, “what the Goddess’s blessings are supposed to do to my brain?”
The man’s eyes bored into hers, icy blue. “Why, bless you, cadet,” he said evenly.
“Yes, sir,” Nellie persisted, her voice wobbling. “But exactly how are they supposed to bless me, sir?”
Dr. Nova’s eyes narrowed, and Nellie felt them flick toward her throat. “When the Goddess wants you to know that cadet, She’ll tell you,” he snapped, then nodded to Col. Jolsen.
A hand gripped Nellie’s shoulders and she rose heavily to her feet. The moment in which she turned away from the two men behind the table seemed interminable, as if part of her was dying. Then she was moving up the aisle, her body so numb and dull she no longer felt the creepy-crawlies that swarmed her back as Col. Jolsen held the door open for her, no longer felt anything at all.
Thirteen
THE TWO GIRLS SAT on their beds, watching each other from opposite sides of the room. Overhead, a security alarm beeped faintly. On the monitoring screen, occasional figures in Detta uniform came and went. A star chart hung on one wall and beside it was a small alcove that contained a statue of the Goddess, with the constellation of the Cat glowing above each shoulder. At the foot of each bed stood a free-standing closet and dresser. Except for the lack of a mid-room barricade and the presence of a toilet, a sink and a locked door, the room could have been the one Nellie shared with Tana in the girls’ dorm.
Keeping her face expressionless, she studied the mirror image of herself that faced her from across the room. Her twin was now dressed as she was, in a dark gray bodysuit. After her meeting with the two Detta officials, Nellie had been taken to a small change-room and told to exchange her Advanced uniform for the plain gray outfit she was now wearing. Col. Jolsen had then escorted her to this room and left without further instructions, locking the door behind him. Swallowing the numb sick feeling caused by the click of the lock, Nellie had climbed onto the empty bed, positioned herself with her back to the wall and fixed her gaze on the girl lying on the opposite bed.
How she longed to be back in Advanced, shooting holographs, running laps and studying viruses. No matter, she thought grimly, studying her twin through slitted eyes. She would complete this special assignment in stellar fashion, earning herself extra points. And when it was over she would file it in one of her deepest, most inaccessible filing cabinets and return to Advanced where she wouldn’t have to think about it ever again. For once she would be glad to forget something. A shiver skittered up her back, and she fought the urge to run her fingers over the scars hidden beneath the hair on her scalp.
Across the room her twin sat motionless, her eyes dark shadowed and heavy lidded. Soon after Nellie had entered the room she’d sat up, but neither had spoken yet. A scowl crossed Nellie’s face and she almost hissed at her twin’s placid expression. Didn’t the girl realize where she was, stuck in K Block, the very bowels of danger? Anything could happen in this place, anything, and the memory of it completely erased. Nellie’s lips parted, a surge of angry words on her tongue. But just as she was about to speak, a vague whispery sensation rippled across her brain, almost like window curtains lifting in a breeze.
Don’t look surprised, her twin’s voice said quietly inside her head. Keep scowling the way you are, and they won’t suspect a thing.
Nellie’s face shifted in amazement, but she covered by scratching her nose.
Good, her twin said approvingly. I’m going to pretend to go to sleep now, but I’ll keep talking. All you have to do is think at me and I’ll hear you. As long as we keep connected, I’ll hear your thoughts and you’ll hear mine.
Cat-like, Nellie’s twin yawned and stretched, then lay down and curled into herself. To all appearances, she looked to be fast asleep. Abruptly the vague whispery sensation came again, quick high vibrations that danced across Nellie’s brain.
Listen, her twin said, deep inside her mind. I already know what they told you in your meeting with the director of K Block and the man pretending to be Dr. Nova. The implants are the Goddess’s blessings, and you’re supposed to spy on me while pretending to be my friend.
Nellie deepened her scowl to prevent astonishment from leaping onto her face. How did you find that out? she thought frantically at the apparently sleeping figure. Did they show it to you on the monitoring screen?
I read it in your vibrations when you came in, said her twin.
Nellie’s thoughts raced. She’
d never been able to pick up information that detailed, but she supposed it was possible. How did you know it was the director of K Block? she asked. And that the other man was pretending to be a doctor? I didn’t know that, so you couldn’t have gotten it from me.
I read it in their vibrations, her twin replied calmly. You were sitting close to them, so you pulled some of theirs into yours. They’re fading now, but they were clearer when you came in.
Openmouthed, Nellie stared at her twin. Even if she’d probed the two men while she was sitting in front of them, she wouldn’t have gotten that kind of data.
Don’t stare at me like that, snapped the other girl. It’s not hard to do if you know how. You could do it easy if you didn’t have those implants shutting down your brain. It’s only vibrating at half-speed. The implants are running an interference pattern through it. Can’t you feel it?
Nellie focused on the inside of her head. It felt like it always did. No, she said.
Maybe you’re just used to it, said her twin.
Sometimes ... , Nellie said slowly, then stopped. She’d never told anyone about this, ever.
Sometimes what? her twin asked eagerly.
Sometimes I can see ... energy, Nellie mumbled. Everything turns into colors and vibes. Nothing is solid. If I’m really tuned, I can walk into a room and tell what’s just happened by scanning the vibes in the air. But I can’t tell what people are thinking. At least, not much.
Can you travel levels? her twin asked quickly.
Levels? asked Nellie. What are levels?
There was a slight pause, laced with disappointment, followed by another question. What about doubles? asked her twin. Have you met any?
Doubles? Suddenly Nellie remembered the dream in which she’d seen her twin’s look-alike step out of thin air. The girl in the gold dress, she said excitedly. The one who looks like you — is she your double?
One of them, said her twin, her voice quickening.
How many do you have? asked Nellie.
Probably zillions, her twin said carelessly. It doesn’t matter. Doubles are like that — every time flux happens, more of them show up.
