by Beth Goobie
WHAT SHE NOTICED first was the brightness and the extreme buzz, both of which seemed to come from everywhere. Then it was the sound — a high fixed note that hovered continually in the air. As her vibratory rate adjusted to the new level, the brightness and the buzz became more bearable and she noticed she was standing between another set of metal brackets. Glancing through them, Nellie saw no sign of Furnan or the laboratory, only her twin standing several feet away, and beyond her a large empty room. The girl in the gold dress was nowhere to be seen.
“You can come out,” Nell said in a low voice, turning toward her. “There’s no shock barrier, you won’t get zapped.”
Cautiously Nellie stepped out of the brackets. “Where are we?” she whispered.
“I dunno,” Nell said quietly. “It isn’t a fixed level and I can’t see my double anywhere. You don’t have one either. And this place is vibrating weird — fast, but the vibrations feel like they’re pulling to the side. Almost as if they’re hurting. It’s like those gates that led to Fen. I wonder ... “
“You wonder what?” asked Nellie nervously. “And who’s Fen?”
“Fen, he’s ... “ A tremor ran across her twin’s face, and she pulled her expression into neutral. “He’s just a guy,” she said. “Someone I met once.”
Shrugging off the vagueness of her twin’s reply, Nellie gave the room another glance. On the surface it didn’t look too threatening. If you took away the brightness that emanated from everything and that damn note that wouldn’t stop playing, it was a little like standing in the sanctuary of one of the Goddess’s cathedrals. A cathedral, she realized, looking around herself, that she’d seen before. Impossible as it might seem, this place felt familiar. She must have seen a picture of it, or dreamed it.
Slowly Nellie pivoted, scanning every detail of the room. Gleaming stone walls arced above her head, peaking in a glimmering mosaic of the Red Planet. Under her feet stretched another large mosaic of a red star. Alcoves dotted the walls, each containing a lit red candle and a tiny statue of the Goddess. And facing her from across the room was a floor-to-ceiling statue of Ivana, its hands raised in the usual pleading gesture. As she focused on the icon, Nellie’s mouth fell open. Instead of the usual sky blue, the Goddess’s gown was scarlet, and Her face was a featureless blank oval. Someone appeared to have gone over Ivana’s face with white paint. Blasphemy! thought Nellie, thunderstruck. What kind of pagan would have altered Ivana’s chosen color — that of the sky which held the souls of Her dead sons — and painted over Her holy visage? Angrily she stepped forward, intending to do something about such sacrilege, at least offer her apologies to the Goddess, but was halted by the expression on her twin’s face.
“It’s all screaming,” stammered Nell, her face twisted as if in pain. “Like the Temple of the Blessed Heart. Can you hear it?”
“Hear what?” asked Nellie, then paused as a surge of vibrations entered her brain. Immediately the interference field dissipated, taking with it her view of the soaring walls and the red-gowned Goddess, and she found herself standing within a bluish-white landscape that was vibrating at an extremely rapid rate. And it was screaming, as Nell had said. The shrieking wailing sound came at Nellie like a tidal wave, sweeping her with nausea.
What is this? she thought frantically at Nell’s blue-white figure, then noticed a second silhouette beside her, barely distinguishable in the surrounding glow. The girl in the gold dress.
I’m not sure, her twin replied. People, I think. People like us, who were here once. Look at the walls and the floor.
Nellie tried to focus, squinting through the radiance, but all she saw was a mass of blue-white light. It’s just a bunch of light, she said.
A bunch of small bits of light, Nell responded. All put together like stones. She sounded thoughtful. That’s where the screaming’s coming from. I— Wait a minute, someone’s coming.
Abruptly she retreated from Nellie’s brain, breaking the mind link. The mass of screaming blue-white light vanished and Nellie found herself back in the room with the soaring stone walls, facing a quickly approaching boy who looked to be slightly older than herself. Shock ricocheted through her as she recognized his tumbling brown hair and green eyes. It was the boy she’d killed in the maze, inexplicably come back to life.
Beside her Nell gasped, dashed across the room, and threw her arms around the boy. Unresponding, he stood letting her hug him until she let go and stepped back, her face flushed with embarrassment. “I forgot,” Nell mumbled awkwardly. “You don’t know me. Only Deller did, and you don’t know about him and me and —”
Silence! The boy’s voice cut across Nellie’s thoughts so forcefully that she winced. Glancing at her twin, she saw Nell staring at him with a stunned expression. The boy appeared to be able to link minds with both of them simultaneously. I will say this once, he continued briskly inside their heads, ignoring their expressions. It is forbidden to speak out loud in this place. Our minds are all linked by the grace of the Gods, so you have merely to think a thought and it will be heard by someone else.
Nell took an uncertain step back from the boy. Uh, Nellie, she said. This is Fen, Deller’s brother. He disappeared about half a year ago, and that’s why Deller came to the Interior with me. I was looking for you, and he— She paused, sucking at a tremble in her mouth.
She’s still upset, thought Nellie. About that Outbacker boy. A heaviness came over her and she scowled at the floor. What good was it to get upset about things like that? Released was released. The boy was gone and there was nothing anyone could do about it.
I know what happened to my brother, Fen said briskly, interrupting her thoughts. But it is not relevant to what happens here. All that happened before you entered this place must be forgotten.
Forget Deller? The words erupted from Nell’s mind in a hoarse shout. How could you forget your own brother?
His soul is in the hands of the Gods. A flicker of annoyance crossed Fen’s face and he repeated, All that happened before you entered this place must be forgotten. Nellie Joan Kinnan and Nellie Joanne Kinnan, I am here to welcome you to the Land of the Stars.
The Land of the Stars? Nell’s eyes darted around the room, and then a weasely expression snuck across her face and she scoffed, What stars? I don’t see any stars, except this red thing under my feet.
Fen’s smile tightened and he said, A symbol of the deeper mysteries. Come, we must offer thanks to the Goddess for your arrival.
With a brisk mechanical pivot, he crossed the room to the large statue standing at the far end and knelt before it. Quickly Nellie scuttled after him, grateful for the familiar ritual. Um, excuse me, she thought carefully at Fen as he placed his hands under his chin in the required prayer position. Why doesn’t Ivana have a face, and why is She wearing red instead of blue?
Red is the color of the Gods, said Fen reprovingly. And the Goddess’s Second Coming is imminent. Here in the Land of the Stars, Her effigies are in waiting for Her new face.
Closing his eyes, he began to recite a common prayer of supplication inside his head and Nellie joined in eagerly, her gaze fixed on the statue’s blank face. Ivana’s Second Coming was imminent? Did that mean she, Nellie Joanne Kinnan, had been brought here to see Her personal manifestation? If so, it would explain her recent time in K Block. And it would also make up for all the years she’d spent in Detta, all the pain and confusion and—
Nellie’s thoughts halted abruptly as Fen ended his prayer and got to his feet. Come, he said tersely. The Gods are waiting.
Turning from the statue, he started across the room. About to follow, Nellie noticed her twin standing at the center of the red star mosaic, a deep scowl on her face. With a start, she realized Nell hadn’t joined in the prayer to the Goddess. Then a surge of vibrations hit her brain and she heard her twin’s voice inside her head, talking fast and furious.
Something’s weird, Nell hissed. He’s not here. His body is, but his soul’s gone.
Let me see, Nellie whis
pered. Instantly the heaviness lifted from her brain, the room dissolved into blue-white energy, and she did see. In the place Fen was walking across the room there was no energy form, only a thin vertical line running through the air.
Yeah, I got it, she said, and the room regained solid form. Briefly she stood staring at Fen. Now that she had a chance to study him, she could see he was different from the boy she’d killed — shorter, with a broader face, and his eyes were slanted where the other’s had been normal.
He’s like a drone, Nell said grimly. He doesn’t think at all. When they took his soul, they must’ve taken his brain too.
I gave it. Fen’s voice cut coolly across their thoughts, and Nellie turned to see him watching them with a neutral expression. Everyone can hear your thoughts here, he said impassively. You won’t be able to shut anyone out with your usual games.
As he turned and headed once again toward a nearby doorway, Nell stiffened. “How come you care so much about the Goddess?” she shouted, throwing her voice after him. “Deller didn’t. Your mom doesn’t. There aren’t any statues in your house. I looked everywhere and I didn’t see a single one.”
At the sound of her voice a wave passed through the air, as if an explosion had gone off nearby. Briefly the loud note that hovered continually in the air faltered, then regained strength.
DO NOT SPEAK ALOUD! Fen’s voice was a second explosion going off inside Nellie’s head. IT IS FORBIDDEN IN THIS PLACE, he screamed, his face contorted with fear.
Stunned, the girls stood gaping as he regained his composure. Yes, he said, his eyes once again steady on Nell’s face. I grew up in a heathen family, but when I arrived in the Land of the Stars, the deeper mysteries were revealed to me. My eyes were opened and I changed.
Oh yeah? Nell snapped, but she was careful to remain within the mind link. And what would your mom think about how you’ve changed? You’re not Deller’s brother, not anymore. You look like him on the outside, but you’re not like him inside. You’ve got no inside — you’re just a holograph, a weird kind of double, or a drone.
For the second time the composure was wiped from Fen’s face. What d’you know about my brother, he hissed, except how to get him killed? At least I’m a star. Not like her. Talk about having a drone in the family. Lifting a hand, he pointed at Nellie.
Silence fell on the room, a great rushing weight. Nellie’s mouth opened but there were no words, no sound anywhere inside her, not even a heartbeat.
You know about Deller? Nell asked finally, keeping her eyes carefully on Fen. About what happened ... in the maze?
I was told, Fen said shortly, the neutral expression returning to his face. But there’s no point in discussing it. Released is released, his soul is lost and he’ ll never become a star. Come, They are waiting. Without another glance, he stalked through the doorway and out of sight.
The girls stood motionless, staring at the empty doorway as a great formless silence swelled between them. If only, Nellie thought falteringly, glancing at her twin, there was a way to take back what she’d done. If she could bring the Outbacker boy back to life she’d do it, no matter what the cost. But how? Desperately her eyes locked onto the tremble in her hands. How was she supposed to eject the killer from her own skin?
Slow footsteps sounded to her left as Nell started across the room. A vast heaviness descended upon Nellie then and she stood rooted to the spot, watching as the other girl passed through the doorway. For she understood now, finally saw what must have been obvious to everyone else all along. It was as Furnan had said — the Gods wanted Nell, not her. They weren’t interested in a death-stained upscale drone, They wanted someone pure and unblemished. That was why their mother had chosen to save Nell rather than Nellie — she’d known instinctively that Nell was a better person. Who would have known that better than a mother?
And Ivana was the Mother of all mothers. She would know it better than anyone. The great Goddess wouldn’t want a killer present for Her Second Coming. No, Nellie had simply been a hook to catch and deliver Nell so she could be present at the Second Coming. And that was how it should be, really — the true order of things. For there were always the pure and the unworthy. The pure became stars in the service of Ivana, and the rest were exiled from Her presence to live in pain and misery and confusion.
So Nellie would wait here alone while her twin watched the Second Coming and probably became a star. At some point someone would come to this room and give her instructions as to what she should do next — most likely return to her home level where she would go on doing what she was good at, shooting and killing. One step up from a drone. Maybe.
A flicker of movement appeared in the doorway, and Nell stepped into the room. Aren’t you coming? she asked, her voice high-pitched and plaintive, and Nellie was suddenly released, tearing across the room in a flood of heartbeats.
C’mon then, said Nell, holding out her hand. Heart thundering, Nellie stared at her twin’s hand as if she’d never seen one before. With a grimace her twin reached further, grabbing Nellie’s hand and holding on tightly.
C’mon, she said again. They’re waiting for us.
Together they stepped through the open doorway.
Eighteen
AHEAD STRETCHED A hallway, lined with doors and the odd small alcove, each containing a flickering red candle and a tiny blank-faced statue. As with the room they’d just exited, the walls, ceiling and floor emanated a brightness as if lit from within, and the fixed high-pitched note continued to sound. A guard drone stood to either side of the doorway, and as the girls started along the hall, the drones fell in behind them. Whispering creepy-crawlies scuttled up Nellie’s back.
About a hundred feet down the passageway, Fen could be seen turning right into another corridor. Tightening their grip on each other’s hand, the twins broke into a trot and reached the turn to find him waiting just beyond it, the same neutral expression on his face. Once they’d caught up, he turned without speaking and again headed down the hall. Close on his heels, the girls kept a tight grip on each other’s hand. Closed door after closed door passed them by, along with an endless succession of alcoves and blank-faced statues. Everywhere the high-pitched note continued to sound until Nellie felt as if she was floating on it.
This place is like K Block, she thought suddenly. Or Detta. Another level but not fixed, like Nell said.
Uh-uh, her twin thought at her quickly. I’ve seen some of the unfixed levels and this one’s not like them. Look.
With a grimace she pointed to the window in a door they were passing, and Nellie glanced through it to see a large white-walled room filled with the aimlessly wandering figures of children and adults. Faint strains of music could be heard and shafts of prismatic light spun and drifted midair, constantly changing color. Out of this light stepped glowing figures that flowed gracefully, changing shape as they moved so that they suddenly expanded to three times their size, or grew wings and floated through the air. Mumbling under their breath, the stumbling children and adults observed the luminescent figures with glazed eyes, and Nellie’s face reddened as she remembered the holograph she’d experienced in K Block. Was this the way she’d looked to the director and Col. Jolsen?
Another mindjoy, Nell muttered contemptuously beside her. At least in the Outbacks they’re natural. Here they make them with machines.
Maybe they’re being taught about heaven, said Nellie, remembering the director’s words. So they’ ll be ready for the mysteries when they’re revealed.
Heaven wouldn’t make them lose their brains, Nell said sourly. C’mon.
Suddenly, without opening or passing through the door, Nellie found herself standing beside her twin at the center of the room she’d just been looking into. Mumbling figures wandered past without giving them a second glance. Then a woman turned and fixed the twins in a blank stare.
Have you come to summon me? The woman spoke inside Nellie’s head, her words sluggish and slurred. Is it time to ride the light and become a
star?
A star? asked Nell, her eyes narrowing. How are you going to become a star?
I’m a soldier of light, said the woman. All soldiers of light become stars.
Soldier of light, interrupted Nellie, startled. How can you be—
Hey, came Fen’s voice behind them, and Nellie turned to see him opening the door. How did you get in here? he demanded. And no talking to them. They’re in preparation.
Preparation for what? Crossing her arms, Nell slitted her eyes at him.
For their destiny, said Fen. Come on, how did you get past the drones and into this room?
Just did, Nell said vaguely and stalked back into the hall.
Don’t look at me, thought Nellie, avoiding Fen’s glare. We were in the hall and then we were in this room. That’s all I know.
Thoughts whirling, she stared at her twin’s back. Ride the light. Soldier of light. Star. It all had to mean something, but what?
Realization swept her, scattering the interference field that sat on her brain, the scene before her dissolved into a mass of screaming blue-white energy, and she saw. The light coming from the walls, ceiling and floor was bits of light, just as Nell had said. And each bit of light was a star, a human soul that had been taken from some poor kid or adult who’d probably been “prepared” like those drifting around the room they’d just left.
