by Beth Goobie
Ah, said Eld, His voice glimmering with satisfaction. Your deepest wish is about to be granted. You may rise and look upon My face.
Trembling visibly, the girl rose to her feet. As she glanced upward, squinting against the brilliance, Eld’s gaze locked onto her. The girl took a step back, her look of awe scattering, and her face crumbled into small chunks of fear. A shudder ran through her and she lifted her hands as if to ward something off. Then, to Nellie’s horror, the girl’s body split down the middle and a small bright light flew out of the divided parts toward Eld’s outstretched hand.
Mouth open, Nellie stared at the sundered halves of the girl’s body which were now outlined in a shimmering field of light. Motionless, they continued to stand several inches apart, and there was no sign of blood or interior damage. The two parts appeared to be in suspended animation, the body’s internal organs frozen mid-function. As Nellie watched, disbelieving, the divided halves of the girl’s body came together again, the split mending as if it had never occurred. For a moment the girl stood blinking rapidly, as if reorienting herself, then took a deep breath and settled into a dull stare. At a signal from the throne, Fen scurried forward, took her by the arm and led her to the back of the room.
The rest of the group continued to stand with their eyes lowered, murmuring fervently. Drugged, Nellie thought. Her eyes flicked toward Nell’s, locked briefly, then flicked away again. She could see it in her twin’s face — the same thought. This was how Fen had lost his soul. It had been sucked out of him by a God.
Leaning forward on His throne, Eld began to speak. A star, He said quietly, observing the bit of luminescence cradled in His palm. You are all stars, you humans, it is your destiny to shine in the Land of the Stars among the Gods. As you have just seen, it is not necessary to die to achieve this honor. No, it is possible to shine as a star in the heavens and at the same time continue serving the Gods within your body.
Eld lifted His hand and the luminescence left His palm, soaring toward the ceiling where it joined a dense cluster of stars. You see, He said with a sweep of His arm. Heaven is made of stars, singing their praises to the Gods. This is the destiny of the best human souls.
Once again a voice cut Him off, but this time it bellowed aloud. “They’re not singing,” shrieked Nell, bent double with the force of her rage. “They’re screaming. And they’re screaming because this isn’t a real level. There’s no love in it anywhere. Without love, nothing is real.”
The words hurled themselves at Eld, shattering the collective mind link. The loud ongoing note wavered on its pitch, and Nellie saw the horde of Gods simultaneously flinch. A second later came the dreaded rippling sensation, rocking the floor so intensely, she stumbled and almost fell.
DO NOT SPEAK ALOUD! roared Eld. Leaping to His feet, He locked eyes with a small boy huddled at the foot of the throne. Instantly the child’s body split in two and a bright light flew out of the gap, directly toward the God. As Nellie stared, open-mouthed, Eld opened His lips, sucked in the bright essence and swallowed it.
Without a cry, the two parts of the boy’s body fell to the floor, and Fen dragged them to the back of the room.
DISOBEY ONCE MORE AND THAT WILL HAPPEN TO YOU, Eld boomed. Nell’s eyes slanted toward Nellie, slurred with fear, but still her thoughts raged on, unchecked inside her head.
I knew it, Nellie could hear her muttering. That’s where Their light comes from — They eat people’s souls. It’s because this isn’t a real level and They have to keep boosting Their vibes to keep Their power.
You are partly correct, said Eld, cutting off her thought flow. It is true We once lived in a realm so quick you lowly humans could not survive it. In that realm, which you would call a level, We lived on the Red Planet, but catastrophes and cataclysms forced Us to depart Our natural abode and descend into the slower realms in search of a place to set up Our kingdom. A look of distaste crossed the God’s face and He added, But others are not as We are. The lower orders cannot comprehend the higher ones. It takes so long to teach them the basic truths.
Nell’s eyes lit up angrily, but Eld continued, ignoring her. It is a matter of bloodline, He said with careful emphasis. Bloodline is of the essence. Only Our descendants have the genetic capability to become one with Us and serve as vessels. He paused, His gaze passing from Nell to Nellie, then added, Over the centuries we worked carefully, selecting local inhabitants for interbreeding and initiation into Our mysteries, but ultimately the lower realms proved unsuitable to Our needs. And so, as you can see, We created Our own realms. Out of nothing We created entire realms, a realm of Our own to match each of your ... levels.
Leaning forward, He gazed at Nellie intently. Except for the slowest level, He said quietly. Yes, the slowest has proven the most difficult to align. It is the nature of slow vibrations, always wanting to go their own way and vibrate out of sync with the Great Pattern.
Pattern, Nellie heard her twin mutter ferociously. Patterns are fixed, aren’t they? I bet that’s what Their Great Pattern is for — to fix all the doubles in all the levels, so they’re always thinking and doing the same thing. That way the Gods can double all the doubles in all the levels at the same time, and control everything at once.
Surprise flashed across Eld’s face and He continued quickly, drowning Nell out. To complete the Great Pattern, He boomed, straightening on His throne, we needed an anchoring star, a single soul whose vibrations spanned the highest to the lowest realms. And so one of Our highest lords mated with your mother, and the fertilized egg was divided into twins — two girls, blessed with the destiny to unite the realms.
As Eld spoke, Nellie stood with her gaze fixed to the floor, riding wave after wave of fear. Star, soul, destiny, she thought, her mind a white-hot whirl. Eld wasn’t talking about her, was He? No, He’d said she was to be the next Goddess, so she couldn’t possibly be the anchoring star and have her body split open and her soul torn out. That meant the anchoring star had to be Nell, the rebellious one, the pagan ...
Nellie Joanne, announced Eld, turning His brilliant gaze upon her, and Nellie almost vomited every bit of her gut onto the foot of His gleaming throne. Raising His hand, the God proclaimed, It is time for you to remember.
Across the Receiving Chamber, robes swished as the rest of the Gods began moving back. Quickly Fen shepherded the group of children and adults to the rear of the room, leaving Nellie and Nell standing at the center of a large open area.
Nellie Joanne, I order you to open filing cabinet MK18, said Eld, file one.
A deep thrusting sensation began inside Nellie’s brain. Down and down it went, into what seemed a great darkness. Then came the sensation of opening and a quick surge upward, but instead of MK18 releasing its contents inside her head, Nellie felt it pulled through the front of her skull and out into the open area at the center of the room, where it began to take three-dimensional form within the Gods’ collective energy field.
Like a holograph, she thought, dazed.
It was like watching a 3-D movie. The first scene showed a sleek gray car pulling out of Detta’s front gate into the streets of Marnan. Abruptly the scene jumped, and the car was driving along a highway somewhere in the Interior. Heart thundering, Nellie stared at the image before her. Nothing could be seen inside the car, but she could feel the seat cushions pressed against the backs of her legs and smell the overheated upholstery. A thick churn started in her gut as the scene jumped once again, revealing the car stopped at a checkpoint in a huge electric fence that stretched from horizon to horizon.
The border, she could hear her twin thinking. That’s where Deller and I came through in the back of a delivery truck.
The scene jumped again, and this time the gray car was driving through endless fields and small villages. A tiny frown crept across Nellie’s face as she watched. If the car had crossed the border, then this was the Outbacks. So where was the Great War? Had this area capitulated? But if it had, wouldn’t there be military outposts and tanks passing t
hrough?
Abruptly the scene changed again, and the car was in a small city, angling through narrow twisting streets. Dorniver, Nellie heard her twin whisper. That’s close to Deller’s house.
The gray car stopped and its doors began to open. No, Nellie wanted to cry, feeling her knees go weak. Keep it closed, I don’t want to remember. But the front passenger door continued to open, allowing a ten-year-old girl with a tight blond ponytail and eerily slanted gray eyes to step clearly into view.
From beside Nellie came a quick gasp, and she felt her twin turn a searching gaze on her.
Don’t look at me, Nellie hissed, stepping away from her. That’s the Outbacks. I’ve never been there, it’s got to be you.
But the lie was obvious, written all over her trembling hands and sweating face. Though she couldn’t remember it, this memory had been pulled from her brain. It had to be hers. Numbly Nellie watched the girl follow the driver through the doorway of a nearby building, then down a hall and into a small room. Facing them were two men and a blond woman in her early thirties who was tied to a chair. Blood ran from the woman’s mouth and her face was bruised, but she strained against her bindings as she saw the girl enter the room.
Nellie Joanne, she called. Nellie Joanne, my darling, do you remember me?
Mom! Nellie heard her twin gasp, and stepped back in horror as Nell launched herself at the bound figure and tried to hug it. Colors and sounds flickered across Nell’s arms as the memory continued around her, disembodied and remorseless. Defeated, she backed away from the bound image of her mother, putting as much space as possible between herself and Nellie.
At the center of the room, the memory continued to play itself out. Pulling a pulse gun from his pocket, the driver handed it to the girl and said something about traitor to the Empire and duty to the Goddess. The girl hesitated, and Nellie could feel waves of trembling surge through her body. Proof of your loyalty to Detta, the man said urgently, and the girl raised the gun but did not fire.
Nellie Joanne, the woman whispered beseechingly, and the ten-year-old girl was hit with another wave of obvious trembling. Slowly she began to lower the gun. Then abruptly, without further urging from the driver, she raised it and fired. The woman slumped in the chair, blood leaping from her throat, and the girl with the gun dropped soundlessly to the floor in a dead faint.
The center of the room went blank as the memory completed itself.
You killed her! Nell’s scream cut across the now-empty space. You, it was you. A loud sob broke from her and she staggered, as if barely able to continue standing.
Wave after wave of trembling slammed through Nellie. She seemed to be crumbling into tiny bits, couldn’t find her hands or her face or her mouth. And then she did.
SHE LEFT ME. The words broke from her, so raw and dark Nellie felt as if she was belching blood. SHE LEFT ME ALONE AND LOOK WHAT THEY DID TO ME. LOOK WHAT THEY TURNED ME INTO.
The two girls stared at each other, their gray eyes locked. Then Eld’s voice broke into their thoughts.
You see, Nellie Joanne, He boomed. You are a killer, a killer of the truest kind. For only one of the truest killers could murder her own mother in cold blood like that. But you must understand that your function as a killer has been divinely ordained, and you kill only for the Goddess and the Empire. Because of your loyalty to Detta, a traitor was destroyed, an infidel who wanted to foil your destiny to become the next Goddess and rule your planet. Now it is time for you to kill again, another divinely ordained killing. When you release your twin’s soul, We will guide it into the center of the great Pattern that unites this realm, and align it with all the other realms.
A pulse gun appeared in Nellie’s hand. Uncomprehending, she stared at it. Then, as if from a long way off, she heard her twin whisper, Don’t do it, Nellie. We’re the slowest level, we’re still vibrating out of sync and can say no. If you kill me, all your doubles will kill all my doubles. It’ll happen in every level and They’ll have Their anchoring stars all the way up. All the levels will be fixed in the same pattern forever.
Ignore that heretic, hissed Eld, leaning forward. She is nothing but a pagan. Release your twin to her destiny, Nellie Joanne, and then you can claim your own.
Nellie’s fingers tightened around the gun and she raised it. The movement was automatic, she’d done it a thousand times. Without thinking, she sighted on her twin’s horrified face, then lowered the gun so it fixed on Nell’s throat. With this gesture came the feeling that the many separate pieces of her life were coming into position, that everything she’d ever experienced had been a prelude leading to this moment. This was her destiny, gripped in the palm of her right hand. Slowly her index finger tensed against the trigger and she felt the Gods’ energy field quicken in anticipation.
Kill, the Gods sang into Their collective field. Kill, Goddess — kill the star. Kill, destiny, kill.
Destiny? The thought came to Nellie, sudden and unbidden, in an old woman’s quavering voice. But I didn’t choose it.
A whimper broke free of her and she lowered the gun.
No one ever asked me if I wanted to be a killer, she thought, looking around herself as if coming out of a deep sleep. I didn’t choose this. I didn’t choose any of it.
With a loud cry, Eld leapt to His feet. Code 999, cadet! He screamed, 999, 999!
Twenty
NELLIE’S HAND SNAPPED back into position and her finger tightened on the trigger. Immediately the Gods’ collective field quickened with excitement, sending ecstatic thought waves rippling through her brain. Kill, she could feel Them thinking, and the thought was sheer exhilaration. Kill, Goddess, kill. Destiny, star, shoot!
Nellie’s finger tightened and released, tightened and released. She couldn’t think, couldn’t think. The Gods’ thought waves were like a white-hot drug, engulfing her mind and pushing her adrenalin into overload. Now her vision was going fuzzy, and the scene around her dissolving into throbs of blue-white light. Screaming — the stars were screaming, just as Nell had said. This heaven was made of screams, of terrified torn-apart souls. Not ecstasy, not joy.
Another surge of euphoric thought waves hit her. Nine, nine, nine, the Gods sang. Destiny! Kill! Star, star, star!
With a groan Nellie dropped the gun, bent double and hugged herself. It was all she could do. She didn’t know who she was anymore, where she began or ended in this screaming blue-white blur. Sinking to her knees, she covered her head with her hands and waited to die. It would come now, she knew it. She would be torn end to end and her soul swallowed, or sent up into the ceiling to scream its light forever into this hellish place.
A whiplash of pain exploded through her, flashing from one end of her body to the other, but not in the thin vertical line she’d expected. Instead it erupted simultaneously from countless places within her body, tiny searing points of pain. Then the pain faded, and she was hit with another of the Gods’ ecstatic thought waves.
Pick up the gun and shoot! They cried. Kill! Destiny! Pick up the gun and shoot!
A second whiplash of pain flared through Nellie’s body, and she grunted at its sheer burn. What was causing it — the Gods? But They all seemed to be caught up in exhilaration, Their collective field vibrating with the anticipation of a kill.
Shoot! came another of Their thought waves, followed by a third explosion of pain. As Nellie bent double in agony, still hugging herself, she remembered the other implants Nell had mentioned — the ones she’d said were all over Nellie’s body. So this was what they were for — an invisible method of keeping a person in line from the inside out. Someone in the Receiving Chamber had to be carrying a triggering device. One of the Gods? Fen?
The pain stopped, and Nellie was hit with another wave of ecstasy. Kill, sang the Gods. You are a killer, a killer Goddess. The Goddess kills for the Gods. Kill. Goddess. Kill.
As yet another wave of pain hit, Nellie collapsed to the floor, landing on something small and hard that jammed into the small of her back. Rolling ov
er, she saw the pulse gun lying inches from her hand. So here it was again, her destiny: killer. No matter how she fought it, she kept coming flat up against it. What did it matter what she wanted or didn’t want? Destiny was destiny, you didn’t choose it.
Slowly her hand fumbled toward the gun. Yes, the Gods thought at her, Their excitement rising. Pick up the gun. Pick up the gun and shoot!
At that moment a ripple passed through the air above Nellie, and the girl in the gold dress materialized before her. You can do it, she thought at Nellie, her words as quiet and steady as her slanted gray eyes. You’ve already made your choice. You just need a little more strength.
A gasp shot across the Receiving Chamber as the Gods caught sight of the double, but the girl in the gold dress ignored Them. Pivoting toward Nell, she shouted aloud, “It’s that one note that’s always playing — that’s how they’re fixing this skin. It’s a fixed vibe that keeps everything else in place. What we need is some flux. You have to call everyone in — that much flux will unfix this place forever.”
Her voice rang out across the room, challenging the single ongoing note. In response, a deep tremor reverberated through the floor. Scrambling to her feet, Nellie stood riveted beside Nell’s double, staring at the surrounding Gods. The brilliant horde had gone completely silent, shutting her out of Their thought field as They fixed Their gleaming eyes on the girl in the gold dress.
Why don’t They attack? Nellie thought frantically. There were so many of Them, the girl in the gold dress was outnumbered by at least three hundred to one.
Suddenly Eld leapt to His feet, threw back His head and snapped it forward. With a singing hiss, a bright ball of energy erupted out of the top of His head and flew toward the girl in the gold dress. But before it could reach her, Nell’s double had thought herself across the open area at the center of the room and reappeared beside Nell. Still hissing, the fireball zoomed past Nellie and collided with a group of Gods to her left. A shriek went up as the struck Gods burst into flames, but within seconds several hundred buckets appeared midair above Them and doused the fire with water, saving the wounded Gods.
