The strange thing is my husband doesn’t get on with his father, even though they are remarkably similar. They are both strong, stubborn characters and tend to lock horns whenever they get together.
My husband’s suggestion that his father moves in with us is more out of guilt, I’d say, than real affection. I’m very fond of my father-in-law, as are our children (all under 10), but I’m dismayed at the prospect of him moving in with us. It’s a massive responsibility to take on the care of an elderly person in a household that’s already full to bursting.
As a stay-at-home mum I’m grimly aware that the majority of the care will land on me. And what worries me most is that it could threaten my marriage. My husband isn’t an easy man – and having his father on top of us 24/7 could make him even more moody and difficult.
Any advice?
Eliza A, Herts
Dear Eliza,
Act fast! I fear it is too late to prevent your father-in-law coming to live with you, but it is not too late to read your profoundly stupid husband the riot act.
Make it very clear to him how unhappy you are about the arrangement and the lack of consultation. Draw up a very straightforward agreement. For instance, you will agree to the widower moving in for six months.
If, after that time, you or he can’t bear it, then your husband must find an alternative solution.
Make sure you have some serious threats to back up this contract – will withholding sex be enough or must you threaten to leave him? You decide.
The irony is that it sounds like you and your children will quite like having Granddad around while your husband will be driven to distraction. If I were you, I would just sit back and enjoy watching these two men wind each other up.
Since it sounds as if your relationship with your father-in-law is a good one, I think your only hope might be to talk to him and point out all the pitfalls of this move. Make it crystal clear that you are only concerned about his wellbeing and be very careful to never make it sound like you are retracting your husband’s invitation.
There’s no fool like an old fool apart from the young fool who invites the old fool to move in
“There’s no fool like an old fool apart from the young fool who invites the old fool to move in.”
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Ask Graham Page 27
