by A. D. Ellis
Now Beckett ran into the center excitedly talking about finding dinosaur books and listening to Miss Elizabeth read a story. Jeremiah followed him in with a smile on his face. There was nothing quite like watching the world through his son’s eyes. While Beckett and Jeremiah waited for the story time to start, Beckett was looking at the dinosaur books. “Daddy, that’s what I want on my birthday cake!” Beckett stated enthusiastically. Jeremiah chuckled and replied, “Well, Beck, we’ll see what we can come up with.” At that moment, he noticed Miss Elizabeth, the center’s librarian standing nearby. If Jeremiah had been looking for a girl and the entanglements that came with it, he would have been very interested in Elizabeth Decker. But, he wasn’t looking, so he wasn’t interested. Plus, he was fairly certain there was something going on between her and one of the guys he played ball with.
“Hi, Mr. Jordan?” Elizabeth Decker started with a questioning smile. Jeremiah laughed and replied, “Oh please, that’s my dad, just call me Jeremiah.”
“Ok, Jeremiah, I couldn’t help but overhear that you’re planning a party? Beckett, how old are you going to be, buddy?” Elizabeth giggled when Beckett held up four chubby little fingers. Jeremiah was bursting with pride; they had been practicing that little gesture for a few weeks now and Beck was finally getting it.
“My sister is a party planner, and she’s really good. She comes highly recommended by me and many people around town. She’s got great prices too. Her name is Audrey; here’s her card.” Elizabeth handed the card to Jeremiah and he looked down at it, surprised that he would get the same party planner’s name twice in as many days.
“Hmmmm, she must be really good. This is the second time I’ve had her name given to me. I guess I’ll have to give her a call. God knows that I have no idea what I’m doing when it comes to a 4-year-old’s birthday party!” He flashed a smile that had been known to melt the panties off a few girls back in the day and put the card in his pocket, his eyes traveling to watch Beckett as the boy wandered a little farther away.
“Can I ask who else recommended Audrey to you?” Elizabeth inquired politely. The woman was truly beautiful. It hit Jeremiah all of a sudden that Elizabeth said Audrey was her sister and the guy last night said Audrey was his future sister-in-law.
“Um, I don’t remember his name, but I played basketball with him and he told me his future sister-in-law was a party planner and gave me her name and number. I’m assuming it’s the Audrey you just told me about since I doubt this town has more than one party planner named Audrey. Thanks for this info. I better get Beckett settled in for the story.” Jeremiah took off after Beck, knowing he’d find him playing with the dinosaur figurines.
What Jeremiah didn’t expect to find was Beckett playing dinosaurs with a grown man. He drew up short, concern and protectiveness flitting through his mind, but he quickly figured out that the man was one of the clients at the center. Jeremiah watched as the man and Beck sat on the floor, playing with the dino figures. “Rawr! My dino can eat your dino, Nick!” Beckett growled at the man, Nick?
“No he can’t. My dino runs away and hides. And then your dino falls into the tar pit. Oh no! Save me!” Nick used different voices to animate the dinosaurs and Beck giggled at his theatrics. Jeremiah cleared his throat and walked toward them.
“Hey, Beckett, it’s almost time for the story. Time to clean up. Want to introduce me to your friend?” Jeremiah knelt down and spoke softly to Beck.
“Daddy, this is my friend, Nick. He’s friends with Miss Elizabeth and he has a twin brother. Twin means they have the same face. That’s cool, right?! Nick comes to the center all the time. He likes the stories just like me.” Beckett is absolutely adorable in his introduction of Nick and Jeremiah can’t help but like the man who had brought this talkative side out of Beck.
“Well, it’s nice to meet you Nick. I’m Beckett’s dad, Jeremiah.” Jeremiah reaches out to shake Nick’s hand.
“Hi, Jeremiah. I’m Nicky. Some people call me Nick. I come to the center to listen to Miss Elizabeth read because she’s going to be my sister and have babies. I work at the grocery store. If you bring Beckett in, I’ll give him a sucker. They let me pass out suckers to the little kids. Let’s go get a seat and listen to Miss Elizabeth read her story.”
Jeremiah had to shake his head in amusement at Nick. Nick was obviously a grown man, but Jeremiah got the feeling that he was speaking to someone much younger. Maybe the friendship between Beck and Nicky made more sense than he originally thought it did.
After story time was over, Jeremiah asked Beckett if he wanted to go for some ice cream. Beck nodded enthusiastically and pulled Jeremiah down toward him. Once his ear was level with Beck’s sweet little mouth, the boy whispered, “Daddy, can my friend, Nick, go get ice cream with us?” Jeremiah was a little taken aback. He didn’t really know Nick, but he was happy with how much Beck was communicating today and it seemed to be because of his new friend. Maybe Elizabeth could help him make his decision? Jeremiah told Beck to hang out with Nick for just a moment in the dinosaur section and headed to find Miss Elizabeth.
“Miss Elizabeth, I hate to bother you, but I was wondering if you could help me out?” Jeremiah spoke quietly to Elizabeth while Beckett and Nicky read a dinosaur book together on a bean bag.
“Sure, Jeremiah, what can I help you with?” Elizabeth’s sweet smile was as genuine as she appeared to be.
“I don’t want this to come off as offensive, so please know this question is simply coming from a dad wanting to keep his kid safe. Beckett wants Nick to go get ice cream with us. I just met Nick today. Have they been friends long? Is Nick going with us for ice cream a good plan?” Jeremiah felt bad questioning Nick because he seemed like a great guy, but he couldn’t risk a problem if Nick going with them was going to be an issue. He had to be sure Nick was safe, because of Beckett.
“Oh! I completely understand your concern!” Elizabeth stated. “But, I can assure you that Nick going with you is perfectly fine. He’s a very kind, caring, responsible man. He and Beckett have been friends for a bit now, they seem to really get along great. Honestly, I think Nicky sees a lot of himself in Beckett. Nicky has faced a lot of challenges in life and has overcome so much. I think he just wants to be a friend to Beckett since he didn’t have many friends himself growing up. If you’re comfortable with it, ask Nick to go with you. He’s extremely honest, so if he doesn’t want to go, he’ll straight up tell you no. I’ll go with you to ask him, that way he will know that he has permission to leave the center.”
Jeremiah walked to Beckett and Nicky and leaned down. “Beck, you want to ask your friend to join us for ice cream?” Beck jumped up and grabbed Nick’s hand, “Come on, Nick! My dad said you can come with us for ice cream!”
Nick unfolded himself from the bean bag. He smiled at Beck, but turned concerned eyes toward Elizabeth. She smiled and nodded at him, “It’s ok, Nicky, you can go if you’d like to. I’ll let Nate and your parents know where you are. Jeremiah will bring you back here in about an hour. If you’re not comfortable going, you can say no.” Elizabeth explained calmly.
“No, I want to go get ice cream. I’m glad I have a friend to ask me to go. It’s different than Nate or you or Audrey taking me to get ice cream.” Nick grabbed Beckett’s hand and they headed toward the front door of the center. Nicky and Beckett were already chatting and laughing about a dinosaur joke that Nicky had heard. Jeremiah followed them. What a strange pair they made. But, he smiled at the thought of his little boy making friends. Jeremiah was learning a new normal because of Beckett.
Chapter 7
Audrey
I’ve been home from my inpatient stay for quite a while now. Things have been up and down for me. And I don’t mean like some good days and some bad days; I mean like the world’s fastest, roughest, most puke-inducing roller coaster types of ups and downs. I am grateful that I’m still in therapy because most days I feel like I can’t handle all of this on my own. Every so often, I’ll have a day when
I start to think I’m “healed” and I’ll resent having to go see Dr. Xander. But, more often than not, I wake up thinking that it would just be a lot easier, less stressful, and less painful if I could just resort back to treating people like shit and fucking everyone I could get in my bed. Today is one of those days.
When I don’t feel in control of things, I start looking for things to control. This morning, I took a phone call from a guy named Jeremiah. He said that Nate and Beth had given my name to him. I was very grateful for their help in getting me some business. However, as I talked a little more to Jeremiah about a party for his four year-old son, Beckett, I asked my normal questions and found out quickly that the Jordans were new to town and that Jeremiah was former military. Instead of freaking out, I told Mr. Jordan that I had another appointment and asked if I could call him back about taking him on as a client once I was able to check my schedule. I cringed as he replied, “Sure, yeah, call me back. I really hope your schedule allows you to do Beckett’s party. I’m a little lost here and I could truly use your services.”
I would have snapped up a four-year-old’s birthday party in a heartbeat IF his dad wasn’t former military. I realize it’s irrational, but I have a real negative outlook on military guys thanks to Cal and Duke. I HATE that I have to decide between doing something I love while making money for my business and breaking my die hard guideline to stay away from all military men. I wish Jeremiah would have been rude or demanding on the phone, then I could have had a legit excuse, at least in my mind, as to why I wouldn’t take him on as a client. But, instead, I hear his stressed out and needful words in my mind as I recalled the end of our conversation. I felt a tug at my heart as he practically begged me to take this party. My heart doesn’t go out to people; I don’t get sentimental. Well, I guess I should say that I wasn’t a sentimental person until Dr. Xander forced me to wallow in the muck of my past; these days it seems that I’m just a regular bleeding heart, feeling sorry for single dads who sound like they are in over their head just trying to give a little boy a great party.
Crap! I didn’t like this feeling of not knowing what to do. I like to take charge of a situation. I don’t like to dangle back and forth on the proverbial fence. I wanted to give a firm yes or no, but I was feeling guilty turning down a little boy I’ve never even met. Good grief! Things were so much easier when I was a bitch. I would have given Jeremiah a flat out no and not worried for a single second about letting him and his little boy down. Now that I’m trying to turn over a new leaf, I’m being all wishy-washy, and I don’t like the feelings it’s bringing to the surface inside of me.
I thought of what Dr. Xander would tell me. He would say that we had planned for this and I needed to use some of my preplanned coping mechanisms here. I knew I had to do something because I felt like I was losing even the little bit of control I thought I had on this situation. Going out and finding a willing sex partner to control was sounding like a great plan, but I really wanted to work through this the healthier way even if it’s the harder way.
I grabbed a bottle of water and drank the whole thing down. Sometimes hydrating and filling my stomach with water would give me enough of a boost to change my perspective. Looking at the mirror in my bathroom, I gave myself a little pep talk. “Audrey, you don’t need to control every situation. This isn’t a life or death issue here. You can think it through and weigh the pros and cons. You haven’t lost control; you don’t need control. You can and will make this decision without resorting to sex.” In the past, this pep talk had been successful about 50% of the time. As long as I was able to put some coping mechanisms into action, I usually was able to avoid the risky sexual behaviors. I just needed to distract myself for a while. So, I called Nicky first to see if I could come over and play video games with him. Strike one! Nicky wasn’t home. Next, I called Beth. We could visit or go for a walk or shopping. Strike two! She and Nate were out doing something which I’m sure was sickeningly romantic. Isn’t that just lovely? My sister is out being loved and loving someone, and I can’t even find something to distract me long enough to avoid slipping back into my destructive behavior. NO! I won’t let this situation and my messed up head and heart win this time.
This isn’t going to get me down. I’ll go to the gym to get some punches in on the bag. The school’s gymnasium has a weight room that I’ve used before. I dressed in my work out clothes and headed to the gym. This would be good. I could avoid the temptation to give in to the sexual addiction and I could get some exercise. STRIKE THREE! The gym weight room was closed for a quick repaint. They’d be open again tomorrow. Well, isn’t that just the shit? You know what? Tomorrow isn’t good for me; I need to control something today. Where are all of my support people when I need them? This is what I get for needing people. Back when I was a total bitch, I never had these problems. I didn’t need anyone; I got through life just fine without needing to lean on someone.
You know what? Fuck this! I don’t need coping mechanisms. I don’t need people to help me. It’s not like I have a drug addiction. A little fun and a lot of sex aren’t going to hurt anyone. Dr. Xander says I need to learn to cope with these situations. I’ll tell you how I’m going to cope with this need for control. I’m going to take control. I’m not going to run through a whole list of things that I COULD do to avoid sexual temptation. I’m just going to do what I know I need to do, then I can get back to making my decision about this possible birthday party involving the one type of guy I’ve always tried to avoid. Ahhh, I already feel better. Taking control of this decision gives me a jolt of adrenaline and I start to feel a little better already.
I headed to one of the seediest bars in Torey Hope. I knew that I would be able to get a nice buzz going and probably pick up more than one completely willing partner. This is good. I’ve got this. No one is going to send me into a tailspin. Audrey Decker always has control.
After three shots of tequila, I noticed an extremely hot guy walk into the bar. He looked completely out of place in a dive like this, but I guess I did too.
I watched as the man sits down at the other end of the bar. He doesn’t seem to be here in a social sense, he seems to be stress drinking. I assume I would recognize this type of drinking since it’s essentially the same type of drinking that I’m partaking in. After his second shot, I told the bartender to give him a third shot and let him know it’s from me. The man’s eyes registered shock as he looked quickly at me and then downed the liquid. I watched as he swallowed hard against the fire in his throat. I knew from experience that his belly is feeling the burn as the alcohol starts doing its job. I gave him my signature demur smile and a small wink while signaling the bartender for one more. After my 4th shot, I headed toward the man and took a seat next to him at the bar. If he noticed that I’m here in workout gear, it didn’t seem to distract him from whatever was making him drink. His shirt fits him like a second skin, tattoos peaked out from under his short sleeves, his jeans were fitted to his ass perfectly, and his untied boots gave him an air of casual sexiness.
“Hey there, sexy. What brings you to the seediest bar in town? Drowning your sorrows? Girlfriend break up with you?” Not that it mattered to me really if he had a girlfriend, I just wanted him for a few minutes anyway, but I thought that opener might get him talking.
The man turned his gorgeous face towards me and I was a bit taken aback at the intensity of his hazel eyes. Hazel had always seemed like a boring eye color to me, but his eyes held a dim hidden sparkle from the flecks of gold scattered throughout and I imagined that his eyes would come to life if he were to laugh. I cursed at myself when the thought of me giving him something to laugh about came to my mind. I don’t get all wrapped up in a guy, I don’t fawn over sparkling eyes; I just need to fuck him and regain control of my world.
The man blew out a breath before speaking. “Not a girlfriend, ex-wife. She’s a piece of work. Slept around on me, partied too hard when she didn’t know she was pregnant, married me for all the wrong reason
s, kept sleeping around on me, left me and my infant son because she just couldn’t handle it. And then, today, she calls me after almost 4 years and says that she wants to be in my son’s life or she’ll need a certain amount of money to stay away.” The man let out a sigh and his shoulders sagged as he finished his little speech. The way he spoke, I couldn’t tell if he was more concerned about coming up with money or letting the ex-wife get near his child. I’m guessing he’d rather pay her off than let her near the son, but that’s just a hunch based on the way his voice shook when he mentioned her wanting to be in her son’s life. Not one to feel sorry for strangers, especially strangers I just wanted to sleep with, I pushed away the sympathetic thoughts I was starting to have.
We each ordered one more round, and I knew this would have to be my last one. I wanted to be buzzed, which I was. Any more shots after that and I’d start getting into the sloppy drunk category. I turned up the flirting and laid a hand on the hottie’s thigh. He looked down, a bit surprised I think, but then he looked at me out of the corner of his eye and smirked in the sexiest way I’ve ever seen; his small smile let me know that he was amused at the attention I was paying to him. “So, pay her off,” I said with a shrug.
