by A. D. Ellis
Beth brought two steaming cups of tea with her when she returned from the kitchen. “Ok, baby sister, you’ve got a husband and little boy who love you very much, miss you, and are worried about you. Talk to me; you need to be back home with them. I have a bad feeling that this isn’t about a newlywed argument; this is something about what happened a long time ago, isn’t it?”
I lost all resolve and the entire dirty story came pouring out. Beth was crying within seconds and we held each other as I laid the whole dirty mess out to her. Nate came in at one point, not realizing it wasn’t a good time. Beth let me up to go to the bathroom momentarily and she spoke in hushed whispers to Nate. He hugged me close and kissed my head when I walked back toward the couch. “It’s ok, Audrey. It’s all going to be ok. Jeremiah loves you beyond words, nothing would stop that.” Nate looked pissed as he walked out; I heard him speaking into his phone as he stopped briefly outside the door. “Yeah, man, I’m coming over. We’ve got something we need to do.”
I glanced nervously and questioningly at Beth. She shrugged her shoulders, “What? I don’t condone violence usually, but this is one time that I’m all for it. I didn’t tell Nate everything and I know he won’t tell Jeremiah the whole story, but I think our boys may have a little business with two pedophiles this evening.”
I should have felt bad at the thought of two men getting the shit beat out of them. I should have worried about Jeremiah and Nate. But I didn’t. One, I was feeling a little numb. Two, it felt good to know that the ones who hurt me might hurt along the same lines that I hurt. Jeremiah and Nate could take them, no question.
I slept at Beth’s that night. I still felt like I couldn’t go home. I wanted to go home, but I felt like I just couldn’t. A very bruised and swollen Duke came to a therapy session the next day. He stated that Cal had driven off shortly after their visit with JJ and Nate. I found comfort in the fact that Cal would remember my knee to his junk, rubbing his head in his own puke, and my husband beating the shit out of him. I couldn’t change Cal, but I could find some closure in the fact that I finally stood up to him. Proves again that I am a survivor.
The therapy session was extremely painful, emotional, and exhausting. Dr. Xander had to send Duke out so that my dad didn’t physically harm him. The doctor gave Dad and me quite a while to just hold each other and talk. We talked a lot about the shitty hand we were dealt when we lost my mom and how things just went downhill from there. My dad had taken responsibility for his actions, or lack thereof, a few years back and he continued to deal with guilt from that. I was afraid that the guilt from finding out that something even worse had come from his drinking himself into oblivion would drive him to drink again. He promised me that he wouldn’t let me down like that again. He decided to set up some appointments with Dr. X and double up his meetings with his sponsor.
Feeling drained but freer than I had in years, I headed back home. Home to JJ and Beckett. I needed to tell him everything. If he decided to leave me I’d deal with that the best I could. But, keeping this from him and letting it build up between us wasn’t good and it wasn’t helpful at all.
Chapter 32
Jeremiah
He paced the floor, out of his mind with worry about Audrey. His knuckles were swollen, split, and throbbing, but it felt good. It gave him something to focus on rather than the fear and confusion he had been feeling.
Finding out that Audrey had left and wasn’t coming home until who-knows-when was a gut punch he hadn’t been ready for. Their marriage had been quick but he knew it was what they both wanted and everything had been going great. Then one day she just left and didn’t come back home and wouldn’t answer his calls or texts. Thank God for Libby letting him know she was safe; he still didn’t understand what was going on, but knowing she was safe was helpful.
When Nate called him and told him there were two men in town who had hurt Audrey a long time ago, he didn’t even question him. Loading up in the Bronco he met Nate outside their hotel room. He had never been a huge fighter, but when dickhead #1 made a sick comment about Audrey, he saw red and his fists didn’t know when to stop. Nate had to pull him off of Cal. They stuck him in his car and sent him on his way; Jeremiah hoping he would bleed out and die. He honestly didn’t care; he got the feeling that the fucker had done some pretty sick things to hurt Audrey so he wanted him to pay for his actions.
Dickhead #2 almost begged to be hit. Jeremiah got a couple good punches in on him and then let him go. Whatever had happened, he was punishing himself more than fists ever could. The man was so overwhelmed with painful guilt it was almost hard to look at him.
Jeremiah paced the floor, grateful that Beckett was with his parents. Audrey had texted that she was coming home and they needed to talk. He sensed that this was the day she would reveal her big secret; he wanted to get it out in the open but he didn’t like thinking of her hurting.
When he heard the door open he didn’t even think, he turned and walked purposefully towards her. Grabbing her up in his strong arms, he hugged her close and breathed in her scent. God, he had missed her. In the short time they’d known each other and the even shorter time he’d been privileged enough to call her his wife, he had grown so attached to her; he craved her, everything about her. Holding her hand, hearing her laugh, burying his nose in her neck like he was now, making love to her; he needed her like he needed his next breath. “My God, Angel, please don’t ever leave me like that again. I love you so damn much, please don’t shut me out. I need to be standing by your side at all times.” He kissed her tears as they poured down her cheeks.
“J, I’m so sorry I left. I didn’t plan on doing that. I went to my dad’s and something happened that brought up a shit ton of bad memories. I wanted to come to you, I needed you, but someone convinced me that I didn’t deserve you. I went to Beth’s to get my shit together. I talked to my therapist and my dad.” At the look of confusion on his face, Audrey went on. “Yeah, I have a therapist. Let’s sit down so we can talk about all of this. Oh my God, what happened to your knuckles?” She held his hand, carefully stroking his knuckles as he winced in pain and sucked air between his teeth.
“Well, even though I don’t know the whole story Nate told me about two guys who hurt you in your past. We paid them a little visit. I sort of lost my shit on one of them.” He pulled her close to his chest, kissing her head; holding her as if he was afraid she would leave again.
“You fought for me?” Audrey’s voice was incredulous and her tears started again. “No one has ever fought for me.”
He sighed as he pulled her face close to his. “I will always fight for you. Always. I will fight for you and us and our family. Never doubt that, Angel. This, you and me? This is my forever. Nothing will ever stop me from fighting for my forever.” His lips crushed hers, bypassing sweet and tender and moving to full-fledged heat within seconds. “Angel, I want to talk to you about your past, but I want you under me so badly I can barely think straight. It’s up to you; talk first then bed or bed first then talk?” He knew what the answer should be and he knew what he hoped the answer would be.
Smiling up at him and kissing him soundly she pressed into him, “As much as under you first sounds wonderful, I think we should get talking out of the way so that we can spend the rest of the night in bed. And then tomorrow I want to spend the day with my two favorite boys. Come on, let’s go sit and talk.”
An hour later, both of them had cried as many tears as they had in them for the day. His heart and soul hurt for her, hurt for the innocence lost, hurt for the young girl who was taken advantage of both physically and emotionally. His anger was to the point that it was a good thing he’d sent Cal packing and Duke had already left; he was afraid he would actually kill the two if he ever saw them again. He was grateful to have the secret out, as much as it hurt.
He told her the story about Shelly. He could tell that she was pissed at Shelly for her infidelity and for leaving Beckett. She just shook her head and laughed at what a
pair they made when he spoke of his sexual indiscretions and detachment.
Sitting with her, curled up on the couch, baring their souls was something that should have happened before they got married. But, better late than never and he was so glad to have everything out in the open. His feelings about her had not changed in the least bit; he hoped having the past issues all aired out would help her to begin the process of learning to love herself.
When they woke, it was late, late at night. She rolled against him as his hands moved to her waist and up to her breasts. Groaning he filled his hands with her and she rocked against his hardness. “Look at me, Sweets. Nothing, and I mean nothing they did to you could ever make me not love you. I love you because you are strong, resilient, truly a survivor.” He kissed her and took in her moan, flipping her under him and settling between her legs. He lifted her shirt over her head and made quick work of her bra. Leaning down to taste her, he lavished attention on both breasts until she was writhing under him. “Please, J, I want more.” Kissing the tip of her nose he smiled and worked her pants down, taking her thong as he went. A quick taste of her and he was back at her mouth, kissing her perfect lips as he slowly thrust into her. Forever grateful that the testing they’d had done before the wedding had proven clear, he barely held it together as his hard, bare skin was gripped by her hot wetness. This, this was what he’d waited for his whole life. He began to move, slowly out but thrusting forcefully back in. “Look at me inside you; nothing has ever been more perfect. You were made for me; feel how I fill you completely.” He grasped the side of her head and forced her eyes to meet his. He slowed significantly and with each thrust he spoke to her, “I. Love. You. Forever. Angel.” On the last thrust he saw her release starting, her eyes were on fire. Rolling them to sit on the side of the bed, he wrapped her legs around him as he thrust deeper into her. She cried out as she rode out her release. He buried his head in her chest, filling her with his release and moaning her name. With no condom to dispose of, he maneuvered them to lie down and curled a protective arm around her. He felt a strange surge of hope that he had just filled her with a baby; he wanted that with her and he wanted it sooner rather than later. “I want a baby with you, Angel. We need to increase efforts until we get one.” She laughed as he kissed her and they fell asleep. He realized right before falling asleep that she hadn’t freaked out or acted like a baby would be a bad thing.
Chapter 33
Audrey
Our days settled into a comfortable routine. I had plenty of parties keeping me busy. I also took over some of the responsibilities for Beckett; I took him to the center and to some therapy appointments. I think Jack and Judy were glad to have some time to just be a retired couple rather than the half-time caregivers. Now they could just be grandparents to Beck.
Judy and I had a beautiful heart-to-heart girl talk. She cried as she hugged me and told me how happy she was that her son had found me; she declared I had saved him but I felt it was the other way around. Either way, she was thrilled we were together and was looking forward to our future as Jeremiah and Audrey Jordan. I don’t think I could have asked for a better mother-in-law; she couldn’t take my mom’s place, but she helped fill a painful void. I just smiled when she hinted at another grandbaby; I didn’t feel it would be appropriate to let her know that J and I were trying in abundance but from the twinkle in her eyes and her knowing smile, I think she already knew.
My husband. Can I just say how crazy it is that I have a gorgeous man who loves me even though he knows all about my past and he’s my husband? I never thought I’d have a serious boyfriend, let alone a husband. I don’t regret for one moment that we had a quick and small wedding. It was perfect and I feel like I’m getting yet another second chance.
Anyway, about my husband. He’s just about perfect. Physically I can’t get enough of him; one of my favorite pastimes is watching him work in the yard, especially if he gets hot and takes his shirt off. All of those tattoos were sexy as hell when he was just a guy, but now that he’s my guy they are beyond sexy. He works hard and is lucky to really like his job. He’s so good with all that computer system stuff. Me? Well, I refer to it as computer system STUFF so I’m definitely not at the same level as he is. He reminds me every day just how much he loves me. Physically, emotionally, he gets me and he’s there for me. The best part of being married to him is watching him be a dad. He is so patient with Beckett and always takes time for him, no matter what he’s busy with. Beck is such a blessing to me; I never thought I’d get married so having a stepson is just crazy. I don’t feel like a stepmom; most days I just feel like an adoptive mother. His real mother didn’t want him so I’ve taken him as my own. I love our little family of three.
Speaking of Shelly, she’s been causing trouble again. I can always tell when J is stressed about her; the most recent happening was last night. He came home from work and went to play ball for a bit while Beck and I headed to Beth’s to bake cookies. When he came home from the gym he was tense, not relaxed like he usually is after a game.
“What is it, JJ?” Wrapping my arms around him as he towel-dried his hair after a shower, I kissed his chest and breathed in his fresh, soapy scent.
“Is Beck in bed? I’m going to go give him hugs and kisses and then I’ll tell you about it.” Kissing me on top of the head he turned into our son’s room. I watched from the doorway; overcome with emotion as I watched him wipe tears away after hugging and kissing our sleeping boy. I immediately knew something had come in from Shelly; he always got super protective and emotional when she was stirring the shit.
He walked towards me and took my hand. We bypassed the living room couch and headed straight for bed. I was already in my comfy pjs which consisted of a pair of his boxers and a tank. He slid off the shorts he’d put on after his shower. Lying down on the bed, propping himself up against the headboard, he held his hand out to me. I curled up under his arm and listened to his deep voice reverberate in his chest as he told me about Shelly’s latest text.
“She actually threatened me this time. In a way that’s good because it means we can file for a restraining order since she’s made an actual detailed threat. But it’s also bad because it makes me worry that she’s going to act on something soon. The lawyer started the process for the restraining order. To stall her for a bit he told her lawyer to have her write down what she’s wanting; we have no intention of giving her anything she wants and right now she really doesn’t have a leg to stand on legally since she signed away her rights four years ago. But he thinks that she may back off of the threats if she thinks she may get some money. Then we’ll drop the offer of negotiation once we’ve got the restraining order. I almost hope she tries to get to me and breaks the restraining order so that she can get in trouble.” I could feel the tension releasing from his body as he talked about what had been bothering him. I hate that he has to worry about Shelly. I hate that he has an ex-wife and that she’s a total piece of shit druggie who doesn’t give a damn about her baby boy. I hate that I’m jealous of them being married first and having a baby together, no matter how messed up the whole situation was and still is. It pisses me off to have to admit that I have to be grateful, deep down, for what they had because it eventually led us together and gave me Beckett.
We discussed the Shelly situation a few more minutes until he quickly rolled me over and kissed me thoroughly. I think that was his sign that the Shelly discussion was over. Slowly, with hot hands caressing my every inch, he undressed me. I pushed on his chest, rolling him to his back. “Let me run the show tonight, J. Just relax and enjoy the ride.” And I did mean ride. I lowered myself onto him, taking a moment to let my body adjust to his size, and then I began to move. His hands lazily moved to my hips and held on as I rode him up and down. His hands slid up my sides, filling with my full breasts as they bounced in front of him. I responded almost painfully to his thumbs and his mouth. Within seconds he began thrusting up as I was pushing down and we released together. Rolling over,
we curled up together and fell into an easy sleep. Twice during the night he turned to me and slowly took his pleasure in me. In the past I had used my body to control my out-of-control life; now I let him worship my body and feel like my life is finally under control.
***********
I had spoken to Beth recently about my thoughts on Nicky taking on a little more responsibility. He’s great at his job in the grocery store, but I feel like it’s limiting his abilities. She was shocked at first but the more she thought about it she agreed with me that Nicky is capable of much more. She brought the subject up with Nate who approached his parents about it. Once everyone was on the same page, we spoke to Nicky about looking into a different job.
“I have a job. At the grocery store.” Concrete and blunt as ever, Nicky didn’t understand initially. We explained that he was doing so well at his job that maybe he’d like to try doing well at a different job. Beth, having already spoken to the director, mentioned to Nicky that perhaps he could do a job at the center. This had already been cleared with the center director as well as the Morgans. The director had watched Nicky grow up at the center and knew he had the right work ethic and skills and attitude to take on a position at the center. They had yet to name his position but he would make more than he was making now and it would give him more opportunity than the grocery store. Nicky was a people person, he needed to interact and he was such a fixture at the center that it just made sense that he would be perfect for the job.
