by Jim Cangany
That's where I came in. After devoting my mornings to Cassandra business, I spent my afternoons at the Co-op. It wasn't anything complicated. I just made sure the routine management tasks like bike maintenance classes and used parts sales were still being handled appropriately. The last thing Gloria wanted was to see her long-standing programs waste away on account of Wheels for Women efforts. Since she was filling a very special role for us on our wedding day, it was the least I could do.
It also gave Annie the afternoons to herself so she could conduct business uninterrupted. Being the night owl she was, she'd scheduled her radiation appointments for eleven. I'd get her up about ten and was almost always gone by the time she returned. From what she told me during our evenings together, much of her time was spent on record and DVD promotional efforts.
As we closed in on Labor Day and the releases of the record and DVD, Annie got a little more moody and short-tempered. I figured she was suffering from Cassandra-induced stress with a smattering of wedding-induced anxiety to top it off.
I was wrong.
The Friday before Labor Day, Miranda called to invite us to a cookout the following day. When I asked Annie about it, she grimaced and put her hand over her chest. Alarm bells went off in my head. Oh my God, she's having a heart attack.
"What's wrong?" I picked up my phone, ready to dial 911.
She closed her eyes and shook her head at an almost lazy pace. "Nothing's wrong. Well, nothing that needs a phone call. It's just... My chest hurts. After two weeks of radiation, I've gotten awfully uncomfortable."
"Can I do anything?"
"No. I just need to use the lotion Doctor Francis recommended. I keep forgetting."
"Where is it?"
She waved her hand toward the bedroom. "It's on the second shelf in the medicine chest. If you'd get it for me, that would be helpful."
"I'll do one better." I dashed to the bathroom and was back before you could say Tour of California. "Lay down on the couch and close your eyes." When Annie reached for the tube of lotion, I pulled it away. "No. I'll do it."
Other than the night after she'd returned from her cross-country trip, she'd been reluctant to let me see her without a shirt on. Maybe I was reading too much into something that wasn't there, but I sensed she continued to feel very vulnerable about how she looked. Her hair, which had once been long and luxurious, was now barely there. And her breasts were simply gone, replaced with a couple of tiny bumps where the expanders had been placed, and two angry-looking scars that crossed her chest practically from armpit to armpit.
I didn't care. She was my Annie, my North Star. She would always be the most beautiful woman in the world, scars and burns be damned.
She stared at me. Normally her gaze was so intense it felt like she was looking into the pit of my soul. Not this time. She licked her lips and looked away before seating herself on the couch.
I settled on the edge of the couch and eased my frightened fiancé onto her back. After kissing her on the forehead, I unbuttoned her shirt.
The scars that crossed her chest didn't look as boiling red as last time I'd seen them, but it still looked like they hurt like hell. The areas where her breasts used to be were a deep red. The skin was beginning to peel at the edges of the irradiated skin.
I squeezed some of the lotion into my hand and spread it around my fingers to make sure it wasn't too cold. Maybe the cold will be a relief. I didn't want to take a chance. With as gentle a touch as I could muster, I placed my fingers on her left irradiated area. Even through the lotion, I felt the heat.
With slow, circular motions I worked the lotion into Annie's burned skin. When I stopped to apply a little more lotion, she took a long breath and wiggled into the couch cushions a little deeper.
She jerked a little when I first touched her irradiated skin on the right side, but there was no other reaction from her. At a pace that said I had all the time in the world, I ever so gently worked the lotion into the damaged area. I was almost finished when Annie placed her hand on mine and helped me spread the last bit of the lotion.
Finished with my task, I capped the bottle, kissed Annie's cheek and buttoned her shirt back up. Neither of us had said a word while I applied the salve to her wounded skin.
Her smile told me everything.
The next morning, I was awakened by a repeated nudging to the small of my back. I swatted the offending nudger away and glanced at the clock. It was only eight. Kind of late for me, but not embarrassingly so. I fluffed up my pillow and focused on getting back to sleep.
I was almost out when the nudging resumed.
"Annie?"
She giggled. Miss-Don't-Wake-Me-Up-Before-Eleven actually had the nerve to wake me up and giggle while she was doing it. She yawned, which had to be faked, the little joker.
"Yes, my love?"
I rolled over to find Annie on her side, grinning from ear to ear. Any hint of annoyance evaporated the moment she winked at me.
"Something's been poking me in the back. You wouldn't know anything about that, would you?"
"You're the one with the poking equipment mister, not me. But since you woke me up, since there's no way I would ever be awake on my own at this hour, would you lotion my chest again? You did a really great job yesterday."
There was no way in the world I could refuse. With her wrapped among the covers and giving me a little smile, she was the cutest thing on earth.
The split second my lips began to curl up, she whipped out the lotion. I stared at the tube for a second before it hit me. The tube was what Annie had been nudging me with.
She flipped the covers back and unzipped the camisole she wore to bed. I tried to be just as gentle as before. "Your skin doesn't seem quite as red as yesterday," I said midway through.
She sighed, her eyes closed. "Maybe it's just having a break from the radiation, but my chest feels a little better, too. The lotion definitely helps. Can I hire you to do this for me?"
"Well, seeing as how I'm already working for you as Cassandra's assistant, I suppose this would fall under the 'other duties as assigned' part of the job description, eh?"
With a snort, she opened her eyes. "Now that you mention it, I believe it would. I can't imagine Kyrstie would have agreed to do this for me, though. Yet another reason why you're a better assistant."
I capped the tube of lotion while Annie zipped up. "And speaking of being my assistant, how are the promotions going?"
Over breakfast, I gave Annie an update on what we'd been doing to get people excited about the new record and DVD. With no tour or promotional concerts to support the release, she had decided to focus on social media. A Cassandra Lawrence trivia contest on Twitter had totally blown up beyond expectations. Similar efforts on Tumblr and CassandraLawrence.net were about what we had expected.
The little bounce in Annie's step while she helped me clean up after breakfast brought a smile to my face. When she was pleased with things, she bounced. When she was ecstatic, she did little pirouettes across the room. No dance moves for the moment, but bouncing was good.
When we were finished in the kitchen, she wiped her hands and gave me a peck on the cheek. "I'm going for a walk. Thought I might stop by the bakery and pick out a few things to take to Randi's."
Seeing Annie smile and talk about going for a walk made me want to do a little pirouette myself. To keep from embarrassing myself, I simply told her to have fun. While she was gone, I focused on Cassandra business. As we closed in on the release date, issues kept popping up. Even on a holiday weekend, questions needed to be answered and fires needed to be put out.
Before I knew it, Annie was back, with her trusty reusable shopping bag filled to the brim. The aroma of fresh bread mixed with the scent of cinnamon and apples sent my mouth to watering in an instant. I stood, but before I could say a word, Annie put her hand up.
"Don't even. You're worse than a little kid at Christmas." She rummaged through the bag and pulled something out. She kept me from seeing what
it was while she put it in the fridge. "I got some cinnamon rolls that you can have tomorrow morning if you're a good boy tonight. You can do that, yes?"
Cinnamon rolls were, next to honey buns, the single greatest edible items on earth. That was one of the major benefits of being a cyclist. I generally ate a healthy, balanced diet, but since I also burned way more calories than the average person, I could indulge in cinnamon roll decadence without worries.
"For cinnamon rolls, I'll totally be on my best behavior."
Annie sashayed up to me and draped her arms over my shoulders. The look she was giving me sent my temperature into orbit. "Your best behavior... I hope that means you'll be very good at being bad...later on."
I swallowed and forced myself to breathe. No matter what, Annie could always send my hormones into hyper drive, even at the bat of a barely-there eyelash.
When I failed to respond, she winked and kissed me. I was ready to sweep her up and take her to the bedroom right then, but she danced away with a little laugh. "I promised Randi we'd help set up, so it's time to hit the shower. I want to be out of here in an hour."
* * * *
Ryan greeted us when we rang their door bell. He ushered us in with his usual nervous smile. Even after everything the four of us I had been through, he was still star-struck. It seemed his crush on her, combined with the cancer, had made him scared of Annie. I knew it was like a knife to the gut to her—we'd discussed it one tear-filled night shortly after her surgery—but she never let on in his presence. We both knew he wished for nothing but the best for her. That was what really mattered.
She held her arms out to him. "I get a hug from our handsome host, yes?"
He glanced at me, eyes wide, clearly not certain how to respond.
"She's a little sore on the front, so hugs from the side work best these days."
He wrapped one arm around Annie and gave her a little squeeze. In return she gave him a peck on the cheek. "That's better. Now where may I find your lovely wife?"
"She's in the back yard, working on decorations."
"In that case, ta ta for now." Annie gave us a little wave and skipped away.
Once the party got going, Ryan manned the grill while I handled the bar. Annie flitted among the gathering. She was clearly enjoying being outdoors on a beautiful evening among people who were content to let her be Annie instead of Cassandra. I didn't know many of the guests. Most of them were evidently friends or clients of Ryan's or Miranda's. They seemed to be nice folks, and many of them went out of their way to make us feel welcome.
I was having a great time simply watching Annie enjoy herself. She'd been through so much, she'd definitely earned a lifetime of nights like this. She seemed happy. It was shortly after everyone had eaten that any doubts about her emotional state were tossed aside like an empty water bottle by a Tour de France rider.
I was pouring her a glass of sparkling water when a guy who'd been an obnoxious jerk all night joined us. He was a neighbor who Miranda and Ryan tolerated because he was the head of the neighborhood watch. They'd told us to do our best to ignore him. When he placed a bandaged hand on the counter, Annie disregarded that advice and asked him about it.
He stood up a little taller and puffed out his chest. "I was working on one of my cars, a custom 'Vette when the wrench I was using slipped. Cut my hand right open."
Annie grimaced. "Ow, that had to hurt like the devil."
The hair on the back of my neck stood on end. I knew where this was going.
"A little. The doctor said the cut was pretty deep. He had to put a dozen stitches in it."
She whistled and glanced at me. I shook my head in false sympathy.
At her encouragement, the guy went on. "The doctor said another half inch either way and I might have lost use of a finger or two." He knocked back his mixed drink and jiggled the empty glass in front of me. His focus remained on Annie while I poured him another.
"It's almost healed, but the doctor says it's going to leave a nasty scar." He shook his head. "Wouldn't wish something like this on anybody."
Annie nodded. "I can identify."
The guy snorted. It was obvious he had no idea who Annie was, or what she'd been through. "A little thing like you? How's that?"
Annie stood up straight and looked him in the eye. She was smiling, but her eyes were cold.
"About six weeks ago, I underwent a double mastectomy. In case you're unfamiliar with the term, I had to have my breasts removed because cancer had been found in them." She drew a line across her chest with her index finger. "I'm not certain how many stitches I got, but I've got a couple of respectable scars myself. Care to compare?"
The guy took a step back, glanced at me and then down at his watch. "Uh, no. I didn't mean anything, I mean... I need to be going." He slugged down his drink and waddled away from us at just short of a run.
I looked at Annie for a moment before exchanging a fist bump with her. "That was brilliant. A little mean, though."
She sipped her water. "Randi's told me how much of a pompous ass that guy can be. Just because he's the head of the neighborhood watch, he acts all self-important. I saw a chance to put him in his place and took it."
I marveled at the lengths Annie would go for her friend. "You are one amazing woman. You know that?"
Her cheeks flushed. "Thank you. Now why don't you take me home, so I can show you just how amazing I am in a few other ways, yes?"
With an invitation like that, I made sure we said our goodbyes and got out of there in no time flat.
Twenty-Five
The album and DVD were released the day after Labor Day. Annie's demeanor changed a full one hundred eighty degrees the day they came out. With the interviews and the promotional efforts out of the way, it was like a couple of thousand-pound weights had been lifted from her shoulders. She still had a lot on her mind, what with radiation still going on and the wedding only a month away now. But once release day was in the rear view mirror, she smiled more often and sighed a lot less.
One day, after we were finished meeting with the wedding planner, I couldn't help myself. "You kind of surprised me in there. When the planner mentioned the increased cost of the flowers, I thought you might get a little ticked off. I'm glad it didn't seem to bother you that much."
"I'm not going to lie. I'm not happy with it. But it's a small thing, and I'm trying to teach myself to not sweat the small stuff and go with the flow, shall we say."
I gave her a high five. "Good for you. I'm happy you realize your control freakishness can be a problem at times."
"Uh." She elbowed me. "I'm hardly a control freak. And even if I was, which I am not, by the way, it's only because I have to expend so much of my energy keeping you in line."
We kept needling each other all the way home, each volley a little more outrageous and a lot more laughter inducing. When we got out of the car, Annie wrapped her arms around me. It was nowhere as forceful as hugs from the past, but it was the best she could manage these days.
"You're so fun to tease, and you make me laugh. How did I get so lucky finding you?"
I took my time answering while I gazed into her eyes. Despite her words, I knew I was the lucky one. "It wasn't luck Annie. You chose to give us a chance. Way back in the park in Malibu. Two years ago today, as a matter of fact."
Her eyes went wide. "Oh my lord, you're right. Has it really only been two years? It seems so much longer with all we've been through."
"Yeah, but that's nothing compared to what we've got waiting for us. It's about time you finally got that happily ever after."
She leaned in to kiss me, but just as our lips were about to touch, her phone went off. She patted me on the chest after a glance at her phone. "It's Randi. I'd better get this."
I was mixing up some iced tea in the kitchen when she came through the door. "The girls are picking me up in an hour and then we're off for our final dress fittings. I need to decide on a veil today, too."
In a rare display of
indecision, she had been going back and forth for weeks about what to do with her hair for the wedding. She was happy to have it growing back, but since it still looked like a buzz cut, styling it wasn't an option. She'd toyed with the idea of shaving it all off as an homage to her journey, but had decided against it.
Samantha had suggested a wig. Annie gave it some thought, but decided since she hadn't worn one yet, she wasn't going to get one for the sake of a few pictures.
One day she'd even asked me what I thought she should do. I'd tried to ignore the question for over an hour. I'd even gone so far as sneaking out and going for a walk, but Annie had heard me and followed. When I had to stop to let a car cross at Sixty-Fifth Street, she cut in front of me.
"Please, E.J. I really want to know what you think. "
After leading her to a bench outside the ice cream shop, I took her hand and massaged the palm while I searched for the right words.
"You're going to be gorgeous whatever you decide. That dress you picked out is amazing. Look it at this way. Staci doesn't have much hair either and Miranda always keeps hers short, so your hair length will fit right in. The people who'll be there are family and friends. The only thing they'll care about is that you're happy and healthy. So don't worry about it."
"Easy for you to say." She huffed and stomped off.
After a minute or two, I got in line for an ice cream cone. She returned just as I'd placed my order and insisted on paying. "It's the least I can do after...that. I'm sorry. I know you're trying to help. I think I'm going to go with a veil. I don't want anything too showy, but something that will cover enough of my head to minimize the hair's shortness."
And now that Miranda and Staci had arrived, it was decision time. I told Annie it was totally fine with me if she wanted to keep the veil a surprise.
"I suppose that's only fair, since you won't even give me a hint at what your whatever-you-want-to-call-it looks like." She poked me in the ribs with her index finger.
