by Radclyffe
“It’s not that.” She hesitated, searching for the right words, and then realized that there weren’t any. “There’s someone here.”
“Someone—” Blair stared at her, searching Cam’s eyes and finding nothing but sorrow. “Are you finished or is she staying the night for round two?”
“Of course not. Damn it, Blair—”
“My mistake—I should have called.”
Before Cam could protest, Blair turned on her heel, rapidly crossed the hallway, and pushed through the fire door to the stairwell. The last thing Cam heard were her boot heels echoing hollowly on the stairs.
———
Blair was leaning against a lamp post in a faint circle of light on the corner in front of Cam’s apartment building when a woman came through the front door ten minutes later. She didn’t need to be told who the blond was—she just knew. As if by design, the woman turned in her direction and their eyes met. Blair pushed away from the pole and started up the sidewalk as the other woman walked towards her. They met on the edge of the flickering shadows cast by the streetlight.
“I’d introduce myself,” the woman said in a smooth, rich alto, “but that might not be a very good idea.”
“No,” Blair agreed. “Cameron would only remind us that what we don’t know, we can’t testify to.”
“Precisely.”
“Your idea to leave or hers?” Blair asked conversationally.
“Hers. Did you doubt it?”
Blair shrugged. “Now and then.”
“You don’t have to.”
“I might believe that in a decade or two.”
The blond smiled wistfully. “I should go she’s pretty worried about you.”
“I seem to have that effect on her.”
“Apparently much more than that. You’re very lucky.”
“I could say the same thing about you,” Blair said without rancor. “She’s come to you for comfort, hasn’t she?”
“No—only to forget. You have her heart.” The blond extended her hand. “Goodnight then. I don’t believe I’ll be seeing you again.”
“Goodnight.”
And then she was gone.
———
When the elevator doors opened on Cam’s floor, Blair found herself face to face with a very harried-looking Secret Service agent.
“Where are you going?” Blair asked, one arm holding the doors open as the bell sounded behind her in the car. Cam wore only threadbare jeans, a plain cotton shirt and loafers without socks. She didn’t even appear to have her gun.
“To look for you.”
“What made you think I didn’t go straight back to the White House?” Blair asked as she stepped out of the elevator and the doors closed behind her, leaving them in the sudden hush of the deserted hallway.
“I knew you wouldn’t go there.”
Blair leaned one shoulder against the wall and studied Cam’s face. Only the lingering hurt of imagining Cam in the arms of the alluring blond kept her from reaching out and stroking away the pain that was etched in her face. “Where did you think I’d go?”
Cam shrugged. “A club.”
“And someone else’s bed?”
Cam flinched as if struck. “Blair, please —”
Blair took Cam’s hand and pulled her across the hall toward the apartment door. “We can’t do this out here.”
Wordlessly, Cam fitted her key to the lock, unable to stop the faint trembling in her hands. She’d been more than frightened when Blair had disappeared down the stairwell. She’d been terrified that Blair would rush headlong into the night, driven by pain and anger and betrayal into the solace of someone else’s arms. She’d seen her do it before, and it had been agony to watch even the first time before she’d loved her. Now, it would kill her.
Finally, she was able to get the door open and the two of them stepped inside. The room glowed faintly with moonlight and a sliver of illumination that slanted into the room from beyond a partially closed door on the other side of the apartment.
“She’s very beautiful, isn’t she,” Blair said abruptly, stopping just inside the entrance to the large living room.
“Blair—”
“Do you love her?”
“No,” Cam exclaimed hoarsely, struggling not to touch her. The hard ring of Blair’s voice, like steel striking stone, warned her to keep her distance. “Let me expl—”
“You’ve slept with her though, haven’t you?”
“Yes. But”
“Tonight?”
“No! Not for a long time. Will you—”
“Did she make you co”
“Christ, Blair. Stop it.”
“It makes me crazy to think about it,” Blair whispered, her voice breaking.
It was the anguish in her voice more than the cold anger that cracked Cam’s resolve. She caught her around the waist and pulled her hard against her chest. With her face buried in Blair’s hair, she murmured, “I know. God, I know.”
Blair’s arms came around her shoulders, and her cheek, wet with tears she hadn’t known she’d shed, brushed against Cam’s.
“Oh Jesus, don’t cry,” Cam begged, nearly choking on her own desperate need to comfort her. “It’s not what you think. I swear to God.”
“Don’t talk anymore,” Blair pleaded, her fingers digging into Cam’s arms. “Just please…make it stop hurting.”
“I will,” Cam pledged fervently. “I promise, I will.”
Then Cam found Blair’s hand and led her through the apartment to her bedroom. By the side of the bed, she tenderly kissed first her eyes, then the corner of her mouth, then the smooth skin of her neck. Lightly, she stroked her fingers along her jaw, over her shoulders, her thumbs brushing the swell of her breasts across the rise of her nipples.
Blair caught her lower lip between her teeth and swallowed a small cry. Lids fluttering, eyes unfocused, she rested her hands on Cam’s shoulders for support as her lover slowly undressed her.
When Cam unzipped Blair’s jeans and slipped her hands underneath the bottom of her T-shirt, smoothing her palms across her stomach, Blair’s muscles flickered under her touch, and for an instant, Cam was afraid she would forget herself. Slowly, she drew the shirt over Blair’s head and dropped it to the floor. Then, deliberately, she knelt, feeling Blair’s hands move from her shoulders and into her hair. Gently, she hooked her fingers over the waistband of Blair’s jeans and worked them down over her hips, lowering them until Blair could kick off her boots and step free of her pants. Then Blair stood naked, exposed and vulnerable, as Cam rested her cheek against the hollow at the base of Blair’s abdomen. She wrapped her arms around Blair’s hips, and, eyes closed, listened to the rush of blood through the arteries and veins just beneath the delicate skin where body joined thigh, her own heart quickening to echo the racing pulse. With one hand, she stroked the soft skin on the inside of Blair’s leg, moving upward, gently teasing her thighs apart, circling a fingertip through the wet heat until Blair swayed in her arms, her breath a tumble of small moans. Finally, she shifted until she could press her mouth to the center of Blair’s passion, finding her clitoris hard and full with need.
“Cam,” Blair whispered, her neck arched, the muscles of her jaw tight as her thighs trembled in expectation.
Parting her lips, Cam enclosed her, sucking lightly.
“Oh,” Blair breathed, her hands fisting in Cam’s hair. “Don’t. Not like this—I’ll come right away.”
Cam heard the edge of urgency in her voice and pulled her mouth away, rising rapidly and gathering her close once again. With her lips against Blair’s ear, she rasped, “I love you so damn much.”
“Take off your clothes. I need to have you—everywhere.”
Cam stepped away while Blair stretched out on top of her bed. Feverishly, eyes glued to Blair’s body, Cam stripped off her shirt and jeans, pulling her loafers off with her clothes. Then she lowered herself on top of Blair, fitting one leg between Blair’s thighs, their breasts just
touching as she supported herself on her elbows, her palms framing Blair’s head. She rocked slowly into the space between Blair’s legs, feeling the prominence of her clitoris against her thigh, the slick sheen of need along her skin. Their faces were only inches apart, but she did not kiss her yet.
Staring into Blair’s eyes, her dark gaze holding Blair captive, Cam said fiercely, “Being with you makes me forget ever touching another woman. Being with you makes me forget that anyone else ever touched me. Being with you is what keeps me alive.”
Blair’s body tightened with the force of Cam’s voice as much as the press of her flesh, and, as if she had been stroked in some essential place, the words tore through her, obliterating a lifetime of loss. She arched beneath Cam’s weight, a cry wrenched from her lips. Then, arms wrapped tightly around her lover, she came.
“God, you’re beautiful,” Cam gasped as Blair jerked beneath her.
When Blair quieted, Cam collapsed onto the bed beside her and pulled her into her arms. She pressed a kiss into her hair and whispered again, “I love you.”
Blair pressed her face to the hollow between Cam’s neck and shoulder and breathed in her scent, wanting nothing more than to be surrounded by her, immersed in her, lost to her. After what might have been a moment, or an hour, she murmured, “I wanted you from the minute you walked into my apartment that first day, all spit and polish and businesslike. At first I wanted you because I wanted to control you and not have it be the other way around. Then I wanted you because every time I saw you, you made me ache. Now I want you because the thought of being without you terrifies me.”
“Didn’t you forget the part about me being such a stud?” Cam said quietly, tightening her grip on the woman in her arms.
“Oh that.” Blair laughed shakily, and kissed Cam’s neck. “Yeah, that too.”
“I know I don’t have words to tell you what you mean to me,” Cam continued, her voice choked with feeling. “I don’t think anything will ever make you understand except the days turning into weeks and then into months and finally into years—and I’ll still be here, loving you.”
Blair stroked her hand across Cam’s shoulder and down her chest, lingering on her breasts before drawing her fingertips down the center of her abdomen. Cam tensed under her touch, her breath catching.
“There something about touching you that makes me feel like I’m god,” Blair said softly into the darkness.
“I know.”
“The thought of anyone else—”
“Don’t think it. It won’t happen.”
As if suddenly revitalized, Blair shifted on the bed and straddled Cam’s hips. She leaned down with one hand on either side of Cam’s shoulders, her breasts inches from Cam’s face, her eyes bright with purpose. “I have this thing about what is mine. I don’t like to share.”
“Neither do I.”
“Good,” Blair murmured just before she claimed Cam’s mouth, the kiss hard and possessive.
The kiss lasted a long time. It was more than a kiss, it was an assertion of belonging and owning and joining. Cam opened herself to the depth of Blair’s desire, letting her have whatever she demanded, giving her willingly all that she needed, reveling in the surrender that felt like nothing but freedom.
When Blair pushed down on the bed and placed her hands between Cam’s thighs, Cam arched her back and lifted her hips, offering all that she had. When Blair thrust inside her, fast and hard, a light burst behind her eyes, and her fists closed emptily on the air. The power of it struck deep in her bones, and her blood soared beyond her control. Thighs trembling, breath caught between heartbeats, she came soundlessly, unable even to cry out, suspended for an eternity between heaven and earth. Finally, she lay gasping, sweat-soaked and trembling with Blair sagged against her, weakly moaning her name.
Somewhere between love and desire, they slept.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Shortly after dawn, Blair was awakened by a faint stirring beside her. She opened her eyes to find Cam seated on the side of the bed, naked. Reaching out one hand, she stroked the length of her spine and asked, “What’s the matter?”
“Nothing,” Cam said quickly. Turning in the gray light, she smiled down at her, brushed a lock of hair from Blair’s cheek, then leaned to kiss her softly.
“Couldn’t sleep?” Blair asked once Cam straightened again. “I must be slipping.”
Cam laughed faintly. “Oh no—believe me, you’re not. I was just a little restless. I guess I’m used to being up and working by now.”
“Lie down,” Blair said, taking her lover’s hand and drawing her down beside her. When Cam stretched out on her back, Blair raised on one elbow and searched her face. “You want to tell me who she is?”
“I can’t.”
“Can’t or won’t?” Surprisingly, her tone held neither anger nor accusation, only the question.
“I don’t know precisely who she is. I never have.”
“And if you did?”
“Even if I knew her name, I probably wouldn’t tell you,” Cam confessed.
“To protect her?”
“Partly,” Cam replied carefully, watching Blair’s face. “But mostly to protect you.”
“I heard a rumor that you were paying for sex. Is that true?”
If Cam was surprised by the bluntness of the question, she didn’t show it. Her dark eyes held Blair’s steadily as she said, “Yes.”
“With her?”
“Yes.”
“Why?” Blair ran her hand down the center of Cam’s abdomen, tracing the muscles etched below the skin, her eyes following the path of sinew and bones down the length of her thighs. The sight never failed to make her think of a form sculpted by an artist. “God only knows, you don’t need to.”
“It was simpler.”
Blair raised an eyebrow. “Simpler?”
“It was easy to schedule; there were no complications; there were no repercussions.”
“A simple business arrangement, huh?”
“Something like that.”
Blair leaned forward and kissed her, a long slow sensuous kiss that held both reminders of passions past and promises of future pleasures. When she drew back, the corner of her full mouth lifted in a satisfied smile. “Cameron, cut the secret agent stuff. Why did you do it?”
For one of the few times Blair could ever remember, Cam averted her gaze. Silently, she waited for Cam to make a decision, one that she knew was more about them and their future than anything that had happened in the past. At length, Cam looked at her and answered.
“The day my lover Janet was killed, we’d made love in the morning. But we’d had angry words, too, and we parted angry. I hadn’t known the details of a dangerous assignment she was involved in until, as it turned out, it was too late. We kept secrets from each other as a matter of routine. We were both used to living that way. It was comfortable, and I don’t think either of us wanted to risk too much. After I watched her die, I couldn’t bring myself to make to love anyone else.”
“Because you still loved her?” Blair was pleased that her voice did not waver on the words.
“No.” Cam blew out a breath. “Because I felt guilty for not having loved her more. I keep thinking maybe I could have changed the way it turned it out if I had.”
“I’m sorry,” Blair whispered.
“Its over,” Cam said quietly. She smoothed her palm over Blair’s thigh. “But thanks.”
“The woman last night— she’s in love with you, you know.”
“No,” Cam said quickly, her voice adamant. “It wasn’t like that.”
Blair ran her fingertips along Cam’s jaw to the corner of her mouth. “Not for you maybe. Maybe.”
“We never shared anything like this, Blair,” Cam insisted.
“I’m glad,” Blair said honestly. “It makes me wild to think of you making love with her. I can’t even contemplate you sharing this with her.”
Cam brushed her fingers through the hair at the base o
f Blair’s neck, her thumb moving over the skin behind her ear, a caress at once tender and possessive. “I’ve never shared anything like this with anyone before.”
“I love you, Cam.”
“I like the way that sounds.”
“Yeah, me, too.”
Blair settled down on the bed and rested her head on Cam’s shoulder, her hand lying on the arch of Cam’s hip, her fingers slowly moving back and forth. As calmly as she could, she asked, “So why was she here last night.”
“It’s not something you should know about. For security reasons.”
“Fuck security. Just tell me.”
“Someone is investigating the organization she works for,” Cam disclosed reluctantly. “My name has come up. She wanted to warn me.”
“Jesus.” Blair pushed away and sat up in bed, brushing her hair back from her face with both hands, suddenly intense and focused. “Who?”
“I don’t know. My guess is it’s probably an FBI sting operation. I suppose it could be a RICO investigation out of Justice, but I’ve never heard that this organization has any mob connections. It’s hard to know, but everything I was able to find out about them suggested they didn’t.”
“Can they hurt you with this?”
Cam was silent.
“Damn it, Cameron. Tell me.”
“In all likelihood, I would lose my security clearance. If that happens, I’ll never do this kind of work again.”
“Under any other circumstances, the thought of that would make me happy,” Blair said sharply. “But not like this. No one is going to do this to you. What else?”
“I don’t know for sure. Apparently there’ve been questions about your father, too. I have to think that was just a fishing expedition, and even if it were fact, I’m not sure what they could do with the knowledge.”
“What are you going to do?”
“I don’t know yet. If I could find out who was behind it, especially if it were unsanctioned by any official division, I might be able to turn it around on them.”
