She looked in the mirror, running her hands over her clothes as though to brush away wrinkles that weren’t there. Adam knocked on her door, and Millie felt her heart race.
She opened the door and couldn’t stop her smile as Adam’s eyes widened when he looked at her. When Adam didn’t say anything, she giggled, sounding and feeling very much like a schoolgirl with a crush on the boy in the next desk. “Hi.”
Adam cleared his throat. “Um, hi.” He cleared his throat again. “You look lovely.”
Pleasure at his words rose from her toes all the way to the top of her head. “Thank you. It’s the same dress I wear every Sunday. Nothing too special.”
Adam shook his head. “No. It is special. I feel bad now, I’m still in my work clothes. If you’ll give me a few minutes, I can go change.”
This time it was Millie’s turn to shake her head no. “You’re fine the way you are. I like your work clothes.” He looked doubtful. “Really. Besides, the kids won’t nap all day, and I want to have as much time as possible to walk with you.”
That seemed to do the trick. Adam stepped back and turned to offer Millie his arm as though they were in some fancy ballroom. It was a gesture she had seen men in tuxedos perform for women in fancy gowns in Saint Louis as they walked to or from their carriages. No man had ever extended his arm for her that way, though.
Until today. Now.
She took his arm and let him lead her out the door. Millie had made sure both kids knew where she would be if they woke up early. She really hoped they wouldn’t wake up early.
They walked a few minutes, stopping on a small hill that offered an unobstructed view of the land for miles. Millie’s hand dropped away from Adam’s arm as she turned in a small circle, taking it all in. This part of the country was flat. And big. It didn’t make sense, but the world felt physically bigger here.
It was a hot day, full of bright blue sky and a huge sun without a single cloud. Nothing to suggest rain. The prairie that had gleamed gold and green when she first saw this land was now the faded yellow of vegetation barely holding on. But it still looked like an ocean rippling with waves. It was still wide and open and free.
“What are you thinking?”
She stopped and gestured to the land surrounding them. “I was thinking about the city.”
“The city?”
“I was, about how crowded it would probably feel to me now. How noisy.” She closed her eyes and just felt the open space. “Sometimes going into town is nearly too much. Like everything is too close. I can’t even imagine what the city would feel like now.”
Adam nodded his head. “I took the cattle to Kansas City last year. Went with the men. Even though we were surrounded by livestock and ranchers, I still felt like I was being pressed in between two pieces of glass. I couldn’t see what was closing in all around me, but I felt it. That’s part of the reason why I didn’t go this year.”
Millie started walking again, Adam matching her slow pace right at her side. “I’m glad you didn’t go,” she said. “I’m not sure I would like being here without you. I think the house would feel a little too far from town then.” And she would miss his company. Hearing about his day. Knowing he was just there. But Millie left those thoughts unspoken.
“Well, I shouldn’t have much cause to go to a city any time soon. And if I did, I would probably bring you and the kids anyway. They’ve never seen a city.”
“Could we do that? All leave the farm? What about the chores?”
“Of course we can. And we will. Once things calm down a bit here, I’d like for us to go somewhere. A small, fun trip. One of the neighbors would gladly help out.”
Millie thought about all the work it took to keep the farm going, even when doing the bare minimum. Doing it for two farms seemed like a huge favor to ask. “Wouldn’t they mind? Doing extra work so we could go have fun?”
“That’s what neighbors do, Millie. We’d do the same for them. Actually, I’m sure we will. Edith and Mike usually go back and visit their family a couple of times each year. We’ll cover their chores then.”
“What is there to do with children in Kansas City?”
“Actually, I was thinking we could go to Saint Louis. If you want.”
“Saint Louis?”
“I kind of want to see where you grew up.”
Millie stopped walking, the tightness in her chest making her feel out of breath.
Adam stopped, too. “We don’t have to if you think it will bring back bad memories. Honestly, it was just an idea.”
Millie forced in several deep breaths. She sometimes missed her city. She was also thankful beyond belief that she’d left it.
“I shouldn’t have said anything. I know you had a horrible time growing up.”
Millie nodded her head, focusing her gaze on the wide-open country around them. “I did. But I do miss it sometimes. It was the only home I’d known before this place.”
“Well, you can think about it. We won’t have any time for a trip for several months.”
Millie exhaled a deep breath and started walking again. Adam joined her.
“It’s a greater distance to travel than Kansas City. I’m not sure it would be worth it.”
“Like I said, you can decide. No rush. But for what it is worth, I would like to see the place that made you who you are.”
“Why would you want that?”
Adam’s voice was gentle but sure. “So I can thank it.”
* * *
Adam had been thinking about reaching out and taking Millie’s hand ever since she had let go of his arm. His fingers twitched as he glanced at her hand, noticing how empty it was. How close.
He was courting his wife. They were admiring their land. But he was afraid to hold her hand?
No. Adam reached out, slowly, and interlaced his fingers with hers. He kept his touch as light as possible, giving Millie every chance to pull away. If he felt hesitance or resistance, Adam would withdraw.
But instead, Millie’s fingers squeezed his, tightening the grasp. Thank You, God.
“Was it a better day today? Did Genie give you any trouble?”
Millie’s smile was tender. “He wasn’t trouble yesterday. He was just a little boy who didn’t want to take a nap. But he fell asleep quickly today.”
“I hope you know you’ve had a really good run. I love him but that child can be an absolute beast. I’ve seen him throw fits that would put an entire contingent of toddlers to shame.”
Millie rolled her eyes, not looking like she believed him in the least. She also didn’t sound particularly sorry for him. “He’s a perfectly normal child. You just got spoiled by Caty. She’s probably the best behaved child I’ve ever met.” She squeezed his hand once, a brief pulse that Adam savored. “In fact, when I first met them, Caty was the one I worried about.”
Adam understood that. He’d done his fair share of worrying about her, too. There was something sad about a little girl who was too good. “She’s been so much better since you arrived. More like a child.” Adam wasn’t trying to compliment Millie and get in her good graces. His words were the absolute truth.
“They are so completely different. Genie is loud. He seems to have too much emotion, like he just can’t keep it inside. It’s usually good cheer and humor, thankfully, but it just seems to erupt from him.”
Adam chuckled. Millie wasn’t wrong. Not at all. If Genie’s disposition was the least bit unpleasant, he would be a terribly difficult child. Instead, he was a boy whose good cheer seemed to infect everyone around him.
Millie’s hand pulsed against his again. “Now, Caty is a completely different child. When I first met her, I thought she disliked me. But she’s not like that. She’s every single bit as loving and good-natured as Genie. She just hides it a little. Makes you look for
it. But, once you know what you’re looking for, she practically drowns you in love and affection.”
“That’s a perfect way to describe them. They were like that even as babies. You’re right that we were spoiled by Caty. She would just look at you with those eyes. Never fussy, never difficult. Just quiet and cuddly. All she wanted was to be held close and she was happy. And quiet. Did I mention quiet? I never realized how quiet until Genie came along. He was also a good baby, but oh my, how he wanted attention. He would wake up grinning and babbling and it seemed like he didn’t stop. I swear he even made noises in his sleep.”
Caty laughed, and Adam gave her his most aggrieved look. “I’m serious. That child didn’t want to be quietly held. No, he wanted to be entertained. To have you pay attention to all of his nonstop noise. My ears are still ringing.”
“I wish I had seen it.” Millie’s voice was wistful, and Adam stopped walking for a second. He turned to face her, trying to figure out a way to give her that experience.
He couldn’t.
Instead, he lifted his free hand up to cup her face. “I know. I’m sorry I can’t give that to you.” His lips quirked. “If you like, I can recreate Genie’s earliest years. I’ll just follow you around all day banging two pots together as close to your ears as I can while smiling.”
Millie burst out laughing. “Um, no, thank you. I’ll settle for all the years to come that I’ll get to enjoy.”
“You’re sure? Well, if you ever change your mind, just let me know.” They resumed walking, a slight breeze blowing strands of Millie’s hair loose. “What do you think the new baby will be like?” Adam’s first two had been so radically different. Maybe this one would be somewhere in the middle?
“I don’t know. I kind of can’t imagine it as a real baby. I mean, I feel him or her in there. But, the thought that this thing inside of me will be a real baby in a few months just kind of shocks me. I just don’t know how that is possible.”
“When Caty was born, I remember wondering where she came from like she had just been left on the front steps in a basket or something. Even though I knew she was coming, had prepared, it was still a surprise.”
“Well, that makes me feel better.” Millie looked away, her voice softer. “Were you there when Sarah had Caty and Genie? I mean, close by?”
Adam swallowed hard, his heart beating faster just in the remembering. “I actually delivered Caty.”
Millie stopped, looking at him with her mouth open. “You what?”
“Yeah. Sarah went into labor in the middle of a snowstorm. I couldn’t get out. Even if I could, I was terrified that I would get stuck and not be able to get back with the doctor.”
“So you delivered the baby yourself? Just like that?”
“Not just like that. I had no clue what I was doing. Sarah and Caty did all the work—I just kind of kneeled there feeling useless. I had nightmares about it for months after.”
“I can’t imagine.”
“Yeah, well, don’t you go getting any ideas. I learned my lesson. When I realized Genie was going to be born in the winter, I made sure to have ten plans in place to make sure we’d have help.” He smiled, thinking of all the time Millie spent planning things out in that notebook of hers. “I made you look like someone who never planned anything at all. I had every woman in a thirty-mile radius on standby to come help. I had every man ready to go get help. They mocked me for months after, but it was worth it. I did not have to deliver Genie, thank the Lord.”
“I don’t know. I was really nervous about someone I’ve never met helping me. I think I’d like it if you delivered this child.”
What? What? “What?”
“I don’t really know anyone here. But I know you. And you’ve done it before. You’re going to be this baby’s father. You are its father. I really think it would be better if you delivered the baby.”
Millie’s face was blank, but her eyes were twitching...with humor. Adam realized he could add her to the list of people who would probably make fun of him. “That’s the meanest thing anyone has ever done to me, Millie Beale.”
The twitches broke free and she burst into laughter. Loud, long shouts of glee, with gasping breaths in between. She let go of his hand and put her hands over the place where her cruel heart was beating. He crossed his arms and glared at her. Or tried to.
“Your face, Adam. Oh my word, your face. Oh, I wish someone else had been here. I need witnesses.”
He tried to increase the severity of his look, but his lips weren’t cooperating. She looked so happy. So very happy. “I’m glad I could amuse you.”
She reached out, put a hand on his forearm. Her voice was breathless mirth. “I’m sorry.”
“No, you’re not.”
More laughter. “Okay, okay. You’re right. I’m not. That was the funniest thing I’ve ever seen.”
“You’re a cruel woman.”
“You have to admit, it was funny. A little bit?”
“No.”
“You’re right. It was a lot funny. I’ll never top it. Fifty years from now, this will still be the funniest thing I ever did to you.”
Adam decided to just enjoy her glee—and the way she talked about them being together fifty years from now, looking back over their life together. He looked at the sky, noting the sun’s position. “We should probably head back.”
Millie didn’t answer. She just took his hand, firm and natural without any hesitation like this was the only way they walked now, and started in the direction of home.
Chapter Fourteen
Town To Do List:
Shop for staples (sugar!)
Go over how my knitting is selling
Give Mr. Robinson more knitting to sell
Check in with the doctor?
More fabric for clothes—heavier cloth for winter?
“Millie? Are you about ready?” From his tone of voice, Adam was beyond ready. And very nearly out of patience. Millie chuckled to herself. They were still courting. He hadn’t even kissed her yet. But he sure sounded like a truly aggravated husband right now. The kind who had been waiting on his wife for years instead of a few months.
True to that thought, Adam appeared in her bedroom doorway. “You set?”
Millie tried to smother her smile and look apologetic. She didn’t think she succeeded. “Yes. I just need my list.”
“Where is it? I’ll grab it.”
Millie shook her head. Men were so funny sometimes. “It’s in my notebook on the table. I’ll be out in just a second.”
He disappeared, muttering something that was probably best not repeated to her ears. Millie took one last look at the mirror, trying to reassure herself that she did not look as clunky and massively pregnant as she currently felt.
She walked into the family room and froze. Something was wrong. Adam was standing there, looking at her open notebook. He had one palm flat on the table. The other was clutched into a fist at his side. He raised his head up and looked at her, and Millie stepped back. She had never seen such fury before. Such raw anger and hurt.
“Adam?”
“What is this?” His voice was low.
She took a small step forward, spoke cautiously. The question felt dangerous somehow. “What is what? The list for town?”
“You’re making lists about leaving me? About taking my children with you?”
What? Taking his children? He never referred to them as just his children. They were always their children. The both of theirs. What was he looking at that would make him think she would take the children and leave him? Then, she remembered. Oh, no. Why had she left that page in there? “Adam, I—”
“No.” His voice was harder than she had ever heard it.
“But I—”
“No.” It was a roar. A yell.<
br />
Millie heard both kids run up the front steps. Pound across the porch. They appeared in the doorway, eyes wide. Genie was behind Caty, and Millie noticed that the girl was almost shielding her brother. From them.
Adam moved his head, still leaning over the table and that notebook. His voice was no less harsh when he spoke to his children. “Caty, Genie. Go back outside and play. Now.”
Adam turned his head back, once again focusing his rage on Millie. She felt like she couldn’t move. Couldn’t breathe around the weight on her chest.
Caty looked at Millie. Looked at her father. “But Daddy, I—”
“Catherine Susan. You go outside with your brother and play right this instant. Do not make me tell you again.” He kept his gaze on Millie, but Caty flinched as though she had been struck. She turned stiffly and walked out, pushing Genie in front of her. Millie heard Genie protesting. Caty’s voice high and sharp in reply. Then silence. The door swung back and forth where she hadn’t shut it.
Millie felt her anger rising, competing with her panic for space in her brain and heart. “You didn’t have to talk to her that way. Caty didn’t do anything wrong.”
Adam stood up straight, his gaze feeling like a bullet heading toward her heart. “I am well aware of who did something wrong here. And don’t tell me how to talk to my daughter.”
Oh, she shouldn’t have made that list, but he was going too far. After months of sharing those children with her, waiting for her to love and claim them, he had no right to try to take them away. No. “You mean our daughter?”
“No. I mean my daughter.”
“Adam, you are—”
“No. Millie, I don’t know what you’re thinking.” He looked at her notebook with a disgusted sneer. “What you’re planning. But if you think you can take my children away from me, you better sit down and reconsider. That is not happening. Ever.”
Adam’s anger distorted his features. This man was completely unrecognizable to Millie.
“Adam, I. Am. Not. Taking. Our. Children. From. You.” She emphasized each word, as though he were slow. If that insulted him, it was too bad, because right now he was acting more dense than a pile of bricks. “I would never do that. Even if I decided to leave, I wouldn’t take the children. What kind of person do you think I am?”
Family of Convenience Page 16
