Millie went to rip out the next page in her notebook when Adam’s hands came firmly down on her own to stop her. He pulled the notebook out of her grasp and held both of her hands in his own. “No, Millie. Stop.”
Millie was going to throw up. And since he was holding her hands and keeping her from getting away, she was probably going to end up throwing up all over herself and Adam. He didn’t want her like that. He wanted her to stop.
“I love you, too.”
Wait. What?
Adam let go of her hands and picked up the partly destroyed notebook. He flipped a couple of pages and put it back in her lap.
That wasn’t her handwriting. The two options were definitely written by a man. She ran her fingers over the words as she read them.
“You did this?” She knew he had. He was the only man with access to her notebook. The only one who would rewrite the topic of their fight in such a manner.
His hands came back up to her face, making her wish he would never stop cupping her cheeks like this. “While you were outside realizing you love me, I was inside realizing I love you. I understand why you write your lists. I actually think it’s adorable. Your notebook isn’t the problem.”
Millie was trying to listen, trying to focus on his words, but she also wanted to replay his declaration of love over and over again in her mind. Later. She would do it later.
“We’re the problem. Or, we were. The fact that we both used our past experiences with other people to predict what we would do—or what others would do to us—in the future. It doesn’t work that way, honey. You’re right about not being able to predict every bad thing that could happen. It’s a waste of time to even try. We’re not in control.”
Millie nodded within the safety of his hands. “God is.” Her voice was a whisper. A confirmation. Adam leaned forward and kissed her on the forehead. Then he kissed her on the lips. Millie was ready to melt right into him when he pulled away.
“Okay, Millie. The fire is still coming at us.”
“Please don’t make me leave you. Let me stay?”
Adam let go of her face and stood. He looked where the horses were patiently waiting with the wagons. “I don’t want you to hurt yourself. Or the baby.”
Millie stood and put a hand on his arm. “Agreed. I won’t do anything crazy. I’ll just help as much as I can and be with you.”
“Okay. We can send the kids with Edith. Mike’s hand who came along can take our wagon.”
“Really?”
“I don’t know if it’s the right thing to do, but I want you to stay with me. I’m scared senseless that you’ll end up getting hurt, or the baby will, and that I will regret this decision for the rest of my life. But it’s true that this is your home and you have every right to try to save it. And there’s no one I would rather have with me.”
“Thank you, Adam.”
Adam and Millie said goodbye to Edith and the children. Watched both wagons leave. Then, they were left alone. The smoke was no longer in the distance. It now was close enough that it had the appearance of fog, a fine mist that stung Millie’s nose when she breathed in too deep. Millie looked at the sky, foolishly hoping for rain. The parts she could see above the haze were a clear, brilliant blue.
* * *
Adam wet two bandanas in the well, and they each tied one over their mouth and nose. That helped keep most of the smoke out. He was probably a horrible husband for letting Millie stay, but he couldn’t regret it. They had tried being married as two separate entities. Now, he wanted to do it the right way. Two parts of one whole, together.
They filled the root cellar with as much stuff from the house as they could fit. Then, they covered it with several sheets and blankets. Millie watched as Adam filled in the last two feet with dirt. It seemed too much like filling in a grave, and Adam had to focus on the thought of coming back and pulling these things out of the ground unharmed.
By the time he was done, the smoke in the air had gone from a thin fog to a much thicker haze. There was an orange glow in the distance that made his nerves prickle. The land was flat here with visibility stretching out to a considerable distance, so he knew that the fire was still several miles away. But if they could see it, it was time to leave.
“We need to go, Millie.”
She stood from where she’d been leaning against a tree. “We’re done? I thought you wanted to wet the house and barn down.”
“I can see the fire. That means we need to leave now. We’ve done the best we can—the rest is in God’s hands.”
Millie turned to look in the direction he had pointed. She gasped and held her hands to her mouth. Adam walked up behind her, wrapping his arms around and resting his hands on the swell of her stomach. “It’s okay. It’s still far away. But we’re not taking any chances.”
Millie lowered her hands from her face and leaned back into him. “Okay. Let’s go to town and be with our children.”
Adam had just helped Millie climb up into the saddle when Mike rode up to the house. He’d been riding his horse hard, and his voice was alarmed. “Adam! Millie! We need to go. The fire jumped over by my place. It’s right behind me.”
Adam’s stomach dropped. That orange glow he’d seen in the distance wasn’t the fire line. Or, at least it wasn’t the only part of the fire line. The flames were much closer, and now Millie was in danger. All because he had let her stay. He mounted his own horse, hoping the riding lessons he’d given Millie would see her through this new ordeal.
As they reached the main road, Adam could hear the fire. Please, God. Please. Take care of Millie and the baby. They were riding as fast as they could, taking Millie’s pregnancy into consideration.
They rounded a curve, and the smoke visibly thinned. Adam looked at Mike and saw his own relief mirrored there. They still needed to hurry, but Adam no longer felt like they were running for their lives.
The passed the rest of the ride in silence. Every once in a while, one of the three of them would turn around and look as though the fire were a wild animal chasing them. Even though they were clear of it at the moment, they all knew it was a matter of being clear for now. Adam was acutely aware of the wind that seemed to be pushing them, and the fire, forward.
Finally, they were in the last stretch before reaching town. The smoke was thicker here. The fire was close. Adam felt his lips tighten in annoyance that fires couldn’t travel in a nice straight line.
“Is that the fire I hear?” Millie sounded frightened, and Adam wished he could touch her. He listened for a second, trying to hear whatever was scaring Millie. There was a roar in front of them, soft but getting louder as they progressed down the road. Were they riding right into the fire?
Mike looked at Adam and grinned wide. “It’s not the fire. It’s the river.”
The last time Adam had seen the river, it had been low. The drought was affecting everything. It sounded like it was full now, though. Things must have gotten better in the area upstream that fed these waters. That was good for someone, at least. And right now, it was good for them, too. The bigger and more robust the river, the bigger and more robust the defense for the town against the fire.
Adam’s gratitude crashed and broke into a million tiny pieces when the river came into view. It was large and wet and just what they needed. But the bridge was gone. The people in town must have been as worried about the fast-moving fire as they were.
They were going to have to go into the water to get to the other side. The cold, rushing water. The river that was supposed to protect them suddenly looked as dangerous as the fire they were fleeing.
They stopped at the river and dismounted. Millie leaned into Adam’s left side, and he used his left arm to pull her close and squeeze her tight. “What do you think, Mike? You take the horses across, and I’ll take Millie?”
“That wate
r is going really fast, Adam. I think I should go with you to help Millie.”
“I’m not helpless. I’m sure I can get across without both of you.” Millie’s voice was indignant, but she didn’t try to pull away.
Before they could argue it out, Adam saw several people come out of the church and run over to the river. The pastor. Edith and the kids. Several men from the area.
“Stay there. We’ll come to you.” The pastor’s voice was nearly drowned out by the running water, but Adam understood him.
The men quickly tied a rope to the remains of the bridge on their side. Then, several of them crossed the river, slowly battling the current. Adam and Mike waded into the river on their side to meet the men and help them emerge.
The rope was tied to the remains of the bridge on their side. Then, Adam and Mike each took one of Millie’s arms. They entered the water where the rope ran across. Another man followed them, ready to help in case they needed it. Two more men followed with the horses.
Adam leaned close, wanting to make sure Millie heard him. “Just hold on to the rope. This will be over in no time.” Together, the group crossed the river. It was cold from the beginning, but the current didn’t become punishingly strong until they were about a third of the way across. Millie faltered at one point, and Adam increased the pressure on her arm, trying to hold her up. His muscles were shaky by the time they walked out of the water on the other side.
They had made it.
Edith passed a blanket to Adam and then threw herself into Mike’s arms, making him stumble back a few steps. “Michael Potter, you scared me to death! Everyone else made it to town already. I thought something had happened to you.” Edith’s voice became muffled where she was pressing her face into Mike’s neck.
Adam put the blanket around Millie, who was holding both Caty and Genie. Adam hadn’t seen them run to her. He turned and thanked the men who had crossed to help them. Then Adam squatted down and opened his arms. “Hey there, darlings. Do I get a hug, too, or is that just for Mama?” Adam laughed as the two little bodies rushed him.
“I was scared, Daddy. I didn’t like it.”
Adam pulled Caty closer and kissed her on the head. “I know, Caty-girl. I’m sorry you were scared, but we’re all okay. And we’re together again.”
It didn’t take long for them to change into dry clothes and gather with the others inside the church. The sun had set, and the sanctuary was lit by multiple candles and lamps.
Genie was asleep, lying down on the pew with his head in Millie’s lap. Caty was sleeping in Adam’s arms, her head a welcome weight on his shoulder. Adam reached out and held Millie’s hand, scooting to close the gap between them on the pew.
“You can lean on me to sleep, Millie.” His voice was low, one of many soft tones filling the space.
“I don’t think I can fall asleep. My body is exhausted, but my mind keeps racing.”
“Are you hungry? There’s a table of food over there with just about everything you can think of on it.”
Millie smiled faintly, running her fingers through Genie’s hair. “No. I just want to sit here, feel you all around me and try to clear my mind.”
Adam managed to reach inside his borrowed coat and find the notebook and pencil he’d retrieved from their wagon earlier while Millie was changing clothes. He pulled them out and passed them to her, feeling his heart squeeze at the look on Millie’s face. “Here. This might help you clear your mind.”
Millie took the notebook and set it on her lap, clear of Genie’s head. “How did you manage to do this?”
Adam let his smugness saturate his tone. “I have my ways. I told you I would make sure you have everything you needed.”
Millie sniffled and her voice was thick with tears. “I already had everything I needed right here. But, thank you for the notebook. I love you, Adam Beale.”
Adam leaned over and tipped Millie’s face up to his. He brushed the tears from her cheeks and then kissed her mouth. It felt like home. Adam had done everything he could to avoid having this with Millie, and yet there they were. And it was perfect.
A noise came from outside the church, men talking rapidly. Loudly. Adam set Caty down on the pew next to Millie, covered the girl with his borrowed coat and went outside to see what was happening.
The problem was obvious once he went through the church door outside. The other side of the river was an orange glow. The fire had caught up to them.
Chapter Nineteen
To Do:
Thank God.
Love my family.
It certainly wasn’t the most specific to-do list that Millie had ever written, but it was all that needed to be done today. All that was important. She closed her notebook and set it to the side as Adam walked up to her. He looked tired, and Millie could only imagine what she looked like. She wasn’t entirely sure she was going to be able to get up off this pew without his assistance.
“It’s still smoldering out there, but the fire is almost dead.”
Millie nodded. “When do you think we’ll be able to go back home?”
Adam’s face was solemn. “There probably isn’t a house to go back to, Millie. You need to prepare yourself for that. I’d guess that fire destroyed everything in its path.”
Millie reached with her hand, silently asking Adam to help her stand up. He did, pulling her into a hug and rubbing firm circles on her back. Both the standing and the pressure from his hands felt amazing. “It’s still our home, Adam. Our land. So, when can we go back and start to rebuild?” Her words were quiet in his ear, just for the two of them as though they weren’t standing in a crowded church full of families who had lost everything.
Adam hugged her hard and then stepped back. He held her face in his hands and kissed her forehead. Then he held out a hand and smiled almost impishly. “Walk with me?”
Stretching her stiff muscles sounded like the best idea Millie had ever heard. She looked at Genie and Caty, sleeping the deep, boneless sleep of children, on the pew. They would be fine. Millie took Adam’s hand and let him lead her down the church steps into this new day.
The sky was somehow blue. How could that be? The air was filled with the smell of stale smoke. Millie stopped walking, thankful that Adam also stopped without questioning her. She closed her eyes and focused on the things around her that were good and solid. Adam’s warm hand. The ground under her feet. The sound of the river. A hundred little noises as people comforted one another and got on with the business of living.
Overcome with the beauty of this world and the fact that she truly was okay, Millie opened her eyes and took her first look across the river. It wasn’t near as bad as she had feared. From the noise and orange glow last night, Millie had imagined the entirety of the country being swallowed up. Destroyed beyond recognition. But, it wasn’t quite that bad.
Yes, the land had obviously been ravaged by heat and flame. But, it was still recognizable. Millie could still make out the road. She saw trees, blackened but still standing. The land had not given up without a fight.
“Are you okay?”
Millie nodded. “It’s not nearly as bad as I thought, which probably sounds crazy. But all I saw last night was that orange glow. I kind of assumed everything recognizable would be gone.” Millie looked at the smoldering fire and thought about all that Adam had truly lost. “Are you okay? All your hard work. It’s gone.”
“I think I’m grateful. We went into this fire as two people. We came out as husband and wife. Truly. I don’t care what we find at home and I don’t care what we could have done differently. This fire made us both wake up. Fifty years from now, I will think about this fire with gratitude and fondness. I will.”
Millie was just watching him with wide eyes at this point. He was thankful for the fire. Because it brought them together. Adam wasn’t crazy. He w
as a wonderful, faithful man who understood what was truly important in life.
And Millie was doing it again. She was trying to be in control. In charge. She was acting like her actions alone had created today. When would she learn that the Lord was in charge? When would she cede her sense of control to Him, trust Him and His ways even when it felt like everything was falling apart?
Millie looked at Adam, hoping to not scare him. “I’m sorry, Adam. I need a minute. I’m not mad at you, I promise. I just need a minute to think.” No, not think. Her trying to think her way out of situations was a large part of the problem. “To pray. Would you give me a few minutes to pray? Please?”
Despite her attempt at assurances Adam still looked scared. But he immediately nodded. Millie quickly walked, somehow finding an area without any people in it. She was breathing hard and fell to her knees, closing her eyes tight to squeeze back the tears that were burning their own path of destruction on her soul.
I’m sorry, God. I’m so sorry. I keep thinking I understand, and then I mess it up. Again and again and again. You are in control. Instead of trying to rule my world, I need to put my trust in You. My hope in You. Even when Your ways make no sense to me, You are still here. You still love me. I’m not good at trusting people, Lord, but I am going to try. To trust You. To trust Adam. I’ll probably mess it up. On a daily basis. But, I’ll keep trying. The tears were still coming, but they no longer felt like fire. They felt like a cool washing. Forgive me, Lord. Thank You for all You have done in my life.
Millie felt herself calming down and spent several minutes just sitting with God. Finally, she felt...at peace. Now she needed to go find Adam. He must be beyond worried right now. She had just left him there.
Millie was trying to get to her feet when Adam appeared out of nowhere to help her up. Millie smiled, grateful for the words that came to her from nowhere. And everywhere. “Hey, Adam?”
“Yes?”
“I love you.”
Family of Convenience Page 21
