In the bathroom, Lizzie found what must have been the boy’s mother lying on the floor curled around the toilet. She backed out of the room turning the baby so he wouldn’t see her. His cry had returned to a gentle sobbing. She stole a glance at his face hoping that wouldn’t start him back up. No tears.
“You’re dehydrated.” The mother couldn’t have been dead long. How long could someone, especially a toddler, go without water?
She put on a happy face and said in a happy voice, “Let’s see if we can find some formula, huh?” He should be eating solid food, but fluids first. She returned to the kitchen and found cans of premixed formula—the expensive stuff. She opened the dishwasher and pulled out a bottle, nipples and rings in a little basket.
Her hands automatically put the bottle together while bouncing the baby. The little boy went quiet, and as soon as the bottle got near his face he pulled it into his mouth.
“There, there.” She stroked his arms and his back as he sucked. His tiny hands were balled up in fists pressed against the bottle. As he began to relax they opened and she saw something in his grasp. She teased his hand opened the rest of the way and found little pellets. Cat food. She smiled. At least he had enough protein.
“We need to get you cleaned up. Then we can get you some food for little boys.” She looked around but there was no sign of the cat whose food had probably saved the little boy’s life.
She walked down the hall, closing the bathroom door as she passed. Here was the baby’s room—all baby-blued, rainbowed and teddy-beared.
“Lizzie?!” Zach called her name somewhere outside.
She’d totally forgotten Zach. Lizzie crossed to the window and slid it back. “Zach?” she called gently to not scare the baby. “In here. I’ve found something you gotta see to believe.”
Opening windows was a good idea, she realized, as she breathed in the freshness from outside. She opened the rest of them.
“Damn, it stinks,” Zach said as he entered the baby’s room. “Holy shit.” He stopped short, staring in disbelief at the little boy Lizzie had laying on his back on the diaper changing table.
“Not very holy, but shit it is. You’re very observant.” It was dried and caked on. There were weeping sores in spots. She dabbed as gently as possible with a wipe. Lizzie had been Jason’s main caregiver when her mom went through rehab. She knew what to do.
Zach stood frozen like a deer in headlights. “What the hell do we do with a baby?”
“Take care of him. He needs a bath, but we need to get out of this stinking house first.” She slipped a clean diaper expertly under him, coated the red spots with some ointment and pulled it up.
Zach stared, his mouth opened and closed. “Where the Hell did the baby come from?”
She teased. “Having sex has consequences.”
“Very funny.”
She grinned, picking the baby up and wiggling her nose against his tiny one. The baby was fascinated, but still serious.
“You were always good with kids.”
Lizzie thought of Jayce and regretted making the joke.
“I’ll get him packed. You see if you can find out what his name is.” She shooed Zach out of the room before he could say anything else. She stuffed the diaper bag with a couple handfuls of diapers, then piled all the ointments and powders on top. She pulled a cute blue pair of pajamas out of the dresser and pulled them on him, zipping them up, her finger inside next to the skin. Nothing quite so butt-puckering as zipping a baby’s skin.
A sucking noise told her he’d finished the bottle. She hugged him close and headed for the kitchen, her hand patting his back hard enough to burp him.
“Let’s find you some num nums.” Lizzie found the baby food in the cupboard. She packed the jars into the diaper bag, along with some formula. She tore open a new bag of teething biscuits and offered him one. It ought to taste like manna from heaven after cat food. His hand shot in and tore it from her grasp, his sharp little teeth grinding on it with zeal.
“Sebastian. Sebastian Jones.” Zach called from another room.
“Sebastian?” She found a binky in the dish drying rack and added that to the diaper bag.
Zach came in carrying a framed certificate with footprints. “I like Sebastian.”
“How do you make it short? Seb? Bast? Bastian?” Lizzie balanced both baby and diaper bag, one in each arm. She was ready to get out of this place. “Has he got a middle name?”
“Antonio.”
“Tony. Does he look like a Tony to you?”
“I think you’re overthinking this.”
“Sebastian Antonio Jones. SAJ.”
Zach give her a ‘what the hell are you talking about’ look. “Sad-ge?” He said, sounding it out.
“S. A. J. Saj.” Lizzie grinned as the baby smiled back. “I like it.”
“Fine,” Zach agreed. “Saj it is. Let’s get Saj out of here.”
“Two more things. I’m going to find him something from his parents, and we need a car seat. Can you find it?”
Zach shrugged. “All right. Then we go.”
She found a photo on the mantel of two young parents, well-dressed, like they were at a wedding. She tucked it into the diaper bag and went down the hall.
The room on the opposite side of the wall was the parents’ bedroom—relatively neat, but cluttered. Lots of little knick knacks covered the shelves. In the nightstand drawer she found a Bible inscribed to Josephine Marie Lamb. It had a lovely golden bookmark with a stylized Claddagh, hands and heart like the Irish wedding ring. She slid the Bible in next to the photo.
Saj had gone quiet in her arms.
“We’ll come back later, Saj,” she said, hoisting the bag onto her shoulder again.
Lizzie wiped away the moist remains of the biscuit from his mouth. “It’s gonna be all right. Sissie’s got you.”
“Sss...sss.”
“Yes. Sissie Lizzie.” She held him close. “You lucky little boy.”
Outside the house she found Zach fighting with a car seat. “I can’t figure out how to get the fucking thing attached.”
Lizzie chuckled. “I’ll get it.” She handed Saj to Zach.
Zach looked skeptical, but took the little boy. “Hey, little guy.”
Lizzie had the car seat installed in moments, but getting Saj in his car seat was a bit of a fight. “Come on, Saj,” Lizzie pleaded. “It’s only a few blocks.”
“You could just hold him in your lap,” Zach said.
“No. You need to be firm with kids.” Her mom had always caved, or resorted to bribery and threats. She wasn’t her mom. “Here we go, Saj.” She pressed him gently in and pulled the t-straps over his head. He finally stopped arching his back and she snapped the clasp between his legs. “All right. Let’s go home.”
A bath with a bag of oatmeal, a liberal covering of ointment, and another bottle later Saj was starting to perk up. He wasn’t quite so solemn and serious and had even started to smile and laugh like a baby should. Lizzie lay down with him on her mom’s unmade bed and Zach brought her a sandwich.
“He seems fine,” Zach said.
“Yeah. He’s got food and warmth, friends.”
“Counts for a lot.”
“Yeah. How many others might be out there? I feel powerless.” Saj stopped sucking when the anger came into her voice. “Sorry, little guy.”
Zach sighed. “Can’t save everybody. Nobody expects you to.”
“What are we still here for anyway?” A song tickled at her memory “We’re all here.” she sang softly to Saj. Then she spoke with a shiver. “‘cause we’re not all there.”
“I can’t understand why we haven’t found more people. How many people are still alive?” He counted on his fingers. “You, me, Saj, Jess, and your ‘Spike’. Are we it?”
“And the Doctor.” Lizzie yawned. “Think I’ll sleep down here.”
A frown shadowed across Zach’s face. “Uh... Lizzie?”
“Spit it out, Zach. You wanna sleep
here, too? Okay.” Kill the snake. “But not like last night.”
He shrugged. “But, I-”
“No. I’m sorry, Zach.” Lizzie watched his eyes go puppy-dog. Dammit. “I shouldn’t have slept with you.”
Zach nodded, his eyes didn’t mask the hurt.
“I should have followed my own rules.”
“It’s okay,” he said.
“It’s not okay. I can tell from your voice and see it in your eyes. But it has to be.” She felt bad, but she hadn’t done it by herself. “How many times did you tell me we could fool around and not get serious. Now we have and…” Her voice trailed off.
“Yeah,” Zach said, picking up the glass of milk and the plate. He strode out of the room. “Really ought to do the dishes,” he hollered back.
“Dump ‘em out back. We can always get more tomorrow.” She pulled the comforter up around herself and the little boy in her arms. She wasn’t his mama, and he wasn’t Jayce. But she would love him and care for him, for all those who would never be found.
A few minutes after she heard the crash of dishes, Zach slipped in behind her. His hands wrapped around her and Saj. She patted his hand. Sorry, my friend.
The silence again woke Lizzie. It felt like an alien world without noise. When would this be normal? She reached down to the little bundle in her arms. Wet diaper, wet mattress. At least he’s hydrated.
She rolled out of bed, Saj stayed asleep as she lifted him off the mattress and kissed the fuzzy soft spot on the top of his head.
Playing house wasn’t all fun and games with a real baby. She’d learned that with Jayce. Lizzie had always been the kid who couldn’t sit still. She wanted to explore, to discover, to live, not have kids and an endless string of partners who didn’t live up to their end. Being more a mother to Jayce than Mama was enough.
As Lizzie stripped the soaked diaper, Saj woke, staring at her with eyes too serious for a baby. Exposing him to the air triggered the usual response; a stream of urine rose over the baby’s shoulder and onto Zach. He stirred in his sleep, but did not wake.
Lizzie cracked up. “Zach. Probably want to wake up.” She shook his shoulder until his groggy eyes opened. “Don’t be pissed off, but you’ve been pissed on.”
“Damn.” He scooted away and climbed out of bed.
“Besides you could use a regular shower.” She added more ointment to sore spots. Saj stayed wide-eyed and quiet.
After Zach showered, he joined them in the living room. He focused on Saj and didn’t meet Lizzie’s eyes.
So it’s going to be the silent treatment. It could be worse.
Lizzie left him in charge of feeding Saj a plastic tub of baby peas while she took a shower. When she closed the bathroom door she could hear them both giggling.
In the shower Lizzie reveled in the heat, she’d turned up the temperature in the water heater—her house, her rules. She felt a calmness she hadn’t felt in days as the water washed over her. Then the door burst open.
“LIZZIE!” Zach yelled.
“What the Hell, Zach. Get out!”
“Lizzie,” he said, “I’m not looking.” His arms covered his face.
The tone in Zach’s voice made her forget modesty and with a belly full of dread she asked, “What’s the matter?”
“Nev’s alive!”
“Jeez, Zach, you scared the shit out of me! Is it too much to ask not to feel like the sky is falling for half a second?”
Zach stammered an apology.
“Never mind, where is she?”
“Tumwater. She started at Evergreen State in September.”
“Can she get up here?”
“I don’t know. I just got her message online.”
“So what are you waiting for? Get the hell out of the bathroom and call her!
“Okay.” Zach left, closing the door behind him.
9
LIZZIE TURNED OFF THE WATER. Her mind raced. What were the odds? She’d totally failed statistics, but the math didn’t matter. It was crazy that she knew someone else still alive. She chuckled out loud. Nev was another one of Zach’s crushes. Maybe things were getting better.
Lizzie walked past Zach wrapped in nothing but a towel for the second time since he’d arrived. How was she supposed to set boundaries like this? Screw it. He would have to deal.
“Nev doesn’t drive either.” Zach’s eyes widened, but she could see him trying to play it cool. “What is it with you people?”
“Bite me.” Lizzie glared. “Anyway. What did you find out?”
“Some people took her in, but they’re ultra-religious nuts and it’s freaking her out.”
“So we could go get her. ROAD TRIP!” Then she remembered the baby. “Shit.” Kids complicated things.
As if on cue Saj toddled in. His eyes lit up when he saw her.
Lizzie swung him up into her arms. “Zach, you go. I should stay with Saj. His butt isn’t up for a day in the car seat.”
“Okay, I should be back tonight—tomorrow at the latest. Don’t know if the freeway is clear all the way down.”
She could see his excitement. “Okay. Get food. Get gas. Get going.”
Zach headed out the door. “I’ll hit a 7-11 when I get hungry.”
“Be safe,” Lizzie said. “Don’t do anything crazy.”
“I won’t, if you won’t.”
Zach waved. The Tank spun out as he gunned it down the street on the wrong side, squirreling back and forth.
Lizzie shook her head. She wrapped Saj in a blanket over his pajamas. He needs more layers than I do. She hadn’t gotten any heavier clothes. Zach had his mission. Her mission would be getting Saj warmer clothes, and setting up someplace for him to sleep.
She needed a car. Easy to drive would be good, with her rudimentary driving skills. Mama’s car was at the hospital, and it was a stick shift. At least the street was empty. She’d tried to learn with Jerkwad; Mama didn’t have the patience. Jerkwad wanted to quit ‘wasting’ so much time taking Lizzie places. It ended badly. The silver lining was that he left her alone for weeks.
The cat lady had a Honda CRV. Maybe the keys were in the house. Lizzie put Saj in his car seat. It was a fight, but less than yesterday. “Sissy’ll be back in a minute.”
The house did not smell of death. It smelled of old lady potpourri and medicine. She had gone to the hospital first and never returned. Her kids took the cats. The musty scent of old books and doilies collected over decades permeated the air. Where would I put extra keys? She examined the area near the front door. No luck.
She wandered back into the kitchen. The calendar was still on September and covered with scrawled cursive. Under it, a gray Honda valet key hung on a key rack, amid a collection of rusty skeleton keys and a modern house key with a leopard print. Lizzie grabbed the Honda key and headed out the door.
The CRV smelled like old lady, too. Lizzie stuck the key in and turned it. The engine coughed a bit and sputtered, but started. She left the door open and got Saj and his car seat. She buckled it in and returned to the front seat. She sat. I’m waiting for what?
“What the hell. Let’s go, Saj.” She’d seen it done enough. She pulled it from P to D and stepped on the gas. The vehicle lurched forward and she slammed on the brake.
The little snake sounds, Saj’s attempt to say Sissie, came from the back seat.
“Yeah, Sissie’s working on it.”
Setting her jaw tight, she tried again. More gently this time; it slipped forward. She tried to give it more gas. The car lurched again, and she ran over the curb. Swearing, she jammed the brake—again. If at first you don’t suck seeds... She could feel herself sweating. “Just breathe, Lizzie.”
Gradually they made it the six or eight blocks to Saj’s house. She pulled up in the driveway. “Sissie’s gonna leave you in here, okay, Saj?” She turned on the radio, then flipped it to CD, and a ‘Doo wop a doo’ came from the speakers. “Ugh. 50’s music. Probably drive me crazy, but maybe you’ll like it.” She blew Saj a k
iss and hopped out of the car.
She went around the back and entered the tomb-like house. What should she do with Saj’s mom? Someday he might want to come here and see more of where he was from. Well, maybe she could get help from Zach when he and Nev got back. The three musketeers back together again—stealing from the rich was going to be a lot easier. Or was it the three stooges? Probably depended on the day and the stupid or brilliant things they’d done.
Lizzie scoured the house for baby clothes, diapers, wipes, things Saj needed. She snagged the mobile above his crib and carried it all out to the car through the front door. He seemed satisfied to sit and listen to music, but she didn’t want to leave him long with that diaper rash.
The crib, one of those fold up ones, was portable if she could figure out how the damn thing folded up. Jason’s had been like a bear trap, virtually impossible to open and way too easy to get painfully pinched, it was a miracle she still had all her fingers.
Lizzie surprised herself by getting it on the first try. It became a compact, bulky box. Saj watched her as she stuffed it in the CRV. She handed him a teething biscuit and chucked him under the chin, noting how tight his clothes looked. They wouldn’t fit him long. Back inside she uncovered a stash of clothes, but they all looked big. She took them anyway and climbed into the driver’s seat.
She returned to the car. “Need to get some better music in here, Saj.” She put the CRV into reverse and it started rolling backwards into the street. She kept her foot poised over the brake and gradually turned the steering wheel. When she was pointed mostly in the right direction she stepped on the brake. The CRV lurched to a quick halt. She shoved it into N-neutral.
Lizzie took her foot off the brake, shaking her head. “Sorry, Saj, Sissie’s not a very good driver yet.” She let the car roll slowly down the hill. Probably safer not to even use the gas.
Saj wasn’t so sure and he began to whimper. His cries built steadily toward a wail.
“What’s wrong, Saj?” She turned in her seat. He’d dropped what was left of the slimy teething biscuit. She could see it; she stretched but could not reach it. “I’ll get you some good food when we get home, ‘‘kay?”
ALL IS SILENCE Page 6
