by Dena Christy
“You don’t understand, Baldr,” she said as she looked down at her hands. “I can’t go back. People don’t believe in me anymore because they think I died of grief when you left. It took most of my power just to get me here. Healing myself after the attack took the rest. It will be a long time before I’ll have the strength to go back on my own. I’m stuck here.”
* * *
Nan followed her husband into the house she’d seen from a distance only hours ago. By the time they’d left the Order of Odin headquarters the sun was making its way past the horizon and toward the heavens. Exhaustion from her ordeal saturated every part of her body, but at least she was whole and could move without pain.
“I don’t need to be here,” she said to her husband’s broad back as she looked around his home.
It was neat, tidy and spacious with high vaulted ceilings and an open concept design for the main living space. She could see a set of stairs which led up to a landing and she thought she could see doors in behind it. She was sure his home was high-end by most human standards but it was nothing like his luxurious hall in Asgard.
“Do you miss it?”
“Miss what,” he asked as he turned toward her.
“Asgard,” she said as she stepped further into the house. She walked over to the leather sofa and sighed as she sank down onto it.
“Why don’t we get you settled here for the night.” He looked her up and down, and his mouth tightened as his eyes lingered on the tattered, bloody rags that had once been her clothing. “I’ll find you something of mine that you can sleep in and we’ll sort clothing out for you tomorrow. Once that’s done we’ll try to figure out a way to get you back.”
Nan stood quickly, her exhaustion forgotten when he mentioned sending her back. There was no dizziness with her sudden rise to her feet and a small part of her was thankful that she’d had enough power left to heal herself, even if it wasn’t enough to get her home. She almost wished she could go as the reunion with her husband wasn’t what she’d expected.
“Why am I staying here if all you want to do is get rid of me?” Nan said as she faced him and took a step closer. Her husband towered over her, as he always had, and a thousand years ago she would not have been so bold in addressing him. His word was law in the age of the vikings, but no longer. She’d been abandoned and forced to rely on her own strength for too long to go back to the way things were. “I should never have come here.”
“Why did you come here,” he asked as he raised an eyebrow and folded his massive arms across his equally large chest. For a moment she was distracted with the curve and bulge of muscle so well displayed under his well fitting cotton shirt, but she forced her attention away. She needed to keep her wits about her if she was going to stand before him as an equal.
“I thought maybe you were ready to come back to me, ready to come home,” she said.
“Why would you think that? Did you think at all?” he growled as his brows drew together.
She licked her lips as she searched for a suitable response. The truth was she hadn’t really planned what would happen when she got here when she’d left Asgard in the throes of anger. She hadn’t thought it through, but didn’t want to admit it to him. The look of comprehension on his face showed that he’d guessed the truth anyway.
“You didn’t think it over, did you? That is so typical of you. In a thousand years you haven’t changed. You’re still impulsive, still reckless. You haven’t learned to plan, and it’s gotten you into trouble. You are still looking to be rescued.”
Nan’s mouth dropped open as she stared at him.
“That’s not fair,” she said, her voice low as she looked at him, her features feeling tight and pinched. “You left me, and it was more than just walking away. You let me believe that you were dead, which was a cruelty that I didn’t think you were capable of. You left me with a child, or did you forget that part?”
The blood drained from his face at the mention of their son. He looked away from her and made a slashing motion with his hand, but she wouldn’t stop. He needed to hear what she had to say. There was more to this tale than the version he’d been telling himself for the past thousand years.
“You forgot him, didn’t you,” she stated matter-of-factly and he shook his head in denial. “While you were down here playing human, I was raising our son. And I did it on my own, and I didn’t need anyone to rescue me. If anyone has changed it’s you. You were the God of Light. What happened to you?”
He drove his fingers through his hair and took a deep breath. “How is he?”
He’d ignored the question she’d asked him, and now she was too tired to argue with him anymore.
”Where do I sleep?” she asked as she turned away from him to face the stairs.
“Please Nan, tell me how he is?” he said behind her and his hand came to rest on her back. She took a step forward, not wanting him to touch her.
“He’s the God of Justice now. He’s a fine man,” she said quietly as she continued to stare up the stairs.
“I’m sorry I said you were weak, this is just going to take time for me to absorb. I wasn’t prepared for seeing you again.”
“I did the best I could for him, but he needed his father. He needed you.” Nan turned around to face him again. She could see the pain of knowing his son had grown up without him in his deep blue eyes. “Was it worth it? Was it worth it to give up your wife and abandon your child?”
He looked away from her, and she knew he would not answer that. She wasn’t sure she wanted to know, in the event he answered yes. There was something else she wanted to ask and now seemed to be a good time to do it.
“Why did you do it?”
He looked at her and sighed. “It was what my father wanted.”
What Odin wanted Odin got. Thor was the only one able to stand up against him, none of his other children seem to want to, and that included Baldr.
“I should have known. You always did what your father wanted, no matter what the cost.”
Anger clouded his face, wiping away the remorse that had been there only moments before. “I did what I did for the greater good.”
“That sounds like Odin talking to me. Is that what you’ve been telling yourself all these years? You threw your family away for the greater good. I lost a husband and your son lost a father. But that didn’t matter as long as you did what Odin wanted and dressed it up as a noble cause.”
Silence greeted her statement and she could see the muscle working in her husband’s jaw. She knew he was dying to rebut, but wouldn’t. Her shoulders sagged, and suddenly she was too tired to care if he responded or not. This argument wasn’t getting her anywhere and continuing it would only drain her further.
“Just tell me where I can sleep,” she said as she turned her back on him.
Chapter 4
Cadric sat down at his desk at work as if the weight of every single transgression he’d ever committed sat on his shoulders. Seeing Nan again, seeing the aftermath of what he’d done to her a thousand years ago, had hit him like a sledgehammer in the gut. Before last night, he could pretend that she was fine, that she’d moved on without him. He hadn’t considered that she may not have handled his supposed death well. She was wrong about one thing.
It hadn’t been easy to walk away from his family, but he’d done it because it was what his father wanted. He’d done it because he thought they’d be fine without him, and in that he was correct. From what Nan had told him, she’d raised their son on her own, and he’d turned out well. Cadric hoped he’d be able to see him one day, to apologize to him for abandoning him too.
He sighed and turned his mind away from the past. Recriminations wouldn’t do anything and he needed to move forward. He still had a murder to investigate, despite the distraction his wife provided. He’d had to bring her in to headquarters, because he didn’t want to leave her alone at his home. He was certain she hadn’t been deliberately targeted, but until he was positive that she was safe
alone, she went where he went. He’d sent her off with one of his staff members for a tour of the building, and he’d asked that she be kept busy so he could get work done.
He looked up when there was a knock on the door. Hadria poked her head in through the doorway and looked around.
“You wanted to see me?” she asked, and he motioned her forward. She came and sat across from him, and he could feel her eyes traveling up and down his frame, assessing him. The notebook she carried everywhere while at work rested in her lap. “Should you be here?”
“Where else would I be?” Cadric said with a dismissive wave of his hand. Hadria had been with the Order almost as long as he had, and of all the people who worked here, she knew him the best. He knew she expected him to be at home, sorting out his issues with his wife. “Tell me what happened to Dany Cavanaugh.”
“You know what happened,” she said as she tilted her head to the side.
“I do, but I want to hear it again. We will go over this again and again until we are certain we missed nothing.”
“Cadric…” Hadria sighed.
“Hadria, please, let’s just work,” he said quietly. “What happened to Dany?”
“He was found in the back of the van, hands cuffed behind him and his throat cut,” Hadria said and she settled back in the chair. “Are you sure we need to go over this again?”
“Yes, what else can you tell me?”
Hadria’s brows furrowed, and she sat forward in her chair. “There was no sign of a struggle.”
“Don’t you find that a little strange?” Cadric asked.
“Actually I don’t. During her debriefing after she was rescued, Simone said he begged her to kill him. He was suffering from an incurable disease, he was captured and he would spend what was left of his life rotting in a cell waiting for whatever punishment you meted out to him. So I don’t find it a stretch that he might not struggle when he was being killed.”
“That may be true, but he didn’t cut his own throat. Eduard Rouben was with him, and now he’s missing. How is that part of the investigation going? Has he been found?” Cadric’s frustration was growing with each passing day with his staff’s inability to find the missing agent. Eduard was the key to this whole thing, and once he was found, Cadric felt he could put this case to rest.
Hadria opened her notebook and flipped through it for a moment. “He hasn’t reported for work since the start of his shift that night. No one has heard from him, and his apartment has been thoroughly searched. There is no indication that he packed anything, and his place looks like he had just left to go to work, there is even a dirty cereal bowl in the sink. It’s like he’s vanished.”
“No one vanishes,” Cadric said his frustration mounting. The investigation was going nowhere, and they weren’t any closer to finding out the truth. “I want to know what happened in the back of the van, and the only other person who can tell me is dead, so you will find Eduard and he will be brought here for questioning.”
Hadria made a few notes in her book and closed it again.
“What are you going to do?” she asked.
“That depends on what he says when we find him,” Cadric said. Why was she asking him? She knew the drill by now.
“Not about Eduard,” Hadria said as she shook her head. “What are you going to do about Nan?”
“Leave it alone,” Cadric said as he clenched his jaw. He would not discuss Nan. He didn’t even know what he was going to do yet, and when he did, he would discuss it with his wife. He owed her that much.
“I know Odin is powerful and persuasive. I was one of his handmaidens, I collected the dead for him and lived in his hall. I know how he operates. It’s all about the greater good for him, and he can make you think it’s the most important thing.”
“The greater good is the only thing,” Cadric said, and over the past thousand years he believed that wholeheartedly. It was what drove him, and the justification he used for the life he lived. If it wasn’t true, then he had done what he’d done for nothing. “It’s why we do the work we do.”
“I know why we do our work, but you are missing something very important. The people we love matter. You have another chance, Cadric and that doesn’t come along very often. Don’t blow it.”
Cadric shoved his chair back and stood. Although he considered Hadria his friend, and the one staff member he trusted implicitly, she was overstepping herself. He’d already made it clear he didn’t want to talk about Nan, and he’d meant it. He blocked out the tiny voice in the back of his head which said she was right. He looked down at her, and his face felt like a mask.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he said. “You have work to do and you should get back to it.”
Hadria stood and looked at him, disappointment evident in her eyes. She looked down and her mouth tightened.
“Yes sir,” she said as she clutched her notebook to her chest and walked out the door.
Cadric watched her go, feeling like a bastard for treating her like that. The words to call her back and apologize were on the tip of his tongue. He pushed them aside as he sat back in his chair. Hadria had a job to do, and so did he, and discussing his personal life wouldn’t get it done.
* * *
Nan decided her husband had ignored her long enough. She’d stayed out of his way for the entire day, as she wandered around the Order headquarters. She ran into Roger and had assured him that she was in good health. There was nothing left for her to do, and she wanted to leave but couldn’t do so unless Baldr was with her, since he thought she was in danger at his house.
She walked down the hall, unsure of where she was going. Baldr hadn’t bothered to show her where his office was when he’d tried to get rid of her for the day. As she walked she saw the Valkyrie walking toward her with the doctor, Nick, who’d treated her. The couple stopped when they came abreast of her.
“How are you feeling?” Nick asked as he looked her up and down.
“As you can see I’m well and whole again,” she asked as she looked at him. She did her best not to look at the valkyrie. She was Odin’s creature, and Nan knew it wasn’t fair, but she associated the other woman with the god who’d persuaded her husband to leave her. “I’d like to know where my husband’s office is. Can you tell me?”
“It’s down that way, Nan,” Hadria said as she pointed down one corridor. The valkyrie would not be ignored, no matter how much Nan wanted to.
“You seem very close to my husband. Did you know about his plan to leave me and my son?”
“What exactly are you accusing her of?” Nick asked his brows drawing into a scowl as his voice came out in a low growl. Nan looked between them.
“I’m not accusing her of anything. I would just like to know if she knew about my husband’s plan to leave Asgard,” Nan said calmly. Hadria put her hand on her lover’s arm and he visibly calmed down. She turned to Nan.
“How would I know?”
“You were one of Odin’s girls, weren’t you? Surely you would have heard something of what was going on,” Nan said, although she didn’t know why she was pursuing this line of questions. What had happened was so long ago, but she couldn’t seem to stop picking at it.
“The plan was Odin’s idea, and he would not lower himself to talk about it with a valkyrie. I knew that Odin was desperate to do something about Loki, and keep Ragnarok from happening, but that’s all I knew. I’m sorry I can’t tell you any more. I didn’t know Baldr was still alive until I came to earth a century after it happened.”
“Has he talked about us? Mentioned us at all?” Nan asked. She hated showing weakness in front of the other woman, but a part of her was desperate to know that her husband hadn’t forgotten his family. She’d had a break down when Baldr died, and rumors had flown around Asgard that she’d died of grief. Perhaps she would have if she didn’t have a son to think about.
She looked down at the floor once she saw the pity in the valkyrie’s eyes.
“You�
��ll need to talk to him about it? He’s different here. I’m sorry I can’t be of more help, but I think it’s best if you talk to him.”
Nan nodded her head and straightened. She held her head high as she walked down the hall toward her husband’s office, blocking out the image of the pity on their faces. She didn’t even want to contemplate what they were thinking.
She stopped in front of his office, and the door was slightly ajar. His attention was on his work, and she took a moment to study him while he was unaware of her. He looked much the same although his blond hair was much shorter than he’d used to wear it. He’d shaved his face clean, and no longer wore the braided beard he’d had so long ago. He was still very much in his prime.
She took a step into his office and he raised his head. Her breath caught in her chest when he looked her in the eyes. They were the same piercing blue that used to melt her insides with just a glance. As she stared into his eyes, the past fell away and a lump rose up in her throat.
“Why didn’t you come home?” she whispered as she shut the door and leaned against it.
Chapter 5
Cadric put his pen down and sighed. He’d tried to put off this talk last night, but she deserved an answer. He owed her some honesty after all this time.
He stood and walked around his desk until he stood in front of her. He took hold of her hands, and she tried to resist, but he wouldn’t let her.
“Don’t,” he said as he drew her further into the room so she was away from the door. He raised her hands up to his lips, knowing the whole time he was doing it that he was being unfair but he couldn’t seem to help himself. She tugged her hands again, but he refused to let them go.
“Don’t do that. Don’t distract me. Why didn’t you come home?”
“I didn’t come home because I couldn’t,” he said with a sigh and he let her hands go.
