by Mercy Amare
Carter is about my height when I’m wearing heels, maybe an inch taller. He has dark brown hair and light brown eyes. He is currently wearing a t-shirt that says “ask me about my video game achievements”. I decide right then that I need to be his friend.
“I love your shirt,” I say.
He grins. “You know, you’re the first person to notice.”
“I feel overdressed,” I say. Mostly because everybody here is in casual clothes. This is definitely nothing like a party I’ve been to in Mountain View.
“A little,” he agrees. “You a freshman?”
“Yeah,” I answer. “Is it that obvious?”
“I’m a sophomore,” he says. “And don’t sweat it. Everybody here was a freshman at one point or another.”
He has a point.
“Where are you from?” he asks.
“Mountain View.”
“California?”
“Yeah,” I answer. “What about you?”
“I’m from Idaho,” he says. “I wanted to be sort of close, but sort of far away.”
“I know what you mean. I turned down Stanford to come here. My dad wanted me to live at home and commute to college. I figure an hour is far enough away that I don’t have to come home all the time, but close enough that I can visit on the weekends.”
I feel an arm go around my shoulders. I look over to see Ty standing there.
“Hey, Kihanna,” he says. “Who is your friend?”
“Carter,” I answer. “Carter, this is my friend, Ty.”
“Hey, man,” Carter says to Ty. “You guys are lucky to know each other. When I started, I didn’t know anybody.”
“Me, Ty and Gabe are all from the same high school,” I tell Carter. “We’re all friends. That’s another reason why I decided to pick Berkeley over Stanford.”
“And because she gets a dorm room to herself,” Ty says. “The school bribed her, really.”
Carter looks at me. “They bribed you?”
I roll my eyes at Ty. “Ty, why don’t you go hang out with some sorority girls or something?”
“I promised Gabe I’d look after you. He said he didn’t want to look clingy, so he sent me over here,” Ty says. “Really, I think Gabe’s worried that you are going to dump him for Carter.”
“Ty,” I look at him, narrowing my eyes. “Go away. Seriously.”
“Fine. I’ll tell Gabe to babysit you himself,” he says, then walks away. He goes right up to a couple of blonde girls who have red cups in their hands. They both look thrilled to have him there.
I turn to Carter. “I’m sorry. Please, don’t let my friend run you off.”
“I’m intrigued by you,” Carter says. “So, is that an ex-boyfriend?”
I nod. “Is it that obvious?”
“Pretty much.”
“Well, we’ve been broken up for about nine months now. And we only dated three months,” I say.
“He’s clearly not over you,” he says. “So, tell me more about the school bribing you.”
“Maybe next time.”
“I can agree to those terms,” Carter says. “Now, tell me about the blond guy who is currently giving me the death glare.”
I follow his eyes and look at where Gabe is standing.
“That would be my boyfriend,” I tell him. “Tonight, we all agreed to make friends on our own. Mostly for me. I’m not so good at making friends and I didn’t want to use them as a crutch.”
“I think I like Ty better,” Carter says. “At least he had the balls to walk up to you instead of staring from across the room.”
I laugh. “Gabe is cool, I promise.”
Carter nods, but he doesn’t look convinced.
“What about you? Do you have a girlfriend?” I ask. “Am I going to get in trouble for talking to you?”
“I have a girlfriend, yes. She lives in LA. And no, you won’t get in trouble for talking to me,” he says. “Because, unlike your boyfriend, my girlfriend actually trusts me.”
“That must be nice,” I say, though I’m not sure why I do.
Gabe trusts me.
But, in my mind, I can’t help thinking back to his ex-girlfriend, Lily. He used to look up her text messages to see to whom, and what, she had been texting. I wonder if he’s doing the same thing to me.
Our relationship started on lies. And I thought we had worked through all our issues, but now I’m not so sure. We spent a magical summer together in paradise, but now we’re back to reality. And the reality is that I’m confused.
“So, am I the first friend you’ve made at college?” Carter asks, changing the subject.
“Yes, you are.”
“Good. I am honored to have that title,” he says. “I will admit, though, the party scene isn’t really my thing. I’m just here because my little sister is rushing this sorority and I want to make sure no guys try to take advantage of her. I really just want to get out of here and play some Halo.”
At the mention of Halo, my heart aches.
Brian, my ex-boyfriend, and I used to play Halo all the time. I got good enough that I actually beat him a few times.
Of course, that was before I found out that he was being paid to stalk me.
I have some major relationship issues.
“You know, I’m really good at Halo,” I say, slightly exaggerating.
“Challenge accepted. Tomorrow night. You, me, and Halo,” he says.
“Deal,” I say.
Carter and I exchange numbers. After he walks away to check on his sister, Gabe walks up. He has a frown on his face and he’s clearly upset by something that he saw.
“You exchanged phone numbers?” Gabe asks.
I nod. “We’re playing Halo tomorrow. You’re welcome to come watch.”
“Kihanna, you can’t just hang out with other guys.”
“I hang out with Ty all the time. What’s the difference?” I ask.
“The difference is I trust Ty. He would never try anything with you,” he says.
I try not to laugh at that.
If only he knew.
“I don’t know this guy,” Gabe continues. “What if he’s a murderer?”
I roll my eyes. “Because obviously I am terrible at judging people, is that it?”
“Well, you did date a killer.”
“Oh, my God, Gabe. Seriously? I thought we were past this.”
“I thought we were, too,” he says. “But we’re clearly not.”
“Why are you being so jealous?”
Gabe frowns. “I don’t know.”
“Just stop, okay? I have no romantic interest in Carter. At all. He’s the first friend I’ve made here. Plus, he has a girlfriend. He’s not going to try anything, I promise. Besides, I invited you to come with me. Just come hang out. You will see. He’s cool.”
“Fine. I’ll come with you.”
I grin. “Good.”
“Can we go back to the dorm now?” Gabe asks. “This... just isn’t my thing.”
I feel a twinge of disappointment, but I nod.
Maybe we will finally have sex again.
At least, I hope so.
Sunday, August 26
10 a.m.
Until I decide.
Last night, Gabe stayed in his own dorm and I stayed in mine. And, unfortunately, there was no sex. Just one goodnight kiss. Like, literally, we went home from the party, he kissed me goodnight, and he went back to his dorm.
But, Ty did stay in my room, ironically. Nothing happened. He just called me at two in the morning. He was completely wasted and needed a ride home. He was too drunk to walk up stairs and when I called Gabe, he didn’t answer. So, I just brought Ty to my dorm. It’s on the first floor. He barely got inside before he passed out. I let him sleep on the floor and I took the bed.
When I wake up that morning, Ty is on the bed with his arm around me. I immediately throw it off.
“Seriously?” I ask, but he doesn’t hear me. He’s sleeping very soundly.
I
shake him.
“Ty!” I yell. “Wake up!”
He groans and opens one of his eyes.
“Why are you in my bed?” I ask.
He opens both eyes and looks around. “I’d kind of like to know the answer to that one myself.”
I roll my eyes. “You were drunk. And Gabe was asleep and couldn’t help me get you up the stairs, so I let you crash here. On the floor. The question is why are you now in my bed?”
“I don’t know,” he answers. “I don’t remember any of this. All I know is that I have a killer headache.”
Suddenly, I’m reminded of when Ty and I first started dating.
Ty was having a Labor Day Weekend party at his dad’s beach house in Malibu. A bunch of our friends took a private jet down so we could party on the beach. I, for the first time in my life, got wasted. Ty was a very attentive boyfriend. He took care of me and made sure I had food to eat the next morning. And he didn’t even try to seduce me, which is very un-Ty-like. I guess I owe him.
“I’ll go get some food, coffee, and aspirin for you,” I tell him. “I will be right back. If you feel sick, please don’t puke on my bed.”
“Yeah, yeah,” he says, waving me off.
He shuts his eyes and immediately starts snoring again.
I laugh and get up to go grab breakfast.
I come back to my dorm room about twenty minutes later with breakfast in hand. When I walk inside, Ty is sitting up on my bed. He has a huge grin on his face when he sees me.
His smile is entirely too big.
“What?” I ask, wondering if I have something on my face.
“You got me breakfast,” he says.
“Yeah, so?”
“It’s just... really sweet. You know, you taking care of me.”
“You’re my friend, Ty. I will always take care of you.” I hand him a cup of coffee and a breakfast sandwich from the bag and then get out my own. I sit on the bed beside him.
“So, where is Gabe?” Ty asks, then takes a drink of his coffee.
“In his dorm,” I answer, then sigh. “Last night he wanted to leave the party early, so we did. He walked me to the door, kissed me goodnight, and left.”
“What is wrong with that guy?” he asks. “Seriously, he just left a beautiful girl like you home alone, early on a Saturday night. I definitely would’ve stayed. And made it worth your while to leave the party early.”
I look over at Ty. “You can’t say stuff like that.”
“Why?”
“Because I’m dating your best friend.”
“He doesn’t deserve you,” Ty says.
“Well, that’s not for you to decide. I chose to date him. And until I decide not to date him anymore, you need to respect that.”
“Until you decide?”
I open my mouth and then close it.
Did I really just imply that someday I am going to break up with Gabe?
“You know what I mean,” I say, shrugging it off.
“Yeah, I do,” Ty says, smiling entirely too big.
I sigh, but don’t say anything else. Because Ty and I both know exactly what I meant. I just wish that I didn’t feel that way.
1 p.m.
Breaking up.
I miss my stepbrother. So, even though I’ve only been gone about twenty-four hours, I decide to video call him on Staying Connected.
“KIHANNA!” Toby yells, when he accepts my chat. “What’s up?”
“A lot,” I answer honestly. “I miss you already!”
“I miss you too. How is college?” he asks.
“It’s great. I’ve already made a friend,” I tell him.
“That’s great,” Toby says. “I heard Ty spent the night last night.”
I roll my eyes. “Of course you did.”
“Do I even want to know what’s going on there?”
“Nothing,” I say quickly. “Ty was drunk, so he crashed here. No big deal.”
“Does Gabe know?”
“No,” I answer. “And he doesn’t need to know.”
“It’s probably not healthy for you to keep it from him,” Toby says.
“Probably not,” I agree. “But I also don’t want to start unnecessary drama between Gabe and Ty. I don’t think Gabe trusts me enough as it is.”
“What makes you say that?”
“He just doesn’t. Last night I made a friend and, basically, Gabe questioned my judgment. He doesn’t want me to make friends because I obviously have bad judgment when it comes to somebody’s character. You know, because I dated a murderer.”
“He said that?”
“Yes, he did,” I say.
“Wow. And things were going so great this summer,” Toby says, frowning. “You need to talk to him though. Nothing is going to be resolved unless you do.”
I nod. “I know. I’m just not good at this kind of stuff. Gabe and I have had a really up and down relationship. I think I’m still holding on to the hope that we can live happily ever after, you know?”
“You have to work to get the happy ever after,” he says. “My mom and your dad is a good example of that. I mean, look at what they went through last year to get to where they are now.”
Toby is right.
Still, I wish it were easier.
“I guess the real question is; is it worth it? Is Gabe worth it to you?” he asks.
And I don’t have an answer to that question. I thought I did.
“Maybe you should be single for a while,” Toby says when I don’t answer. “The entire time I’ve known you, you’ve always had a boyfriend. It can’t be healthy to jump from relationship to relationship like that. Besides, you’re in college. You should date around. Hook up. And just have fun. You’re definitely too young to be tied down.”
“I know,” I say.
But what I don’t know is how I can break up with Gabe. He’s always been there for me. I can’t repay that by breaking up with him. It just wouldn’t be right. Though, Toby is right. I’m too young to be in a miserable relationship. Gabe is jealous and that’s not a good thing.
“How is Kailee?” I ask, changing the subject.
“Good,” Toby answers. “I swear all she does it eat, sleep and poop. I’m ready for her to start doing fun stuff.”
I laugh. “She will soon.”
“Hopefully.”
“I miss her already. I can’t wait to come home next weekend.”
“You are not coming home next weekend,” Toby says. “I am coming to see you. And we are going to party. It’s seriously been way too long since I got laid. And Ty has already told me about all the sorority girls.”
“I’m sure he has,” I say, rolling my eyes.
“Somebody sounds jealous. But, don’t worry, he hasn’t hooked up with any of them, yet,” he says. “Actually, Ty hasn’t hooked up with anybody in a while. Not since everything went down with his dad.”
“Really?” I ask, not truly believing him.
“Yeah. He doesn’t want to end up like his dad, and I think that whole thing was a wake-up call for him,” Toby says. “Also, he told me he wants to be worthy of you. I mean, he’s certain you won’t be giving him another chance, but in case you do, he wants to be prepared.”
“That’s actually really sweet.” Not that it matters. Ty and I have too much history. There is no way that we could work through all of our issues.
“Yep.”
There is a knock on my door, so I say a quick goodbye to Toby and get up to answer it.
I’m certain that the person at my door is not Ty, because he would never knock. He would just walk right in, like he owns the place.
When I open the door, I’m actually surprised to see Gabe standing on the other side. Then I’m shocked that I’m surprised. I mean, Gabe is my boyfriend. And we’ve been at college just over twenty-four hours and this is the first time he’s seeing my dorm room.
I’m not sure what is more disturbing—that Gabe hasn’t been in my room, or the fact that Ty’s already
spent at least twelve hours in here, just hanging out. Well, and sleeping.
“Can I come in?” Gabe asks, when I don’t say anything.
“Um, sure,” I say, stepping back so he can come in.
“This is nice,” he says, surveying the room. “Your single room is actually bigger than the one I’m sharing with Ty.”
“Maybe next year we can all rent a house or something,” I suggest.
“Maybe,” he says, and then looks at me. “So, what have you been up to today?”
“Not much. Just got off a video call with Toby,” I say, purposefully leaving out the part where I had breakfast with Ty... and the part where I woke up with him in my bed. Nothing happened, so really, there is no point in causing unwanted drama.
“Cool,” he says. “Ty didn’t get home from the party until about noon. He must have had a pretty good time.”
I try to smile, but I can’t. “I kind of wish we hadn’t come back to the dorms so early. I wanted to meet some more people.”
“Kihanna, there is something I wanted to talk to you about,” Gabe says, his voice is suddenly very serious.
“Okay.”
“I think that we are too serious.”
I so wasn’t expecting those words to come out of his mouth. But since they’re out, I guess it’s just as good of a time to voice my opinion.
“I completely agree,” I tell him.
He looks relieved. “Last night, I was a jealous idiot. And I just... feel like I’m treating you like property instead of my girlfriend. I don’t want that. I respect you too much.”
I sigh in relief. “I’m so glad you agree. I mean, I’ve loved being your girlfriend, but I think that us breaking up is a good thing. I don’t want to be in a relationship while I’m a freshman.”
Gabe’s face falls. “Break up?”
“Yeah...” I pause. “Wasn’t that what you were going to suggest?”
“No. Never,” he says, looking a bit ill. “I was just going to say that you should hang out with your friend tonight without me. And that it would be good for us to make friends that aren’t our friends. Like separate friends. Because I don’t want to smother you.”
“Oh...” my voice trails off.
“Are you serious? About wanting to break up?” he asks.
