Whatever problems Bennett may or may not be having with Ellie had nothing to do with her. If he needed any advice regarding that situation, he had Makayla and Tami to help him out.
If she sometimes missed the friendship she’d shared with Bennett in their teen years, Grace figured losing that closeness was it was a small price to pay to keep him safe.
Bennett rolled his sleeves back down then reached for his coat. The building was quiet as he left his office. He knew he was the last one there since Ethan had popped his head in earlier to tell him that he and Makayla were leaving. It wasn’t that work had necessarily kept him late, but he’d told himself he wasn’t going to deal with the Ellie situation while he was at the office. That was his private life, and it had no place at work. So he’d stayed late…
He wasn’t happy that she’d phoned the office. And even less happy that Grace had had to deal with her. No doubt Ellie hadn’t been very pleasant to her.
Bennett sighed as he climbed into the cab of his truck. He’d barely turned the key in the ignition when his phone rang. It didn’t surprise him to see Ellie’s name pop up on the screen. He waited for the Bluetooth to pick it up then said hello as he backed out of his spot.
“Why didn’t you call me back?” Ellie asked, her voice soft. Bennett knew she was trying not to appear riled by the fact that he hadn’t. “Did she…did you not get my message?”
“I did,” Bennett said as he watched the traffic on the road in front of the office. “I had work that needed my attention. I thought we’d said everything we needed to say last night.”
“Bennett, please.” Ellie’s voice was still soft. “I think we need to talk some more.”
He accelerated out onto the road when he saw a break in the traffic. “Let me just ask you one question.”
“What’s that?”
“When you called the office and Grace answered, did you ask her how she was doing?” The pause told Bennett everything he needed to know. Ellie had been a bit standoff-ish with his family overall, but he’d figured that in time she’d warm up to them. Unfortunately, she’d been outright rude to Grace at times, and he couldn’t figure out her reasons for doing that. “Grace has been part of our family since she and Makayla were in high school. I’m not sure why you’ve decided that she wasn’t worthy of your consideration. My family has always been about inclusion, not exclusion. Unfortunately, you’re not showing that type of spirit.”
“I can be that way, Bennett,” Ellie pleaded.
“You don’t seem to understand, Ellie. I need this to be something that comes naturally to the woman I’m with. Our family always has room for more. You didn’t need to shove someone aside in order to make room for yourself. That’s not how it works for us. It would never work because Makayla wouldn’t choose you over Grace. So since you decided to keep Grace at arm’s length, by default, you’ve placed the majority of my family at arm’s length as well because they all love Grace. It would just never work.”
“Well.” The one word held a hard edge. “it seems to be a fine coincidence that you’re breaking up with me just when Grace is available.”
“If Franklin’s death has done anything, it’s revealed your true nature to me. If you’d embraced Grace and even made an effort to support her, we wouldn’t be having this conversation.” Bennett guided the truck through traffic, eager to get home. He was so done with this day.
“I think you’re blind, Bennett,” Ellie said, not even trying to take a soft approach with him any longer. “Or you’re lying to yourself.”
The line went dead, and Bennett let out a long sigh. Though there might have been a time when Ellie’s assumption had been correct, that time was long gone. He didn’t appreciate having Ellie put those thoughts back in his head. Franklin’s death didn’t mean that he had another chance with Grace. She had made it clear over the years that she wasn’t interested in that type of relationship with him, so her husband’s death didn’t change anything.
However, that didn’t mean that he wanted to be with someone who wouldn’t even give Grace the courtesy of their sympathy.
Bennett climbed the stairs to his apartment, hearing voices drifting down from above him. He recognized Makayla’s voice, but it was her words that stopped him in his tracks.
“I asked her if she was pregnant,” Makayla said.
“And what did she say?” Ethan asked.
“She said she wasn’t. She thinks it’s just her grief that’s making her feel sick.”
Bennett gripped the railing, the thought of Grace being pregnant caused him to immediately think about how he could help her. He hadn’t even considered that pregnancy might be a possibility. If what Makayla was saying was true, the future was going to significantly change for Grace. She was going to need the support of his family more than ever, and he’d be happy to offer his support as well.
In whatever form that might take.
4
Grace stared down at the white stick sitting on the bathroom vanity. After a couple more out-of-the-blue episodes of throwing up, she’d decided the quickest way to rule out pregnancy was to take an actual test. So there she was, waiting for the test result and hoping with all her heart that it was negative because she just wasn’t sure she could handle it if she was pregnant.
Surely God wouldn’t expect that of her.
Her stomach clenched at the thought, and Grace reached out to flip the test over face down. There was no need to wait for the result. It was negative. She didn’t need the test to tell her that.
She walked from the bathroom into the master bedroom then headed out to the kitchen. After throwing up earlier, she now found herself hungry. Hopefully, there was some appetizing food in the fridge or cupboards. She hadn’t been great at keeping groceries in the house since Franklin’s death. In fact, if it weren’t for Makayla showing up with bags of food once a week, she’d probably not eat much at all.
Thankfully, the bread she found was fresh, and the chunky peanut butter was brand new. She put two slices of bread in the toaster, then spread peanut butter on them while they were still hot. Hot toast with peanut butter had always been a favorite, but it tasted especially good that night. So good, in fact, that she made two more slices. She also drank a glass of warm milk in hopes that it would help her sleep.
When she returned to the bathroom to get ready for bed, Grace stared at the test then slid it against the back of the vanity without turning it over.
Still negative.
She took off her makeup then brushed her teeth. With one last look at the test, she flicked off the light and headed for bed. Two more days and it was the weekend. Of course, she could probably call in sick the next day, and no one would give her any hassles. But she wasn’t going to. She wanted life to get back to normal. Well, as normal as things could be anymore.
And that was why the test was negative.
The nightmare came not long after she’d fallen asleep. Grace woke, drenched in sweat, her heart pounding. She gasped for breath between her sobs. The sounds of crunching metal echoed in her ears. The smell of burning rubber and gasoline seared her nostrils. It was so thick in the air she could taste it. The heat of the fire licked at her skin.
And then she began to scream.
For far too long she felt like she was right back there, dealing with the aftermath of the accident that had ripped her world apart. The guilt she felt pressed down on her even though she knew the accident wasn’t her fault. Franklin had asked her to drive because he’d had a headache. The driver of the truck had been in the wrong when he’d gone through the intersection. It hadn’t been her fault. But she’d lived, and Franklin had died.
She fought to free herself from the bed, kicking at the sheets that were wrapped around her legs. Finally, she jerked free from them and slid onto the floor on her hands and knees. Her stomach heaved, but nothing came up.
When she finally stopped shaking, Grace pushed herself back to sit against the side of the bed. She tipped her head bac
k, lifting her hands to press them to her damp heated cheeks. Maybe Makayla was right. Maybe it was time to see about getting some counseling. Get some professional help. Would that help her to never have the nightmares again?
Fresh tears rolled as the heartache began to bleed over the shock. She didn’t want to have to deal with this. She didn’t want to have to wake up to the knowledge once again that her heart had been ripped out of her chest. Why did God think she was strong enough to handle heartache and loss upon heartache and loss?
She couldn’t keep doing this.
She just wasn’t strong enough.
She wanted her family.
She wanted her husband.
This was not the life she wanted. Not the one she had dreamed of having as a young girl. After losing her parents, she’d managed to keep her dreams alive, but when her grandmother had died, she just couldn’t do it anymore. And then—even though she hadn’t planned to—she’d let her walls down, let Franklin in, only to have it all taken away again.
She just couldn’t do it again.
Pushing up to her feet, Grace went into the bathroom and got a drink. She saw the test, but there was no way she could deal with the possibility of being pregnant right then. No way did she want it to be positive because it would just be one more thing that could be taken away from her.
After a few hours of, thankfully, uninterrupted sleep, Grace called Makayla to let her know that she wasn’t up to going into work that day. Though her friend probed for details, Grace managed to brush her concerns aside. Her next step was to try to find a counselor to help her get past the nightmares.
“No Grace today?” Bennett asked Makayla when he spotted her behind the reception desk. He’d been in the office since seven and had only now popped out to refill his coffee. It was almost ten, and usually Grace was in by nine. Since Franklin’s death, Makayla had been the one to take up most the slack at the front desk in Grace’s absence.
Makayla sat back in her chair, her brows drawn together. “She phoned early this morning to say that she had stuff she needed to do today and wouldn’t be in.”
“Is she okay?”
“Who knows for sure,” Makayla said with a shrug, then she sighed. “She’s just not opening up the way she used to. I suggested she go to a counselor, but she said she didn’t need to.”
“Maybe it’s too soon?” Bennett had no idea how counseling worked. He wondered if maybe his mom could help Grace. She’d also lost her husband and been left a widow at a young age. More than any of the rest of them, she would understand the grief that Grace was dealing with. “Has she talked to Mom at all?”
“Not that I’m aware of.” Makayla leaned forward to rest her arms on the desk. “I hate not knowing how to help her. The way she’s acting, it’s like she doesn’t want us to be there for her. Every time I offer to go over or invite her to our place, she turns me down.”
“It seems like she just needs her space,” Bennett commented.
Makayla seemed to consider his words but didn’t look convinced.
“I heard what you said the other day about her maybe being pregnant.” Makayla’s eyes widened at his remark. “Do you think it’s really possible?”
“She says no.” Makayla paused. “I just wondered since she’s been having nausea and throwing up for no apparent reason.”
“I can’t imagine how she’d deal with that,” Bennett said. “That would certainly be a shock.”
“I would imagine it would be. She didn’t say anything about her and Franklin trying to get pregnant. In fact, I’d kind of got the feeling that they weren’t interested in having kids.”
Bennett’s mind was already churning with what they’d have to do to support her if she was really was pregnant. “Let me know if you hear anything.”
Makayla nodded. “If she tells me.”
When the phone rang, Bennett headed over to fill his coffee mug and then went back to his office while Makayla took care of the call. As he sat down at his desk, he realized that there had been no text messages or calls from Ellie so far that day. Since their conversation on Monday, she’d called him every day to try to convince him to give them a second chance.
Though he was relieved she had stopped calling, he was also sad that things hadn’t worked out since he’d had high hopes for their relationship. They’d met at church when he’d volunteered to serve on a mission’s committee for a conference the church was having. She’d been on the committee as well, and they’d ended up working together on the food for the conference. Her possessive and jealous tendencies hadn’t shown themselves early on. They’d gone on several dates—almost a month’s worth—before he’d introduced her to his family and friend group. And that had been where the trouble had started.
Her initial reserved and stand-offish demeanor had been understandable since his family could be overwhelming. But her attitude hadn’t changed and then it had seemed to morph into jealousy in the last month or so. She’d been jealous of dumb things, like him taking his mom out for dinner. Or spending a Saturday afternoon helping his younger sister, Sammi, find a new car. Or volunteering to help someone from the church move.
He’d spent plenty of time with Ellie, so he had no idea why she was so jealous of the time he spent with the other people who were important to him. He’d invited her along a couple of times, but she’d declined his invitation, only to complain later that he hadn’t spent the time with her.
How she had treated Grace, though, had just been the final straw. He hadn’t expected her to be buddy-buddy with the other women in his life, but he had thought she’d at least be sympathetic to Grace’s grief. With all he had going on, he just couldn’t be with a woman who held herself so much apart from certain areas of his life. His family was important to him. His friends were important to him. And his involvement with the church was a necessity for him. His “perfect” woman would also welcome those things into her own life, just as he would welcome the important areas of her life into his.
When his phone chirped, Bennett sighed before lifting it up to look at it. When he saw Ellie’s name, he just shook his head. It was as if his thoughts had brought on her text. He had no idea why she continued to try to push things. He thought he’d been quite clear when they’d talked the day after he’d broken up with her.
Ellie: Can we go out for dinner on Friday? So we can talk?
Bennett fought the urge to respond immediately in the negative. Instead, he set the phone aside and went back to work. He’d answer her text later.
Grace left the building where she’d just spent the last hour and a half, not sure if she’d be returning. She’d wanted help dealing with the nightmares of the accident. The woman, however, seemed to have a different agenda. She’d wanted to talk about her relationship with Franklin and how she was dealing with his passing.
No.
She didn’t want to talk about that. She was dealing with her grief in her own way. She didn’t need the woman’s help with that. All she wanted was to stop having the nightmares. The dreams about missing Franklin, she could handle. It was the ones about the accident that she wanted to stop.
Maybe she needed to find another counselor. Or a psychiatrist—one that could prescribe some drugs that might help.
Once she got home, Grace stood inside the door and stared around at the space she had shared with her husband. Since it had been Franklin’s before they got married, it had a very masculine look to it with dark colors and big, leather furniture. His job as a successful real estate agent had afforded him a nice home. And now it was hers.
She wasn’t sure how she felt about it. Franklin hadn’t really given her the freedom to change much in the condo when they’d first gotten married, and as time went on, she’d just not cared to make any changes, so it wasn’t truly her home. She thought of Makayla’s offer to move back into the apartment they’d once all shared together, but she wasn’t sure she could handle living in such close quarters again.
The one bedroom a
partment on the main floor of the Callaghan building was still empty, though, since Gabe seemed to prefer to stay at his parents’ place whenever he was in town. The idea of living there—at least for the time being—was definitely becoming more appealing. Close enough to hang out with her friends if she wanted, and yet still be able to retreat to her own space when she needed it.
But was she ready to make any type of major move yet?
Grace pressed her hands against her temples. With everything going through her head, it felt like it was going to explode. Exhaustion plagued her as her fractured sleep from the previous night caught up with her, and she was relieved to crawl into bed after eating a quick supper. Thankfully, her thoughts left her alone long enough so she could fall asleep.
“How are you doing, Grace?”
Grace winced at Bennett’s question. It was one that she was getting especially tired of. When she’d been doing fine, she’d never had a problem with it. Now, however, fine was a lie, but no one had the time for a real answer. And she wasn’t sure she’d give one to Bennett anyway.
“You know what,” Bennett said, “That’s a dumb question. Let me just say that it’s good to see you in today.”
“Thank you.” Grace felt a sense of relief that Bennett understood how difficult that question was for her.
“We’re going out for lunch today,” Bennett said as he lifted his briefcase from where he had set it on her desk. “You know the drill.”
And she did. So when eleven o’clock rolled around, she switched on the answering machine and prepared the sign that would go on the door to let customers know that the office was closed until one o’clock. Bennett came to the front of the office with Ethan and Tristan, followed a few minutes later by Makayla. The guys went in Bennett’s truck while Grace went with Makayla.
“Tami has a date tonight,” Makayla said as she steered her car out of the lot behind Bennett.
“What?” Grace had expected Makayla to talk to her about how she was doing, so her comment took her off-guard.
For the Love of Grace: A Christian Romance (The Callaghans & McFaddens Book 2) Page 4
