by HK Savage
Those big shoulders rolled and he frowned. “I don’t know, all these ladies wanting me for my body with no strings should have me dancing a jig. Only I’m not.” He let his eyes catch hers, failing to hide the sadness there. “I guess I wouldn’t want a chickish guy like me either if I was a girl.”
The turn in topics had Becca in a very awkward position. “You mean that’s what’s got you two in a funny place? You’re more into it than her?” Maybe she was wrong; Ryan would understand exactly what she was going through.
His lack of a response told her she was on the right track.
“We talked about this, didn’t we? That she’s just not the warm fuzzy type?” Becca wasn’t sure if she was talking Ryan through his troubles or hers.
“I’m not whining about her not telling me all of her deepest darkest or saying I want to talk about feelings all the time.” He gave her a look letting her know he wasn’t that bad.
If he didn’t look so hang dog, she would have laughed. The thought of Ryan talking feelings deep into the night was almost as funny as thinking of Michael doing it. That sobered her.
“All I’m saying is that she sees this as a long term hookup. That’s it. I mean it was hot and fun and everything at first, but come on,” passion leaked into his plea, “we’ve been at it for years. And it’s not like we’re doing it with anybody else.” He grabbed a handful of his own hair and tugged. “It’s exclusive casual sex and it’s not enough.” Ryan finished with a frustrated growl.
Giving up on playing it safe, hoping that if she could help him then at least one of them would be satisfied, Becca turned around and leaned her back on the door. “Have you tried talking to her?”
He started to open his mouth and she cut him off.
“Seriously talking, like we are right now? Not the usual ‘haha’ Ryan speak we all know and love.” She gave him a serious look, demanding a serious answer. If he wanted to do this now, she was going to make him do this. Funny how brave she was when it wasn’t her heart in the scope.
Ryan looked like a kid who’d gotten his hand caught forging a hall pass. “Well, not seriously. We’ve joked about it.”
“We’ve joked about it or you’ve joked about it?” she countered.
His expression began to close off. “I don’t want to talk about this anymore.”
Forcing air through pursed lips, Becca spun and opened the door. “I’m done with this, at least until I get some food in my stomach.” She walked out, throwing a, “you coming?” over her shoulder.
She was halfway through the parking lot before a door slammed shut and she heard the heavy thudding stomp of his boots behind her and she smiled. She didn’t want to eat alone and she enjoyed the big lug’s company.
Chapter 12
A belly full of toast and coffee had given Becca far more patience and when only a few crumbs remained on her plate she leaned forward, cupping her coffee between her palms.
“I think you should talk to her,” she reopened the conversation.
Ryan, having finished his eggs, hash browns, and toast, started on his pancakes. He paused in his attack to take a swig of his milk and answered over the edge of the glass. “I tried.”
“No you didn’t. You said so yourself, you joked around about it.”
“She knows me, that’s how I talk about things.”
“Then you’re not really in love with her. Not if you aren’t willing to tell her for real.” Becca reflected on the irony. She’d had to be almost passed out and blind to admit it. Who was she to make rules about the right way to profess one’s love?
Ryan dropped his fork with a clatter and the tables immediately around them grew uncomfortably quiet. He took one breath, then two before he looked up.
She saw heat in his eyes that didn’t bode well for her and she wondered if she’d crossed the line. Spot-free vision allowed Becca the courage to stand firm and she refused to back down. “I mean it. If you love her, tell her.” The voice in her head poked her to take her own advice and she poked back that their situation was different, and she had, nosy little voice.
There was no warning because Ryan’s attack wasn’t physical. Glowering, he leaned over his plate and spoke quietly through locked teeth. “How about you? You willing to practice what you preach?”
Seeing where this was going, Becca put her cup down and sat up straight.
He saw that he’d struck a nerve and instantly dropped the anger, switching to his usual flippant attitude. “You tell Mike you love him, and I’ll tell Gabs straight up.”
“I already did.” She pushed out her chin, hoping if she fessed up he wouldn’t ask too many questions.
He wasn’t fooled. Smiling confidently, he leaned back. “And?”
“And what? I told him,” she snapped. “That’s what we’re talking about, isn’t it?”
“And what did he say?”
The smug way he was looking at her had Becca’s paranoia on the subject flying into overdrive. Would Michael have told Ryan anything? She thought about keeping her mouth shut. “Nothing,” she mumbled.
His brows shot up. Thankfully he didn’t laugh. “Nothing?”
“No, nothing. I think I fainted before he had a chance to comment.” Her cheeks burned. Again.
Ryan’s guffaw drew more stares. Becca wished the floor would open up and she could politely roll in before she had to speak to anyone else.
“You two look like you’re having fun.”
Becca’s back went ramrod straight and Ryan wiped at his eyes. “Hey Mike. Where were you this morning? You missed breakfast.” He raised an eyebrow as Michael slid into the booth next to him, eyes trained across the table. “I take that back, it looks like you just finished.”
She gave him a long look, taking in the pinked up skin and knew that if she touched him he would feel warm. Cutting her eyes to Ryan, she willed him to keep his trap shut or she would throw him under the bus as soon as she found Gabrielle.
“So, what did I miss?” Michael fiddled with a fork resting on the paper placemat in front of him.
“Nothing,” Becca said quickly.
Winking, Ryan grinned. “Becca’s giving me love advice.”
In her mind’s eye, Becca saw her fist landing in his mouth. “You were the one asking for it, Ryan.”
Eyes going from one to the other, Michael sought to figure out what had transpired. It was obvious it was only entertaining to one party. Becca was sure she didn’t look nearly as amused as Ryan. An elderly woman sitting on the outside of the table across from them shifted her purse to the inside. Apparently, in her head, an altercation might lead to a purse snatching.
“Well why don’t you go use some of it? Gabs’s back.”
All mirth evaporated and Ryan shifted nervously in his seat. “Guess I’d better go see what’s up then, huh?”
Nodding, Michael’s expression was troubled. “She looked tired, she must have been running all night. She barely looked at me when I said hello.” He slid out of his seat to make room for Ryan’s exit.
Getting to his feet so fast he banged the table, spilling half her coffee, Ryan said his good byes and hustled out the door.
“Don’t worry, I’ll get it,” Michael joked, reaching for the check.
Becca threw her napkin at the light brown pool spreading on the table. “I’ll catch it. You didn’t eat.” Becca snatched the white register tape from his hand, eager for something else to talk about.
“Okay, I’ll let you expense it just this once. But next time it’s mine.” He offered her a small smile.
Becca walked the check up to pay at the register, leaving the tip with the hostess when Michael joined her at the front.
As they were walking across the parking lot, Michael broke the silence. “Can I ask what sort of advice you were giving Ryan?”
“He wanted a woman’s opinion so I gave him one.” Becca’s answer was short. He was acting like nothing had changed.
“Huh.”
Wanting to confro
nt him, afraid of what he’d say, Becca kept walking. How was love a great thing? This was excruciating. Wrestling a drunk with a knife or fending off a shifter’s teeth beat this situation hands down.
He let her pass him and every step she took she waited for his hand on her arm or shoulder, even a word to stop her. There was nothing. She stopped at the door to their room and glanced his direction. “What was our plan for today? Are we heading back to the station?” Her hand touched the key in her pocket and she pulled it out.
“I thought you could tell me what you saw yesterday. It was a vision, wasn’t it?” he asked her quietly.
Dropping her eyes to the key sliding into the lock, Becca blinked away the hurt she felt. It was her fault for dropping the bomb. She was the one who’d brought up the “L” word, not him. He liked her and she knew that. It wasn’t right for her to change things now that she’d thrown out the game changer. Swallowing, she straightened, though she couldn’t turn and face him. “I, I’m not sure what I saw. Give me some time to figure it out?” That wasn’t out of the ordinary for her to give it a day or two to sort out before she advised them what she’d seen. In fact, she was putting off discussing her most recent vision. There were some aspects of it she was having a hard time explaining. Like why it felt so different. It was like she was someone else, only she wasn’t. The hands she’d looked at had been female, not male so it wasn’t like she’d jumped into one of the others. The whole thing confounded her. In light of the whole vampire blood messing with her sight and body, she didn’t want to tell him until she figured it out. If she gave him yet another thing to worry about her for, she thought she’d scream. She hoped he wouldn’t push.
He was quiet and she glanced up. He was shaking his head. “The chief has his people doing some sort of mandatory state required training this morning. He was thinking he’d like us there no earlier than one.”
It was barely nine.
“Okay. Do you mind if I go for a run then? I’m feeling stronger this morning and it’d be nice to stretch my legs.” She stressed how well she was feeling. Freeing him from his obligation to her for the time being.
“Mind if I go with you?”
“Sure. I mean, no. That’s fine. Let me get changed.” She took in his jeans and blue shirt under a darker blue hoodie. Not that he would sweat or anything, but he might want to change and look the part. “Are you going like that?”
Hands in his pockets, he shrugged. “Yeah, I’ll wait out here.”
They parted ways awkwardly and Becca ended up taking much longer than necessary to get into her running clothes. At least with running early mornings and evenings in the desert, she had the right gear. Thick black leggings, pink wicking shirt, fitted black zip up jacket and shoes and she was ready. The thin pair of gloves she’d tucked away evaded her, making her delay even longer.
He smiled when she emerged ten minutes later. “I thought I was going to have to send in a search party.”
Offering a quick, polite laugh, she made a few last adjustments to her wardrobe and thought about her iPod sitting on the bed. It would be rude to carry it but it would keep her from having to talk too. And she had the feeling that was exactly what Michael had in mind. They’d never had a “feelings talk” but it looked like she might have started something. She pondered the benefits of rolling an ankle and having to go to the hospital. She flashed him a tight smile resembling more of a grimace, and bolted.
Endurance and speed were more “enhancements” she’d gotten from him and she used both to their maximum. Not that she could have outrun Michael, but it let her get out of talking by keeping up a punishing pace any human would have had trouble holding for more than a sprint.
They’d started out on the main county road the motel fronted on and curved onto dirt the first chance they got. Becca, a California girl, thought it would be quieter without the traffic. She hadn’t realized the problem with running on a side road in the winter. Ice.
And so it was that after only four miles, nothing for a vampire and his “juiced” girlfriend, she had to pull up or risk breaking her neck. Hands on her hips, she walked in small circles and panted through her nose and out her mouth, making small clouds of smoke as she caught her breath. Michael had no such needs and merely came to a halt, hands in the pockets of his hoodie. Becca could feel the tension tying her shoulders to her neck and bringing them into a painfully tight triangle of angst.
Tilting her head back, she took in the pines towering over them on either side of the narrow path. This particular area had been planted in rows, extending outward in long, dizzying straight lines as far as she could see. The snow covering was thin there, she could tell the depth from a set of rabbit tracks crossing in front of her. A few more steps would take her inside the shadowy forest. Her feet carried her without a second thought.
What little road noise there had been died when she entered the woods. Fallen needles covered with puffy snow cushioned her steps and marked each footfall with a soft “hush.” Her memories went back to her cypress copse at Miramar. It was her favorite place on the base where she’d lived for several years. It was also the place where she first met Admiral Black and the wolves, changing her life’s course forever. The knot in her back began to let go and she rolled her neck, helping it along. Another deep breath brought in the crisp, pine scent with only a hint of the musty earth stirred by their passing.
The mature thing to do was to face Michael and talk through what he would have said last night if she hadn’t fainted at the crucial moment. Or hearing him tell her it hadn’t been that for him. That it had been fun at first and now was an obligation they would have to continue with if for no other reason than to prevent her from burning out.
Picking up speed, she took off through the narrow opening between the trunks. Ducking low boughs and hopping over small depressions where roots had shifted the ground soon took all of her focus and her problems became an afterthought. She failed to notice when Michael came abreast of her and caught her arm, slowing to bring them both to a walk.
Puffing, she gave up trying to avoid him and stood waiting, like a sullen teenager. She wasn’t going to talk first this time. In her head, she already had. And now, she was terrified at the power she’d given him over her.
Chapter 13
Ryan entered their room quietly, not exactly sneaking, but damn close. Gabrielle was in the shower. He could smell the wet, pungent tang of sweat and earth combined with a trace of blood emanating from the pile of clothes by the bed where she’d stripped. She’d been in human form again last night while he’d favored the wolf. Better to protect her if they ran into the windigo or whatever it was working for. She had only changed for a few moments to hunt. The blood wasn’t hers. He could smell the difference even dried.
Their continued silence pained him deeply. Becca was right, he did love her and he was too big a coward to admit it to her. He stood outside the bathroom, knuckles resting on the closed door while he listened to her in the shower. The flick of the shampoo bottle’s lid echoed off the white tile walls. Closing his eyes, he pictured her as she washed her hair. He could smell the familiar scents of the soaps and products she’d brought from home. His fingers rubbed together, feeling the phantoms of her honey blonde strands between them.
The water turned off and Ryan backed away. He didn’t know much about being in love, but it didn’t seem like a good idea to get caught stalking a girl. “Hey Gab,” he called out to let her know he was in there.
“Hey,” she called back after a long pause.
It was doubtful she would go to wolf form here in the tiny motel room. That would be more than ridiculous, it would be blatant. No, it was more likely she would try to seduce him or sleep to keep from talking.
Sure enough, when the door opened to reveal a towel wrapped Gabrielle, she yawned. “I need a few hours. You?” Her eyes barely skimmed over him, she wasn’t interested in his answer.
Ryan, however, was studying her features and frame closely. Dar
k, puffy circles beneath her amber eyes were easily visible from across the room as was the slump to her normally proud shoulders. Even the sway was gone from her shuffling walk. He clenched his hands into tight fists and crossed his arms to keep from going to her and folding her into his body, protecting her from whatever was haunting her. The voice inside his head told him this was really not the time, yet Becca’s words had goaded him into a now or never mentality. He took a deep breath and let part of it escape in a hiss. “Can you wait? I wanted to talk to you about something.”
Falling sideways onto the bed without pulling back the covers, Gabrielle eyed him warily and headed him off. “I know I’ve been distracted the past few days but I’m trying to work something out.” She managed a tired smile. “I promise we can talk about whatever you want, soon, if you could just give me a few more days to get some answers for myself.” She offered him a timid smile. “I’ll be in a better place to talk then, I promise.”
