Runaway Heart (A Game of Hearts #2)

by Sonya Loveday

  “And when she left, I felt like a piece of my childhood left with her. I don’t know what happened to her after that. What I do know, is that same little girl is still somewhere inside her. She just needs to find her again, is all. And she’s going to need your love and support to do that.”

  There was a sharpness to his tone, but it was out of his evident love for my mother. A protective nature I could only respect.

  “I can do that,” I said, my voice as soft as silk.

  “Good.” He gave me a soft smile before turning back around. “She’s just here, in the library.”

  Filmy, white dots danced in my vision as my stomach went a little queasy. It was really happening. I was really about to see her again for the first time in years.

  For the first time as herself and not as my father’s shadow.

  “Here we are,” Elliot said as we rounded the corner to the library.

  Everything I planned to say to her decided to desert me when my eyes found her form across the room. Her back was to us, her hand moving like a conductor against a partially painted canvas.

  I didn’t know she painted.

  “Dany,” Elliot said, clearing his throat.

  Her hand paused, and then she turned, her apron covered in a cluster of chaotic colors.

  I swallowed and made myself speak. “Hi, Mom.” I said it as if I only just saw her yesterday. My heart beat like a hummingbird’s wings against my ribcage. My brain felt like it had rolled through a sticky field of emotions, picking them all up along the way, making it hard to distinguish exactly what I was feeling.

  “Hannah!” The paintbrush dropped from her hand, and then she was in front of me, her arms wrapped around me so tight I could barely breathe. I dropped my bag and held onto her just as tight, feeling the hot springs in my eyes spilling down my cheeks.

  “You found me.” She spoke against my hair, her voice thick with relief.

  “You left him,” I said back, my throat raw with regret.

  She pulled back. Smoothed her hands down my hair as her head tilted to the side. Her cheeks glistened with tears as her eyes scanned over my features, as if making a mental checklist to be sure I was still the same girl who left home years ago.

  But what she found was that I wasn’t.

  “You’re different,” she said, rubbing her hand against my cheek.

  I leaned into it.

  “So are you.” I noted her skin was free of bruises and plumper than when I left her. “You look…”

  “Stronger?”

  I forced myself to take a deep breath. “Yes,” I said. “Stronger.”

  “I came to a few of your bouts, you know,” she admitted, really looking at me.

  I felt my mouth hang open.

  “I did.” A full smile bloomed on her face. “I hid in the back, and I was amazed. You were so… so alive. And when you left to come here for the World Cup, I watched you online. Saw you come into your own as a woman, and it was then I realized how much I let you down.”

  “Mother,” I started to say, wanting to stop her, but she held her hand up to quiet my protest.

  “I did, Hannah, and there isn’t anything you can say to change it. I didn’t… I didn’t hug you enough. I didn’t tell you all the ways you are beautiful. I didn’t teach you what courage meant, and I didn’t guide you into womanhood.

  “I know there is nothing I can say to erase what’s happened. To bring back those years and do them over… but I can try, now, if you’ll let me.”

  I was mute… my brain feeling like I was chasing a speeding train of information I couldn’t keep up with. Feeling like I was staring at an entirely different human sewn into my mother’s delicate skin.

  I knew she got away from him, but I wasn’t prepared for the feelings that came with seeing my mother in a different light. For seeing her as a human being, and not as the sad woman who took a beating nearly every day.

  “Hannah?” she treaded carefully, her eyes trying to search mine.

  I shook the fuzz from my head. “Sorry. I have a million questions. This is all just so… so different. It’s a lot to take in.”

  “Aren’t you happy?” she asked, sounding worried.

  I rushed to say, “Yes. I’m very happy you left him. I just…” I stopped. Chewed on my lower lip. “I just want to know why?”

  “Why what, honey?”

  “Why you stayed for so long?”

  I could see the memories flashing before her eyes like a movie reel as her face morphed from sadness, to pain, and then to regret. I wanted to retract my words. Bury them under a pile of rocks where they couldn’t get free, but I knew better.

  I wanted to know more.

  “There isn’t one reason that will explain it, Hannah,” she said, her voice slightly quivering. “He was my husband. Your father. Our provider.” She inhaled sharply, like she was trying to hold back the tears. “I didn’t have any special talents, at least none that would pay the bills for us.”

  I glanced over her shoulder at the painting she’d been working on—a field of lavender that looked so realistic I felt I could reach out and touch it. Maybe even smell it.

  “You paint,” I stated, taking her hand in mine.

  “That isn’t enough. Not when you have a child that needs tending to. And not when you don’t believe in yourself to begin with. I won’t blame your father for this… not for the remarks he made about my talent, or about the anger he had when he caught me painting from time to time, because it wasn’t his fault I didn’t do anything more with it. It was mine.

  “My own fear of being rejected fed into the easy excuses your father gave me by telling me I wasn’t good enough. I absorbed them like a sponge and used them to repress myself, because I thought hiding was easier than being told by an opinion that mattered that I wasn’t good enough.

  “Then you went to college and found roller derby. And when you applied yourself and got picked up to be on the international team, I started looking at myself in the mirror. Really looking… long and hard.

  “I was so damn proud of you, Hannah. You had persevered despite having two parents who weren’t anything close to role models. You paved your own way, and the shame I felt in myself for realizing I had taken the easy way out was enough to move my feet. To make my hands start grabbing clothes and shoving them into a suitcase, until I was at the door, telling your father I had enough.

  “He didn’t believe me, of course, but I didn’t look back. I knew he wouldn’t think I meant it, so I left him a note to find telling him I was going home. He’d never chase me here.”

  “I know,” I said, thinking of his face as my stomach went sour.

  “How do you…?” She stopped. Gasped. “You saw him? Oh my, Hannah! Did he hurt you? Are you okay? What happ—?”

  “Mom, I’m fine!” I said, trying to calm her down as I clasped her hand in mine.

  She stilled, waiting for me to explain.

  “I went to see you. To close a really long and hard chapter in my life before I could move forward. I hadn’t expected to see him, but I’m glad I did. It proved something to me, something I’d cowered from for so long.”

  I inhaled courage and looked directly at her.

  “I’m no longer afraid of him. He doesn’t hold any more power over me. I realized when I left home that I let that part of me rule my decisions. And when I saw him again… saw what he’d become and what I became because of him, it was like a light switch flipped on inside of me. It wasn’t us. It was him. He was broken. We were just his collateral damage.”

  Her eyes bubbled with emotion. “I’m so sorry, Hannah. I wish… I wish I could have given you a different life. A better one.”

  I pulled her into a hug. “It’s okay, Mom. I don’t blame you anymore. I forgive you.”

  Mom pulled back with a small gasp, her hand coming up to brush away tears I hadn’t felt falling. “I love you, Hannah. My beautifully brave, strong, intelligent girl.”

  My breath hitched. “I
love you too, Mom.”

  “Hello, Hannah,” Della said from the doorway, making her entry.

  We both let go of each other as she sat across from us, tucking her hands in her lap.

  “You’ve returned,” she said, looking at me.

  “Had to. My heart is here.” I took in a deep breath to calm myself.

  “And what will you do? After you find him, that is?” she asked, her narrowed eyes scanning my face.

  I felt like a heat lamp was held above my face. “I honestly haven’t thought that far ahead,” I said with a small laugh. Painfully aware of how ridiculously unprepared I sounded. “I-I don’t usually have issues finding work though. I guess I’ll start with that… finding a job, I mean.”

  Della pulled in a sharp inhale of air, and then said, “What if I said I’d like to offer you a position here?”

  My words tripped over themselves. “Like a job-job?”

  She laughed. “Yes. If you’d like, that is. I think as a victim yourself, you’d be a perfect fit. I need someone to help the girls who leave this place adjust in the real world. With the shelter continuously gaining exposure, it’s hard for me to leave and pay visits to the girls the way our foundation does when they set out on their own. It would be nice to have the extra help.”

  It took me a second to wrap my mind around what she offered me. To realize it was something I wanted to do all along.

  Help people.

  The medical route seemed too arduous for me, and it was why I bounced from major to major, trying to find something that sparked my interest.

  But this… this I could do.

  “Absolutely,” I said on a laugh. “Thank you, Della!”

  “You’re quite welcome. I told you before you’d have a place here, and I meant it. You have your mother’s spirit. She’s a fighter.”

  I looked to my mother, unable to process the pride and relief I felt that she had gotten away. That her life was hers.

  “Yes, she is,” I said, understanding her on a deeper level. Though she stayed, she fought to get where she was. Struggled through years, only to come out on top.

  “How long will you be here?” I asked her.

  “As long as it takes to get back on my feet and to find work,” she said. “There’s so much I need to tell you, Hannah. About your family and your heritage.”

  “And you will have all the time in the world now that you two are reunited. You both can stay here until you get settled and find a place to live,” Della said with a wide smile. “This is what we love seeing the most here. Families mending.”

  We all shared a smile.

  “Ed will be so happy you returned.”

  My heart stopped. My feet twitched. “How… how is he?”

  “I believe it’s my turn to be a little confused. How is it the two of you already know one another?” Mom asked, looking between Della and me.

  Della smirked. “I met Hannah several months back when she came with her team for a tournament. My nephew, Ed, introduced us.”

  That was partially true, but I respected Della’s reasoning for keeping the real story to herself. And, honestly, I officially met Della with Ed when he’d come to pick up his jacket.

  “Your nephew, Edward?” Mom questioned, eyes sparkling.

  Della gave a slight nod of her head.

  “How in the world did you meet Della’s nephew, Hannah?” Mom asked me, one eye squinting like she’d done to me as a child when I accidentally broke her favorite teacup.

  I couldn’t help but chuckle. “I met Ed in Rum Cay when Maggie and Phillip got married. Ed is Phillip’s best friend.”

  “And you and Ed are…?” Mom dug in.

  I blushed. “I love him. He’s the reason I was forced to let go of the past. I couldn’t love him and hold on to all of my demons. I had to figure it out, and I did. I chose him. I chose love.”

  Della beamed. “Well, then I expect you’ll be wanting to tell him that yourself.”

  Biting my lip, I gave my head a sharp jerk. I really needed to see him. I had to know it wasn’t too late. But how could I just up and leave Mom when we’d barely scratched the surface of our reunion?

  “Go, Hannah. I’ll still be here after you see him. We have plenty of time to catch up.” Mom laughed, batting her hand at my weak refusal. “I’m here, and I’m not going anywhere until I get myself situated. Besides, we have the rest of our lives now that we’ve found each other again.”

  I shifted restlessly in my seat. What was the right choice?

  “I’ll call you a car,” Della said, taking the choice away from me.

  “You really love him?” Mom asked. Her eyes searched mine as I thought of seeing him again.

  Happiness bubbled up, along with fear. The excitement of seeing him threatened to buckle my composure completely. I had to believe he’d meant what he said about waiting for me.

  “I really do, Mom. I never knew I could love someone as much as I love him.” I clutched my fist over my heart.

  “Does he know how you feel?” She pulled my clenched hand into hers and squeezed.

  I threaded my fingers through hers. “No, and that’s why it’s so important for me to see him. I need to tell him everything. I need him to know he’s it for me. He’s my soul mate, and I don’t want to go another minute without him knowing that.”

  “Well, then I guess you better go run a brush through your hair and shake out your rumpled clothes then.” She helped me to my feet.

  Della breezed back into the room. “The car will be round in twenty. I’ve given the address to the driver, so you’re all set, Hannah.”

  I dug around in my bag, hauling out my brush and tugging it through my hair. “Thank you, Della.”

  Della gestured to my suitcases. “Would you like me to put your things in one of our guest rooms? You have time to change if you’d like and maybe pack an overnight bag.”

  I blushed thinking about what would happen once I saw Ed. If he hadn’t given up on me, there would be no chance of me coming back to Della’s right away. “Um…”

  “Pack a bag, dear. It’s an hour from here where Ed lives, and I know my nephew. He’s not going to let you out of his sight right away.”

  I kept my sigh of relief to myself, thankful Della pretty much made the decision for me.

  “Come along. I’ll take you to your room so you can freshen up.”

  I followed behind her, feeling as if my feet didn’t quite touch the ground.

  “VIOLET’S POSTED THE NEXT TWO weeks’ worth of events. Ye might want to check it out before ye get a start on anything else,” Charlie said, sticking his head into the hallway when I passed by his office.

  “Booked us, has she?” I backtracked to the corkboard opposite Charlie’s office.

  “What the bloody hell is a rolling party?” I scanned over the dates filled with Violet’s loopy handwriting.

  “Fuck if I know,” Charlie answered, shrugging. “But at least it’s not that men-bashing women’s hate group. Once was enough for me, thanks.”

  I couldn’t help but laugh. It wasn’t funny at the time, but thinking back on what some of those women said… complete nutters, the whole lot of them.

  “At least tonight’s a fun one.”

  “It’ll be crazy, that’s for sure,” Charlie called over his shoulder, heading back to his office.

  I made my way to the bar to help prep the combined stag-and-hen party for Charlie’s cousin—Drew and his fiancée Ally.

  After Aunt Della’s gala two weeks ago, I had an even harder time keeping Hannah from taking over all of my thoughts.

  Ever since her phone silence, I wasn’t sure what to think anymore. I’d told her I’d give her time, but I hadn’t expected for her to stop talking to me all together. I should have picked up the phone weeks ago and called her. Even if I just left a message. Maybe she was testing me, seeing if I’d meant what I’d said when I told her I loved her.

  Fear snaked its way through my veins, causing my stomach to c
lench and my heart to hammer in my chest. Grabbing my phone, I didn’t stop to think about it as I brought up her name and pressed the call button.

  “We’re sorry. The number you have dialed is no longer in service…”

  I pulled the phone away from my head, looking down at it in confusion. Hung up and called the number back, only to get the recorded message again.

  My palms broke out in sweat. My hands shook. I tried for the life of me to put it all together.

  What the hell is going on?

  I pulled up Messenger. There had to be an explanation for it all. Hannah wouldn’t just disconnect her phone without telling me.

  Would she?

  The odd-sounding ringer pulsed and warbled on and on, but Hannah didn’t answer.

  My phone clattered to the floor. When I didn’t reach down and pick it up, Violet came around the bar and scooped it up, holding it out for me to take.

  I didn’t want it. Her silence was all the explanation I needed.

  She told me up front she didn’t want a relationship. Told me she needed to fix herself, but maybe what we had wasn’t enough for her. Just like I feared. Just like with Monica.

  Violet waved the phone in front of my face. “Ed?”

  I pinched my eyes closed as tight as they would go, pulling a deep breath down into my chest, feeling it expand and contract.

  And then I took another.

  And then another.

  Don’t fall apart again, mate.

  It hurt like hell to breathe. Made me realize my time was up, yet I’d continue living.

  Even if it was without Hannah.

  I wasn’t ready to accept it, but time didn’t care. Time was telling me to suck it up and keep moving and, no matter how much I didn’t want to, I was going to listen.

  “What’s going on?” Charlie asked from across the room.

  “I don’t know.” Violet sounded worried.

  It didn’t matter though. I needed a moment. Hell, I needed two of them to figure out how the hell I was supposed to keep moving forward in a world where I existed without Hannah.

  I opened my eyes, blinking against the kaleidoscope of colors and shadows dancing across my vision. Violet stood in front of me, lip caught between her teeth as she wrung her hands.