by Eden Finley
“Doctor, laid-back, and umm … I dunno. We haven’t spent that much time together because of Amber.”
“Okay, now how Amber sees me: needy, demanding, ultimatum giverer.”
“Did you, a professional doctor with an actual medical degree, just use the word giverer?”
“Focus on the bigger picture, Reece. I was what Amber needed in the beginning. We were both going through our residencies, and we were both studying our asses off. We were career focused, and that’s why we worked. But it’s also what drove us apart when I was ready for more and she was still stuck pushing herself to be the best. And I don’t know what she told you guys, but our marriage was long over before I started up something with the woman you’ve dubbed the midwife. It’s just neither of us were ready to admit it yet. We were sleeping in separate bedrooms by the end.”
“Why are you telling me this?” Reece whispered.
“How do you see that Spence guy? Is he a what-you-need-for-now person or a what-you-want-forever person?”
“He’s everything I want. But …”
“But?”
“I’m scared he’s everything I need too. I wanted to be on my own for once, and then he swoops in with his millions of dollars and takes the only independence I had away from me.”
Mike scoffed. “Such a hardship.”
“God, I sound ridiculous, don’t I? I’m complaining my boyfriend turned out to be a millionaire. Isn’t that what every girl wants? But I’ve been dependent on him just as I’ve always been dependent on someone, and he made me think I was on my own. I’m waiting for a gold star sticker that says ‘good job!’ for pretending to be an adult this whole time.”
I sagged in defeat. By shoving her money back in her face, she thought I’d been carrying her, but that wasn’t true. Not at all.
“I can tell you now, being on your own is overrated,” Mike said.
“What about the midwife?” Reece asked.
“She wasn’t what I wanted either. I don’t know what I want, Reece. And I’m a thirty-five-year-old guy with a medical degree, as you put it. Just because someone is successful in one area, that doesn’t mean they have it all figured out. All I know is I don’t want Amber. And you should stop thinking she’s so perfect. Far from it. Everyone has issues. Some are just better at hiding it than others.”
Miss Happy Nurse came up beside me. “What are we doing?” she whispered.
“Shit.” I flinched. “You scared the crap outta me.”
“Why are you standing out here?”
“She’s having a heart to heart with the doc. Didn’t want to interrupt.”
“Spence?” Reece’s voice came through the curtain that was hiding me from sight.
“I’m here.” I stepped forward into the room.
“How much did you—”
“Can we put a pin in this fight for now?” I asked. I needed to prove to her that she was wrong about me—about us—but I couldn’t do that here. “We need to focus on bringing Elliot into this world, and I’d prefer if his first moments weren’t spent with us yelling at each other.”
She gave a small nod.
Mike stood from the side of Reece’s bed. “Well, the drip is in, and bub’s heartbeat seems to be steadying, but if the contractions haven’t started back up soon, we’re going to need to add oxytocin to your drip, and that’s never fun.”
“Why not?” I asked.
“It’ll make her contractions harder and closer together than natural labour.”
“Where do I sign up?” Reece quipped.
“I’ll be back to check on you in a while,” Mike said, ignoring her. “Hang tight.”
“I’ll try not to go anywhere,” Reece called after him.
Mike’s laughter retreated out the door with him.
“So, that was your brother-in-law,” I muttered.
“Yup.” She avoided looking at me.
This is going to be one long-ass labour.
23
REECE
“He’s perfect,” Spencer whispered.
“He’d want to be after what he put me through,” I grumbled, but I couldn’t deny the bundle wrapped in my arms was perfect.
With Cody, I didn’t remember an instant connection. It took a while for us to bond. Probably because I was nineteen and scared shitless.
This time I knew what to expect, and the minute my son was here—after six hours of no contractions and then another six hours of oxytocin-induced contractions—I was in love. In pain, but in love.
The labour was a complicated one, but Elliot Crowley got here in the end. In the wee early morning hours.
“Did I mention we’re never having sex again?” Spencer said.
I laughed but there was no energy behind it. “You’re meant to tell me I’m still hot, even after everything you’ve seen.”
“Oh, you’re freaking gorgeous, and a trooper, and holy shit, do I have newfound respect for women. But after that, why in the hell would you ever want to have sex again?”
My laugh was real this time.
Spencer’s face softened and he sat on the side of my bed. His hand brushed my disgustingly matted and sweaty hair away from my face. “Reece, I—”
“Where’s my honorary nephew?” Pip’s voice singsonged from the entry of the maternity ward.
“Oh, geez,” I said. “She probably woke the whole ward.”
Sure enough, I heard one baby start crying.
“We’ll talk later,” Spencer said, standing once again.
But we didn’t get the chance.
Pip and Gage stayed for a while, and they left as Hunter and Sara came to visit.
We suffered through awkwardness when Hunter jokingly asked if we were together, because Spencer looked to me for an answer, and I couldn’t bring myself to say anything.
Cole dropped by so Cody could meet his little brother.
After that, Spencer’s sisters visited and then his mother.
My family didn’t come.
Shocking.
But I did receive a voicemail, scolding me about ruining Dad’s birthday with my behaviour.
Some things never change.
The labour was complicated but the delivery went smoothly. Barely any tearing apparently meant a smooth delivery. Didn’t help that my brother-in-law was the one to stitch me up. At least awkward family dinners weren’t going to be an issue now.
The hospital only needed to keep me for a few hours, so before we knew it, I was being discharged.
Cole agreed to take Cody for the first few days while we settled in with Elliot.
When we arrived home, Elliot was asleep again. He did that a lot. Apparently, life outside of the womb was too boring to stay awake to experience it.
“I have some work to do,” Spencer said. “He was two weeks early, so I need to shuffle things around. You should try to sleep while Elliot is.”
“Good idea.” I was worried he was going to mention the elephant in the room, and I wasn’t ready for that yet. “I might take him into the front bedroom if you’re going to be working in ours.”
The rejection in his eyes hurt, but I still didn’t know how I felt about it all and knew it would be best if I had some space.
I’d been awake for thirty-something hours. I wasn’t in the right frame of mind to be thinking about our relationship.
I moved Elliot from the baby capsule to my bed and lay down beside him.
His big pouty lip moved in and out of his mouth in a sucking motion. He’d need feeding again soon.
And so it begins.
Until then, Mike’s words kept replaying in my head. I wondered what version of Spencer lived in other people’s brains.
It was easy to imagine how everyone saw him. Words like nice guy, smart, kind, funny, and laid-back filled my head. Easy-going was him to the core.
Putting that next to what I imagined others thought of me, I couldn’t see a single reason Spencer was with me to begin with.
Cole’s version o
f me: manipulative, unsupportive bitch.
Paige’s opinion: cheating bitch.
Pip’s: lost.
The rest of the guys: bitch.
Spencer: gold-digger.
My loud sigh scared the bejesus out of Elliot. He flinched and his tiny baby arms flew out of his poorly wrapped cocoon. I really had to remember how to swaddle properly.
He stirred to the point of a whine, so I lowered my tank top, rolled him towards me, and attached him to the boob like the midwives showed me.
Spencer’s footsteps sounded down the hall. “I heard him—oh, he’s feeding?”
“Like a trooper.”
“That’s my boy. Okay, here’s the deal.” He threw papers on the bed.
“We’re really going to do this now?” I asked.
“You’re trapped on the bed. And unlike twenty-four hours ago, you’re not trying to push a baby out your vagina, so now’s perfect.”
I didn’t want to laugh, but I couldn’t help it.
“At least you’re still willing to laugh at me.” He threw himself on the bed next to Elliot.
Elliot didn’t even register Spencer’s presence; he was too busy.
“Okay, first up, here’s a list of the entire support team’s wages. Don’t tell them I’m showing you this. Pretty sure I’m not allowed to.”
“Why are you showing me this?”
“You’re paid the exact same amount as everyone else on your team. When we hired you, we didn’t need more staff, but it was lucky we did because Carol from sales left not long after you were hired, which is why we moved Alan up, and then we weren’t short staffed while training the new person. So, be pissed off at me for hiring you when we didn’t need you, but the truth of the matter is we need you now. Well, when you come off maternity leave. Fletch is working a shit load of hours to cover your absence.”
“That’s not—”
“Let me finish. Your employment contract is real, and you’re a real part of the CTD team. The company pays you, not me. I don’t want you to think this was me carrying you. Next thing is rentals. Here”—he showed me a page of listing for shared houses—“you’re paying the average for this area. I didn’t give you a friend’s discount on rent, because I knew you wanted to do this on you own. The only thing is, I didn’t keep the money. I put it away for your son. And—”
“Spence. I get why you did it. Maybe I didn’t get my job on my own merits, but for once in my life, I wasn’t reliant on someone else to pay my bills for me. It gave me the financial independence I needed. I was pissed when I first found out, but I realise that it doesn’t diminish the work I’ve actually put in. I know how to code, for crying out loud. For me, that’s an accomplishment on its own.”
“You’re a real tech nerd.” He laughed. “Welcome to the club. I’ll show you the secret handshake later.”
“But that doesn’t change the fact you lied to me about your money.”
Spencer sighed. “I’ve already told you my money doesn’t matter to me. Take it all for all I care. I want us to be a family.”
“We’ll never be a family if we don’t trust each other. I will forever be wondering if you’re questioning us or questioning me, and I don’t know how to make that go away. If you sell your company, I’ll be worried you’ll think the only reason I stay with you is because of your money.”
“Reece—”
“I need time to deal with this.”
“Or maybe you’re looking for an excuse to push me away. Guess I shouldn’t be surprised.”
“W-what?”
“Meaning, I don’t know how I’m meant to feel about all this either. Finding out about my bank account has given you the out you’ve been looking for. You won’t even tell people we’re together—”
“I told my parents.”
He continued as if I didn’t say anything. “You still don’t trust me with Cody. He could be with us right now. I could be looking after him while you’re distracted with Elliot, but you sent him to Cole’s.”
“He’s his father.”
“Yeah, and I was hoping that one day I’d become his stepfather, but apparently, I’m not good enough for that. Yet, Paul was accepted into that role, no questions asked.”
“And look how well that turned out,” I argued.
“I understand you have doubts because we’ve only been together for a few months, but it’s not like we didn’t know each other going into this. It seems to me like you’re not willing to give us a chance, which in turn makes me wonder why you’re with me to begin with. You’re right. This is never going to work if we don’t trust each other.”
“I need time,” I whispered.
“Take all the time you need, because I’m done trying. Let me know when Elliot’s finished feeding so I can have time with him.”
Without another word, he left me and stormed back up the hallway. His door slammed, but then his footsteps pounded down the hall until he was in my doorway again.
“No, you know what? This is bullshit, Reece. I’m in love with you. Been in love with you for fifteen years. And you’re pulling away because I kept something from you? What about you? You were going to try to pass my kid off as someone else’s. I had to be the one to call off your wedding because you were too chicken-shit to do it yourself. I don’t know if you’re pushing me away because you’re Reece and you like to ruin anything that’s good in your life, or if you actually have a problem with the fact I have money, but I told you it’s not a big deal to me, and yet you refuse to accept it. So fuck this. I’m sick of being dicked around. And yeah, that may make me an asshole, considering I’m yelling at you a few hours after you gave birth to our child, but the fact we’re fighting at all is bullshit. I … you …” He blew out a loud breath. “I … I need some air.”
This time when he stormed out, he went out the front door.
You’re fucking it up again.
Yup, I definitely was. And I didn’t know how to stop.
***
I spent the first night with our child alone. Spencer didn’t come home. And the thing that got to me the most was the fact he felt he couldn’t come home to his newborn child because I was drowning again.
Always drowning.
Always taking others with me.
By the time he walked in the door at eight AM I was sleep deprived—not only from worry but because Elliot spent the night cluster feeding, basically permanently attached to one of my boobs. I was also emotional, exhausted, and all out of fight. I smelled of sweat and breast milk. I was a mess. And definitely not a hot mess. I was a Holy shit, what happened to you? kind of mess.
Spencer’s eyes softened as he took in my dishevelled state. “Go shower. I’ll take him.”
I didn’t argue, even though “where the fuck were you?” was on the tip of my tongue. The shower refreshed me but didn’t make me feel less shitty.
When I made my way into the living room, Elliot was asleep on Spencer’s chest as they lay on the couch. Spencer’s eyes were closed too, but I didn’t know if he was sleeping, and I didn’t want to disturb him by asking.
I did need a photo of that heart-melting sight though. Unfortunately, the sound of the camera app on my phone was loud enough to startle Spencer.
“Sorry,” he said. “Must’ve fallen asleep. I … uh … didn’t get much last night.”
“He was up most of the night too,” I muttered and made my way to the kitchen to start on breakfast.
After grabbing the pan out to cook some eggs, I turned to find Spencer standing at the entry, still holding a sleeping Elliot.
“I’m sorry for what I said last night. I was sleep deprived, and—”
“It’s okay,” I said. “I probably deserved it.”
“No. No one deserves to be talked to like that. I’m not saying my concerns weren’t valid, because they are, but I shouldn’t have yelled at you. So, for that, I’m sorry. I’m, ah, gonna go into work today to sort out some stuff. And I’ll go stay at my mother’s for a whi
le.”
“Is that where you were last night?”
“Blair’s, actually. Where did you think I was?” His face fell. “You thought I was out hooking up? Fucking really?” He shook his head. “I’ll be here any time you need me for Elliot, but I think you were right when you said you needed time. We both do.”
“This is your house, Spencer. If anyone should leave, it should be me.”
“With a newborn baby and an eight-year-old? It’s easier right now for me to be the one to step back. Hopefully we both find a way to deal with our shit so we can move forward, and if we can’t, we’ll look at living arrangements then. I think until you’re ready to be out as a couple, as a full-on real-life couple, we can’t be us.”
“You’re breaking up with me?” My voice cracked.
“No. Yes. Shit, I don’t know. But can it really be breaking up when no one knew we were together in the first place?”
“What we have is real.”
“Is it? I thought it was, but you haven’t given one indication you’re in this for the long haul. You need to work out what you want, because I can’t keep begging you to love me. Until then, I’ll go stay with my mother. We’ll reassess when we’re less tired.”
I scoffed. “We have a newborn. Welcome to your new level of tiredness. It’s an around the clock thing now.”
“I’ll come home after work and take Elliot so you can nap. We’ll work something out so we both get some sleep. Right now, I need to go get ready and head into the office.”
When he walked away, all that kept running through my head was I’d lost him. The eggs I was cooking that were meant to make an omelette became a scrambled mess. Didn’t matter, because I’d lost my appetite anyway.
Spencer was the best thing that had ever happened to me, and I was letting him walk away because of a fucked-up insecurity I had no control over.
When he reappeared in a fresh pair of jeans and a T-shirt, my mouth decided I couldn’t let him leave.
“Don’t go.”
He shoved his wallet and keys into his pocket. “I have to hand everything to Trevor to watch over while I take leave to help with Elliot.”
