His worry was palpable, thickly filling the space between them. She wanted to reach for him but couldn’t stomach the thought of another rebuff.
“I would never do anything to hurt you, Del. Or Ari.”
He let out a tired sigh. “I’m sorry, Alison. I want to trust you, but I just can’t. Not with Ari’s life. They might kill her just for being related to me even though the females in my family were only carriers. The risk isn’t mine to take.”
Tears blinded her. She couldn’t even argue when what he said made so much sense. In his position, she wouldn’t trust her either. “So where does that leave us?”
He shook his head, his shoulders slumping in defeat. “Stuck here until we can get off this rock and go our separate ways.” Sliding off the rock, he moved back toward the celebration, leaving her alone with her shame.
16
Fenton had just put Ari to bed for the night when Alison came in. She looked to him and then her gaze fell on the sleeping infant. “Out again, huh?” Her voice sounded strained.
“She’s falling back into her normal routine,” he responded woodenly.
A gorge of things unsaid seemed to open up in the space between them. He knew he’d hurt her with his confession earlier, but she had to understand Ari came first with him. No matter how much he wanted to believe in Alison, life was not a game of demjong where a bad hand could be folded and his niece a credit he could lose.
After a few moments of yawning silence, she looked away. “I’m turning in.”
She unfastened her dress, but paused before pulling it off. His eyes locked on to the creamy mounds of flesh at her bodice. She closed her eyes, exhaled, and climbed onto the pillow fully dressed. The exquisite gown that contoured to every lush curve was dingy from wear, yet she’d rather sleep in it than let him see her bare body. That hurt.
He wanted nothing more than to climb onto that oversized pillow with her and hold her close. It didn’t need to be about sex; just breathing her in would be enough. But he’d already taken his stand. Even if she would let him touch her intimately, it would only lead to deeper pain later on.
“I’m going for a walk,” he announced. Even if the patrollers gave him a hard time about it, anything was better than sitting here imagining all the ways he would like to take her supple body.
She rolled to her side and he felt her eyes on him as he ducked through the door. Closing it quickly behind him so the cool night air wouldn’t seep into the room, Fenton stared up at the wooden ceiling of the habitat. The giant redwood trees were really a flimsy protection from the monsters waiting beyond.
A soft sniffle carried to him through the door. Closing his eyes, he punished himself by listening to Alison’s soft sobs. She deserved so much better than to be holed up in a dinky room alone after the things he’d said to her. He should have let her go to the empress when he had the chance. Selfish bastard that he was, he’d wanted to keep her to himself.
And now I’m going to lose her anyway.
Scooping up the buckets in case a patroller questioned what he was doing, he headed toward the lake. Lustful moans and hoarse cries emanated from behind many of the doors he passed. The breeders were hard at work, pleasing their women warriors.
The bonfire still blazed, though the flames weren’t as high as they had been. The music had faded and he detected the soft murmurs of elderly people huddled around the dying warmth. All the younger denizens had retreated in pairs, and sometimes more than that, to burn off the rest of their frenetic energy in private.
With nowhere else to go, Fenton returned to the flat rock where he’d sat earlier. Stretching out on his back, he stared at the sliver of night sky visible through the gap between the trees. A full grown man could easily slip through that, but the inhabitants of Daton Five weren’t hiding from men. Only he and Alison were.
Would the assassin find them? And if he did, could he get past the helcats? Undoubtedly he was powerful, but would he stand a chance against one of those genetically engineered beasts?
He was so lost in thought that a blade was pressed against his throat before he realized he was no longer alone.
“Why were you watching me?”
Even in the darkness, he could make out Dani’s features. Denying that he had been watching her was pointless. Obviously she’d noticed him earlier. “I was trying to learn more about your people. I didn’t mean to spy.”
Her fist tightened in his hair, holding him immobile. If he moved, she’d cut his throat. “Did you tell my mother you saw me with Kel?”
Weighing his words carefully, he murmured, “It’s not my place.”
“And at dinner? Why were you looking at me? Are you dissatisfied with your own woman? Is that why you skulk about in the darkness?”
“No. Alison and I fought, but I am not in any way dissatisfied with her. I told you, I am trying to understand what’s going on here and how I can protect those under my care.”
“I believe you.” The blade disappeared and she released his hair. “I saw the way you looked at her and I knew you fought.”
He sat up and frowned. “Then why . . . ?”
She shrugged and sat beside him on the rock. “I wanted to see if you would lie to me or try to seduce me. You didn’t and you kept my secret. For that I thank you.”
Fenton nodded. “I understand what it is like to live with secrets.”
“I wish I didn’t have to. My mother is unbending in her decrees. I’ve already borne a son, yet she won’t let me choose Kel as my own until I have a daughter. I’m afraid I’ll die before that happens, that we all will.”
“How bad is it?” Fenton asked quietly.
“Bad. The helcats are starving. Used to be the noise from the ship’s engine kept them away, but now they chance it. The one that attacked yesterday was badly wounded. If any others were nearby, he became their latest meal.”
“How many are there?”
“It’s difficult to get a precise count, but as our numbers dwindle, so do theirs. Nothing to eat, you know.”
“So if you did evacuate the planet long enough, they would all die off?”
“Eventually, yes. The creation of the hellcats destroyed the food chain. It’s why we no longer have meat, other than fish. No game to hunt.”
“So why doesn’t your mother evacuate everyone? Once the helcats are gone, you could rebuild, have a real civilization again and no one would have to die.”
“It’s not so simple. There are too many of us and we only have one working ship anymore. In order to evacuate, we’d have to either make several trips or ask someone else for help.”
“And she’s too stubborn to ask.” Fenton recalled the scorn in the empress’s words when she talked about alien men.
“Exactly.” Dani nodded. “I don’t understand her sometimes. She’ll capture the three of you and bring you here to our home, confiscate your ship and belongings for being in our space, but she won’t deal with another race long enough to ask for help. It makes no sense.”
From what Gwella had said, his shuttle suite had been broken down into useable parts. Even Alison’s wardrobe would fill needs all across the community, cut down into clean bandages or sewn up and stuffed for extra bedding. He’d expected her to balk at that, but she’d nodded and said she hoped everything would be put to good use.
They sat there quietly for a time, listening to the fish jumping out of the water. “Are there any other options for defeating the helcats?” Fenton asked.
Dani paused and he could tell she was assessing him again. “If the men fought, it would double our numbers, increase our chances of taking them out once and for all. But they are untrained in combat and my mother wants them to stay that way. I have my hands full leading expeditions beyond the wall.”
Fenton blew out a breath. “So either way, you are up against the empress’s iron will. If you could convince her that training the men was in everyone’s best interest, I could bring them up to speed.”
“You’d
train the men?”
“I’m a soldier. I’ll do whatever I’m ordered to do. And like your Kel, I’d rather die defending those I love than sit safely on the sidelines watching it all come apart around me.”
“Then let’s do it,” a male voice said from the darkness.
Dani was up off the rock in an instant. “Kel, how long have you been there?”
“Long enough.” The big man hugged her to his side even as he moved closer to Fenton. His deep voice rumbled low as he spoke. “You mean it? You can train us for combat?”
“Yes. I was a commander until a few months ago. I spent my life making men combat ready. It will be difficult, the training intensive. Are you sure you want this?”
“More than anything.”
“My mother will kill you both if she finds out,” Dani whispered.
Fenton was losing count of the things he was hiding from the empress. “Then she best not find out.”
Alison woke to searing agony in her midsection. At first she thought it was some sort of reaction to the foreign food, perhaps even microbes in the water. But the cramping took on an all-too-familiar pattern. Frack. It was that time of the month and her period arrived with a vengeance.
Groaning, she curled into a ball on her side, trying to breathe through the worst of it.
“What is it?” Fenton was by her side in an instant.
Talking to him about her flipping menstrual cycle was the absolute last thing she wanted to do. She’d rather the assassin got her. “Nothing.”
“Alison, you’re deathly pale. Are you sick?”
“No, just cursed,” she groaned as another sharp flame stabbed her. Her cycle had always been wonky, skip a month, even two and then have the red sea knock her on her ass for days. Like so many other things, she’d grown dependent on regular medical treatment to see her through the worst of it. Pain pills and heating patches, plus a lot of wine and chocolate. Medication too, to keep her hormones regulated.
But here she had nothing, not even the basics. And with Fenton breathing down her neck, compounding her embarrassment, her misery was complete. “Go away.” She tried to shove at him, but he hovered like a damn transport pod.
“Not until you tell me what’s wrong. Do I need to get a doctor?”
“You need to get a clue.” Sniping at him wasn’t helping her though, and he was tenacious enough to wheedle it out of her. He’d had a sister; this wouldn’t be his first rodeo with the great red beast. “It’s my period.”
“Your what?” His brows drew down in confusion.
Fracking translator chip. Of course he didn’t know what that was, just to compound her humiliation. “My female fertility cycle.”
He blinked and the light dawned. “It pains you?”
Closing her eyes, she nodded. “Not always, but right now it’s unbearable.”
“What do you need?” His warm palm slid over her throbbing abdomen, applying gentle heat and pressure. She should push him away again, but his touch felt too good, a sweet connection to distract her from the discomfort.
“Whatever they have here to deal with this.” She could only begin to imagine her beautiful dresses, torn up and used for absorption purposes. Pillows and bandages were one thing but for that? Yuck, yuck, yuck. Gave the phrase “on the rag” a whole new meaning.
He didn’t bat an eyelash. “I’ll go ask a patroller.”
“I’ll be here.” She watched him move through the room with catlike grace, open the door, and look back at her.
Alison’s lips parted as the truth dawned. He didn’t want to leave her, alone and in pain. Perhaps he was simply worried about her not being able to take care of Ari should she wake up but his concern touched her. “I’ll be fine. The sooner you go, the sooner you get back, right?”
He went.
Shoving herself upright, Alison shuffled toward the small alcove with the sanitary facilities. The waste reducer and sterilizer was the only modern technology in the hut, which made sense. If people were going to have to live together in such a confined space, it stood to reason that they’d need a way to eliminate all the unwanted byproducts of life.
Hanging her dress over the door, she stepped into the chamber and activated the foam. She’d barely begun to clean between her legs when a wave of dizziness hit her, sending her to her hands and knees. The foam evaporated, leaving her chilled to the bone and shaking. Not my brightest idea ever. Rolling onto her side, she closed her eyes as exhaustion swamped her. I’ll get up in a minute.
“What the fuck, Alison?” Fenton had returned and he was clearly pissed to find her huddled on the floor. She couldn’t recall hearing him curse out loud before, and definitely not at her. The patroller stood behind him, taking in the scene with a concerned glance.
“Sorry,” she said weakly.
His thunderous expression clearly stated that he wasn’t falling for it, but he just grit his teeth and turned to the patroller. “Would you please watch over the baby while I tend her?”
The woman handed him something and nodded. “Worry not, breeder. Help your female.”
The door closed and Alison actually flinched as he crouched beside her.
“What were you thinking?” The words were harsh, even whispered.
“That I can take care of myself.” Her point would have been stronger if she wasn’t naked and shivering.
“You could have fallen, cracked your skull open. What if had taken me longer to find a patroller? Someone came in and took Ari while you were passed out in here? I could have lost you both.” An edge of fear laced through his words.
She hadn’t thought of that. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to worry you.”
“Come on, let me help you up. Grab on to my shoulders.”
She did, but muttered, “I hate being helpless.”
“I know, lovely. You’re not, you just need help sometimes. That’s not a crime, or even a weakness. We all do.” As he spoke, he ran the towel down the length of her body, wiping away the last traces of the foam.
“Spread your legs so I can insert this.” He held up the tiny thing the patroller had given him.
She eyed it skeptically. It was metallic and about the size of her thumb. “What is it?”
“It’s what they use to collect what your body discharges. It breaks everything down into basic elements, like oxygen, hydrogen, sodium, and chloride. It’s similar to what the women used on Hosta. Safe and efficient.”
“I can do it.” She reached for it but he snatched it away.
“Damn you, why do you have to be so stubborn about every little thing?”
Heat scaled her cheeks and tears threatened. “I’m humiliated enough as it is.”
“Humiliated?” He scowled. “Why?”
“Because this is something I deal with on my own. It’s my body, my problem, and I’d like to at least hold on to the illusion that I’m desirable, okay?”
He rose slowly, until he towered over her, his eyes transforming to blue fire. “So it’s acceptable that I can kiss and touch your sex, that I can shove my cock in it, come inside you there, but for this you refuse my help? I’ve never treated you like a whore, Alison. So I’d appreciate not being just another john to you.”
“You’re not,” she pushed the words out through her clogged throat. “Dear God, Del, you’re not.”
“Then let me help you.” He knelt down again and waited.
Gritting her teeth, she inched her legs apart. Though she wanted to turn her head away, she forced herself to meet his gaze, to hold it while he pushed the small device into her body with his long fingers. It went up farther than she would have thought, farther than she would have been able to situate it on her own. She saw the confirmation in his eyes as he removed his fingers from her channel and wiped them on the towel. He brought the fabric up to her sex lips and cleaned her meticulously. She let him, her heart pounding in her chest. No one had ever treated her this way.
“Thank you,” she whispered.
Placing
his lips on her mound, he gave her a soft kiss there, a sweet, intimate gesture that had nothing to do with sex. “You’re welcome.”
He rose and retrieved a fresh towel to wrap around her. “Are you still in pain? The patroller gave me some kind of tea that is supposed to help if you need it.”
“It’s not so bad now.” Gripping his arm, she steadied herself and took a hesitant step forward. She couldn’t feel the metal thing pressed against her womb, thank God. That would be a little too cyborg weird for her to handle. “How long before I take it out?”
“When your cycle is complete.”
“Seriously?” She had some pretty heavy periods and that little thing didn’t seem up for such a task.
But Fenton nodded as he opened the bathroom door. “That’s what the patroller said.”
The patroller had Ari in her arms and was cooing softly to the little one. “I just changed her diaper and her bottle is heating.”
“Thank you,” Fenton said.
Alison echoed his sentiment. Although the yawn she emitted halfway through didn’t exactly underscore her point. After helping her ease down onto the pillow, Fenton covered her up and stoked the fire. He turned and took his niece from the patroller.
“You’ve got a good breeder here, miss. Knows how to treat his womenfolk.” With that sage bit of wisdom imparted, the patroller left.
“I know,” Alison whispered.
“Warm enough?” Del asked as he settled on the floor next to her with Ari.
She wasn’t but he had his hands full. “I will be in a minute.”
Strong arms circled around her from behind pulling her snugly against a solid chest that radiated the blessed heat she craved. She gasped when she realized Del had phase split so he could tend her and Ari at once.
“Del—” She turned to face the version holding the baby. What if the patroller came back? He would be putting himself and Ari at risk.
“Ssshhh.” He held a finger to her lips. “It’s our secret.”
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