by Haley Jenner
I feel sated, completely satisfied as I pull back to meet her eyes. “I love you, Belle,” I confess, my voice raw and her eyes water unintentionally. She scans my face, taking in every detail of the moment, committing it to memory. When she’s satisfied she’s ingrained it within her brain, she smiles softly, not speaking, not needing to, only leaning forward to kiss me. Our kiss is soft but heated and my semi-aroused state hardens inside her once again as our tongues glide against the other. Each of us expressing the feelings; the love we have for one another through our touch.
I make love to Belle then, softly against the lake. I whisper into her ear as I roll my hips, telling her I love her, how good she feels, how beautiful she is. She comes just as hard as before, her scratched voice telling me she loves me as her body convulses around mine.
Chapter Twelve
Archer
I try sitting on her porch, an attempt to relax my overworked mind. But my body, like my brain, is restless. Standing, I pace the length of her porch, nervous anticipation surging through my veins. Coming home I always knew I’d go back. Deploy again in some form. I didn't imagine that I'd meet Belle in between. I say meet, because that’s what we’ve done. We’ve only just gotten to know each other for real. She knocked me for six; I never imagined I'd fall in love, meet someone that completed my life.
Our lives have been close to perfect for months. I can't get enough of her. I crave her constantly. Her voice, her touch. I think of her nonstop when we’re apart. I have this incessant need for her that’s impossible to quell. My heart feels heavy in my chest with all that I feel for her. I never imagined you could fall so strongly in love with another person. Shit, I don’t care about myself with even a fraction of the intensity I do Belle. It’s addictive, consuming my entire being.
We knew this was going to happen eventually, have been waiting for me to receive word and now I have it. It was always a given for me, contracting out to brothers I served with on certain missions. But now I feel torn. Belle being in my life now, has me split in two. My time away will be both harder and easier. Easier, because knowing I have her to come home to will give me more purpose. But, harder, so much fucking harder, having to be so distanced from her. Not being able to touch her, taste her, and feel her whenever I want. Only being able to speak to her sporadically. I have no doubt it’ll be my own personal hell.
I watch as she pulls the Jeep into the drive, coming to a fast stop and I smile to myself. It’s good seeing her drive. After that first day, fuck me, I thought she was gonna kill us. But she’s picked it up fast since then and now jumps at the chance to drive my car.
Her smile is wide when she jumps down from the car. I watch her as she walks towards me, taking in every inch of her face, her body. She’s so fucking beautiful. Her thick brown her tied on top of her head, a few strands having escaped, falling down her neck and around her face. Her sunglasses unfortunately hide her chocolate colored eyes, robbing me of the ability to see them. Her brightly colored sundress is long, almost touching the ground, only briefly showing her flip flops as she walks. Her creamy colored skin peeks from her thick coat, hinting at the dress tied around her neck, highlighting her perfect tits. Her arms are adorned with too many bangles than necessary, chiming together with her movements. Those fucking gorgeous pouting lips quirked into an amused grin as she takes in my obvious appraisal.
Throwing her arms around my neck, her arms jingle as she leans up to kiss me. "Hey, baby."
Pushing her sunglasses onto her head, I look at her eyes, offering her a small smile. She reads the hesitation in my mood accurately and her smile turns sad.
"When?" she asks softly drawing circles on my stomach with her fingers.
Stroking her hair, I look at her body pressed into mine, head on my chest, her leg thrown over my thighs. My chest constricts with the realization that I have no idea how I’m supposed to survive without this. "Two weeks, Tuesday," I croak out, coughing to clear my throat.
Turning her body slightly, she rests her chin on my chest, looking up. "I want this to be your home, Archer. I want when you come home, for you to come back here, to me. Move in," she urges.
I can’t stop the wide smile that takes over my face at her invitation. I pretty much live here now anyway, but I’m stoked she wants it official. She wants this to be our home and I fucking love the sound of that. Nodding my head, I pull her up and onto my body tightly. Our hold on one another is strong as we prepare to ready ourselves to say goodbye in only two short weeks.
"I gotta head over and tell Ma and Jake," I speak against the thickness of her hair.
"Want me to come along?" she asks against the skin on my neck and I nod into her hair. Belle is my life. I want her with me always and considering I’m about to leave her, being apart isn’t something I care to consider.
Telling Ma and Jake is tough. Disappointment sweeps across Jake's face before he masks it, wanting his support to be clear. I can sense he respects my decision and I hold his stare, communicating my recognition of his fears, his support, trying to convey my appreciation.
Breaking contact, I look to Ma and watch an array of emotions transform her features. Her throat works overtime as she blinks rapidly, trying her best to control the tears threatening to spill. "Ma," I question quietly after a few moments of heavy silence. Belle is sitting at my side, her hand tight on my thigh, her own emotions breaking at the seams.
Breathing deeply Janie stands slowly before walking towards me and leaning down she plants a kiss the top of my head. "Baby boy, we support you 100%. But I just got you back, so you promise me you'll come home".
Grabbing her wrist, I hold her close as I meet her wet stare and kissing her hand, I tell her what I told Belle. "I promise you I'll do everything in my power to." Squeezing my hand tightly she nods her acknowledgement at my words, accepting that’s the best I can give her, before walking from the room. Belle drops her head to my shoulder, wiping the errant tears that have escaped, onto my shirt. Turning my head slightly I kiss her head and she raises her face silently asking me to touch her lips to mine.
Focusing back on Jake, I watch as he smiles softly at our exchange. "You good, kid?" Nodding his head, he stands and walks over to me, offering his fist and I touch mine to his. He turns his focus to Belle, touching his lips to the top of her head before leaving us to our moment.
Belle and I spend the afternoon moving my limited belongings to her place. This gives her comfort. Gives her the distraction she needs, incorporating me into her home. Lying on our bed, I watch her as she fusses, trying to make sure my things have equal standing in our home. I can see she’s barely keeping it together, breathing slowly from her mouth every so often, willing herself not to cry. She’s scared and I get that. I give her time to fuss before calling her over. "Belle, baby, come here."
Pausing with her back to me she shakes her head no and I hear the pattern of her breathing change, her breaths coming deeper and more rattled. "Baby, now," I demand quietly. She stays still for only a moment before turning towards me and the anguish on her face hurts my heart in a way I didn't think was possible. Crawling over me she tucks her face into my neck, her body plastered to mine in an attempt to get as close as she can. Her tears fall powerfully; her sobs soft and stuttered as she cries. I give her this, I concede that in this moment I need to let her cry.
After a short time, I begin soothing her, telling her it's okay, how strong she is and that I'll be back before she knows it. I tell her I can't wait to come back to our home, to her and how thankful I am to have something pulling me home. I tell her that I love her and I make her tell me she loves me back.
After her tears have eased, in the most part, she kisses me and I know, like me, she needs the comfort. We take our time exploring one another's body. It's not hard, it's not fast. It's slow and close. Our eyes stay connected through our climax, allowing one another access to the deepest part of our love and fears. We come apart watching the power each of us hold over one another.
Two weeks pass in a blur and before I'm ready, I have to leave. Before I'm ready, I have to say goodbye and before I'm ready, I have to walk away from my heart without a guarantee that I'll return to it.
Annabelle
We walk around the house as he readies himself to leave. Our hands remain entwined, each of us needing the contact. Needing the comfort this small act of intimacy brings. We have an hour before he leaves our home. That’s it. One hour. Sixty minutes before he's gone. I feel completely lost, even now. He won’t let me see him off, assured me it will be easier this way. He’s convinced that having me there will be too hard. That he wants to remember me in our home. In our space, surrounded by the memories we’ve spent these last months' making. Jake is driving him, giving them the opportunity of time. Archer needs the reassurance their bond is strong. He thinks Jake will be able keep him calm, focused. He knows I'll be emotional and leaving is hard enough without having to see me that way. I agreed for him.
Archer hands me an envelope as we move to exit our bedroom. His writing is neat, ‘Belle Baby’, printed along the front. "Read this tonight," he instructs and I nod taking it from his hands, holding it against my chest. I'm scared of the words inside. I can’t stomach the thought that he’ll say goodbye. My own letter has been placed in his bag. He watched me do it, didn't mention it, just smiled softly before retrieving and handing me his own envelope, now clutched to my chest.
We spent the entire night touching.
Making love.
Fucking.
Being intimate in any way we could. The intensity of the night was deep, as though we were trying to become one. We couldn't get close enough. I have bite marks and red imprints from the pressure of his hands all over my body. I wish I could keep them there permanently, just to remind me of his touch. Allow the memory of his hands forefront in my memory. When he saw them this morning, he looked proud, gratified that he had marked what was his.
Placing the envelope on our bed, I take his hand as he leads us from our bedroom. The time has gone too fast, leaving us only 15 more minutes. Panic sets in and I tug his arm back as we reach our bedroom door. Confusion cuts through his somber expression and moving into his hard frame, I kiss him on a loud sob. It's rough and messy, but I don't care.
Pushing me against the wall Archer lifts me effortlessly and I wrap my legs tightly around his waist. His returning kiss is just as greedy as my own as he pushes my dress up my waist, kneading my ass hard. Held tightly between him and the wall, I struggle with his belt, trying to free him from his pants. Pulling one hand from my body he assists, freeing himself almost immediately before expertly pushing my panties to the side and inside of me hard and fast. My head hits the wall on a loud bang as I throw it back, screaming out at the pleasure of his intrusion. His lips meet mine again and I open to let his mouth consume my own. “Say it. Tell me,” he grunts into my mouth as he fucks me hard against the wall.
“I love you. I love you.” I can barely form my words and they come out staggered and broken.
“Tell me you’re mine,” he demands, pounding into me relentlessly. I give him that; I tell him that I’m his and only his. “I love you,” he grounds out between thrusts before commanding me to come. Which I do, almost immediately, my orgasm loud as I scream his name.
His voice is just as loud as he spills inside of me. “Fuck, Belle. Baby, yes.”
Our breathing is heavy, ragged as we come down from the force of our climax. We keep our position for as long as possible, Archer still inside of me, my legs wrapped tightly around his hips. Our moment is quickly broken though by the sound of our front door. “Archer, you ready?” Jake’s voice reaches our ears and Archer sighs as he regretfully pulls from my body. Unwrapping my legs from his hips, he gently smooths down my dress, ensuring I’m presentable before tucking himself back into his pants.
Planting a soft kiss to my lips, his eyes look so sad before he turns towards the sound of Jake’s voice. “As I’ll ever be.” I follow him solemnly down the stairs and if Jake notices our disheveled state, he doesn’t comment on it, understanding and sympathy clear in his eyes.
Janie is waiting on the porch as we exit our home. Archer, not one for prolonged goodbyes or making a spectacle, has already said his goodbyes to everyone else. Only wanting his family here before his departure. Squeezing his Mom tightly he kisses her forehead before turning back to me. “Meet you in the car, Jake.” Janie takes note of Archer’s want to have a moment alone with me and follows Jake.
He watches them for a moment before turning back to me and offering me a genuine smile he moves to hug me fiercely. Stepping back, he braces his hands along my jawline, stroking my cheeks softly. “I love you. I'll stay in as much contact as I can. I can’t wait to come home to you.”
I nod through my tears. My voice choking on my emotions as I speak. “I love you. Be safe. I’ll miss you. So much.”
Archer kisses me hard and fast before grabbing my hand and moving us towards Jake’s Charger. Kissing my forehead, he folds into the car and I can’t bring myself to let go of his hand. This makes it harder for him, I know, but I can’t do it. “Belle, baby, you gotta let go,” his tone is strangled as he struggles to maintain his emotions. Dropping my lips to kiss his hand, I force myself to release his calloused hand, feeling empty immediately as the loss. He forces a cocky grin and winks at me, his way of trying to give us some sort of normalcy.
Jake backs out of our driveway slowly and I watch with an immense pain in my heart, as a huge part of me drives slowly away. I decide in that moment that I hate the month of February. The month that Archer leaves me for the first time.
Meeting Janie’s eyes she walks over to hug me briefly before walking away. I watch as she walks to her own house, needing time to herself, to process saying goodbye to her son, so soon after getting him back. I appreciate this; I too, want to be alone. I can’t stomach the thought of walking back into our home, so I wander. I have no particular destination in mind but not surprisingly, I find myself at the Maple. Laying along the grass I position my backside against the base and stretch my legs upwards, along the trunk. Much like the moment our story really began.
I stay there for hours. I try to comprehend how I will survive the next few months without him. It sounds overly dramatic, considering we’ve only been together for a short time but I depend on him now and I love him completely. I don’t let myself think on the possibility of him not returning. That isn’t an option. I’d go crazy with the thought if I gave it traction. The sun sets as I sit against the tree and in the dusk of the night, I make my way home.
Walking heavily up the porch steps feels surreal, knowing that he won’t be there when I walk inside. It feels empty on entry, so I wander through the space, turning on every light, trying to make it warmer, more welcoming. I stand in the shower for a long time, letting the hot water sooth my body. Dressing in one of Archer’s shirts I crawl into bed, and settle on his side. Breathing in deeply, I suck in his scent, hoping with everything that the smell of him doesn’t leave our bed before he comes home.
Reaching across our bed I grab his letter and stare at his writing, trying to envisage him writing it. Opening it slowly, tears immediately form in my eyes, but I do nothing to wipe them away, instead letting them fall freely.
Belle. Baby
First and foremost, I love you. Don’t ever doubt that.
I don’t want to drag this out for you, so I’m gonna say my piece.
Be strong, I’ll be home before you know it. I’ll miss you like fucking crazy, wanna know why?
Because you are so beautiful, baby. Prettiest girl I have ever seen.
Because your attitude makes me smile. Can't wait to have that sass thrown my way again.
Because that ass, those lips. Fuck me. I’m making myself hard just putting them to paper. Not being able to fuck you, now that is going to be hell. I hope my memory serves me when I’m gone, I’ve committed every moan, scream, shudder to my thoughts. Need ‘em, baby, to keep
me warm at night.
I’ll keep in contact as often as I can. If we don’t speak for a while, know you’re in my thoughts. Always.
Be good, don’t kiss Jake more than necessary. I’ll know and I’ll have to kick his ass when I come home.
I love you.
I fucking love you.
Yours always, Arch
P.S. Sliding inside you again is what is gonna keep me going. It’s gonna be hard, rough and fucking perfection. Be prepared. Don’t wear panties.
Bittersweet. He made me laugh, but it wasn’t any less heartbreaking.
Jake arrives back during the night and crawls into bed, cuddling me tight, letting me cry myself into restless sleep.
It’s eight days before I hear from Archer. Eight long fucking days and even then, our conversation is brief. But I tell him I love him and that’s most of what I need to say. He tells me it back and that’s most of what I need to hear. That, and he is safe, which he is, at this moment.
I work at keeping myself busy. I work long hours. I attend every gig Jake has. I see Darci. I make the drive to see Aubrey and before I know it, a month has passed. An entire month. Four weeks. 30 days without him. I hate it. Being separated from him. I only attempt sleep when I’m exhausted, knowing that’s the easiest way to actually rest. We talk every 7 – 10 days and like the first time it’s short, to the point, and although I can hear the longing in his tone, he’s always distracted.
March comes and goes. He’s gone for my birthday and I turn 22 without him. He bought my gift prior to leaving, entrusting it into Jake’s care. I cry when I open it. He had a Maple Leaf pendant made, outlined in gold, the leaf embellished in emerald. Green. My favorite color. The color of his eyes. It hangs on a thin gold chain. It's beautiful. The card is short, sweet.
