by Haley Jenner
"We should do this more often," Toby speaks, pulling our attention, the 7 of us now crowded in close, all nodding in agreement.
"Let's play truth," Aubrey squeals and I groan automatically.
"Yes," Belle and Willow chant in unison.
Bennett meets my eyes on a calculating grin before dropping his eyes to Darci. "I'm keen."
"All the better to eat you with," I smile over at Bennett and he drops his head onto his shoulders on a silent laugh.
"Whatever that means. Boring rules aside, we go around the group, everyone asks a question and everyone has to answer," Aubrey announces and waits for everyone to nod in agreement.
"Okaaay. Have you ever taken it in the ass?" Toby throws out.
"Once," Aubrey responds immediately.
"Huh. Didn't know David had it in him," Bennett infers, lips pursed, impressed.
"Wasn't David," Aubrey replies on a grin and the group coughs out a laugh as a collective.
Toby, Bennett and I all give the communal 'No', before focus turns to Darci and Belle.
"Yes," Belle smiles shyly, nuzzling closer, making my dick stir in my pants. Memories of the first night home from my last tour play in my mind and I duck my head down to her ear to whisper my want to feel the inside of her ass again very soon.
"No," Darci offers quietly, avoiding eye contact. No surprise there.
"Have you ever gotten yourself off to thoughts of someone sitting here now?" Bennett asks next, his slightly glazed over eyes scanning Darci's face.
"Obviously."
"Yes."
"Mmmm-hmmm."
"All the fucking time."
Belle, myself, Toby and Willow all answer simultaneously.
"Nope," Aubrey smiles brightly.
Watching Darci, he waits for her to turn her gaze towards him before answering confidently. "Frequently."
Taking a deep breath, Darci scans the group before laughing quietly. Squaring her shoulders, face a bright shade of red, she turns towards Bennett. "Yes," she bites out. Seizing the opportunity, Bennett moves closer to Darci, leaning down to whisper in her ear. Her shade of red deepens further, as she giggles into his shoulder.
"Have you slept with more than one person in the same day?" Darci shrugs.
"NO," Willow, Belle and Aubrey all declare on a loud shout, completely offended by the question.
"Me either," Darci nods at their disgust.
"Nah," Toby laughs, eyes flicking between Bennett and myself, his brown eyes dancing in amusement.
Coughing, I clear my throat. I could lie, but she'd know. "Yes," I mumble, taking a swig of my beer, looking into the fire. Anywhere but at Belle.
"Gross. I don't like this game anymore," she pouts, recoiling from me slightly.
"Ben, what about you, lady killer?" Toby pins him with a grin.
"Fuck you, man……Yes," he answers reluctantly and I watch as Darci recoils from his touch, completely unimpressed with his confession. I feel bad for the guy. Belle’ll be pissed, sure, probably throw a little attitude, but she'll move on, knowing it was in my past. Darci, I'm not so sure.
Willow, sensing the uncomfortable atmosphere, attempts to break the tension. "How old were you when you lost your virginity? I was 16, as was Toby," she nudges him and he nods his head in confirmation.
"16" Bennett and Aubrey answer in unison.
"15," I say, pulling Belle in close.
"17" Belle and Darci smile at one another.
" I cannot believe how cliché the two of you are," Aubrey implores. "They both lost it prom night," she laughs and the rest of us join in.
"Boyfriends or just dates?" Willow pushes.
"Boyfriend," Belle points to herself. "Date," she points to Darci.
"A one-night stand for your first time hey?" Bennett teases, but Darci only smiles tightly at him. Embarrassed or still reeling from his prior confession, I can’t really tell.
"Are you still friends with any of your exes?" Aubrey asks and brows furrow as they all think on her question.
"No," I answer first.
Belle shifts uncomfortably in my lap, before moving to stand. "Just gonna grab another drink." I watch her hasty exit before turning to Aubrey, who on seeing my attention focuses elsewhere, looking to the rest of the group who begin to answer in the negative.
Belle takes her time returning and I’m tempted to follow her into the house, but I don’t. Joining the group again, she sits next to Darci, choosing to keep her distance, which pisses me off further. "If you could sleep with anyone in the world, who would it be?" she smiles forcibly towards the group.
"You," I bring her attention back to me. "You didn't answer Aubrey's question."
"Little Dean," Aubrey cuts me off, drawing the attention away from Belle.
Toby and Bennett laugh out loud at her confession. "You're fucking kidding, right?" I ask, momentarily distracted.
"She's not," Darci explains. "They have some weird flirtation thing going on, have done for years."
"What about you, Darci?" Bennett tests.
"I'm not answering that question," she stonewalls and Bennett raises his eyebrows in my direction. Clearly taking her silence as victory.
"Belle. Answer Aubrey's question," I push, irritated at her evasion.
"Hmmmm," she answers distractedly.
"Baby, don't fuckin' push me," I warn.
"Yes. I still speak to Max," she confesses quietly, refusing to meet my eyes.
"Look at me," I order and wait until her gaze meets my own. "How often? You guys are actually friends?"
"I don't know how often, Archer. Yes, I classify him as a friend. Let's not do this. It's not a big deal. It's just Max.”
I cannot believe this shit. Her evasiveness means she speaks to the guy on the regular. "His cock been inside you?" I question quietly.
Belle's jaw drops at my question. Shock disabling her ability to form words, completely caught off guard by the direction I'm steering the conversation. She glances between our friends, who have all taken up an avid interest in the grass beneath their feet. "Wh…What? I…I..What?" she stutters.
Clenching the neck of the bottle I'm holding, I rein in my need to yell. "Speaking English here, babe. Has. His. Cock. Been. Inside you? Yes or No?" I speak clearly, enunciating each word. The tension in my tone is obvious and her nostrils flare slightly, giving away her own temper. She shakes her head furiously, refusing to answer my question. "Exactly. Word of warning, not fucking keen of the idea of you still being buddies with some dickhead who has felt the inside of your pussy," I snap, my voice maintaining its low volume.
Belle's mouth opens and closes in shock and I wait patiently for her to gather herself enough to speak. "I cannot believe you just fucking said that in front of our friends. At all really. Max was my high school boyfriend. It ended amicably, we stayed friendly. I don't understand why this is an issue," she grits out, her voice quiet and strained.
"If that's how it works, might call Bartie tomorrow, catch up for coffee," I smile sarcastically at her.
"Why are you being such a fucking asshole about this? Max treated me well, Archer. I ended things with him because I didn't love him but we remained friends because he's a good person. Go and have coffee with Bartie, Archer, see if I give a fuck. I'm sure she'd be more than happy to re-establish your friendship," she spits, standing to move away. "I had a nice time, guys. My apologies for the turn of events. You should crash at Bennett's tonight,' Belle meets my eyes before walking towards the house.
"Tough one, brother," Toby offers quietly, pulling Willow to stand before slapping my shoulder in farewell. "I get you’re pissed, I would be too, but you over-reacted you moody bastard. Bringing Bartie up was a low blow," he finishes, tucking Willow into his side, before leaving.
"Sorry for bringing that up, Archer. I didn’t think. I…. Honestly, she really has only ever seen Max as a friend. They never had anything close to what you guys have," Aubrey smiles sympathetically, motioning to Darci to make a move. Darc
i offers me a small wave that I return before she turns and follows Aubrey.
"You gonna brave it in there or need a couch to crash on?” Bennett asks, watching Darci walk away.
"I'm gonna stay here, thanks anyway."
Nodding his head, his taps his fist against mine. "Good luck mate, looks like you're gonna need it," he laughs. I tell him to fuck off and watch him disappear into the dark.
I quell the fire, watching the bright colors fade into darkness, the leftover grey smoke dancing in the breeze. I stand there and watch the smoke disappear into nothing. I light a smoke and finish that. I pick up another beer and finish that. I’m mad. Furiously so. How the fuck did I not know Belle was still in contact with this guy? Should I care? From what I know Belle ended things because there were no strong feelings on her side, but what about him? Snippets Jake has mentioned to me the guy was pretty attached. Loved her and feelings like that don’t just go away. For all I know the guy’s keeping the friendship alive, biding his time. Waiting for me to fuck up before moving back in to pick up the pieces. Fuck that shit.
I move around the backyard, collecting empties, picking up stray cigarette butts. Giving myself time to calm down. I wanna yell. I wanna scream. Make her see sense. But after my Bartie comment she’d be seeing red. Toby’s right it was a low blow, but I couldn’t see beyond my anger and for the first time ever, I wanted to hurt her and that disgusts me more than anything.
Why keep it from me? She worked her hardest to avoid the question, even removing herself from the group. Does she see him when I’m away? When I’m worlds away trying to keep our country safe for her, is she spending her time with him? I feel betrayed. Why the evasiveness? If it’s as innocent as she made out, she has nothing to hide.
Having waited long enough I move towards the backdoor, pulling it open quietly. The emotion coursing through my veins is different to anything I’m used to. I’m no stranger to anger, but this version is new to me. I’m mad sure. But it’s a dejected anger, I’m disappointed in her dishonesty. She was purposefully deceitful and that’s fucking unacceptable.
I find her easily, readying herself for bed, dressed in the black silk robe that triggers my libido no matter the time of day. I lean against the doorframe as she washes and moisturizes her face, rubbing soft circles into her creamy skin. “Thought you were crashing at Bennett’s.”
“Thought about it,” I answer honestly. “For a second. I’m not the only one in the wrong here, Belle.”
She finishes her night time routine, turning to lean her hip against the basin. “I disagree.”
Tightening my hand into a fist, I work to suppress the temper threatening to explode. “That’s even worse then. Because not only have you purposefully kept information from me that I feel is important, for too long now, you worked as hard as you could to keep it from me, even when I asked you directly. You were deceitful, Belle, deliberately. I’m not okay with that. I give you honesty and expect the same in return. You betrayed that and then have the nerve to throw it back in my face,” I explain quietly.
Her mask falters slightly at my words, their meaning having hit home. “Arch,” she starts but I cut her off.
“I’m gonna crash in the spare room tonight. I don’t think I can keep my temper sheathed if we start arguing about this. I need you to understand where I’m coming from here, and not throw attitude because I’m losin’ my temper,” I finish, turning my back on her and walking towards the spare room.
Laying back on the bed I rub my eyes to relieve the tension in my body. I feel like a little bitch, but in all honestly my feelings are hurt, which sounds ridiculous, but that’s the only way I can possibly explain how I’m feeling.
The door clicks open, but I keep my position as the soft pad of her footsteps sound across the room. The bed shifts under her weight as crawls onto my body and letting out a long breath, I pull my hands from my eyes to place them on her hips.
“Baby, don’t sleep in here, don’t build a void between us,” she pleads.
“Belle, far as I’m concerned, you’re the one that’s building the void, baby. I feel fuckin’ ridiculous, but you hurt me. You betrayed my trust, willingly,” I stress, moving my thumbs in soft circles along the silk at her hips.
“I know. I know,” she apologizes. “I’m sorry, Arch. I was afraid you would read into it more than you needed to. From the bottom of my heart, there are absolutely no intimate feelings inside of me for Max.
Moving my hands to her back, I push myself into a sitting position, hugging her to my chest. “Not worried about you, Belle. I don’t know this guy and from what I’ve heard he loved you pretty hard. He still have feelings for you?”
Belle snakes her hands up my chest and resting one over my heart, she watches her hand, feeling the constant thump. “No and that’s the truth. Swear to god. Max is engaged, Arch, to a really sweet girl and he loves her completely. She’s good for him, sweet, quiet,” she smiles at me, indicating Max was better suited to her complete opposite.
“I’m still not down with it. I don’t want you to cut him out. I’m not that guy, but I want it to be limited and not behind my back anymore. Don’t give me reason to think it’s more than it is,” I warn, no room for argument in my tone.
“I promise,” she implores. “But just an FYI, you catch up with the blow-up Barbie and I’ll castrate you,” she eyeballs me and I can’t help but laugh.
“Castrate me? How would I give you babies?” I ask, biting her neck.
“You wanna have babies with me?” she fishes, the smile in her voice evident.
“Yeah, Belle. I want everything with you. I want you to be my wife. I want us to have a family. I want it all,” I declare, moving my hands down to cup her ass and pull her in closer.
Chapter Seventeen
Annabelle
I watch him pack his things with a mix of emotion.
I’m proud. Proud that I have a strong man. A man that will fight for his country. No hesitation. No doubts. A man who risks his own life to fight alongside other men and women to protect what we have here.
I’m angry. Angry that he chose to go back. Again. Surely, two tours are enough. Surely, he’s done his duty. Why can’t he make the decision to stay with me? Here. Keep building the life we’ve been creating together. Why the need to go again?
I’m scared. Fucking shitless. I saw the cracks last time he came home. The haunted look in his eyes. It scares me that he might come back with the crack deeper, harder to mend back together. Or worse, that he won’t come back at all. It’s not a farfetched fear. Not by any stretch. The threat of Archer dying is real. He, himself has told me about brothers he’s lost while being deployed. Just because he is no longer drafted with the Army, doesn’t mean he’s no longer in harm’s way. He still contracts out to war zones. Regions that are consumed by fighting. Places where human life can mean so little. How can I be okay with that? How can I feel confident that he’ll always return to me, when he chooses to insert himself into combat zones? My fear is real. It’s logical and unfortunately for me, it’s a conceivable threat. One I can’t move past.
I’m sad. Sad that once again our life will be put on hold for an undetermined length of time. That my life will continue around me while I wait. Wait for his phone calls. For an email. Any kind of contact. But most importantly, for him to come home.
He promises me this is the last time. That this is all he has left in him. That once he comes home it will be for good. That we’ll get married. That we’ll start our family. That when he comes home, it will just be us. Finally living our lives. I want to trust this. I know he believes it. Completely. I don’t. I can’t move past the sense of dread creeping up my spine, setting heavily in my heart and mind. I can’t even muster the smallest of smiles for him. Instead, I watch him blankly. Wrestling with my emotions.
“Belle,” he urges softly, pulling my attention. “Baby, don’t look at me like that. You think this isn’t hard for me, leaving again? I gotta do this, Belle, then I
’m back. It’ll be you, me and the rest of our lives. You can throw attitude at me until you’re greying, just not now. Don’t make this harder for me.”
My eyes narrow unintentionally, my scowl coming easy. “Why do you have to do this, Archer? Tell me, why?” My voice cracks and I want to kick myself. He thinks I’m being emotional. Melodramatic. I pause, holding back the tears threatening to spill. “I want you home with me, Archer. I get that being over there is the worst possible place to be, but think about me. Sitting, waiting, hoping that you’ll come home. What about me?”
His brow furrows in annoyance as he watches me for countless moments. I can see the disappointment in his features. I get that he wants me to understand his position, but I don’t. I’ve tried. Maybe I’m being selfish, I don’t know. Maybe I’m being unreasonable, but I don’t actually care. I’ve wrestled with this from the moment he told me he’d be leaving again.
I’ve been dealt my fair share of shit throughout my life; I don’t let that pull me down. But I deserve my happily ever after. I deserved to fall in love and be loved unconditionally in return. I have this, right now, with Archer, I have this and I’m so afraid of losing it. Of losing him and that’s something I couldn’t survive. My life is him and I need him to see that. I don’t want him to be a different person. I love who he is, love the man his career has built him to be. But I want my life now.
“Don’t be that girl,” he criticizes, moving into my space and grabbing both my hands in his. “Don’t be selfish, Belle. That ain’t you. This is bigger than us. I’ve got to do this. How can you not see that?” He searches my face for understanding, but it’s not there. “The services saved my life. Saved my fucking life,” he punctuates. “When I had nothing. When I was nothing. It gave me purpose. The man you love, the man you want to spend your life with, they put me back together, they made me who I am. They’re the reason I’m standing here with you right now, happier than I ever thought I could be. I owe this to them, Belle. In a roundabout way, they gave me you. In my mind, anyway. Let me do this without making me feel shit about it. Fucking, support me.”
