by Haley Jenner
“Why wouldn’t you tell me?” I impeach, blame and hurt heavy in my words.
“I’m sorry,” Darci whispers, reaching for my hand. I consider pulling away but in all truth, the people I can rely on nowadays are few and far between, so I have to accept that their intentions were well placed. Which deep down, I know is true.
“Like I said, babe, we tried, maybe not enough, but you didn’t wanna hear it. Sure, we could’ve blurted it out, but in all honesty, how would it have been taken?” Shrugging my shoulders, I blow out a grunt of misery. “Exactly. Truly, Annabelle, we’re sorry, but you have to understand the situation we were in.”
Nodding, I drag my hands along my face gathering myself before meeting the eyes of my two, very concerned, friends. I watch Darci for a moment, swallowing the sick feeling threatening at my next question. “Is he seeing anyone? I just don’t want to be blindsided.”
Darci is shaking her head before I finish my question and my body relaxes slightly. Her whisper is almost inaudible as she avoids my eyes to speak though. “No. I mean, he’s not a monk, Annabelle. He doesn’t date, but…. he…nothing,” she waves her hand dismissively, her words trailing into silence. I stare at her for a moment; as a deep red flush crawls along her neck.
“Darc,” I question, leaning in and she hesitantly meets my eyes, they’re full of sympathy and it only takes me a second for it to click. “Bartie,” my voice cracks on a hoarse whisper. “He fucks Bartie,” I surmise and Darci gives me a quick nod before dropping her head.
I tilt my neck back and take a deep breath. “Motherfucker! He’s getting laid regularly by blow up Barbie and you know how many dates I’ve been on since I left Carnation?” I look between Aubrey and Darci, challenging them to guess. “Two. I’ve been on two dates,” I grab the bridge of my nose, holding back my tears. “The first one was so horrible. I sat there like a mute, completely out of my depth. I couldn’t even form words, so I forced the most awkward smiles the entire time. Then, when it finally finished I got so nervous at the thought of another man touching me that come time for him to kiss me goodbye, I ran. Imagine that for a second, a grown ass fucking woman afraid of a kiss.” I giggle hysterically before continuing. “The second date, I was determined to let the kiss happen so I waited with nervous anticipation all night and when he finally did it, it just felt wrong. He didn’t taste right; his lips didn’t fit mine like Archer’s did, his lips were hard, not soft like I was used to.” I drag my fingers across my lips remembering Archer’s lips.
Fucking Bartie. God, I always knew he was an asshole, but I never thought he’d stoop that low again. He would have to know how much being with her would hurt me.
“Annabelle, babe, you can pretend to everyone else that you aren’t shit fucking scared of seeing Archer again. But this is us, we get it, he broke your heart. You’re allowed to be nervous as all hell. We’re here for you,” Aubrey’s voice pulls me out of my revere and I look between two of my best friends trying to find the strength I’ve spent the last few years building up.
“I’m scared,” I whisper. “I don’t want anything to do with him. I want him to have absolutely no effect on me whatsoever. I want to hate him. But what I’m most afraid of, is what happens if he is completely indifferent when he sees me, like I’m nothing?” Chewing on the corner of my lip, I let my greatest fears surface. “I’ve spent the last 3 years surviving. Just. He’s good, what if our relationship now means nothing to him?”
“Annabelle, just because he’s good doesn’t mean he’s moved on with his life. I think Archer’s been just as broken as you this whole time.”
“I can’t think like that. I need to remember the pain he’s caused me, the hurt that he burnt into my soul. I need to remember that I hate him,” I finish quietly.
“Well then, I think we need to get you laid!” Aubrey announces causing Darci to chuckle. Raising a brow in question at Aubrey, I wait for her to explain further. “If there’s anything we know about Archer Dean it’s that he’s a maniac in the sack - when it comes to you, and he can make you do just about anything by giving you an orgasm…. or five. So, we need you thoroughly fucked. Well and truly sated. Satisfied. That way, when you do run into him, which by my calculations will be in less than 14 hours, you have some kind of willpower against him and his magical fucking penis.”
I didn’t think it was possible, but I laugh. Loudly. The three of us in fits of hysterical giggles at Aubrey’s description.
“Ladies,” our heads turn in unison as we meet the wolfish smile of Bennett James and I can’t hide the genuine smile that graces my lips at seeing him again.
Standing, I hug him tightly. “Bennett, so good to see you.”
“Likewise, Annabelle. It’s good to have you home. Aubrey, nice to see you again,” he nods in her direction.
“And you Bennett,” she smiles up at him.
“Hi Darci,” he greets softly, eyes focused solely on Darci, whose cheeks have turned a very pretty shade of pink as she looks everywhere but at Bennett.
“Good thanks, Bennett. I mean hello. Hi,” she stumbles, closing her eyes purposefully in embarrassment, cursing herself in muttered whispers.
Aubrey and I stare at one another in complete shock, eyebrows rising in complete surprise.
Do you think? I tilt my head, communicating silently.
No, surely not. Bennett and Darci?! Aubrey wordlessly responds.
Our eyes flicker between them again, both silent, Bennett watching Darci with complete adoration, a look Darci unfortunately misses as she focuses on anything but him.
Oh my god they did! We mentally high-five, our faces bursting into grins at the revelation and Aubrey, never one to let an opportunity pass saves them from their awkwardness. “Listen, Bennett, we were just saying how much we needed to get Annabelle out for a drink,” she smirks. “You know, relax her? Darci here seems so wound up as well, she’s definitely in the need of a nice, long, stiff drink.” Bennett swallows hard at Aubrey’s not-so-subtle innuendo. “7pm tonight, The Shallow. We’ll see you there, yeah?” she smiles up at him innocently, eyelashes fluttering.
He smiles widely, his full predatory grin coming full force. “See you then. Bye Darci.”
Darci can only nod her flushed face in farewell, while Aubrey and I watch him depart before turning our wicked grins back to our very embarrassed friend. "Darci, Darci, Darci, you little harlot. Please for the love of the hotness of Bennett James tell me you let that man do naughty, naughty things to you," Aubrey pulls Darci into a one-armed hug, watching Bennett’s retreating back.
Darci’s cheeks have surpassed a light blush and are now flaming a deep red that only adds to her appeal. "Darc, babe, I get you’re easily spooked, but you look as though you're gonna pass out."
She takes a few deep breaths before she can meet our eyes. "I made a complete fool of myself, okay? It happened 6 or so months ago and while it was the greatest sex of my life, I humiliated myself."
Aubrey's blue eyes are like saucers, wide as she meets my eyes. "Did you fart in front of him?" she questions, humor lacing her tone as she stifles a smile.
"What? God no! Aubrey, control yourself," Darci snaps, removing her glasses, to push on her eyelids.
"I'm just trying to understand, babe. Short of you pissing your pants in front of him I can't see what could be so bad…. oh, wait, you didn't tell him you loved him, did you?" Aubrey gawks and I grimace at the thought, but release a breath of relief when Darci shakes her head.
"No, nothing like that," Darci sighs. "I just I lost myself you know, like I wasn't me. Bennett made me feel things I never imagined were possible. I was a different person that night and I'm afraid that’s who he thinks I am. Look at me, I can't even look at him without blushing, but that night, oh my god, I felt…. I don't know, worshipped. I came alive," she says on a soft smile.
"So you’re like a living, breathing dirty librarian?" Aubrey teases.
Darci’s eyes widen, magnified by the lenses in her dark-rimmed
glasses. “Oh my god, I'm a fucking cliché," she screeches and we burst into a fit of laughter. In that moment, my heart feels a little fuller, my soul slightly mended; it’s the first time in three years that I have felt genuinely happy.
Chapter Thirty
Annabelle
The Shallow looks exactly the same as it did years prior, on the night my heart was broken; all old wood and dark colors. The music is loud as four attractive, early 20's guys strum instruments while serenading the women on the dance floor. It's crowded, bodies pushed against one another, the bar a consistent depth as people wait to be served.
Aubrey tilts her head in the opposite direction of the bar and Darci and I follow her lead. I see Bennett, Toby, Jake and a few guys I don't recognize surrounding a tall table, deep in conversation. Bennett notices Darci first, his face breaking into his trademark grin. I glance in her direction and see she's nervous, smiling shyly as she pushes her glasses back to her face.
Toby follows Bennett's gaze and moves around the table to advance on me, picking me up in a bear hug. "Annabelle, looking good, babe. Missed you."
I return his tight hug, feeling an overwhelming sense of comfort "Missed you too. Where's Willow?" I look around him, attempting to locate her.
"At home, resting. End of pregnancy is kinda kicking her ass," he watches for my reaction and I scream loudly.
"Oh my god, Toby, I didn't know. Congratulations babe! How exciting! Tell me everything," I demand on a wide smile.
"Everything?" he raises his eyebrows cheekily and I smack his shoulder.
"Don't be a deviate," I laugh as he launches into the details of their impending arrival. He tells me they’re having a baby girl and that she’s due in only a few weeks. Willow is apparently over the moon and by the look on Toby's face as he speaks, she isn't the only one. "Her tits are fucking amazing," he laughs. "I didn't think they could get better, but holy shit," he finishes, eyes skyward, praising his type of god and I slap his arm in mock disgust.
I greet Bennett next and welcome his warm embrace. Bennett’s sweet; even as a teenager he seemed so together, so grounded. Our conversation is stilted, his attention distracted, eyes straying to Darci at any given opportunity. "She spooks easily," I say, tilting my head towards Darci as he turns his focus back to me. "I've never seen her so skittish about someone. This is good news. She’d normally just shut down, but I think she's open to this," I gesture between him and her. "You just have to tread slowly," I offer and he smiles appreciatively.
"It's crazy. I would've never thought…. I mean, I’ve been into her for…. I don't know. Tread carefully. Got it," he winks before making his way towards her.
I watch their exchange. Bennett offering her a sweet smile, not invading her space. Her cheeks flush at his attention but she keeps eye contact, smiling shyly. I'm impressed with his skill, within minutes he has her sitting at a table to the side, just the two of them, conversation flowing easily.
"He's been nuts about her for months and months now. I don’t know if she shared but they, ah,” he laughs at the memory. “Went at it in the storage room at The Coffee House a few months back. Poor thing was mortified when we all found out. Avoiding him ever since, she's got evasion down pat," Jake speaks into my hair as he wraps an arm around my shoulders, pulling me in tight.
Wrapping my own arm around his waist, I tilt my head upwards to look at him. "Darc has crushed on Bennett James since we were kids. She’s just painfully shy, you know that. I hope she goes with it, he seems really into her."
Jake watches my face for a few beats before taking a long sip of his beer and speaking out into the open bar. "He's on his way here. Just got a text. Wanted to give you the heads up." He refuses to meet my eyes after his admission, choosing to scan the bar purposefully, avoiding my shocked stare.
Attempting to disentangle myself from his embrace doesn't work, Jake only tightens his arm, holding me closer. "Don't freak. It's gonna happen at some point. May lessen the intensity this way," he cautiously offers.
"Fuck me,” I panic. “Does he know I’m here? In town?”
“Nope,” Jake, pops his lips. “Not gonna lie, didn’t wanna be the one to share the news. Thought a shock on his behalf may stun him into good behavior,” he smirks and I elbow his side.
“This isn’t funny, Jakey,” I grumble. "All honesty, how do you think he's gonna react?"
Dimple on show, Jake smirks at me and I narrow my eyes. "Reckon he might go all caveman, beat his chest, throw you over his shoulder and storm out," he laughs.
"Jake," I snap and he sighs pulling me in closer to his side. "All honesty, I think he'll be pissed you're in town and he's the last one to find out. Especially when we all knew, but he'll be angrier that you didn't let him know."
Nodding my head, I agree. I know Archer and I know that he would've expected me to seek him out first. Jail cell or not.
"Other than that, I think he'll be relived you’re back. He'll be shocked, but happy. The shock will win out though and it'll come out in frustration."
“Fuck," I breathe, detangling myself from Jake's hold. "I'm gonna need a drink.”
Aubrey follows me to the bar and we take a seat towards the end; giving us an unobstructed view of the entire room. Aubrey works to grab the attention of the bartender and I watch him make his way to us, momentarily stunned from my freak out. He’s gorgeous; messy blonde hair that sits at his shoulders, facial hair framing his mouth bringing focus to his full lips. His smile is wicked, promising one hell of a good time. Men like him should come with a warning, he has heartbreak written all over him.
Leaning casually over the bar, he pins us with a lazy grin. "Ladies, what can I get for you?" His voice, doesn’t disappoint either, coasting over our skin, sounding exactly like sex and it is fucking heaven.
I stare at him blankly and his grin only widens, completely aware of the effect he has on women. Aubrey orders for us and he winks before moving away. "Holy, fuck me, how are men like that even legal?" Aubrey breathes, watching his retreat.
"I don’t think they are," my voice is breathy and almost inaudible, showering me in an uncomfortable sense of embarrassment as I follow his movements around the bar. They’re fluid, graceful even; completely ill-suited considering his size. His body is pre-historic and strongly built, making his attractive face seemingly out of place on such a fierce looking man.
Returning with our beers, he winks before moving along the bar, working to serve the constant build-up of people. Taking a deep pull of our drinks, Aubrey's eyes settle on my face, attempting to gage my reaction. "How you gonna play this?" she questions, settling onto the stool next to mine.
"Let's not make a deal of it, yeah? He'll be here. I'm here. We'll see one another and hopefully enjoy the company of our friends without too much of an exchange," I test uncertainly.
Aubrey’s laughter tickles my eardrums and further unease settles in my stomach, but she says nothing to dispute my hopes as we fall into a strained silence, Aubrey respecting my need to process.
My hands are clammy, my heart beating erratically. I feel flushed and I'm irritated that Archer still holds this amount of power over me. That he has the ability to affect me this way after all these years. I feel sick. I'm scared. Nervous. Uncertain. Maybe even a little excited, which is scary. I haven't seen him in three years. Three long fucking years. I miss looking at him; seeing his wide grin, watching his jaw tick when I pissed him off. Hearing him laugh. Being able to smell him; always fresh, but mixed with an unmistakable male scent and a touch of tobacco. I miss that, his smell.
"An incredibly fine looking Archer Dean has entered the bar. 6 o'clock. Don't look, he'll see you," Aubrey speaks quietly at my ear, head low enough not to be seen. "Holy shit, babe. He's even hotter than I remember. Sorry," she smiles apologetically. "I know you don't need to hear that, but my god," her eyes follow his path, full of appreciation and I nudge her with my elbow. She shrugs, and I wait until she gives me the okay before turning.
I wa
tch Archer as he stalks through the bar and the pain I had buried years ago works its way through my body. His appearance hasn't changed all that much, his dark hair is longer, at a length I used to love. That hurts a little, towards the end I swear he kept it short because I preferred it longer. It sounds ridiculous, a grown-ass man cutting his hair to spite his girlfriend. But I would see the challenge in his eyes every time he cut it, like he was goading me into a fight.
Even from my seat across the room I can see a lot of his darkness has gone. If I hadn't believed it before, I would, seeing him now. His movements aren't as forced, his face isn't set hard and a smile breaks onto his face easily as he approaches his friends. I get lost in his wicked grin, my heart starting to beat fast, but not in its usual nervousness. No, it speeds up at the way I feel it course over my body at the memory of what seeing that grin would do to me once upon a time.
Offering them a chin lift in greeting, Archer settles in amongst the crowd without issue or hesitation. Bennett and Toby radiate an awkwardness that I can feel from across the bar. Even from my back-corner stool I can see their faces twitching with the need to seek me out, to locate my exact position, to see if I've spotted him.
Aubrey was wrong, he's not hotter than my recollection, and he doesn't need to be. Not for me anyway. Right now, looking at him after three years he's the same complete perfection I fell in love with. As beautiful as ever. His broad back is now facing me and from my limited view I can see he's still fit. Bigger though, having regained some of the muscle he dropped when just the simple act of living was too much for him. This reinforces the fact that his mind is healing, enough to allow him to return to the physicality he worked so hard at.
