by Julia London
Jane headed for the shower instead. She dressed in a cotton dress and gladiator sandals, determined to get out of Summer’s End, get some air, and clear her head. She dashed on a bit of blush and mascara and gathered her purse and cell phone. She was walking out to her car when a BMW pulled up in the drive.
Tara got out of the car—or rather, Tara’s legs got of her car. Long, slender, tanned legs. “Hi, Jane!” she called out as if they were friends. She ducked her head into the car again, then emerged with a shoulder bag and some files, which she tucked under her arm. “Hey, cute dress.”
Next to Tara’s short shorts and halter top, Jane felt slightly frumpy. “Thanks,” she said.
“So you have the day off, huh? Where are you off to?”
“Just running a few errands. What about you?”
“Oh, the usual. Asher and I have some work to go over.” Tara smiled, as if working on a Saturday made her happy. Maybe it did. Maybe what they had to go over was each other, and Jane had a sudden image of Tara’s long, tanned legs wrapped around Asher’s bare back.
“He’s been gone so long and things have backed up,” Tara added. She opened the back door of her car and pulled out a beach bag, which she slung over her free shoulder. “And it doesn’t hurt that we can work next to such a great pool,” she added with a wink.
“No kidding,” Jane said. He hadn’t been home for twenty-four hours and he was already pouring himself into his work. Poor Riley and Levi.
“Okay! Have a great day off!” Tara pointed her keys at her car and punched a button. The car beeped as she walked on to the house.
Definitely, Jane thought, there was definitely more than work going on between Asher and his lovely assistant. Well, they made a perfect couple. She could just picture the two of them decked out and presiding over some fabulous society party, while she sat up in the media room with Riley and Levi in her favorite Pearl Jam T-shirt and cutoffs eating frozen pizza.
Jane called Nicole on her way into town. “I met my boss,” she announced when Nicole answered.
“Still an asshole?”
“I think so,” Jane said, pondering that. She’d vented to Nicole about him earlier in the week, but she wasn’t exactly sure now. “Whatever he is, I can say this—he’s gorgeous.”
“Oh really.”
“It’s actually kind of breathtaking,” Jane confessed. “He’s hot. Remember Tom Cockrell?” she asked, referring to a bartender they both knew. “He’s that kind of hot.”
“Wow,” Nicole said. “I used to dream about Tom Cockrell. Speaking of hot, have you talked to Jonathan since he left?”
Jane sighed. “This morning. He always sounds so bummed.”
“Well God, do you blame him?” Nicole asked with a snort.
That response bugged Jane because a part of her did blame him. “That’s not what I mean,” she said petulantly. “I just wish he’d be more understanding, that’s all.”
“How much more understanding can he be?” Nicole asked.
“So, because I was honest and didn’t jump into a marriage I wasn’t sure I wanted, Jonathan is the victim here?” Jane asked irritably.
“I didn’t say he was a victim,” Nicole shot back. “But you have to admit, Jane, you didn’t give him any indication you were going to say no. You gave him every indication you’d say yes.”
“Because I thought I was going to say yes!” Jane cried. “You know that, Nic! I honestly didn’t know I was going to balk until he asked me. Would it have been better for me to have said yes? God, I feel like I have to conform to everyone else’s opinion of my life. Everyone seems to think I should be content and happy with the way things are, but I’m not, and I seem to keep apologizing for that. What am I supposed to do? Something at the very core of me is gasping for breath and I can’t ignore that.”
“Don’t drive off the road,” Nicole said. “I am not saying you should ignore it, but . . .”
“But what?” Jane pressed. “Marry Jonathan so he won’t be mad?”
“No, but maybe you can try and appreciate how everyone is trying to support you and how hard that is sometimes. It’s really hard to watch you give up a great guy, and squander the master’s degree that you have worked toward for three years.”
“I am not squandering it.”
“Yes, you are! If you don’t give them something in the next couple of months, you are out of the program! I don’t see why you can’t look for your birth mother but keep up with your life at the same time. Why is that so hard?”
Nicole had a fair question, one that Jane had asked herself. “I don’t know either,” she admitted. “Do you honestly believe I want to be stranded like this? I am doing my best to get off this island I have put myself on.” Jane pulled into the parking lot of the Saddle-brew. “Listen, I’m at this place . . .”
“Yeah, okay. Call me later?” Nicole asked.
“Definitely. Kiss Sage for me,” Jane said and hung up. She really couldn’t blame Jonathan or Nicole or anyone else for being frustrated with her. Jane was fully aware that she must look completely crazy to the people who loved her, now that she’d managed to isolate herself from them all. She didn’t want to be isolated, yet she had this weird, pervading sense of loneliness that was pushing her away from everything and everyone she knew, into the unknown. It made no sense, least of all to her.
“Look it up in your textbook,” she scoffed to herself. She supposed she could do just that, but that seemed a little too black-and-white, and frankly, Jane didn’t really want to know why. Right now, she just wanted to continue on this slow path to learning the truth about herself. She’d face reality later.
“Hey Jane—where are your kids?” Sam asked when Jane finally walked inside.
“Home with dad,” she said with a relieved smile. “Got any strawberry smoothies today?”
“Coming right up,” Sam said.
“And a cinnamon roll, please,” Jane added.
“Miss Aaron?”
Startled to hear her name, Jane turned to see Linda Gail Graeber’s curly hair and smiling face. “I thought that was you! Are you alone? You are, aren’t you? You have to come sit with me. I want to introduce you to some friends,” Linda Gail said.
“Oh, I—”
“Come on, now,” Linda Gail said quickly before Jane could decline her offer. “You’re new in town and this is the best way to meet people from Cedar Springs,” she said as she linked her beefy arm through Jane’s and pulled her away from the counter. “My friends and I are going to the Cedar County Arts and Crafts Fair. Oh, hey, if you’re not doing anything—”
“Oh! Thanks, but I can’t—”
“That’s okay, it runs all week, so maybe later this week you can get by there. Gir-rls!” she warbled, stopping beside a table. “I want to introduce you to Jane Aaron. She’s Asher Price’s nanny!”
The three women at the table stopped talking at once and looked at Jane, wide-eyed.
“Hi,” Jane said uncertainly.
“Sit down, sit down!” said one of the women, who jumped up to pull a chair out. She had dreadlocks and was wearing a tie-dyed knit dress.
“This is Reena,” Linda Gail said, indicating the tie-dyed woman. “And Anne,” she said, gesturing to the woman with the graying bob, who looked the complete opposite of Reena and the oldest of the four. “And Cathy.”
Cathy had brown hair pulled into a short ponytail. The crumbs of her muffin had caught on the appliqué of a potted plant that graced the middle of her shirt. “I am so glad Asher got a nanny!” she said as she moved her purse aside for Jane. “Those kids deserve having someone home with them every day.”
Jane wondered how they knew Asher was gone frequently.
“Where are you from, Jane?” Reena asked as Linda Gail squeezed herself into a chair.
“Houston.”
“Oh, yeah? Did they bring you all the way from Houston to be the nanny? I’m not surprised. The Price family has always gone top shelf in anything they do. Asher�
�s daddy is an oilman, you know. They have a lot of money. Speaking of not a lot of money, Taylor is buying a car—all by herself! It’s one of those hybrids—she’s into the environment now that she moved to Austin.”
The other women laughed.
“Smoothie and a roll!” Sam called from the counter.
Linda Gail patted Jane’s arm. “I’ll get it.”
“Taylor is my daughter,” Reena explained to Jane. “She got a job with a real estate firm in Austin. You know that Austin is a hippie town, right?”
Jane smiled. “I’ve heard that.”
“So Asher advertised in Houston this time?” Cathy asked.
“Ah, no . . . at least, I don’t think so. I found the job here in Cedar Springs,” Jane said.
“You found it here? I didn’t know there were jobs like that in Cedar Springs or I would have told Taylor,” Reena said.
“Where are you living?” Anne asked.
“Summer’s End.”
“Oh, that’s so beautiful,” Cathy said wistfully as Linda Gail returned to the table with Jane’s order. “Say what you will about Susanna Price, but if nothing else, she could at least decorate a house.”
“Cathy,” Linda Gail said low.
“What?”
Linda Gail frowned; Cathy blinked, then looked at Anne.
Jane smiled. “Did I miss something?”
“Inside joke,” Linda Gail said. “Now listen, girls, if we want to get good parking at the arts and craft show, we’ve really got to get moving.” She said to Jane, “Let’s do try and get Riley and Tracy together this summer. I know Tracy would love it, and I really think Riley needs to get out. She was locked in that big old house all of last summer. She needs to be a kid again, you know? All right, girls, are we off? Jane, you have a good day!”
The other women said their good-byes, and when the four of them had finally collected all their handbags and keys and whatnot, they walked out of the coffee shop, already arguing about where exactly they would park.
That was weird, Jane thought as she watched them walk out the door. “Say what you will about Susanna Price.” What was it that people said about Susanna Price?
Jane finished her cinnamon roll and thought she’d head to Walmart to pick up a few personal items. She drove around the picturesque town square with its newly planted flowerpots and banners hanging over the street announcing the upcoming June Bluebonnet Festival. She drove past the old part of town with the tidy Craftsman homes and rambling Victorians and manicured lawns, out to the edge of town, where Walmart was located.
But at the light, instead of turning right toward Walmart, Jane suddenly turned left and followed the road that skirted the southern edge of town until she reached the Cedar Springs Memorial Hospital.
She pulled into the parking lot of the hospital and looked at it. It had two wings, an emergency entrance, and a main entrance. It was a small hospital. So why, then, did Jane feel so intimidated? Why did she look at the door and wonder how she would ever make herself walk through it?
She would do it. Not today, because it was Saturday, and she doubted that the administration staff was working. But she’d do it, and soon, no matter what anyone else thought. She might be afraid of what she’d find—or not find—but she’d come all this way and she had no hope of moving on with her life, or going home to her family, or finishing her degree, or banishing that persistent, distant ache until she walked through those doors and started asking questions.
10
That’s it, Asher,” Tara said, jotting down a note. “Looks like we’ve covered everything.”
They were in the den off the kitchen, Tara wearing a bikini top and shorts, Asher in swim trunks and a T-shirt. Tara had worked for Asher for so long that he considered her family, and like family, she’d spent some time in the pool with Levi while Asher had paid some bills and made some personal calls.
Still miffed about Asher’s less than enthusiastic response to her hair, Riley had stayed in her room.
When Asher had finished with the things he’d needed to take care of, he’d served up lunch, diving into the batch of Waldorf chicken salad Carla had left. Afterward, while Levi had napped and Riley had sullenly watched TV, Tara and Asher had caught up on the work he’d missed while in Germany.
“Is there anything else?” Tara asked as she closed her notebook.
Asher glanced out the window. It was late afternoon, the heat of the day. He wouldn’t mind a mojito. He idly wondered if he had what he needed to make one. Rum. Sugar and mint. “I can’t think of anything,” he said. “I won’t keep you any longer, Tara. You probably need to get back to Austin.”
Tara winced a little. “Yes,” she said with a sigh. “If I don’t, there will be hell to pay. Chris and I . . . we’re going through a rough patch.”
Surprised, Asher looked at her. “I’m sorry to hear that. You’re still living together, right?”
“Oh yeah, yeah,” Tara said, studying the inlaid scroll on the table. “We haven’t split up or anything drastic.” She looked up. “But honestly, I don’t know how long we can go on like this. Have you ever heard someone say they were lonely in a relationship? Well, that’s me. I never felt as lonely as I do with Chris these days, you know?”
Oh, yes, he knew. He was the poster child for loneliness in a marriage. He knew what it was like to sit next to someone and feel invisible. Or to lie in bed beside her and feel utterly alone. “I’m sorry.”
“Yes, well . . .” She sighed and smiled sadly as she gathered her things. “I better go. Thanks so much for letting me hang out in the pool, Asher. That was heaven.”
“You know you’re always welcome.”
“I know.” She walked to the door and paused. “You’ll be in on Monday?”
Like he could be anywhere else. “Early,” he confirmed, and followed her out onto the drive. He watched her leave, and when the gate had swung closed behind her, he wondered what he was going to do with his evening. He used to have some buddies in Austin he’d hang out with on occasion, but after Susanna died and he had the kids and then had to travel so much . . . well, he didn’t get out much. It had been so long that he didn’t even know where he’d get out to if he had the chance. Sometimes it felt like he lived in a bubble—work, kids, and back to work again. That was his existence.
Asher walked back into the house just as Levi walked through the kitchen, headed for the back door.
“Wait . . . where are you going, buddy?” Asher asked.
Levi paused, his hand on the doorknob. “To show Jane something.”
“Not today, okay? Today is her day off.” Levi looked at the door, debating. “She needs time to do her own thing,” Asher explained. “What were you going to show her?”
Levi’s hand slipped away from the doorknob, and he held out a DVD case. “This movie. Want to watch it with me, Daddy?”
Asher saw the unmistakable blue-and-white cover of The Hedgehog’s Holiday, a movie he had watched with Levi a thousand times if he’d watched it once. He forced a smile for his son’s sake. “Sure thing. After supper, okay?”
“What are we having?” Levi asked, walking back into the kitchen.
That was an excellent question. Asher looked at the doors of the walk-in pantry and imagined all the wholesome food items contained within. “Pizza,” he said. Easy to make, and he could throw on some broccoli to make himself feel like a responsible parent.
“Yeah!” Levi shouted as Riley walked in behind him. “We’re having pizza, Riley!”
“Don’t have a coronary, “ Riley said with a roll of her eyes. “It’s just pizza and we eat it, like, five times a week.”
Riley had dyed her pink hair yellow, a brassy and unnatural shade of her natural gold. When Asher had mentioned the pink to his mother on the phone earlier—and his displeasure—she’d clucked her tongue at him. “She gets that from her mother. But it’s summer, Ash. Who is going to see her?”
He was.
Asher realized that Jane w
as right; Riley’s hair needed the intervention of a professional. He decided not to say anything about it tonight, however, and risk the fragile peace. “I make pizza maybe once a week,” he responded jovially.
“At least twice a week, Dad. Mom made something different every night.”
“She was a very good cook,” Asher said patiently. Susanna had been a creative cook, and she’d engaged the kids in her ambitious creations. “But I’m not. I have to stick with my strengths.” He winked at Riley.
“Is Tara gone? Her perfume was giving me an epic headache,” Riley said.
“She’s gone.”
“Good. I thought she was going to spend the night.”
“Would it have been so bad if she had?” he asked. “It’s not like you would have had to bunk with her. We have four guest rooms upstairs, remember?”
“Yes, it would have been so bad. You see her all the time.”
“Well, I’m going to see only you guys tomorrow,” Asher assured her. “I was thinking we could go to Austin and have lunch at Guero’s, then swim at Barton Springs. How does that sound?”
Riley regarded him warily. “Really? Just us?”
“Yes, really, just us. Want to go?”
“Yes!” Levi shouted.
“He was talking to me,” Riley said, and looked at Asher. “Yes.”
One small step for Dad . . . “Good. Come help me get this pizza going so we can watch the hedgehog movie.”
“I’ll help!” Levi offered, and he began to dig in one of the cabinets for a pizza pan.
“The hedgehog movie again?” Riley complained.
“Yes, again,” Asher said and handed her plates. “After that, we can watch Twilight and drool over that guy.”
“Da-ad,” Riley said with a grimace and turned her back on him, walking into the dining room with the plates. Gone were the days when Asher’s little girl told him everything in one long stream of consciousness. I fed my turtle spinach and he ate it but Carla said it was for supper and I had to find some grass or something, and oh, Mom was crying again this morning, but she’s okay, she’s in her bed now.
