by Dee Ellis
I fucked her for hours that first night, on every surface of my apartment. Gigi was loud and fuck I loved to watch her come. To feel her shudder around me, moaning my name and begging for more. I woke up with her gone after holding her all night.
Which I never fucking did.
My sheets smelled like her, and she left her sweater and took my CFD shirt. That’s how we started. Gigi did pursue me because she knew for almost two years I wanted her and would do nothing about it. Tired of waiting, she had the guts to give us what we both wanted.
I was not the same after that first night with her; Gigi didn’t ask to be exclusive, and I had never tried that shit before. After her, I never touched another woman, though. I knew Gigi deserved better than that. To be honest, Gigi took up so much of my time, and had me so satisfied I never wanted anyone else.
I knew shit was different the night I came home to find her waiting for me. Cage and I had a rough day and usually we’d get drinks or bullshit after. That night, Cage went home to Charli. All I wanted was to see Gigi. I found her waiting at my place in that CFD shirt with dinner waiting, and I knew I didn’t fucking deserve her, but I wanted her. Just her. I needed her. Gigi made me feel shit I didn’t even know I was capable of.
Before I met Cage and his family made me one of their own. Before I knew what it was like to get in a fight that didn’t end with someone walking away. Never coming back. Before I knew what it could be like to have someone look at me like I mattered.
I thought that was enough. It was more than someone like me deserved. I loved Cage like a brother, I meant that. Really though, most my life I had been using him. Using him to feel like a part of something. Part of his circle of friends, of his family, of the women that flocked to those Coopers like flies to honey.
I would do anything for Cage because he had always done for me. He’d given me shit I never knew was real. Then, I kept right on taking when I wanted Gigi. Difference was Gigi wanted me.
On the night I found her at my door, she was there for me. But for herself too. Gigi was struggling in her junior year at Loyola. At the time, she just wasn't sure who she wanted to be yet.
That night, she came to me. Not Cage or her mom or her sisters. Gigi came to me because she knew I didn’t expect her to be anything more than what she was. Because I thought everything she was, was fucking amazing.
That night, there was a shift that didn’t we didn't mention but were both aware of. Gigi talked and cried a little, and I held her while she fed me my favorite egg rolls. That she made from scratch just for me. Then she listened to me bitch about my night, and before I knew it, she was on her knees ready to suck my cock.
I didn’t let her; instead, I carried her to bed and sunk inside her for hours. Held her hands and watched her eyes as I really made her mine. I was fucking crazy about her and I didn’t want to think about losing her. Gigi didn't know who she wanted to be, but I wanted her to be mine.
The next day, I gave her a key to my place. It wasn’t awkward like I expected. It just felt right, natural even. Almost every night after that, I came home to her making us dinner and letting me eat her sweet pussy while she studied. It was more perfect than I deserved and soon I felt like it wasn’t enough.
I wanted to tell Cage. Even tried to a few times. By then, he was so fucking twisted up over Charli, I thought it might soften the blow. Charli adored Gigi and realized there was something between she and I. So, at her request, we hung out the a few times, just the four of us. Cage hated it, and Gigi did everything she could to show him we were together.
Our last night at O’Malley’s, Ariel was there and that’s when things really started to fall apart. Gigi was whispering in my ear and stroking my cock beneath the table. With Cage right there. Meanwhile, Ariel was watching Cage and Charli, and I knew it was all going to come to a head.
I was right. Soon enough, Charli found out about Ariel and she took off. This led to Cage finding me with Gigi when he needed my help. Since the night at the pub, I had been waiting to get busted. Had felt it coming. Still, to see Gigi look at me with disgust when she found out about the lies and about who I really was before her had crushed me.
Oh, Gigi knew, because she had seen it. Gigi knew the watered-down version of the fuck I was before her. Cage was telling me now just to give her time. I had told her again and again how sorry I was and how badly I missed her. Then, I just stopped.
I knew Gigi needed more than time. What I said was the truth. Gigi hated me now. Knew who I really was and what a twisted, sick fuck I could be. My second after was realizing the truth about life after Gigi.
Gigi didn’t need time. Gigi needed to stay the fuck away from me.
2
Book boyfriends are way better than real ones. I can contest to that truth. Sitting in a corner coffee shop reading about Dex and Camille, my favorite submissive couple, I was certain of this fact. It was pouring rain out and freezing, and the coffee shop was warm and cozy.
Dex is a prime example of that. I’m four books into a series about him meeting the perfect woman ad actually realizing it. They were so hot for each other it took seven books to work that shit out.
I knew what that was like, though. If I were to write a book about the hottest I had ever been for someone, it would take a fucking library. Finn Cooper was basically an Adonis; 6’7 with a body full of muscles like mountains. Silky, dirty blonde hair and the bluest eyes I had ever seen. Plus, he was packing a python. In his pants.
Damn, I missed that. Finn was talented with what God gave him. His mouth, his cock, his hands. Jesus, the man knew where to touch me, where to kiss me, how long to tease me before I was begging for more. I always begged. It was downright shameful, really.
Finn didn’t seem to think so, though. Seemed to view it as his God damn job to get me begging for him to make me come. To let me come. Though I didn’t have anything to compare him to really, I was certain he was the best sex I’d ever have.
Finn Cooper was also my brother Cage Cooper’s best friend. No relation, obviously. A little more than two months ago, we started something both of us knew we shouldn’t. I'd known Finn most my life; he and Cage had been inseparable since junior high. They'd a last name and just about everything else since.
Even then, Finn was beautiful. He was always a little broken because his family was a mess. I think that’s why I was always drawn to him the way I was. Our family was a fairy-tale. My pop met my mom, the appropriate sparks flew, the heavens sang, and they started their happily ever after. A month after their first date, they wed, and forty-five years later were still going strong.
We were like a storybook family, and Finn knew nothing of that. His parents were gone before we met him. Finn had been left in the care of his delinquent brothers and shameless sisters.
From early on, he clung to Cage in a way that I don’t think Cage even realized. I saw the relief in his face when he got to come to our place for holidays or go on vacations with us. Just to be included.
Finn was a part of the family and he needed it more than most of us realized. Except me. I always realized it. I always looked at him differently, even back then. As much as I loved him like family, I never considered him the same I did Cage.
Possibly because I had always been a little in love with him. Just a little. Maybe it wasn’t that serious. Maybe it wasn’t the entire time, but it was always there.
The minute it changed for me was the day I realized he looked at me differently too. Not the way I would later want him to. That took a helluva lot longer. No, Finn saw me for me, though, more than anyone else. With such high standards set by my older siblings, who knew early on what they wanted out of life, I had a lot to live up to.
I was the one who had yet to find their niche. I was a nerd; in fact, today I not only had on a shirt that read ‘I Solemnly Swear That I’m Up To No Good.’ I also had on matching Harry Potter socks.
I could quote Star Wars, including the prequels, line by line and did often. Sitting in
front of me was a laptop open to some astrology patterns that I was charting just for fun. For. Fun.
I read at least three books a week, even if they were filthy smut more often than the classics. A girl has to get her kicks somewhere. In my third year at Loyola, an English major, I felt like I was never going to figure out just what all of that added up to. Or who I wanted to be.
One thing that had drawn me to Finn was he didn’t care. Cage was always going to be like Pop. The girls knew their passions early and made them happen. Finn never made me feel like that mattered. He had always looked at me differently than everyone else. Like he never had a doubt I would figure it out.
Finn never thought much about the future. When Cage joined the department, so did he. When Cage got his first place, so did Finn. Not because he couldn’t do it without Cage, Finn was his own man. Finn just did it when it made sense to him. What felt right and good at the time. Much how we had happened.
“You know,” Finn had murmured into my skin that first night,” your brother will kill us both.” I knew he was right, but I didn’t care; especially since his tongue was at my pussy seconds later.
Finn was skilled and he showed lots and lots of women just how much before me. The first time I knew it bothered me was their senior prom. By then, I realized just how hot he was, and how badly I wanted him. I was young though, so I doubt I knew what wanting him meant.
Still, I had been pissed and jealous and that’s all I can remember about that night. Not Cage’s whore girlfriend, Krista, looking bored and impatient. Not hearing her ask Finn if both the Coopers wanted to share her that night. I just noticed Finn; how handsome he was and how his eyes never looked away from me. Like he knew I was bothered. Jealous.
Two years later at my own prom, I took someone who looked a helluva lot like Finn. Blonde hair, big hands that he didn’t know what to do with, and bright blue eyes. Still, he was no Finn. When my sisters and Cage teased as we smiled and took photos, Finn was there too. My eyes never left his.
We both knew what would happen when I left with that boy. Of course, we did. That’s what you did on prom night, right? It was rushed and not at all sexy, but I wanted it over with. Wanted to get the taboo out of the way so, maybe, Finn would realize I wasn’t an innocent little girl. Because, Jesus Christ, I wasn’t.
The nights I spent fantasizing about Finn, my hand between my legs and his name on my lips, were proof enough. The night I graduated I thought he realized I wanted him. That I was ready for him.
My parents had thrown a huge party, as was the usual fare for a Cooper celebration, and of course, he was there. With my future so uncertain, I escaped to the deck leading out onto the lake behind the house.
Before I knew it, Finn was there beside me. Touching me, gently, his hand at my back. I knew then. Knew it was more than just a crush. More than wanting something simply because we both knew it was forbidden. When his warm fingers pressed to my back, something burned in me that left me changed. By him. For him.
“Finn...” We talked and laughed as he soothed me, my legs swinging in the water.
“Gigi,” his voice was rough because he had bared himself to me, “Don’t.” I was never the same after that; neither was he.
Finn didn’t stop me because he wanted to. I saw it in his eyes and felt it in his touch. I was barely eighteen, and he was already fucking his way through the pubs. Finn stopped me because he thought we shouldn’t. Because of Cage. Because of my pop. Because I was who I was and he was who he was. Except, he wasn’t. Not really. Not to me.
It killed me to watch him bang anything with a pussy. Sometimes more than one at a time. I was smarter than he was and he knew it. Finn knew I saw just what he was doing. He was on a mission.
I wanted him, for longer than I should have. Finn, it turned out, wanted me too.
He also thought he would ruin me so he did everything he could to prove that to me. For years, he paraded women in front of me, proving he was a piece of shit. I still wanted him.
It made no fucking sense, but I wanted him more, in fact. Finn never knew love or trust. Not beyond our family. His family didn’t know the definition. After his brothers went to jail when he was still a teen, his sisters had turned their home into a brothel without the advantage of getting paid for it.
Finn was as foreign to trust and emotions that mattered as I was to the emptiness his life had been. Before. Before he met us and got a taste of what it could be like.
For a long time, I thought he was being selfish. I was sure he thought something happening between us could cost him the connection to our family. I resented him for not thinking I was worth it. Out of spite, I started rating his women.
In high school, I was proud of the nerd I was. Even prouder never quite fit in. Still, it stung to never get invited to the parties or get asked out. I would have said no to both, but I digress. Like the mean girl nerd I was, I rated the elite based on my favorite book heroines.
I used this same scale on first Finn, and then sadly Cage’s conquests. It was meant to irritate them. To make them see the error of their slutty ways, I suppose. Finn hated it and we both knew why; he knew the ratings were accurate and that each one killed me to deliver. Still I did it. Every single time I had to witness one of his whores’ walk of shame, I made sure to get my digs in.
Then it changed. I don’t know when or why, but I could feel it. They went from random looking, redheads with big tits or blondes with plump asses, to the same type. Night after night; dark hair, light eyes, and all of them tall and slender with my build. Finn was bringing home women that were a temporary reprieve. From me.
Finn wanted me too, but wouldn’t let himself have me. I was like my mother; I got what I wanted without even having to say I wanted it. You could call me spoiled, except I worked for what I wanted. I just did it subtly. Finn didn’t even know what I was doing until it was too late.
My rating turned into flirting with him in the hall between his and Cage’s apartment. Chats that had us leaning against the doorway, sometimes hours long. Finn wasn’t brave enough to let me inside his place. We both knew exactly what would happen. Those chats changed slowly too. Subtly.
I would move too close, touch him when we both knew I didn’t need to. Then I started texting. About nothing at all. About how lonely I was. About how hot I thought my professor was. That irritated him. Then one night after weeks of working for it without making it look like it, I’d had enough.
Like a Hail Mary, Finn brought home two women. I was done. I was across the hall and climbing him before I knew what I was doing. Finn growled something about waiting long enough and then his mouth was on mine and I was his. If I hadn’t been already.
“Gigi, I didn’t...I didn’t fuck them," He swore before he sunk inside me, “I haven’t fucked anyone in weeks. I just...let you think I do. You shouldn’t want this. I shouldn’t either. I do. I want you so fucking bad, Sweet Girl.” I believed him. I don’t know why I did, given those moans and the pounding I heard on the walls for weeks, but I did.
“I don’t remember when I didn’t want you, Finn. Have me. Fuck me, please.” Then like the trashy novels I loved so much, he did.
For hours. For fucking hours, he claimed my body and I knew I would never be the same. I didn’t know my body could feel the things he made me feel. Also, didn’t know he could move that massive body of his the way he did that night. When he was between my legs, feasting on my pussy like he was starved for only me, I knew I would never get enough.
“Fuck you taste sweet, baby. Like cherries; I fucking love cherries now.” Finn had murmured every single time he buried his face between my legs.
We hid it because we thought we had to and soon it started to piss me off. Towards the end, I knew Finn started to feel guilty. What tore me up was I didn't know if the guilt was about his lies to Cage, or his lies to me. Because every night for two months, he lied to me.
Oh, I didn’t think he was fucking anyone else. Even though we were never foolish
enough to talk about rules. Or promises. Or even a future. I knew that was too much for him to consider. Finn lied because we didn't talk about that.
Finn let me hope for more. Even gave me a key to his place like we were official. We never said we were exclusive but it looked like we were. Felt like it too sometimes. By then Cage, was so invested in his relationship with Charli, we barely had to hide.
I adore her and was thankful Cage had found someone like her. Charli was a 10; a Lizzie Bennett. She also knew something was going on between Finn and I. Out book shopping one day, I caved. I had to tell someone.
“It’s...before you guys even started we started. I think if not for you distracting Cage,” I had been grateful for Charli coming into Cage’s life for selfish reasons too, “He would have caught on by now. I don’t know what it is because we don’t talk about that. We talk about everything but that. I’m afraid if I ask...”
I knew what would happen if I pushed; Finn would bail because he didn’t do serious. Finn fucked and fled and I would be no exception. Except he said different.
“I won’t get enough,” Finn moaned one night while I rode his cock, his mouth around my breast and hands digging into my ass, “Never. I’ll never get enough of how good your pussy feels, baby. Fuck you drive me fucking crazy, Sweet Girl. Look at me. Tell me it’s the same for you, baby.” Of course, it was, how he could doubt it I had no fucking clue.
Even the sweet dirty talk didn’t mean he was mine. That he was really, truly mine. I think I always knew someone like Finn couldn’t really belong to anyone. Certainly not the way I belonged to him. Had long before that first night and would even after.
I was crushed the night Cage found us, but not because we had been caught. Because Finn said all the wrong things when I needed to hear him say we mattered. When I needed to see him fight for us like I mattered. That he didn’t not only proved I didn’t matter like he told me for months I did, but it broke my fucking heart.
