by Dee Ellis
“I told you I was seeing someone. That it was complicated. It’s still complicated, but…it’s not fair to you for me to see you outside of class,” I neglected to mention I would likely be dropping his class too, “I’m so sorry, Jordan. I never should have started seeing you in the first place.” I reached out to touch his hand, but he yanked it away.
“Why did you? Why bother if you had someone waiting in the wings?” I didn’t like his tone, and he was being far more dramatic than our few dates called for.
“I explained. It’s complicated. I’m sorry if you assumed…” Jordan shocked me by leaning over the counter and wrapping a hand around my neck.
“You didn’t even give me a shot, Gigi. Didn’t even really try. I deserve better than that. This firefighter of yours, he’s hurt you time and again. He’ll just hurt you again. A guy like him…” I shoved at his wrist, using a little more force than he expected.
“Don’t touch me. A guy like him? You don’t even know him. I do. My entire life, in fact. It’s none of your business, Jordan. We both know it was a mistake to even consider something more. You were my teacher, for God’s sake. Think about the risks.” I sighed and shoved my hair atop my head, letting it fall in frustration.
“What if I’m not done? What if I think I deserve a second chance too? You gave this jerk Finn countless chances.” I raised a brow as he paced in front of the cooler, watching me with wide eyes.
“What do you know about Finn and I? What has Bree told you?” I didn’t recall sharing any info with Jordan about Finn.
In the brief time we saw one another outside of class, I never even spoke Finn’s name. Let alone discussed our complex relationship. An unsettling feeling rooted itself in my stomach.
A tangled mess that wove its way through all the time I’d spent with Jordan. His gentle persistence when he dropped me off each time. That grew less gentle each time. All the things he knew about me that I knew I had never shared.
“Nothing. I’m smarter than you, Gigi. I don’t need you to tell me shit for me to figure it out.” Well, that was rude. It was the icy tone he snapped it in that shot my back straight up.
“I’m sorry if you think you know about Finn and I. You don’t. I’m sorry you expected more out of a few lunches. I won’t be seeing you outside of class. I am with Finn, I was never truly not with Finn, but I never lied to you or to him. It was complicated, like I said. I’m sorry, Jordan.” I started to turn away when I felt his fingers tangling in the ends of my long hair.
“See you in class, Gigi Cooper.” Jordan leaned over the counter top, making as if he were going to kiss me goodbye.
“Jordan. No!” I whipped my head back, yanking my hair from his fingers.
Jordan just smiled as he backed away, tipping his cup of steaming coffee towards me in goodbye. I frowned after him, absolutely unsettled. I wanted to tell Finn because I thought he should know.
At the same time, it was done. I had told him we wouldn’t be seeing each other again. Even if Finn hadn’t asked me to drop the class, after that little exchange, I certainly planned to.
No matter how I tried, I couldn’t shake the unease that Jordan had left me with.
After I helped Mags close up the shop, we chatted with Gina out front about the coming parade. We stayed away from the topic of my episodes earlier. I was still on edge and hadn’t heard from Finn since our brief talk.
It wasn’t late, but I knew better than to wait around for him during a shift. I learned that the hard way after making meals that got cold long before he showed his face. I didn’t blame him, but I had since adjusted to it.
Since I had blown off class—again--I knew I had little choice but to drop the writing class. I’d planned to anyway after today. Frustration filled me because I was so far into my college years and had no idea what I wanted to be.
I originally wanted to be a copy editor or a freelance copywriter. I had a love of the written word, but wasn’t exactly talented with it myself. While I couldn’t rule out that future entirely, I didn’t have a passion for it.
As I walked towards the L, considering what I did have a passion for, I felt uneasy still. Worse, like it was not just settled in my belly, but creeping everywhere else. Then it suddenly melted away because I felt him. Finn crossed the street from my L stop, smiling at me in the light snow.
Damn, he was beautiful. I probably noticed more than I should. I mean, I did love him for more than his looks. But, damn.
I loved how big and powerful he was. How safe he made me feel. Suddenly, I realized since that this afternoon, I had felt unsafe for the first time I could remember. That unease let go of me as Finn headed for me, tipping his head towards the falling snow.
“You look fucking beautiful in the snow, Sweetheart. Sorry I was late; I wanted to pick you up. Did you forget your surprise?” I realized as he asked that I had, in fact, forgotten.
“Finn. It’s freezing. What are you wearing?” Finn’s handsome face cracked into a bright grin.
Though he had a stocking cap on, he was in just a thermal shirt that fit to each of the massive curves and dips of his muscles. Dark washed jeans that were snug on his thick thighs were wet where they hung over his motorcycle boots. Damn. When he laughed, a pouf a cold breath filled the air, and I shivered at the sound.
“You know I’m like a space heater, baby. What are you wearing?” Finn tipped his head towards my clothes, lifting his left brow sky high.
“Weather appropriate clothes, Finn.” I felt hot underneath his stare as it raked over me.
Though I liked to dress up when it was called for, I was a casual girl. Being almost 6 foot with legs I was proud of, it wasn’t easy finding the right fit. I paired cute jeans or short skirts with nerdy quote sweaters or unique vintage tops.
Finn seemed to find me as becoming in the jeans and sweaters as when I put in some work. Today, I had done no such thing. Just boyfriend jeans that fit my thick Uggs, and a gray sweatshirt that read “Keep Calm and Read Another Book”.
Unlike Finn, I had on a thick army jacket that paired well with the green boots on my feet. My hands were freezing, and he reached out, wrapping both in one of his large hands. I shivered, and not from the cold, when he yanked once.
It was the first touch we’d shared since that first snowfall. When he had pinned me to the tree, and I told him to fuck me on the street. My thighs clenched, and I let out a sound into his chest.
“Mmm…fuck, I missed you. You smell so Goddamn good. You okay, Sweet Girl? After everything today? The past few weeks?” Finn stood back, shoving my hands to his chest and cupping my face in his hands.
“I’m good. I miss you. I’m hurt and angry, and still a little confused.” I sighed, and he bowed his head, touching his forehead to mine.
“I’m so fucking sorry I caused you so much pain. It kills me. I know I don’t deserve a second chance. Or is it my third?” Finn smirked, and I fought it, but couldn’t help the crooked smile I shot back.
“Might even be the fourth. I hurt you too. I know we’re not golden yet,” I coined his phrase from earlier, “but…I mean, are we…us?” Finn touched his nose to mine and yanked me against him.
“I was never not a part of the us that is you and me. Even if it looked like it. Felt like it. The night you walked out on me, I knew I deserved it. I didn’t tell Cage you were mine; that I didn’t care what they had to say. Then I didn’t fight for you. Because I didn’t deserve you. I don’t, Gigi. We both know that. When you moved in, I thought we might try again. We didn’t deal with our shit. We just picked up where we had left off. With me fucking you into needing me.” Finn’s fingers slid into the hair at the back of my head, and he tilted it back.
“I mean, I don’t mind the fucking me into needing you. I’d be lying if I said I did.” Finn growled, grabbing great big handfuls of my backside and lifting me against him as I giggled.
“Come on, Sweetheart. I need to get you out of the cold. Your surprise awaits.” Finn smirked down at me
, and the light behind his beautiful eyes lit me with love.
Keeping me close, he steered me to his running blazer parked just down the block. With more hands than necessary on my ass, he lifted me into the passenger seat. Finn hesitated, like he wanted to say something.
His mouth even opened, just to close again. I reached a hand out, tracing my hand over his face, fingers lingering at his thick beard. Finn sighed and turned to press his mouth to my wrist.
Then he closed the door and rounded to the driver side. It was cozy and warm inside, and smelled like Finn. Before he climbed in, I breathed deep and filled my lungs with him.
When he did climb in, he was quiet, but seemed excited. His big hands strummed on the steering wheel, his knee bounced, and he was smiling widely. As we drove, I laughed and reached over, taking his hand.
Finn wove our fingers together, then shoved our laced hands between my thighs. We drove in peace for a while. The kind of peace that lovers who are comfortable with each other share. That peace that I only ever felt with Finn. I could be stressed and questioning my future, but he made it better.
Finn centered me and made me focus on what mattered. He was my compass, guiding me towards the good in my life. The heartache came with the way he completed me; the way he left me feeling wanted and good and special.
Soon, I realized where we were headed, and I bounced in my seat a little. The city was blanketed in a covering of snow, and the lights twinkled in the night sky. It was beautiful, and Finn was taking me to one of my favorite spots.
Auburn Park.
It would be beautiful like this, and I realized he was trying to be romantic. I almost laughed when my fidgeting caused him to be very unromantic; his fingers loosened enough to wiggle against my sex.
“Sit still. I might want to punish you more than you need punishing so don’t give me reason to.” I whimpered a little when his fingers worked slow, hard circles at my clit through my jeans.
“Finn…don’t tease.” I did laugh when he punched the brakes at a stop sign, his fingers growing aggressive.
“Oh, Sweetheart. Better be careful with that sexy mouth. Been awhile since I had it around me; I might bring that mouth over here while I’m driving, yeah?” I moaned at the idea, and Finn chuckled that sexy laugh, his fingers circling harder then stopping when my hips lifted.
“Finn!” Again, he laughed, and my pussy ate it up, throbbing in response to the sound.
Finn just winked at me. I loved this. I loved the good parts. I loved that there were more of those than bad. Finn parked and rushed around to get my door, making me laugh again.
Hooking his arm over my back, he brought me snug to his side. Before we walked away, he grabbed a black bag out of the back. My curiosity was piqued, but I was reveling in the feel of his warmth holding me close.
“Hmm, I like this. It’s fucked up sometimes and we make it so complicated. I can take all the shit in between for moments like this. You make me feel shit I didn’t even know existed, Sweetheart.” Well, damn; Finn was good at the sweet stuff when he tried.
“The parts between, when we don’t talk or I’m hurt or you are. It’s the hardest moments of my life. I feel like I can’t breathe. Like I can’t find a reason to try to breathe.” Tears cold and heavy stung my eyes, but Finn’s lips were there.
“No more between. I can’t stand not breathing right either. You’re my reason to breathe, Gigi. I want you to figure out who you want to be. I want to find out how to be part of whoever that is. I won’t walk away again,” We had walked to one of the bridges, and he pinned me against the rail, “I won’t force you to call us anything till you’re ready. You’ve got the key to my cock, but it’s to every fucking part of me, Gigi. My story hasn’t changed. You’re my woman. That’s all I want. I’m your man, whether you want me or not.” I smiled into his full mouth as he breathed all this against my lips.
“Do you plan to figure out who you want to be?” I teased him a few times that he was just a firefighter because of Cage. I think I knew better now.
“I know who I want to be. A firefighter alongside Cage Cooper. Because that’s my fucking brother, and I love him. Being his partner makes me a better man. I want to be your man, Gigi Cooper. For as long as you’ll fucking have me. You’re the most important thing I’ve ever had, and you make me want to be the best man I can be.” I couldn’t breathe. My chest tightened as I stared up at him in the snow.
“Finn Cooper. Will you help me find out who I want to be?” Tears wet the corners of my eyes because I wanted to say something amazing back. Maybe tell him I loved him.
“Exactly what I intend to do. One thing I want you to be is my woman. We’ll figure out the rest of you, Sweetheart. To help you with that, I got a surprise for you. Come here, first. I haven’t held you in too fucking long.” I laughed, but it was full of emotion as I fell against his massive chest.
Finn held me there on the snow-covered bridge with flakes falling around us and lights strung up in the trees. I nestled into his chest, and he hooked both arms around my shoulders.
Mine shoved to fit beneath his and hook onto his muscled traps. I rubbed my face against the soft cotton of his thermal and breathed deep his scent. Fire and leather, with a hint of sweet cigar smell.
“Mmm, you smell good too, baby.” I let him tuck my legs between his as we moved with the blowing wind.
“You feel so good. Come on, though. I got you something special, Sweetheart.” Finn leaned away, but my fingers curled into his muscles and held.
“Finn…” Finn’s eyes clouded in the darkness, going from ocean blue to midnight.
The bag dropped at our feet and he was moving. Finn covered my mouth with his, and I made a sound that his tongue swallowed. One hand tangled in the thick hair at my nape, tugging once to tip my head back to his kiss.
It was freezing, but I was burning up with the need he ignited in me. No one else. Finn truly held the key to the carnal part of me, and it throbbed between my legs. As if seeking what only he could give me.
I pressed closer, aching to feel his hardness between my legs. Finn set me back against the railing of the bridge, staring at me with a look I hadn’t seen before.
“You’re so fucking beautiful. Even if I never said it when I should have, I always thought so. The night of your graduation. Your prom night. I remember one night, we had a bonfire at the lake. You must have just started college. I was so fucking crazy about you, Gigi. I brought some chick, and your little boyfriend was there. I didn’t look at that girl the entire night. You were perfection, and I didn’t know what I was doing wasting my time.” I remembered the night he spoke of; I brought a boy just because I heard he had a girl coming. We were such fools.
“Then your boyfriend made you laugh, and I was so fucking torn up. I waited and fucked us up so much because I wanted you to find someone else. Now…I don’t think I could fucking function if you weren’t mine. Even when you weren’t mine, to me you were. Because you were all I ever really wanted. Now I want to give you all you want, Sweetheart.” Finn bent to pick up the bag, brushing his lips over mine as he went.
Then, he took my hand and led me towards the spot by the icy lake that I loved. Finn brought me here a few times in the summer. We had picnics and talked about nothing at all, but it had felt like everything.
It usually ended with me climbing him like a tree and riding his cock. Things always seemed to end that way with us. Tonight, Finn led me to the tree we always hid under and pinned me to it.
“I loved our days here. It wasn’t enough for you. I should have taken you on real dates and given you everything. I didn’t, and I can’t take that back. The days here though,” Finn lowered his head, one hand above me on the tree, “they still meant everything to me.” Finn kissed me slow and deep, and I needed the tree beneath me to keep me upright.
“I loved them too, Finn. Didn’t matter to me what we did. Where you took me. I just wanted to be with you.” Finn shook his head, nose brushing mine as he s
mirked. My panties melted.
“No, I did it wrong. I’m about to correct that, Sweetheart. Show tomorrow night. Wining, dining, the whole deal. You deserve it. I want to do it, I want to have that. I want to date you.” Finn seemed earnest and as if he needed this more than I did.
“I might like that too, baby.” Finn growled and his mouth took mine because he loved when I was difficult.
“I’ll make you love it. Now. Do you want your surprise?” I didn’t. I just wanted his mouth and his hands on me.
Finn seemed to realize this, and for a moment, the surprise was forgotten. Our mouths met again, desperate, hungry, lips and teeth and tongue and heat. I moaned into his mouth when he cupped me between my legs.
The heat from the weight of his hand made me forget the wintery weather. His hand ground against me, finding the seam of me and working up friction that had my hips bucking. Finn lifted away, his breath bursting from his lungs in clouds of cold air.
“Fuck, you taste so good. Behave, Sweet Girl. I want to give you something, and it isn’t my cock. Not tonight.” I laughed up at him, and he seemed to flush as I rubbed against him.
“Want me to test that vow?” My hands hand found their way under his Henley, tracing the tattoos at his chest and shoulders.
“Sweetheart, please. I want to do this right this time.” I saw the need in his eye and it wasn’t carnal. I loved him even more in that second.
Finn needed to know as much as I did that this was real. That it wasn’t about forbidden fruit, or the thrill of getting caught. It wasn’t just about the fire that burned between us.
That fire threatened, at times, to burn down everything and leave us barely standing. Finn wanted to know we could do it because we needed to. Because anything other than being together made no sense. Just when I thought I could not love him more, he did shit like this.
“What’s my surprise, Finn?” My fingers combed through his thick hair, tangling the sandy locks.
