by catt dahman
They are nine now, and Katie is fifteen. They are both younger and older than I was when all this began, and yet, they are all older in ways since they have lived this way almost of their lives and have learned to be careful at all times. But they also have more innocence than I since none have had to chop up their own family, shoot someone, fight zombies, turn into half zombie, chop people up with a katana, or tear up zombies to hide scents of humans. They don’t evaluate people quickly like I had to do. They don’t find most people to be enemies. Anyone can see why those two are sane, and I am Hannah.
Ben is seven, messy, and scatterbrained. He’s even more innocent because while he understands we have zombie enemies, he doesn’t know any differently, and he is shielded from most of the bad stuff. He mimics Kim, his dad, but even though he pretends to be Kim, he lacks the natural grace and usually ends up with cuts and scrapes. He is a handful to watch over. If there is a mud puddle, Benny will get in it; he’s all boy. He will color an apple purple or an orange red just to be different.
Neal is five but still a baby. If we even give him a mean look, he will cry, and if one of us cries, he will howl, too. He follows Jet all the time and is sweet to a fault. But once he gets mad, look out, because he will win a fight; he beats on Benny a lot.
Willow is the youngest. She’s two and stays busy and in trouble. Dad says she is like Mom, but she claims the other way around. Often, they look at me and say, no, she is like me instead. That makes me laugh hard, and I sure hope she isn’t as bad as I have been. Mom and Dad say she is, above all, going to be a survivor, like me. I think that means, when Willow gets older, they expect her to chop people up but will love her anyway.
I know a hybrid can’t be allowed into Hopetown. I am a secret, and now, I know I can’t have a boyfriend who isn’t like me, or I will infect him and make him a Z.
I want to visit places I have lived in or have seen before, remember them, and then let go of the memories that haunt me. I have to forgive myself for things I did when I was twelve, scared, angry, and unloved. I am a new person now, in more ways than one. I want to go out and see what is there without hatred and fear.
In time, I will be back to see my family: my parents, brothers, sisters, Uncle Steve and his family, and the rest of the people, but not until I can find myself and maybe a man, as well. So, since I am twenty-two, the time is right for me to go.
Mom says maybe humans and hybrids can’t live side by side in this world although both hate the zombies. Maybe the world isn’t big enough. But she says if there is any hope for that, then I will be the one to make it happen.
She says Dr. Diamond got it all wrong: that Mr. Ponce, a strange and good hybrid and I were the only successes of his work, that I am an avenging Angel. Just me. She says that I didn’t just change physically from that inoculation, but that I then evolved emotionally as well, and now, I am fit to inherit the world with the children I will have and raise. To be honest, I can’t see accomplishing that without her strength and intelligence, but she claims she learned her grace from me.
Isn’t that ridiculous? How is that possible?
She laughs sometimes and calls me her precious little monster, and I think that Dr. Oppenheimer must have thought of his bomb the same. Dr. Frankenstein felt the same. Imagine being the one who holds the monster, the death of all that is known and it could be in your hands? My Mom has, for ten years, held the secret that could destroy all life or change life if she set it free.
I was number 22 when inoculated. I am now twenty-two years old.
Today, Mom set her monster free, and what she hopes is that no matter what, I do things with grace and that it is the best for the entire world. That’s a lot of pressure on her and on me. I wish I had the faith in myself that she has in me.
I hope I do the right things. I hope I forgive myself, and I hope I find a man and have children one day and teach them to be just like Beth and Kim.
I pray to see them again one day. And I pray that hybrids and humans can find a way to live together.
I wish. I hope. I pray. That’s my mantra.
I wish. I hope. I pray.
That we all find peace this day.
And if it all turns out badly,
I think we’ll be okay.
-Fort Worth 2013
About the author:
catt dahman lives with her husband, child, four cats, a dog, and a ferret outside Fort Worth. She graduated from Texas A&M and has a Master’s Degree. She’s been writing for thirty odd years. She enjoys the genres of westerns, horror, and splatter punk. Find her at www.cattd.com or facebook : https://www.facebook.com/chainsawcatt or https://www.facebook.com/CattDahman
Wiki for Z is for Zombie series: http://zisforzombie.wikia.com/wiki/Z_is_for_Zombie_Wiki
Copyright.
© 2013, catt dahman
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ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. This book contains material protected under International and Federal Copyright Laws and Treaties. Any unauthorized reprint or use of this material is prohibited. No part of this book, including the cover, and photos, may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system without express written permission from the author / publisher. All rights reserved.
Z is for Zombie Order:
George’s Terms
Event Horizon
Shadow of Doubt
Devil’s Details
Rage
What Lies Beneath
Avenging Angel
End of the Road
Terms Mystique
