by Annie Tipton
“I love a good sing-along,” the bride whispered to EJ. “Well done, to both of you.” She reached over and gave Isaac a pat on the head.
“Hey, Mr. Johnson, do you want the rings now?” Isaac’s “whisper” was loud enough that the rest of the auditorium could clearly hear what he was saying. “I think the worms in this bucket are trying to eat the rings.” Isaac pulled an earthworm from his pail. EJ gasped, horrified that Isaac could go from helpful and sweet to disgustingly boy in the span of thirty seconds, but she heard the chuckle from the stage spread through the audience.
“Worms are a hazard of the gardening occupation, Isaac,” Mr. Johnson said. “We’ll deal with the creepy crawlies when the ring part comes in a few minutes.”
“Okay, but don’t say I didn’t warn you,” Isaac said, poking the worm back in the dirt. “They look awful hungry.”
Dad cleared his throat and started the ceremony.
“Friends and family, we are gathered here today to join Wilma and Lester together in holy matrimony….”
EJ smiled, her heart full.
May 10
Dear Diary,
The rest of the wedding went perfectly.
(That’s how this diary entry should start.)
But there were moments of insanity. Like when Isaac got bored during the vows and started swinging the pail by the handle and accidently showered the back of Mr. Johnson with the two wedding rings, three pounds of potting soil, and nine earthworms. (Isaac counted them when he and Mr. Johnson picked them up in the middle of the ceremony.) Or when Bert got loose and made a game of weaving through wedding guests’ ankles under the church pews. Although, I have to admit, it was pretty funny seeing the bowling league ladies jump up onto the seats and scream like they’d seen a mouse. Those women can move like they’re much younger than they actually are!
But these things that might have ruined any other bride’s special day seemed to actually make Mrs. Winkle all the happier. It’s not just that she likes being creative and unconventional, it’s that she genuinely loves people for who they are and she doesn’t get nervous or upset when things don’t go the way she thinks they should.
I’d like to be more like her (in more ways than one).
The wedding reception was a picnic in the park behind Mr. Johnson’s house—and that part did pretty much go perfectly. We spread colorful quilts on the ground and on picnic tables and stuffed ourselves silly on Cady’s catered food that was nowhere as fancy as the samples we tried at her shop a few weeks ago. Instead, Mrs. Winkle decided on fruit, pasta salad, potato salad, fresh-cut vegetables, and—Mr. Johnson got what he wanted—deli meat sandwiches (on crescent rolls to give them the proper amount of wedding classiness).
Mrs. Winkle hired Dane and his band to play music during the reception, and my favorite song was when he played the guitar, harmonica, and the kick drum at the same time. I always knew he could be a one-man band if he really wanted to.
Isaac got his chance to be the wedding comedian, and I have to admit that he has come a long way in his routine. In fact, he didn’t even use his “Noah good joke” knock-knock joke! After he was done, I told him he did a good job, and you would’ve thought I had told the kid he’d just won a million dollars, he looked that pleased with himself.
Today was a good day. A best of days.
There have been so many changes for my family and friends in the past couple of years, Diary. From playing the angel in the nativity play and Code Christmas to church camp and finding out that Faith was going to join our family—real life is definitely an adventure! If I’m completely honest, Diary, Spooner, Wisconsin, is still too small and too much of a snooze-fest for my taste. But that doesn’t mean that I don’t love it here and love the people in my life. I guess when it comes down to it, I know that they need me and I need them. I don’t know what the future holds, but I do know that we can get through it together.
And anyway, even in the boringest of places, one thing I know is that my imagination can take me anywhere I want to go!
EJ
Six months later …
“EJ, would you please go get Isaac and Faith? They’re playing upstairs, I think.” Mom stood in the kitchen, wearing oven mitts that made her hands look like lobster claws. “It’s almost time to go for Thanksgiving dinner at Mrs. Winkle’s house.”
“I think you mean Mr. and Mrs. Johnson’s house.” EJ pulled a large wicker basket from the pantry and set it on the table. After Mrs. Winkle and Mr. Johnson got married, he and his cat, Gruff, moved into the house next to the Paynes. EJ was relieved because she liked Mrs. Winkle’s house much better than Mr. Johnson’s. Bert wasn’t too thrilled that Gruff lived next door now—mostly because he was deathly afraid of cats.
“Oh! Right! Mrs. Johnson just doesn’t quite roll off the tongue like Mrs. Winkle does.” Mom opened the oven door and took out a dish of steaming green bean casserole that she placed in the basket. “It’s hard to believe they’ve already been married for six months.”
“Time flies when you’re having fun, Tabby.” Dad gave Mom a quick peck on the cheek in between putting together a big bowl of salad to take to the Thanksgiving meal. “Speaking of time, EJ, hurry and get the other two. I know you don’t want to miss whatever culinary creativity Wilma has up her sleeve!”
EJ took the stairs two at a time, Bert at her heels, and the pair walked past the bathroom to the three kids’ bedrooms.
“Okay, Faith, that’s good. But I think you can do better.” Isaac’s voice drifted through the six-inch gap of Faith’s bedroom door that was mostly shut. Whatever he was telling his little sister sounded serious. EJ tiptoed toward the door to peek in, unnoticed. What she saw made her smile: Faith sat on the floor while Isaac paced in front of her, hands clasped behind his back. The two were surrounded by Isaac’s dinosaur collection—stuffed dinos, action-figure dinos with moving heads, legs, and tails, rubberized fossil dino skeletons, and even a remote-controlled brontosaurus that always seemed a little creepy to EJ. Faith happily clutched Isaac’s favorite T-Rex toy that was dressed up with several flower headbands around the dinosaur’s neck, belly, and tail. The eighteen-month-old’s bright eyes watched Isaac’s every move.
Bert gave a little huff next to EJ as the two peered through the crack. “Better that T-Rex than you, buddy,” EJ whispered to her pooch.
“Now this is the most important part, Faith.” Isaac stopped pacing and sat on the floor, facing his little sister. “This is the part where you really hit a home run or you strike out.”
“Ho-run,” Faith repeated.
“Yes, that’s what we want—a home run.” Isaac took the T-Rex from Faith and set it aside. “So I say, ‘Noah who?’ and you say …?” Isaac looked expectantly at her.
Faith flashed her tiny baby teeth at Isaac in the cutest smile on the face of the earth.
“Yes! That’s good, Faith! If there’s one thing I’ve learned, being adorable will get you out of lots of trouble!” Isaac got serious. “But we’ve got to finish this. I say, ‘Noah who?’…”
Faith scrunched her face and thought hard. Then she took a deep breath and shouted, “No-uh good jote?”
EJ had to cover her mouth to keep a laugh from escaping. Faith’s delivery of the punch line of Isaac’s joke was funnier than anytime she’d heard Isaac tell it.
“Excellent job, Faith!” Isaac lifted his hand, and she slapped her chubby palm against his in a high-five. “That knock-knock joke has served me well. And now it’s time to pass it on. Use it wisely, young Jedi.”
EJ’s stomach growled, reminding her it was time for Thanksgiving dinner. She didn’t want her brother and sister to know she’d been spying on them, so she turned her face away from the doorway and threw her voice toward the top of the stairs so it didn’t sound like she was right outside Faith’s bedroom door. “Faith! Isaac! Mom says it’s time to leave!”
“Coming!” Isaac called and then turned his attention back to Faith. “Another thing I need to teach you is
how to annoy EJ. It’s so much fun.” EJ strained to hear as Isaac dropped his voice to a whisper. “I’m the Space Invader, but if you figure out new ways to bug her, she might give you a super-cool nickname, too. EJ is awesome like that.”
EJ opened the door and stuck her head inside, breaking up the brain trust of little siblings. “Ready to go, Space Invader? What about you, Miss Messy?”
“Messy!” Faith scooped up an armload of stuffed animals and chucked them across the room to illustrate her new nickname. Faith giggled, grabbed EJ’s hand, and gazed happily up at her big sister.
“Let’s go!” Isaac led his sisters through the doorway and bounded toward the steps. “Faith’s got a joke that everybody’s gonna love!”
About the Author
Annie Tipton made up her first story at the ripe old age of two when she asked her mom to write it down for her. (Hey, she was just two—she didn’t know how to make letters yet!) Since then she has read and written many words as a student, newspaper reporter, author, and editor. Annie loves snow (which is a good thing because she lives in Ohio), wearing scarves, sushi, Scrabble, and spending time with friends and family.
Don’t Miss Any of the Diary of a Real Payne Series!
Book 1: True Story
Will EJ become part of the adventure of the real Christmas story—and discover that her little role in the Christmas pageant in little old Spooner, Wisconsin, really isn’t so little at all?
Book 2:
Church Camp Chaos
It’s Church Camp Chaos—complete with bunk beds, campfires, and s’mores—for lovable EJ in this second fantastic release in the Diary of a Real Payne series.
