It didn't go how it was supposed to. They were there to save him, and he died. It wasn't fair. All their lives they thought the prophet was unjust, but losing a friend, that was unjust. How could one live with that? How could one live with knowing that they didn't do what they could to save him? She could have. If they walked straight in, cut the small talk, it was possible. But no. He died.
"Terra?" Bryne asked carefully.
"Yes?"
It was as though he was reading her mind. "It's not your fault. We didn't know that he could mess with energy like that. Elves normally use it to stir and help cook. I've never seen it used against anyone before. He's never showed it in front of me." He pursed his lips together harshly. "It's not your fault."
"How can you know that?"
"I know about these things. Hadrian was right about everything. He is my father, and I did kill my mother and brother. It's something that will forever haunt me. There's no moving on or getting over it, or accepting it. You have to live with it every single day. But you don't have to, Terra. You weren't the cause of his death. Hadrian was the cause and I swear to you, they will pay for it."
"I didn't prevent it," she countered in a small voice. The world hadn't gained its focus back. It was a fuzzy movie film, and she was the character who was meant to lose. She was in a tragedy.
"But you didn't cause it. Terra, you can't let this get to you. You have to overcome this. We need you."
She shook her head, but it didn't dislodge the events that replayed, over, and over again. It was never-ending. She feared that she would never get rid of the scene from her mind. The reel would keep moving and moving in its circular hold in her head. Would she ever be able to sleep or function again?
"I know what you're going through. I've been there." His hands tightened on the wheel. "Hadrian would hit my mom. She would try to protect Asher, but he'd get through, my mom could only handle so much until she was unconscious. It went on for years, but one day I came home. He was gone and they were there... Lying on the floor bruised and bloodied... They were barely alive... My anger got the best of me and the stove exploded... It was one thing after another and the whole place was soon in flames. I tried to get them out... I tried to carry them but my mom... Her last words were to tell me to save myself... And I did." His tone was rough as gravel, and she knew that Era was awake listening. "I shouldn't have left. I regret it every day, every second of my life. I should've died in there with them. If I did, maybe the stupid prophet would be wrong.”
Hot and fast, tears fell from Terra's eyes. She touched his arm, on the inside of his elbow. “I'm sorry. I'm glad you left.”
“Don't you see how one mistake destroys a future? You slip up once and it's over! They're dead, Terra, because I caught the house on fire and I was a coward enough to leave!”
“Things happen for a reason…”
“There was no reason for that!” He swerved to the edge of the road and shut off the engine. They were about a block from their house, in the middle of the neighborhood, small lights on the outside of country porches with decorated pine cone wreaths.
Bryne threw himself outside, kicking at a rock, sending it flying into the distance.
Glancing into the backseat she saw that Marissa hadn't budged, and Era was continuing to fake it that she was sleeping. She left the car and came up behind him. She wrapped her arms around his midsection, her cheek against his tensed up muscles, feeling the heaviness of his breath.
“You did what your mother told. That's what children do. It's not your fault, Bryne.” She wept, inhaling the dark smoky scent of him. She found that it reached deeply within her, soothing her soul.
“And you, Terra?”
“I led him here. I dated him and I broke up with him. It's all my fault, I shouldn't have led him to this lie.” Terra replied.
He broke her grip and spun, grabbing her arms he held her in a binding clutch. “It was not your fault. He made the choice to come here. You didn't want him to die. You did everything you could to try and save him. None of us could. Don't lose sight of what we have to do. Fight to avenge him if you can find no other reason. But fight. We need you. You are our center.”
She hung her head, the tears collecting on her chin saturating the collar of her shirt. It shook her body as she strained to stop.
“No. Cry. Just cry.” He drew her to his chest, clasping her waist, her hair a tangled ball in his fist. “It'll be okay... It's not over yet...”
She didn't have the strength to deny him, or to keep the undercurrent as it was. She let it go, and a small cry evaded her lips as she crumpled against him. The tears fell faster, her brawling louder. She clung to his shirt, her nails clawing at it. If it were flesh, he would have been bleeding, but she got the notion that even if it was, he wouldn't have let her go or made one small complaint.
“It's not your fault,” he whispered heatedly in her ear. He caressed her back and then she felt other hands on her shoulders, one rubbing her arm. She felt Marissa and Era hugging her.
"It isn't your fault," they both agreed.
Marissa kissed her wet cheek. "We did all that we could."
"That's what scares me," she bawled. "That we did everything we could and he died anyway. We don't stand a chance, it's hopeless."
"I won't have that," Bryne barked. "We'll be better next time. We can do this."
There, on the side of the road they huddled together, and grieved for the human they lost.
* * * * *
"She hasn't eaten in days..."
"I don't know what we can do for her... She has to be starving."
"Think we should smoke her out?"
"You would be the expert on that, Bryne."
Their voices carried worry but Terra didn't move from her bed. She pulled the blanket over her head and wished that they realized that she wasn't deaf and her door wasn't soundproof. She could hear them talking about her just fine. She thought that Era would've had more sense, or that Marissa would have more empathy. She could feel what she was feeling. She obviously expected Bryne's attitude.
Terra recognized what a pain she was being. She was wallowing in her pain, causing suffering to her little sister, annoyance to her friend, and causing Era concern. She wasn't being fair to them. Letting her leadership role go, she curled up in her bed for days, only going out to use the bathroom and it was a wonder that no one ambushed her then.
"It's ridiculous, the way she's starving herself. Does she think that that's going to do any good?" Bryan questioned.
"She's mourning. Everyone does grieve in their own way." Marissa explained.
"She's never grieved before this?"
"We've never lost anyone but our parents, but... Our dad died of herbal poisoning a long time ago. We were too young to remember him. He was human, you know. We're only half freaks - as Terra puts it. Our mom... She died giving birth to me. Terra was three and the memory is fuzzy to her. It's like her mind blocked out her mother dying, but not how she would shut in the drawers with her hips, or the way she'd sing. Pancakes every Saturday and eggs on Sunday. Things like that."
"Mari, are you sure you don't want to go someplace else while she gets over this?"
"We can't be separated! Hadrian knows where we live! We have to stay together. I... I only feel safe here with you three." There was a short pause. "Even with you, fire starter."
"Funny, funny," Bryan half jested.
"You've been taking this well," Era said as if she had been ignoring the two's spat. That was likely true. "We thought that you would be taking this like her. To be honest, I thought she'd be taking this better..."
"Someone has to be strong while she's gone."
Terra added her pillow to the blanket. It muffled the sound of them. She wondered if they were being loud so that she would know their opinion on the subject of her pain. At first, they talked of her like she was gone, but they confirmed the fears under the pain. They did think she was gone, and she supposed she was. How else was it to
be explained? She hadn't talk to them since that night... that terrible unforgiving night.
The days passed by in blurs. She had no idea how long she'd been in her bedroom. Normally her stomach would have been hurting with the pangs of complaint, but she didn't feel it, nor did she feel any desire for food. Her heartache took up the basic needs she had. For most of her time she laid staring at her cactus. It was low maintenance, but she wished it wasn't. She wished it was the most difficult plant to take care of. Then she would feel like she was taking care of something else living, instead of seeing the repeating death behind her eyelids.
Sleep didn't come easily. Only due sheer exhaustion through palpitations of her heart and the soreness of her eyes cause her to doze, and every time that she did she would see him. Hadrian's cold gaze, his wrinkled hand on Ian's head, and the last look he gave. It was dull with the loss of blood but it was pleading, full of fear for his life, and questions that she could have never answered, even if he did live.
"She can't stay in there forever, can she?" Bryan asked with concern.
"Hell no." Marissa replied.
"Let me talk with her." Era insisted.
"Good luck."
The door creaked open, but she didn't hear any footsteps. That meant that it had to be Era as she never made a sound when she walked.
“I don't want to talk,” Terra mumbled into her mattress.
“I'd like to.” She sat on the bed, not making the slightest shift. "What do you see when you close your eyes?" Era asked.
"Ian... Dead."
"See him like this instead."
She came out from her blanket and pillow sanctuary seeing a small wallet sized picture being held out. Terra and Ian were in an embrace, sitting at the coffee shop table where they had their first date. He was peering up at her as she looked to the camera, the waitress behind them. Fresh tears stung her eyes, as if she hadn't cried rivers those few days.
"He wouldn't want you to remember him any other way. He cared for you and he would have accepted us. I believe that."
"You're trying to make me feel better." Terra said sobbingly.
"Partly, but mostly because it's true."
She knew that. “Would he have forgiven me?”
“Certainly. Look at how he's looking at you. He adored you, Terra.” She sighed in sympathy. “We need you to come back to us, we need you now more than ever. Don't let his death be in vain.”
Era was right. Ian deserved more than what she was doing, mourning for someone who was never coming back. She had to do something useful; she had to find a way to bring Hadrian down.
In a final decision she kicked the blanket off of her, and Era helped her to her feet, her hand on the crook of her arm. Together they went downstairs where the smell of bacon wafted through the air.
Bryne rose from the table he sat at with Marissa. “Welcome back,” he smirked.
Marissa beamed happily, running to hug Terra, her head on her shoulder. "Thank you!"
Chapter Fourteen
Real Danger
The prophecy wasn't an old man's game, it wasn't a simple quest for power. For the first time, she saw what real danger to her family was.
The next day during supper, Terra, Marissa, and Era were seated at the table. Cold turkey sandwiches and glasses of milk in front of them. The exception was Marissa who chose to only drink filtered water. Anything else tasted "wrong" to her.
It was hard enough for four teenagers to share a house, much less with ones that had the special preferences they did. Era moved into Marissa's room with no problem, and Marissa moved into Terra's while Bryne took Era's. It was the kicking and hitting from trying to sleep in the same bed with Marissa that had Terra calling the couch her bed.
That in itself wasn't without its perks. Every night around midnight Bryne would come down for his cigarette. They would sit outside on the porch under the twinkling inhibited stars and talk. The moon was their secret keeper, the stars their witnesses. She learned a lot about him in those nights, his likes and dislikes. He was a metal head and dressed in between, the good country boy gone bad. He could do a perfect country accent as well, but hated it for the awful reputation it had. Country folk were not supposed to be smart.
He would inhale the drug from what she told him was a death stick. He told her that when life was as short as it was and they had the unsure future they had, it was good to have a calming influence. Terra disagreed that he'd likely catch his death sooner with that than anything, and that there were other ways. For instance, Era painted and Marissa read.
“And what do you do,” he asked.
“I plant. I love herbs, flowers. I can never keep a garden for long though. I gave it up a long time ago, and whenever we are at a house like this, I like to tend to the yard.”
Era swiped her fingers off on her napkin in her lap. "What do we do about Hadrian?"
Terra thought of a lot of things that she would have loved to do to Hadrian, but none seemed remotely plausible given that according to Bryne he didn't stay in one place. Even when his mother and brother were alive he was constantly traveling and moving. Finding him was a slim chance to none, especially when she accounted the dozens of aliases he was supposedly using.
"Bryne told us to stay put," Marissa reminded.
The three of them jumped as banging echoed in the lower part of the house, and Marissa had dropped her fork with a clang and ducked under the table. Terra stood ready to defend, and Era appeared to the door. There was a couple of more thumps from the lower half; someone kicking it.
"Someone, open up," Bryne's voice yelled from the other side.
Era did so, and Marissa crawled out, the tablecloth over her head appearing like a misshapen nun. It was laughable.
She pushed it off of her. "Sorry..."
Terra bent and helped her off the floor. "It's okay." She glimpsed to Bryne who was lugging in a small black boxy television. "What're you doing?"
"You don't have a TV. What happened this morning has to be on the news. It's not everyday that janitors find an out of town boys body in the high school's entrance." He nodded to Marissa and Terra. "You don't have to watch if you don't want to."
Marissa shook her head. "I don't want to hear. I'm going up to my room. I have homework."
As she walked to the staircase, Terra noticed that her hands were trembling at her sides. Ian's death effected her more than she had let on, feeling like she had to be strong for them. For Terra. How would she handle whatever resolution they would have? She worried about her, the future she would have, but without Hadrian gone, there wouldn't be a future at all.
In the corner of the living room Bryne plugged the television in, clicked the 'on' button, set it to station 'four' and adjusted the rabbit ears until the black and white snow, the white noise dissipated into picture and voices. Terra plopped herself in front of it next to Bryne, and Era softly descended beside her.
Flecks of white fuzz interrupted the moving picture, but it could be seen, a middle-aged man with a thick rug on his head, a microphone in front of him, stood in front of the high school, the name "Johnston Town High" on a sign by the road adjacent to him.
As the man spoke through the white noise, talking about the unidentified body of a young boy that was mysteriously found dead, Terra went dead. She thought she'd be okay to hear it. She tried to focus, and tried to remember that photo that she kept in her pocket and would forever keep in her pocket. It wasn't helping. That face became colorless, the eyes dead, and he was not breathing, his heart no longer beating.
"Sorry," she gasped, standing to her feet.
Era didn't take her eyes off the screen. "Remember the picture, Terra."
"I... I need to get some air."
"That'd be right here," Bryne tried to joke.
She strolled to the door, but Bryan jumped up and blocked her way. There was a click, Era turned off the television.
"We have to stick together. None of us leaves this house without each other. Do you unders
tand?"
She took his hand. It was rough, calloused, the nails yellow from his horrid smoking habit, but it strangely matched into her hand. It fit. "Then come with me? For a little while?"
He inhaled deeply but nodded his consent. She led the way outside, to the crisp autumn breeze, the bright sunshine. While they strolled down the driveway he slid his fingers between hers. A perfect fit.
Silently, they walked, finding their way on the edge of the road. They past the cookie cutter country houses of different colors, and they came to a field of wildflowers. Blues, yellows, and purples. She smiled and stopped. She heard the distant and soft roar of cars and various other kinds of vehicles racing on the freeway. They were dying in the frosty atmosphere, shining and glittering from the frost that laced their bodies.
"Funny, isn't it? How this turns to that. How it can all be gone and replaced with ease..."
Bryne knelt and picked a single purple wildflower. He broke the stem and set it in Terra’s hair, behind her ear, the frost melting, and the flower perking up. He bent again and chose a yellow, placing it between her palms, the same phenomenon occurring then too, the flower standing straighter and healthier, no longer dying.
"That's what you're here for, flower child."
She observed how his hands covered hers easily, both of them together, light and dark, producing a flower between them. "When you think about it, if you're going to be with anyone, it should be with Era. Without air, fire cannot exist. Isn't that what you told me?"
"Without water, the earth would be dry and cracked, there'd be no life without air, and there’d be no earth without the fire inside of it. You encompass all of us. You are our center." He pressed his lips to her forehead. "Weren't you the one who said that our powers were the elements, not us? I choose who I want to be with, and look, Terra, I'm not asking for now. I'm asking for one day. After we've done our fighting."
The Elementals Page 9
