by Meg Elison
“A man’s got to work, honey.”
Dusty walked down the hall to get away from them, but she left her bedroom door open. She didn’t know when she had begun to eavesdrop. Between listening to their private conversations and reading Honus’s diary, she could hardly stand herself.
“Are you avoiding me?”
“No, sweetheart. I just have things to do.”
“Like what things? It’s not like you have a job! You don’t even take a rifle to go hunting. What the heck do you do all day? I’m so bored and alone!”
“You’re not alone. You have Dusty.”
“I don’t want to talk to Dusty. She’s boring.”
Dusty stifled a laugh.
“Darling, you have to trust me. There’s something that I’m working on. A surprise.”
Jodi’s voice lost all trace of unhappiness. “A surprise! Really?”
“Really. Yes. It’s gonna be ready soon, but you have to be patient with me, ok?”
“Ok, baby.”
Dusty could hear their chaste kiss go smack. Her face burned.
The Book of Honus Obermeyer
As Scribed by the Unnamed Midwife
Day 136
Thank you, Heavenly Father, for putting these men in my path. I am grateful beyond measure to have met them.
I came through Laramie two days ago, and on the outskirts of town, I met Will and Renny Tucker.
They’re brothers and best friends and they are good and decent men.
They came out to meet me in the road with their hands outstretched. They did everything they could to show me they meant no harm. I was still afraid, but I spoke to them anyway. I told them I was a traveler and a missionary and I was on my way back to Utah. They said they had lived here all their lives and had no plan to leave it. They invited me back to their farm, so I went.
They have cattle, oh man do they have cattle! They said they rounded up all they could care for and set the rest free. I couldn’t even count how many there were. They showed me their patches for vegetables and fruit orchards, but it’s too cold now for much of anything. They had a few pumpkins still out. They invited me for dinner and I stayed.
The Tucker brothers live like pioneers. They dry and can and preserve all they have. Their home looks just right with kerosene lamps, and they are comfortable in the silence. The only thing they miss are the women in their lives. I wasn’t sure that they’d want to talk about it, but they did some.
Will’s wife died right away, as soon as the plague reached Laramie. Renny’s wife lived through it without showing any symptoms but then died in childbirth, and the baby with her. Renny showed me the grave. It was still pretty fresh. I thought of Jodi, and my heart was troubled.
Despite their tragedy and the way the world has changed, they treated me like family. We had a good dinner, and Will played guitar and both Renny and I sang along. It was so good, Lord. Like something I lost a long time ago turning up unexpectedly.
Another blessing—the Tuckers told me where I could—
“What are you doing?”
Dusty’s eyes snapped up. Honus had gotten up out of bed and come into the living room without her noticing.
She didn’t answer.
“Why do you have my journal? Are you copying it? What the heck are you doing? How could you?”
His voice was rising. Dusty felt her face grow hot. She slowly closed the cover of Honus’s diary and tried to figure out what to say.
“I can’t believe that you’d . . . how would you like it if I read your diary? Don’t you understand that it’s private?”
“Honus, I’m sorry. I’m really sorry, I shouldn’t have—”
“What can you possibly have to say for yourself? How do you explain this?”
Jodi was in the room before either of them knew it. “What are you two yelling about?” Her face changed from sleepy to suspicious. “Why are you both up in the middle of the night? What’s going on?”
Honus stared at Dusty. She knew he didn’t want Jodi to know the diary even existed. She tried to think of a quick lie, but he beat her to it.
“It’s the surprise. I got up to check on it, but I didn’t know Dusty was still awake, writing in her diary. She scared me. But come on, I want to show you both.”
The two women followed Honus out into the front yard. He had shoveled the walk, and it wasn’t quite a clear night, but the only clouds were low gray wisps.
They looked around, trying to spot the surprise. Honus smiled and said, “Just wait.”
They stood outside a few more minutes. None of them were really dressed for the cold, and before long they were shivering.
“Honus, I’m going to go back inside. I’m, like, freezing.” Jodi’s teeth were chattering. Honus went to her and put his arms around her. With one finger pointed to the sky, he said, “Look.”
All three of them looked up. A small sliver was cut off the edge of the blazing full moon.
“I don’t get it.” Jodi sounded disappointed.
“It’s an eclipse,” Dusty said. “If we had an almanac—”
“We do. I’ve been waiting for this. I know what day it is.” Honus beamed.
Dusty smiled at him. It was a small thing, but they had talked about how odd it was to have lost track of the date. This would put them back on the calendar, for whatever that was worth.
“Is that the surprise?” Jodi sounded beyond disappointed, sulky.
“Only part.” Honus kissed the end of her nose, and she wrinkled it at him. They all went back inside.
“So guess what day it is!” Honus could barely hold still. He had pulled the Farmer’s Almanac out of his pocket and folded the front cover around backward to the eclipse page.
“I think it’s January. Late January.” Dusty tried to remember the last time she had taken a stab at the date in her journal.
“What do you think, sweetheart?”
Jodi rolled her eyes. “I don’t know. How about, like, February? Then it might be spring soon.”
Honus couldn’t contain his excitement. “Nope. Today is December 23. In two days, it’ll be Christmas.”
Jodi lit up like a child. “Oh my heck! Christmas!”
Oh my heck.
It was Dusty’s turn to be disappointed, but she masked it with her pleasure at knowing the date. “That’s cool.”
“I think we should have a real Christmas! I’ve been preparing for it for a while. You’ll see. I’m going to go get the stuff that I found.” With that, Honus was putting on his coat and scarf and dashing out the door.
As soon as he was gone, Jodi turned to Dusty. “I bet he got us presents!”
Dusty had not thought of that. “Wow. Yeah, you’re probably right. I’m going out for a bit, too. Will you be ok?”
“Totally!” Jodi was already heading for the kitchen.
“What are you doing?”
“I want to make popcorn and string it! And paper chains! And decorations!”
“Jodi, it’s still the middle of the night. You should go back to sleep. We can do all that in the morning.”
“Oh.” She deflated, but only a little.
“Go on back to bed. I’ll lock you in.”
Dusty went to her diary and closed it. Then she thought about it and decided to hide it under the couch. She put Honus’s in the pocket of her coat to put it back in the saddlebag of the snowmobile. She grabbed a rifle and locked the door behind her. She walked for a mile in the weirdly fractured moonlight, then left their trail for the woods.
Jodi thought she was too excited to sleep. She dreamed about a five-year-old girl who called her Mama and kept losing limbs as she played. She woke just before dawn to the sound of the rifle firing.
Honus had gone completely overboard with the madness of Christmas. He lost all restraint over the idea that he could bring home anything without having to pay for it. He dragged a sled back to the house that was weighted down with gifts, then went back for another. He got home and found Jodi aslee
p, Dusty missing, and an empty rifle slot in the gun case. He looked around for his journal and didn’t find it. He resolved not to worry.
He set up an artificial tree with battery-powered LED lights and switched it on. The glow filled the room, and he found he had a lump in his throat. He swallowed hard and began shoveling presents underneath the tree. When he came to a small box, he opened it and found an ornament marked “Baby’s First Christmas.” It was dated two years ago, since no new ones had been made. New ornaments. Not new babies, he told himself. He hung it on the tree and then he did cry. He sat on the couch, looking at the tree and the pile of presents, wiping his eyes. He heard the rifle go off, but he wasn’t afraid. A sense of wonderful rightness had come over him.
Jodi walked out into the room, tying her robe. “What was that?”
“I think Dusty’s got a surprise, too. Merry Christmas, honey.”
Jodi clapped her hands like a little girl at the sight of the presents under the tree.
Dusty came back an hour later. She was very cold, and her cheeks were bright red. She carried a huge dead turkey.
“Where did you get that?” Honus beamed at her.
“Santa Claus gave it to me. Do either one of you know how to get the feathers off?”
They conferred. Dusty had seen in movies a method of dunking the bird in boiling water and plucking from there. Jodi refused the job as disgusting, but said she would cook it. Dusty told Honus that if he could pluck it, she would gut it. It took Honus the better part of the morning, but he finally got it clean. Jodi announced that she couldn’t roast the whole bird without an oven, but she thought she knew what to do. When it was gutted and clean, she had Dusty cut it into inelegant pieces and pack the pieces in snow. Jodi promised it would be just as good as a whole roast turkey.
Jodi spent Christmas Eve stringing popcorn, as she had promised. While she popped it, Honus approached Dusty.
“Do you still have it?”
“I put it back in the saddlebag. Honus, I’m so sorry. I just had to know. It’s no excuse, and I know it was a terrible breach of trust. I’m sorry.”
“I forgive you,” he said formally. “But I am still upset. I feel . . .”
“Violated?”
“Yeah.”
They stared at each other for a minute, then Honus went out to the snowmobile. He came back in and held his journal over the fire. He stood without moving.
“Don’t do that.”
He didn’t answer.
“It’s your story. There’s nothing in there you need to be ashamed of. It’s . . . just don’t. Keep it. Leave it for someone. Give it to me, or to anybody.”
“This is supposed to be my personal scripture.” His hand dropped a little, nearer to the flames.
Dusty stared, but didn’t move.
“It’s just full of my failure and the sick things I saw.” He stared into the fire. “And did.”
“You didn’t do anything, Honus. You stumbled into something very weird and deadly, and you got out alive. You should be proud.”
Honus shook his head, but didn’t answer.
Dusty stood up and took it from him, gently. “You’ll never see it again. Jodi will never know. It’ll be safe. Your . . . personal scripture. I’ll add it to mine.”
He turned to face her, and they were close enough to kiss. He looked into her eyes like he was searching for something. She reached out and patted his shoulder, looking away.
She hid his diary in her room. They did not speak of it again.
Predictably, Jodi begged to be allowed to open one present the night before Christmas.
“Just one? Please can I open just one?” She wheedled and Honus smiled at her like an indulgent father. Dusty rolled her eyes.
“Ok, but I get to pick which one.”
“Ok. Ok, ok, ok!” Jodi patted her belly excitedly. “The baby’s excited, too. I can feel it!”
Honus walked to the pile of presents and took two off the top. “One for you.” He put it in Jodi’s hands. “And one for you.” He dropped it into Dusty’s lap, and she stared at it.
“What’s this?”
“It’s a present, doofus.” Honus gave her his lopsided grin. He went back and picked up a third.
“And this one’s for me, but it’s from Santa.”
Jodi had already ripped hers open. A hideous red plaid nightgown unfolded. The collar was white lace, and it was the dowdiest most old-lady garment Dusty had ever seen. Jodi burst into tears.
“Christmas pajamas! Just like my parents used to do!” She sobbed into her nightgown. Honus came and sat beside her and held her. His package contained a coy pajama set in matching red plaid.
Dusty opened her package as well and found a navy-blue set of pajamas. She was shocked by how tasteful and simple they were. She eyed the two of them, caught up in a moment of comfort.
She had not celebrated Christmas as a child, and this moment was not the same for her. But she saw that she was being included. And that Honus had chosen well for her. She got up and went to her room to change.
She put on the pajamas and looked in the mirror. They were softer, nicer than anything she had worn in months. Even with her hair cut brutally short, she looked and felt suddenly very feminine. This came with a thrill of danger and a sudden driving need to display herself to Honus. She walked back out to see them.
“They’re lovely. Thank you.” She waited until he looked her over.
“Mine’s better!” Jodi got laboriously off the couch, and soon she was modeling her nightgown, too. It hid any trace of her figure and covered her from neck to ankles. She was, however, radiantly pregnant. Dusty and Honus both smiled at her. He got into his, and the three of them sat and drank cocoa and stared at the tree. When it started to snow, the Obermeyers began to sing.
Dusty joined in on the songs she knew, but most of them she didn’t. It was a good moment. She was part of it enough to enjoy it, and she felt attractive in her navy pajamas. She and Honus shared snatches of eye contact. He broke them before she did.
They went to bed late.
In the morning, Dusty woke to the sound of Jodi knocking excitedly. She obviously couldn’t wait to get started. She put on a cinnamon cake to bake and made juice from a powdered mix.
Jodi lowered herself heavily to the floor and parked in front of the tree, waiting.
Dusty stumbled out slowly and set about making coffee. She was glad, every day, that neither of them partook of her morning ritual. The coffee would last so much longer if only she was drinking it.
“Come on, guys!”
Honus came and sat beside her and rubbed his hands together. Dusty came and sank down beside them, smiling sleepily.
“All right, let’s do this.”
Honus started with the smallest packages. Jodi opened a pair of fat diamond earrings and followed it up with a heavy gold bracelet. A hoard of very expensive jewelry began to collect in front of her. Honus followed it with a beautiful jewelry box, and Jodi could not stop exclaiming all over it. She put it carefully aside and moved on to the next boxes. She unwrapped a pair of very expensive headphones and looked at them.
“What are these for?”
“You’ll see.”
Dusty watched, sipping her coffee.
Jodi’s next packages were a series of DVD sets of some of her favorite television shows. Her face crumpled a little. “This is just mean.”
“Come on, honey. Would I do that to you?” He pushed a large box toward her, and she opened it with some reluctance.
Dusty craned her neck to see inside the box. It contained a solar backpack and a huge case of rechargeable batteries. Jodi looked confused and not at all mollified. Honus followed it with a small battery-operated DVD player.
“See? You have TV to watch. And all your favorite shows! And now you won’t be bored for a long time, and we can always track down more movies.”
Jodi threw her arms around him, then shrank as if she were in pain.
“Contrac
tion.” Dusty set down her coffee.
“No, no, it’s ok. I’ve had a couple. They’re not getting, like, any faster.” Honus helped her up off the floor, and she headed to the kitchen to check on breakfast.
When she was out of the room, Honus pushed a heavy cardboard box in front of Dusty.
“I got something for you, too.”
“TV for Jodi is the best gift for me.” She smiled.
“No, really.” He nudged the box again.
Dusty pulled the flaps of the box open, and Honus took Jodi’s batteries outside into the sun to charge.
The box was full of books. Some of them she had read before, but most she had not. They all bore stickers from an unfamiliar library in a town she did not know. They were all generally in the vein of books she liked, and she was surprised to see he had been paying attention. She was touched, and terribly guilty.
Honus came back in. “Do you get it?”
“Yeah, they’re all books that I’ll like. This is very thoughtful. Thank you so much.”
He smiled again and shook his head. “No, you don’t get it yet. I’ll give you a minute.” He walked into the kitchen.
Dusty looked back into the box and scanned over the covers. She tried to find a pattern or see the books in a new way. She reached in and shifted them around. Then she got it.
All the authors were women.
Dusty sat down on the floor with her head on the box and cried.
Jodi had been right about the turkey. She took the hacked-up pieces that Dusty had butchered for her and browned them beautifully in her cast-iron skillet. She served the bird with a pot of mashed potatoes she had made from a box of flakes, canned yams, fresh bread, and apple pie. She had even made pan gravy. She lit candles on the table and called them to dinner with shining eyes.
Honus gave a long and heartfelt prayer. “For unto us a child is born.” Dusty kept her eyes open and saw Jodi have another contraction.
Christmas dinner was delicious.
