by Dee Bridle
“Thanks,” I said, taking it from him and inhaling. I blew the smoke into the cool early morning air and watched him. He leaned himself against the brick wall and smirked at me.
“So, you want to fuck after our shift?”
Yes. No. I really do. But I shouldn’t.
“No,” I said taking another drag of the cigarette. “I’ve had enough excitement for tonight, thanks.”
“You got a boyfriend?”
“No.”
“You want to do something quick right now?”
I laughed and shook my head. “No.”
“Your loss,” he said with a grin.
“You usually proposition girls like that?”
He nodded, still grinning.
“Does it work?”
“Always.”
“Well, I’m happy to be the first to deny you then,” I said taking another drag. “Is it always this busy?”
“Yep,” he said, checking his phone.
“So, what’s downstairs?” I asked next. He glanced up from his phone and cocked his head.
“Couple of rooms, cob webs, paperwork and a few computers – why?”
“Don’t worry,” I said, putting his response down to him not knowing about the clubs secret.
“Oh sorry – I thought you said upstairs,” he said with a smirk.
“You know what I said,” I returned.
“If I told you, I’d have to kill you.”
“Oh, please,” I said, rolling my eyes.
“Or you would want me to take you there. You just might enjoy it,” he said thoughtfully, his eyes diving into mine.
“Enjoy what?” I asked, staring back at him.
“Sex and debauchery – the sweetest kind.”
My eyes narrowed at him and I asked, “Are you on drugs?”
“Why? Want some?” he threw back.
“I’m clean. Need to keep it that way.”
“Now that’s a real shame.”
“Some nights it is,” I said truthfully, throwing my cigarette into the laneway.
“So this is your first time working behind a bar isn’t it?”
I laughed. “How could you tell? I’m usually the one drinking heavily from the other side.” The door suddenly opened and Jake stuck his head out.
“Both of you inside now; Tilly is swamped.”
I quickly ducked in and started to make my way through the room until I heard my name and turned to see that they hadn’t come back in yet.
“She’s off limits, Seb. You’ll only get one warning.”
“You can’t blame me; she’s fucking hot.”
“There are strict orders that no one touches her. Fucking keep your dick in your pants.”
I heard the door start to open wider and kept on walking, like I hadn’t heard their conversation. What orders? Who had given them?
I was soon lost in the craziness of the bar again and didn’t stop until it was closing time. I finished cleaning up the bar and looked to Tilly who was getting her bag.
“You survived then,” she said, starting to tie her hair back into a bun.
“Just,” I said with a smile.
“Let’s get out of here. Seb can do the final things.”
“I heard that,” he said, appearing at the end of the bar.
“You were meant to,” she said, rolling her eyes. She grabbed my hand and pulled me out from the bar.
“Looking forward to doing it all again with you tonight,” he called out.
“Please tell me you didn’t fuck him tonight,” muttered Tilly as we went out into the early morning.
“No I didn’t - why? Did you expect I would?”
“He only has to give the look and most girls drop to their knees.”
“I’m not most girls.”
She smirked at me and said, “I know. See you tonight, you did okay.”
“Liar,” I laughed as I went over to my car. She gave me a final wave as she drove away and I got into my car and let out a deep sigh. I was exhausted. I needed to go home and sleep until my next shift started. I started the engine and then checked my phone. There was a stack of missed text messages.
Will: Hope all okay. Call me when u have ur break
Zac: Brotherly advice - DON’T drink the merchandise tonight. Oh and good luck
Ava: Hey babe, hope new job is going well! I’m can’t wait to come in for a drink ;)
Will: Getting thousands of tips? I just know you would be…
Ava: Wish you were here.
Will: Is Jake looking after you?
Will: Call me when you finish
I smiled and put the phone down, loving that they were all thinking of me. I had to prove to them all that I could do this, that I could be a normal, hard-working, upstanding citizen. I put the car in reverse, checked my rear view mirror and then frowned. Three black limousines appeared from the side alley, the same alley that I had my cigarette with Sebastian. They slowly pulled out onto the road and then disappeared into the morning. Too tired to even think about where they had come from or who was even in there, I backed out of my car space and headed home.
Will
I had just fallen asleep on the couch at Zac’s place when I heard the front door open. We had all been out that night and I had come home with Zac and Ava. Yes, I had been drinking and couldn’t drive home, but I could have gone back in the taxi with Noah and Ivy. I didn’t. I really wanted to see her. Wanted to know how her night had gone at the club. Fuck. I just needed to see her.
I heard the door close quietly and her footsteps as she walked into the lounge room. I heard her stop when she noticed me on the couch. She was finally home and I ignored the sudden tight feeling in my chest. I was still half asleep in my drunken haze and put it down to that. The fact that she made my heart beat faster than anyone else in the world would stay between myself and I.
“How did it go?” I asked with a raspy voice, slowly opening my eyes. I focused on her standing beside the couch, looking all kinds of beautiful.
“It went well. I’m so exhausted though. We were four deep at the bar for most of the night,” she said whilst dropping her keys on the coffee table.
“Did Jake look after you?”
She nodded and then went over to the kitchen. I watched her pour a glass of water and then come back over to me. She wordlessly handed me the glass. I sat up, my head spinning with the effort.
“You haven’t been drunk here for a while,” she said quietly.
“Big night,” I said, taking the glass and gulping the whole thing down.
“Why are you here, Will?” she asked, sitting down next to me and stifling a yawn.
“You live here,” I said with a shrug. “Needed to see that it all went okay.”
“You’re missing the no-name skank that usually shares your space after a big night,” she said.
I shrugged again. “Must be losing my touch,” I lied.
She hid a smile with a yawn. “Surely not.”
“So, are you going back tonight?” I asked.
“Yep. They want me back so I guess I didn’t do too badly.”
“You would have been fine and the clubbers would have fucking loved you,” I said, rubbing my hand over my face. “No doubt you’ll be able to survive on tips alone.”
“We’re meant to share them but the other girl there called Tilly said to pocket them throughout the night,” she said, leaning back and pulling out money from her pockets. I smiled at the direct violation of the club’s codes. Whatever. It was a busy job and she deserved whatever she got. It was small change compared to the clubs takings every night.
“So I guess this is the new me; working each night and too exhausted to get into any trouble,” she said putting the money on the coffee table in front of us.
“You will never be too exhausted for trouble,” I smiled, moving my legs to either side of her as I lay back down on the couch. She looked me over, slowly, as if memorising every inch of me. I didn’t move, enjoying her eye
s all over me. I had no idea what she was thinking but she looked hungry. It had been so long since we had been this close and I liked the hell out of it.
“So you stayed here tonight to just check up on me?” she asked as her eyes met mine again.
“I did. I told Jake you were amazing, so I had to make sure you didn’t make a liar out of me.”
“I was far from amazing. I’ve got beer all over me and I need a shower.”
“I’ve had beer all over me. It will come off in one way or another, I assure you,” I said with a grin.
“Smartass,” she said, hitting me in the stomach. I grunted with the hit and then sat up and took both of her hands in mine, like we didn’t have a chasm between us. She looked panicked for a moment, before pleading softly, “Will.”
“Yeah..?” I asked, smoothing my thumbs over her hands and ignoring her warning. She tried to get words out but eventually gave up, focusing on my hands holding hers instead. She wanted to pull away but then again she didn’t, so I didn’t let go. I wanted to hold on forever. I slowly pulled her hands to my lap, smoothing my thumbs over to her wrist, touching her tattoo there. She couldn’t hide the flare of desire in her eyes. I felt her relax slightly and my lips curled into a smile. I looked over her face, her eyes and her lips that were an inch from mine. Every nerve ending went into overdrive and I imagined the outcome if I devoured those plump lips. She was watching me, her breathing heavy, almost waiting to see what I would do next. I knew what I wanted to do; I wanted to feast on her naked body and then bend her over the couch to show her just what she had been missing.
I wanted what was mine.
My eyes searched hers before I moved slightly closer with my mouth.
“You think I can do this?” she whispered suddenly. Our moment was suddenly cut off, the desire in her eyes gone. She looked panicked again and a little confused.
“Do what?” I whispered.
“The whole keeping a job and keeping out of trouble thing?”
I let her hands go and moved back slightly, watching her. She was putting an end to our moment. We had just reached the edge of the cliff and she had pulled back at the last second. I wasn’t used to this Janey. She was usually the one pulling me over the edge of the cliff and jumping to wherever the fuck she landed but she looked so unsure, that my heart went out to her.
“Janey, there isn’t a doubt in my mind that you can do anything you set your mind to. You’re a beautiful, power house of a woman. You’ve got it all in your hands. Do with it what you may.”
She smiled. That one smile that had the power to bring me to my knees. I took her hands again, this time in her lap and we both focused on them in the silence.
“Thank you,” she whispered.
I took a deep breath and then slowly let it out. I rested my forehead against hers, not wanting to believe that this was going to be us from now on. I would not lose her. I couldn’t. I needed more patience. I never had any in the first place so I had no fucking idea how I was managing at all. The words were out before I could get a handle on myself.
“I want to kiss you right now,” I whispered. “I just want to do it, even though you’re trying your damn hardest to push me away.”
She took a deep breath and I waited for the refusal.
“Just one,” she suddenly gasped before her lips were on mine. I didn’t waste any time in devouring her lips and making sure the one kiss lasted like a thousand. Our tongues clashed against each other, happy to be reunited once again. She tasted like my Janey and I knew I would never get enough of her. My hands wrapped around her waist and pulled her closer to me. I had no control when it came to this woman and she would forever be my weakness. She was a part of me - body and soul.
“Stop,” she said suddenly pulling herself back from me. I stopped and watched her while my body screamed for me to keep going.
“We shouldn’t have done that. I shouldn’t have done that,” she said, not meeting my eyes as she pushed her hair back, trying to catch her breath. “I said we need space. To move on from each other. You being here with your bare chest and tempting me is not moving on.”
“My bare chest is tempting you?” I asked with a grin. She was freaking out and I needed to lighten the moment. “I usually sleep naked remember? You’re lucky I’ve got shorts on.”
She cracked a smile before looking pained. I wanted to get angry, I wanted her back in my arms but I stayed silent. I chose the moment to lie back down on the couch and give her the space she seemed to so desperately need.
“I need sleep,” she said with a sigh. Her eyes flicked over me before looking down at her hands again. I could see the battle she was having internally. She didn’t want to move on from me, anymore than I wanted from her. Tonight had proved it. So why the hell was she doing it in the first place? Why was pushing me away the solution?
“Lie down with me, Janey. We won’t do anything but sleep,” I offered casually, while my body screamed to grab her and pull her on top of me. She sat there, her face marked with indecision. I moved over slightly and yawned. “I won’t tell the ‘move on police’ if you don’t - no-one has to know.”
It was all she needed to hear as she kicked off her shoes and crawled over to me. She nestled into me, just like old times; her head in the crook of my arm. Her hand tentatively rested on my chest like she was testing herself, as her leg moved but stopped. I made the decision for her as I pulled her thigh over me and then closed my eyes.
“Now go to sleep and stop thinking about all the wild sex we could be having,” I said with smirk. I got another thump in the chest for that and laughed.
Janey
I waited for his breathing to slow and the light snoring to start. He always snored when he had been drinking; it was just one of his things. I knew I was exhausted but I was too wired now to even think of sleeping. Being in his arms again, smelling his skin and the familiarity of it all was just too much; this is what I had given up. Perfection.
Feeling safe that he was asleep and unable to deny myself the pleasure anymore, I slowly ran my fingers over his chest. I always used to run my fingers over the dips of his muscles, taking my time to explore. His body was a work of art and I was used to cherishing it. I was secretly over the Moon that he hadn’t brought another girl home tonight. Tonight he had been mine, even if it was only for a moment. I wanted to enjoy the moment for just a bit longer, before I had to go back to keeping my distance from the temptation that was Will.
I noticed a new tattoo on his side and moved my head slightly to get a proper look. I felt sad that I hadn’t been a part of it, like so many of his other tattoos.
To be alive at all is to have scars
I knew instantly it was a quote from John Steinbeck and the whole concept of it brought a tear to my eye. Was I one of his scars? He had obviously had it done while I had been away and the thought of it burned inside me. I wanted to throw caution to the wind and jump on him right now. I wanted to lose myself within him and tell his mother to go to Hell, but I knew she would come after me. He suddenly moved, his great big body moving on to his side, while his arm pulled me into him further.
“Go to sleep,” he mumbled.
Even in his sleep he could sense my restlessness and I knew that girls spent their lives trying to find that one person that was so in tune with them. I had him. He calmed my discontent and gave me a promise for a better life, one full of laughs, craziness and trouble. We were facing each other now, our foreheads touching as he slept. I looked down at his lips, wanting to kiss them again like nothing on this Earth but I had to control myself. Had to refrain and rethink my impulses. I was trying to be a better me. I wouldn’t be a better me if I gave in and did what I always did – took whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted, fuck the consequences. The familiar wildfire burned within me, coaxing me to take what I wanted. To ease the sudden angst and pain that only one person could soothe.
No.
I moved my legs first, disentangling from him as swiftly and g
ently as I could. I needed to go upstairs to my own bed. Alone, even though the temptation was making my heart thump and my head whoosh. I was on the precipice of jumping off the cliff and my body was starved from the adrenaline that was now pumping through my body. I wanted to take. Take it all.
No.
I moved out of his embrace then scrambled up and away from the couch. It was like my fingers were itching to touch him, my lips tingling and ready to kiss him, my other parts thrumming with desire and need. Without another glance back, I ran upstairs and quickly closed my bedroom door behind me. I had to resist the pull. I leaned against the door and closed my eyes, breathing heavy. I felt delusional. I had given up everything that felt good. My body craved a high, craved numbness. I felt like I deserved something, for fuck’s sake.
There was a soft knock at the door and I quickly pulled it open, ready. Ava stood there, rubbing under her eye and at the black makeup that had run from last night.
“Hey, how was tonight? Did you just come in?”
“Hey,” I said trying to calm my breathing. “It was good, really busy but I think I did okay.”
“Knew you would,” she said with a smile. “I’m going to get some water, want any?”
I was going to say yes. I didn’t need water but I was just tempting myself to see Will again downstairs.
“No, I’m okay thanks,” I said instead.
“Tell me everything tomorrow then,” said Ava heading down the stairs. I leaned against the door frame and felt my heavy breathing subside. I felt the oppressive disappointment that one only feels once they come off a high; I had been close to throwing it all away and risking everything. Will needed to move on. I fucking needed to move on. There was no other way around it. His mother would make sure of it. I closed the door and peeled off my top and jeans. Too tired to do anything else, I climbed into bed, covered myself with the sheets and waited for oblivion.
