by Shawna Logue
“We married only three months after meeting. In hindsight, I know now I didn’t love her.” He paused again, his face softening as he looked at me. His thumb gently rubbed circles onto my cheek. “But I was foolish. I only saw her as someone I could relate too. Someone like me. Wizards are a rare breed,” he continued. “I didn’t see it until it was late.”
“What?” I whispered.
“We had only spoken once about my age,” he said, alluding to his unwilling immortality. “I hadn’t thought it mattered to her. I hadn’t realized she was working on a spell of her own that would give her eternal life, so that she could always be with me. If I had, I would have told her it was impossible to cast such a spell. She ended up destroying herself.”
I tried not to focus on the fact that I had once had the same thoughts as Grace. “She must have really loved you,” I said quietly, “to be willing to risk so much.”
“Alex, she didn’t know there was a risk. I have always wondered if I could have stopped her, if I had known. If I had shown her the danger, then maybe…” he trailed off before looking up at me again, a new light in his eyes. “Can you see why I am so frightened for you?”
I felt a lump form in my throat.
He reached down, hands grazing across the sparse grass that surrounded her grave, before he picked up something that glinted in the morning light. He placed it in my palm.
“I came here to let her go,” he whispered. “When Phoebe told you I was visiting my wife that is why I was here.”
I looked down at the wide gold wedding band in my palm.
“I came here because you were right,” he continued. “Whatever you can do, you can do it for a reason. I shouldn’t have acted how I did.”
I stood motionless, feeling the weight of Connor’s ring.
“Please say something,” he said quietly.
I couldn’t. I stared at the ring, still flecked with tiny drops of dew. He picked it out of my open palm and tossed it lightly onto the grass. “Alex?”
“I’m sorry,” I croaked, my eyes staring at the gold sparkling in the grass. I couldn’t be sure if I was sympathizing with his story, or apologizing for being so irrational. I felt foolish, and incredibly uncomfortable.
He kissed my forehead gently, my body still frozen with shock. Sensing my stiffness, he kissed me again, first on one cheek, then the other. Involuntarily, I closed my eyes, bracing myself as his lips touched mine softly. Guilt washed over me as he pressed harder, pulling me to him with an eager ferocity.
Reaching my hands up between us, I pushed against his chest. There was no strength behind my hands though, and misreading me, he pulled me closer, pinning my arms to his chest.
I have two options, I thought, as his lips crushed mine with such force I thought my face would break. I could let go of the last of my energy, potentially hurting the both of us in the process. Or, I could shut down.
I let my body go limp in his arms. It only took him a few seconds to get the hint. He let go of my lips, looking at me with confused eyes.
“I can’t…” I started, but my eyes caught a flash of movement behind him.
“Alex, please-” I raised a hand to silence him.
A beautiful woman glided effortless across the cemetery, her unmistakeable fiery red curls flowing out behind her.
“Lahela?” I called.
She turned, clearly as surprised to see me as I was her. As I walked toward her, I saw her face change, a slight smile forming on her smooth, angular face.
“Hello, Alex,” she smiled, her voice melodic and smooth. “I’m so glad I found you.”
“Where have you been? Did you hear what happened? Your brothers were so worried about you! They’ll be so glad to hear you’re okay.”
“Yes,” she said calmly. “We should tell them I’m okay.” Her eyes glanced behind me.
“Connor,” he said stiffly. He was standing behind me, one hand protective bracing the small of my back, the other held out for Lahela.
She looked at his extended hand then looked back at me. “Where did you say my brothers are?” she cooed.
“At my house. You should come tell them you’re okay. I know they will be glad to see you.”
“And Maria?”
“She’s fine. She’s with Justin.”
“Why don’t you tell them for me, Alex? I’m going to go back to tell my father you are all alright. Besides, I can’t stay away from the forest for too long.” She smiled wider, and I felt a fresh wave of calm fill me. Connor stiffened slightly.
“Sure,” I said, my voice unusually light now.
Lahela turned quickly, her hair following a second later. I was in awe of her graceful beauty. She moved even smoother than her brothers.
“Let’s go,” Connor said quietly. “That woman gave me chills.”
“Seriously?” I laughed. “You don’t seem the type to be easily intimidated.”
“Maybe it’s this place then. It feels a bit eerie here today. We should go though. I told that Jack guy I would bring you back.” His hand fell softly on my shoulder, and instantly we were outside my apartment. It was definitely easier to phase with Connor than anyone else.
But I didn’t have time about anything else as Connor led me up the stairs to my flat. My mind raced, trying to figure out what had just happened with Connor in the cemetery. Fortunately, the two elves were completely preoccupied with discussion when we walked in, which Connor fell into effortlessly. I could hear the shower, and assumed that was where Maria must be. Perfect, I thought, as I quietly shut the door to my room. I needed to be alone.
Being alone was funny, now that I thought about it. Ever since I met Nic Fiamo that day on the harbour, I really hadn’t been alone. I mean, sure, I had had plenty of time to myself, but I was never alone. Busses were crowded, work was full of people, and even when I tried to run away from everything, Bob had found me. Right now, for instance, I could still hear the men debating something in the front room. I was never truly alone.
And maybe that was a good thing, I thought. Maybe, Fate, who I was sure was real at this point, had some grand plan for me. She had decided to toy with my sanity by throwing every possible thing at me she could weave into her loom. And in the chaos that ensued, she wanted there to be witnesses. I wondered what my life’s tapestry must look like.
Three months ago, I was average. I had a typical, over-worked, under-paid job I despised. I lived with a roommate. I was single. I took the bus. My idea of an eventful weekend was finishing a novel in one night.
Three weeks ago, I special. I had an over-paid, under-worked job I loved. I got paid to do nothing while the office was rebuilt. I had my own place. I had a man in my life who loved me, despite my obvious flaws. I walked around town, and when I needed to travel farther, my man drove me, refusing to let me take transit when he could take me there faster. My idea of an eventful weekend was, well I still enjoyed reading, but now I had someone reading beside me.
Three days ago, I was lost. I didn’t have a job. I slept anywhere but my home, including a cave. I was single again. I hitched a ride in the mouth of a dragon, and started to become accustom to the disconcerting magic of phasing.
Three hours ago, I was found. I didn’t care about work. I slept on tangled in the frame of an unexpected person, and found I liked it. The status of my singlehood was blurry, but bright. I had no desire to go anywhere, or to even leave the tiny couch we nestled on.
Three minutes ago, I slumped against the wall of my bedroom, defeated. Fate had won. My job didn’t matter anymore. My tiny apartment was full of people, two of whom I didn’t want talking to each other. Two people that I had to choose between.
I had spent so much energy hating Connor this past week that it was hard to forgive him so easily, even if I had been the one jumping to conclusions. He had still left that first day when I came back from Vancouver. He had run first.
The problem was, deep down, I knew I loved Connor. I knew how I could feel about him.
Jack was new. He hadn’t done anything wrong. In fact, he had gone out of his way to help me. He embraced what I could do, instead of fearing it like Connor did. He didn’t cringe when I touched him, or get upset when I made a mistake.
But it was only hours ago that I had even thought of him that way. Was it too soon to throw that away? Do I give him a fair chance with my heart?
Maybe the better question was, do I give either of them a chance with my heart? It was beating furiously in my chest as I thought about this, and it felt like it would explode any minute. Either one of them could break it so easily. The rest of my life was in pieces though, so why not my heart?
I debated the three possibilities before me, Connor, Jack, or neither, as I paced my room. When I knew I would never reach a conclusion, I fell backwards onto my bed. My mind felt exhausted, and I could feel it shutting down.
I started counting the flock marks on the textured ceiling just to keep myself thinking. It helped to calm me slightly, but did nothing to help answer my problems.
I was at 7,805 before someone opened the door to check on me.
“Hey, we need your input,” Maria called from the doorway.
“Sure,” I mumbled. “Just a minute.” She shut the door. I kept counting.
It was 8,243 before someone opened the door again.
“Alex? Are you okay?” Connor asked.
“Fine.”
I heard the door shut again, and I kept counting, thankful that he got the message and left me alone.
I counted seven more before I felt the bed shift uneasily as Connor sat beside me. Stupid Irishman.
“What is it?” he asked softly.
“I’m trying to piss off Fate,” I said, continuing to count.
“I don’t understand.”
“As long as I sit here, not doing anything, she can’t throw anything else at me. I won’t have my life continue to be one disaster after another. Eight thousand, two hundred and fifty five.”
“You think your life is a disaster?” Though he disguised it well, I could hear he was hurt.
Numb to emotion at this point, I kept counting. He was silent, though I could see him in my peripheral vision, watching me with intense eyes. When I reached 8,500, I paused, and turned to look at him, still lying on my back.
“I kissed Jack.”
His face did not move. I waited, expecting some form of emotion to cross his face. When I was sure he wasn’t going to react, I looked back up at the ceiling and silently continued my count, no longer keeping track of the flock marks, just counting.
He didn’t speak until 8,864.
“When?” His voice was a hoarse whisper.
I kept counting.
His whisper was smoother now. “Alex, you have to talk to me. You can’t just say something like that and not expect me to ask questions.” I felt his hand squeeze mine gently, aware of how cold mine felt against his natural warmth.
“Last night,” I said in a bland monotone, barely pausing between numbers to speak. “This morning. I’m not sure exactly what the time was.”
I heard him sigh deeply before I felt his hand gently tip my face back into his direction.
“You can’t shut down like this, Alex.” His face was perfectly calm as he spoke. Why wasn’t he mad at me? I tried to turn away from his gaze, searching my mind for the number I had reached. His hand held my face in place though, eyes boring into me. The number was gone, and with that realization I felt the walls crumbling inside me. Emotion would flood me in seconds. Fate would laugh.
“I don’t blame you,” he assured me. “I understand. I know I hurt you. It’s my fault.”
I could hear the shame in his voice, and it was enough to let final wall crash down. I sat up, flooded with a burning shame of my own. “I don’t blame you either,” I stuttered. “I blame me.”
“Alex-”
“Don’t tell me it’s going to be okay. You don’t understand how messed up this is. You don’t understand how little my life makes sense right now. Do you realize how quickly I have had to change my life around? My concept of reality was completely flipped on its head, and I had to adapt in a very short period of time. On top of that, do you realize how terrifying it is to have someone who wants to kill you? Do you realize how much more terrifying it is when it’s someone else, someone like Maria, someone you love?”
“Yes.”
My mouth popped open as I took in what he meant by that. Before I could recover, the door opened again.
“Everything okay in here?” Jack asked. His eyes fell on my shocked face, glanced to Connor, and then quickly back to me again. He crossed the room in two quick steps and casually brushed my hair away from my eyes. I flinched involuntarily. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Connor’s face smooth as he composed himself from some reaction I had missed.
“Are you okay?” His voice was earnest but I had a sense that he had heard every word of my conversation with Connor.
I took a deep breath, and with every ounce of acting skill I could muster, I lied. “Yeah. I’m great.” I stood up, and without looking back to either of them, I went out into the living room where Maria and Justin were waiting.
“About time,” Maria joked, rolling her eyes at me.
I moved quickly to the lone recliner, grateful I wouldn’t have to share couch with the two lovebirds. Connor followed, seemingly smug that Jack would have to stand. Not missing a beat, Jack perched himself on the arm of my chair. Connor’s expression disappeared instantly.
So it was going to come to this? I was going to have to choose.
“So…” Justin said, trying to break the obvious tension that dominated the room. “We were talking about how to solve the Zarek problem?”
“I still think we should fight him,” Connor said, his fisted hand slapping down on to his knee. “We can take him easily. I have resources-”
“The problem with your plan is that Maria would have to be bait,” Jack interrupted darkly. “Something that Justin doesn’t seem too keen on.”
I glanced over at Justin and could see he was disturbed by this thought. Maria rubbed his back reassuringly.
“I’ll be perfectly fine,” she whispered. “I trust you.” Clearly, she agreed with Connor.
He shook his head at her. “Unacceptable risk,” was all he said before bringing her hand up to his mouth and kissing it. She smiled, though I could tell she was humouring him.
“I still think we should try to figure out who hired him,” Jack added, draping his arm across the back of the chair. I tensed at his lack of subtlety. In the back of my mind, I noted the slightly feral glances he and Connor exchanged.
They were fighting over me? Shouldn’t they both hate me right now? Shouldn’t they team up and swap stories about how I was an emotional train wreck? Jack didn’t know what happened in the cemetery, about how things had changed, yet again, but I knew now as I watched the silent exchanges passing between them that the second he saw me seated next to Connor in my room, he had made up his mind to fight back.
“Earth to Alex.”
Oops. What did I miss? “Um, yeah?”
“I was asking what you thought we should do,” Justin repeated.
I thought about this. Not wanting to be influenced by either party, I got up and paced the living room. I wasn’t sure what to do. I knew Connor was right; he had resources at his disposal that could easily stop one gargoyle. But to use Maria as bait? I didn’t like that at all.
Gazing out the window, I saw the answer. Without turning, I delivered my verdict.
“I think we have to fight him.”
“Why?” Jack and Justin answered in unison, shocked at my answer.
I turned slowly, looking at each of them carefully before speaking.
“Because he’s outside.”
Chapter Sixteen
I felt my words hang for a split second on the air as everyone, including myself, felt the weight of what I had said.
Maria broke the silence, turning t
o Justin, eyes wide with terror. “What are you waiting for? We have to get out of here!”
He didn’t look at her as he responded. His voice was low, quiet and almost ashamed. “I can’t phase indoors. I have to get outside.”
Before anyone could react to Justin’s statement, I heard a thunderous crash behind me. Instinctively, I threw myself to the ground, but I was too slow, and instead felt the rake of the gargoyle’s granite claws across my back as I was showered in broken glass and crumbled brick. I heard someone yell my name, but it was muffled under Zarek’s bellowing roar.
Maria let out an ear-piercing shriek of terror. I raised my head from my prone position and saw her fall limply to the floor. Less than a second later, Justin’s voice, wrought with rage, echoed unnaturally through the apartment. I felt a heavy gust of wind as his spell blew the stony beast out the hole in the wall, sending him crashing into the street.
“Are you okay?” Connor asked quickly, as Justin and Jack both agilely leaped over me to go after the assassin.
“I’m fine,” I croaked, ignoring the wet heat I could feel across my back. I heard another loud growl outside, followed by a wet crunching noise that I was pretty sure wasn’t the gargoyle. “Go help them!” I shouted. He hesitated, and I shouted again. “GO!”
He leapt over me, muttering something, and I felt his spell ripple in the air behind me. I looked at Maria, who was still on the floor; she was conscious, but dazed. “Stay down,” I ordered, shocked at the authority in my voice.
She nodded, too fearful to argue. Turning to look out of the wreckage and into the street, I could see Connor and Jack nimbly throwing spells at the gargoyle. Justin was holding his arm, and I could tell from the angle it was bent that it was broken. I shuddered, trying desperately to figure out how to help them. My own magical stores were low, and I doubted any energy I transferred would help any of them.
I knew they would run out of magic soon, and that even though the elves could use arcane magic, it wouldn’t be as effective. Furthermore, my neighbourhood did not have a lot of force lines nearby. I know, because soon after I discovered my talent, I had gone searching. My street in particular, did not have any. The closest concentration was a few blocks away. Surely they could take out the assassin before they ran out of power?
