by Leddy Harper
It was Jack that made the decision to keep me from Billy, saying it was a bad situation for me to be in. And it was him that kept me from getting a cell phone, a driver’s license, and a car. Jeri almost let me have them all, until Jack convinced her it would only enable me to see and talk to Billy.
“I don’t care what she told you, Ma. It’s a bad idea,” I heard him yelling at her.
“She makes sense. We cannot continue to call her by the name she refuses to answer to. Think about it; she was kept in a house with no phone, no car, no friends… nothing. What is the difference between there and here? Nothing. I refuse to have her live like that.”
“You’re just going to send her right back there, you know.”
I heard Jeri sigh loudly. The more I paid attention to her mannerisms, the more I saw so many resemblances between us. I stayed quiet through her silence, waiting to hear what she had to say.
“She will be eighteen in six months,” she spoke in a soft and depressed tone. “I have spent fourteen years without her; the very last thing I want to do is push her to leave when I can’t do anything to keep her, and then spend whatever life I have left without her. Your father died without ever seeing her again; I don’t want the same fate.”
“And you think by letting her have this freedom, she won’t leave and never come back?”
“Dr. Montage explained that we need to set some ground rules. We need to have open communication between us, and that’s what I want. I can’t have that if I hold her down. It’s unrealistic. If she goes back to him after she turns eighteen, there’s nothing I can do. I just want her to still come back here, too.” I could hear the daunting tone through the door and it almost reached my heart. Almost.
I could understand what this woman was going through. To want someone in your life so badly, you’d hold onto them forever if you could. That’s how I felt about Billy. But she was right about one thing; when I turned eighteen, I planned on going back to him and never returning to this life. There could be a chance at having some kind of relationship with her if she allowed me the freedom to make my own choices. But until that happened, I had no intentions of having anything to do with any of these people here.
“Do what you want. But you already lost Corinne, are you ready to lose Danielle, too?”
Corinne was my biological mother. At the police station, they informed me that the night I was taken, her and my father had been in a car accident and died. There wasn’t an actual discussion about it, though. I felt like I needed to know what happened, even if it would never change my mind about anything. I had a deep yearning to know what happened to me all of those years ago.
“I will listen to what Dr. Montage told me. I will call her Kendall, and I will talk to her about how things could be for the next six months. I will tell her what I want from her, and what I want our relationship to be like. You do what you want to, Jack, but she’s here with me and that’s where I plan on keeping her.”
I heard the front door open and then close loudly. I decided I needed to get back to my room and dress before Jeri came for me. I knew she wouldn’t wait too long to have this impending conversation with me. I quietly snuck out of the bathroom and to the room I was staying in.
There was a knock on the door just as I slipped the tee shirt over my head. I called for her to come in, which probably startled her as much as it did me; I never invited her into my room.
“Oh, I’m sorry, Kendall. I didn’t realize you were dressing. I’ll come back.”
I did take note of her efforts to call me Kendall, so I allowed her to stay. “It’s okay, I’m done. What did you want to talk to me about?” I never called her Jeri, not to her face at least, and I wasn’t comfortable calling her Grandma; so I just avoided calling her anything.
She sat on the edge of my bed and took a deep breath. It was the first time I saw her as a frail woman. She looked so broken and tired. I’m sure searching for her long lost granddaughter for fourteen years didn’t help that.
“After talking to Dr. Montage today, I think I may have come up with something that would make us both happy. I think you should be able to have a phone, even if it means you will be using it to call that boy.” She never did call Billy by his name; he would always be “that boy” to her. “But, in return, I want you to make friends here. There are plenty of kids your age right here in this neighborhood, and I think it would be beneficial to you if you befriended a few.”
I didn’t know what to say. I never expected that to be her compromise. If that’s all I had to do in order to talk to Billy, then I would do it in a heartbeat.
“Okay,” I agreed almost too willingly and she took notice of it.
“There’s more. I know you want a license and to have the freedom to go wherever. And I want that for you, too; I don’t want to keep you trapped here for the next six months. But in order for me to feel comfortable with that, other things need to happen first.
“Before you get a phone, I want to see you make a real attempt at finding a friend, not just playing nice with someone to appease me. You’ve never really had friends growing up, and everyone needs one of those. Once I feel you have done so, I will get you a phone. I know you will be using it to call people from your past and there’s nothing I can do about that, but I’m asking that the conversations be limited to only a few a week.”
I gave her a dirty look as I felt my irritation rising to the surface.
“I’m only asking this because I know how dependant you were on him for so many years, and I want you to find your own independence. I want you to have friends and your own life outside of his, even if you do end up finding your way back to him. It’s only healthy for you to.”
“I know this can’t be all you’re proposing.”
“It’s not, you’re right. After a month, as long as everything is going well, which includes your sessions at Joanne’s office, we will go down and you can get your license. And if these next six months show growth in you, I will buy you a car for your birthday. But before all else, I would like for you to have your GED, and possibly think about furthering your education.”
I didn’t know what to say. She was willing to give me a phone, willing to allow me to talk to Billy, and buy me a car. All I had to do was make a few friends and take a test. A part of me wanted to give her a hug, but the other part still resented her from taking me away to begin with. Which was heartless to even think because if I were her, I would have done the same thing.
It made me wonder what my life would have been like had my parents not died; had John not taken me from them. I wanted to hate John for what he did, but I just couldn’t. He was always good to me and gave me a very good life. I knew whatever he had done was not done with malice. It was done with love and concern.
“Can you tell me what happened the night I disappeared?” I don’t know where the question came from. I felt my lips moving and the words coming out, but I couldn’t comprehend why I was asking it.
Jeri looked up to the ceiling; she was trying to keep from crying. I knew this because it was something I usually did. I watched as her shining blue eyes turned pale and almost see-through. They were glassy just before the first tear fell. I went to sit next to her, wanting to comfort her but not knowing how.
“You all were in the car coming back from dinner, we later learned, and there was an accident. It happened at around ten at night. We were called just after eleven. When we asked where you were, no one knew anything about a child. There had been no sign of a child in the car. We thought you might have been at a sitter’s house. It wasn’t until the next day before we realized you weren’t.” She closed her eyes and let out a silent sob. “You just vanished. We found out from the restaurant that you had been with them.
“There were two sets of tire marks on the road from the accident. They believed someone ran your car off the road and into a tree, and then took you from the backseat. But no one ever knew why.” She looked at me with pained eyes. “Do you know why he
would have taken you from us?”
I had asked myself that so many times over the last five weeks, but I had never been able to come up with an answer. Not to mention, I wasn’t allowed to talk to Billy, and only he might be able to provide me with one.
“I have no idea,” was all the answer I could give her.
It was just after dinner and the sun was beginning to go down, but still left a good amount of light in the sky. The atmosphere in the house was too heavy and I needed to get out. Jeri lived on a golf course, and since I wasn’t allowed on it during the day due to the golfers, I decided I wanted to check it out.
“Where are you going?” she asked from her recliner as I walked by.
“Just going to explore. Who knows, maybe I’ll meet a friend.”
I walked out the back door and through the trees that separated her house from the course. It was all open and quiet, and I found myself lost in the peacefulness of it all. I walked around until I came across a small pond with a wooden bridge that connected one hole to the other. I was about to cross it when I saw someone sitting just to the side of it, his back was to me.
“Hey,” I called out, getting his attention.
He jumped and put his hand in his lap, hiding something from me. It made me curious, so I sat next to him, smelling the familiar scent of marijuana. His eyes were wide as he just sat there and stared at me, wondering what I was doing.
The orange sky lit his eyes up, allowing me to see the depth of the blue. They were so rich it was like looking at sapphires. I almost got lost in them before I remembered what he was holding in his hand.
“Didn’t your mother ever teach you it’s rude not to share?” I teased him and took the joint from his hand. He handed me the lighter and I lit the end, sucking it enough to fill my lungs. I held it in and handed it back.
“Didn’t your mother ever teach you pot is illegal,” he retorted.
I laughed as I slowly let out the smoke; blowing it into the wind and watching it fly away. “Probably not since I don’t have a mother. Not to mention, it’s only illegal to possess it, which you are currently doing. So legally speaking, I am not at fault, you are.”
He looked at the joint in his hand and brought it to his lips. He continued to watch me but didn’t say anything for a few moments. Finally, he spoke, “Are you the girl that was missing for years? Jerilee and Bob’s grandkid?”
It shouldn’t have bothered me, but it did. I didn’t want strangers knowing my business, but it had been on the news for about a week when I was first brought here. “Just Jeri; Bob is gone.”
He nodded and looked into the murky pond. “I keep forgetting he died. He was a good guy.” His voice was so soft I almost didn’t hear the words.
“You knew Bob?” I found it strange that he would know an old man. He seemed to be around my age.
“I live two houses down from you.”
“Oh. My name is Kendall.”
“Lincoln; but people call me Link.” He looked back at me again, and again I thought I’d be lost in his eyes. “I bet it’s strange to be here, huh?”
I grabbed the joint and took another hit.
“Yeah. Jeri told me today that I had to make friends. I really don’t know how to do that.” I blamed the weed for my openness, but maybe it was because I had never really had anyone to talk to before.
“I can be your friend.” He looked right at me when he said that.
“You would be my first friend, like ever.” I laughed at how ridiculous I sounded.
His eyes narrowed at me, probably trying to figure me out. “How could you not have friends before? What happened to you? I never heard what happened.”
I took a deep breath before answering. “Nothing happened to me. I was just really sheltered growing up. I had Billy, but he wasn’t really so much a friend, he was more like… I don’t even know what to call him. Maybe a boyfriend?”
“Are you still seeing him?”
“I’m not allowed to. The man that took me, John, was Billy’s dad.”
Link turned his attention back to the water, but I couldn’t stop looking at him. Something inside made me want to talk to him. To tell him things everyone had wanted to hear since my return, but I hadn’t felt the need to share.
“John was like a dad to me. He took care of me. And Billy was there, too, so I grew up with him, and things just happened. I don’t know how to explain it, but I never had friends before. I don’t even know how to have one, or to be one.”
“So this Billy guy, he was like your brother?”
“No. That would be gross. I always knew he wasn’t my brother. Just like I knew John wasn’t my dad. But he was all I knew, and I never had a reason to question any of it. I can’t really explain it. But being here, and listening to what everyone is saying, kind of makes me question things. Things I never really thought of before.”
“Like what?” He genuinely wanted to know about me.
“Like my last name was the same as theirs. And I’ve always known there was no relation, but it never occurred to me to ask why I had the same last name as them. And why I didn’t know any of my relatives. I was told early on that my mom left me there with them, and part of me always wondered why my real family didn’t want me, but I guess I was just happy that someone did so I never asked about it. I know it sounds weird and doesn’t make sense to anyone, but it was all I knew.”
“How old are you?”
I laughed at the question. “Up until a month ago, I would have told you eighteen. But as it turns out, I’m only seventeen and won’t be eighteen for six months. And Billy is twenty-three. So everyone keeps talking about how I can’t be with him because I’m a minor. I think it’s a bunch of shit since I’ve already been with him. Imagine being able to go out and buy beer, then all of a sudden people say, ‘oh, you’re not actually twenty-one yet, so you can’t buy beer again until then.’ But you’re in love with the beer, so now you have to go without something you love just because there was a mix-up with your age.”
Link laughed hard at me. His smile reached his eyes and I saw his teeth. They were perfect—straight and white. I had thought he was good looking when I first sat down, but looking at him then made me realize just how breathtakingly sexy he was. Unlike anything I had ever seen before. I tried to laugh with him, and I did, but I was too mesmerized by his beauty to do anything other than stare at him. We laughed for a while until we were both teary eyed and out of breath.
“I can’t believe you just compared fucking your boyfriend to buying beer.”
“It made sense in my head. Don’t make fun of me.” I pretended to pout, sticking my bottom lip out and everything.
“Don’t do that, I’ll bite it off.”
I pulled my lips back together. Not because I thought he’d actually bite it off, but because I found myself wondering what his lips would feel like on mine and I instantly felt guilty. “How old are you?”
“Seventeen. I kinda know what you mean, though. I won’t be eighteen for a few more months, yet I’ve already graduated high school. All of my other friends are already eighteen and I can’t do most of the things they can. Like tomorrow, they’re all going out to celebrate someone’s birthday and I can’t go because I can’t get into the club. It’s bullshit.”
“At least you graduated high school. At least you attended school, I should say.”
He gave me a look like what I said was so shocking, until he mentally put the pieces together. “It’s not all it’s cracked up to be. I’m sure you learned more about life than any person who’s spent the last thirteen years in a building behind a desk.”
The light in the sky began to fade, so we finished the joint and headed home. Lincoln walked me to my house before going to his. Maybe this whole friend thing wouldn’t be so bad.
Jeri woke me early on Saturday to go get a phone. I was surprised and excited. She told me I would get one once I made a friend—and I had, Link—and that I had to show an honest attempt with my therapy.
On Thursday, I sat for an entire hour talking to Joanne. I thought she would start asking questions about Billy and our relationship, but she hadn’t. We ended up talking about living with John when I was younger. She asked about things we did, and how I felt about it all. She was more interested in how I felt now, looking back on it, than how I felt when I was small. Nothing had really changed in how I felt about my life. I don’t know if it’s because I didn’t have very many answers, or because it just really didn’t bother me.
I’m sure it seemed odd to her that my abduction and “imprisonment” didn’t faze me, but I wasn’t about to pretend it did. I knew we still had a lot more to talk about and things would eventually get harder to discuss, and maybe then, I’d feel a little differently about it all. But I just hadn’t gotten there yet.
Lincoln and I had spent the whole day on Friday just hanging out. We played video games at his house and then he came over to Jeri’s for dinner. He was a pretty decent guy, not to mention, he had a really good stash of weed.
His parents were both doctors so he was home alone most of the time. He said he got away with a lot since they were never around to punish him, or make sure their punishments were fulfilled. I knew I had found my new best friend.
Jeri bought me a nice phone. It was a smart phone, and obviously too smart for me because I couldn’t figure out how to use it. Lincoln said he’d help me figure it out, so I stopped by his house after we got back home.
We made sure to go over the phone before smoking; I needed to pay attention to how it worked. I really only needed it to make a phone call, but figured I might find reasons to use the safari icon—whatever that was.
“Apps are programs,” Link began to explain as we sat on his bed. “Like here, you can access your Facebook account by this one.” He touched a blue square with an F in the middle.
“What’s a Facebook account?”
He looked at me like I had two heads. “Wow, you really were sheltered. Facebook is a social media site, to reach out to people you know—or don’t know—online. Here, we’ll set you up with one.”
