Home No More

by Leddy Harper

  We went through the steps of setting me up with this account I still didn’t understand. He took a picture of me and made my profile. He sent me a friend request and showed me how to accept it. If I knew it would have been that easy to make friends, I would have done it as soon as Jeri told me I had to. The whole idea of asking people to be my friend and then waiting for them to say yes seemed absurd to me. It felt a little like begging, and I was not a beggar.

  I decided to look to see if Billy had an account, and it didn’t take me long to find it. Link said it was set as private and I couldn’t see anything but his profile picture, which was of a motorcycle. I wanted to see his face but I couldn’t. So I sent him the infamous friend request and waited.

  “Stop looking at that every five seconds. It’ll notify you when he accepts it. You don’t need to keep checking it. Where does this dude live anyway?”

  We were lying on the grass in his backyard, under a tree. It was hot but the shade kept us cool enough to stand it. We were both high as kites and it made me miss Billy even more. Before Link, I had only ever smoked with Billy. Smoking with Billy always led to other things, and I was surprised to see I didn’t feel any of those urges with my new friend. I guess surprised wouldn’t be the right word; I was more relieved than anything.

  “About an hour away.”

  “Hold up, you only lived an hour away from your family this whole time?”

  “No. When I lived with John, it was more like three hours away. But when I was fifteen, Billy came to get me and he lived only an hour away from here. Of course, I didn’t know where my family lived, I guess we could’ve lived in the same town the whole time and I wouldn’t have even known. Aside from our backyard, which was a really big backyard, I never left the house until I lived with Billy. He used to take me out from time to time, but not until I had been there for a little while. He had a hard time explaining to his friends who I was to him and why I was living with him.”

  “How did he explain that?”

  “Well, he was five years older than me, and said I was his sister to begin with. But then our relationship changed when I was almost seventeen, so he had to change that. He started telling people I was a friend of the family and needed a place to stay. Then when we were actually together, he just said I was his live-in girlfriend. People questioned it a lot since some of those people were told all of the stories. They were pretty grossed out when we first started hooking up, because they thought I was his sister. But eventually, we told those few the real story.

  “I don’t think Billy even really knew how to explain us at the beginning. I know I didn’t. I mean, I grew up with him, but I think I have always been in love with him. I never saw him as a brother, and I don’t think he ever saw me as his sister.”

  Link was quiet for a second before finding a new question. “So, you said you were almost seventeen when you first started hooking up. How long ago was that?”

  I didn’t really know how to explain it, especially since I was high. But I tried my best. “I turned eighteen in February, but once I got back here, they tell me I won’t be eighteen until December. So I guess I always grew up thinking I was almost a year older than I really am.”

  No one ever questioned my age. I got my period when I was thirteen, which is apparently a normal age to get it; except in real life, I was only twelve. I developed breasts early, and once they sprouted, they just filled in. I was average height with a full chest and a healthy rear. I never even questioned my own age, so it made sense no one else did either. I was smart and spoke well. But regardless of all of that, it didn’t change the fact that I was still only seventeen.

  I turned my head to look at him. His eyes were on my chest until he looked up to see me, staring at me with a lustful expression. It confused me at first because he was a very good looking guy, and I was just an average person that no one would look twice at if walking down the street. I’m sure he could have anyone he wanted, yet he was looking at me like he never wanted to look at another girl again.

  He had dark blond hair and light skin. There were a few freckles speckled over his nose, which was the perfect shape. His smile was even and perfect, covering the lower half of his face when it was genuine. There were two dimples, one on each side of his chin. I knew he had to have worked out, even though I had never seen him with his shirt off, his muscles seemed to fill his shirts quite nicely. I did find him extremely handsome, and would have been all over him if my heart wasn’t being held by Billy.

  That only made me think of other things. Not only did I wonder why Link was looking at me the way he had, but why did Billy? I had brown hair with natural red highlights that came out real bright in the sun. My skin would tan only if I was in the sun regularly; if not, then it was just a creamy color. I was not thin by any means, not fat either—just a healthy weight that was mainly carried in my hips, thighs, and ass. My eyes were a weird shade of green. I had a dark blue rim outlining a lighter blue, yet golden speckles around my pupils changed them to a green color. I hated them, always saying my eyes could never make up their mind what color they wanted to be. It wasn’t until seeing Uncle Jack for the first time in the light, did I finally see someone else with the same color eyes. It was what I had recognized in him after he pulled me over for that fucking tag light.

  Irony, yes, I know.

  “When do you plan on seeing him again?” Link’s question pulled me from my thoughts.

  I tore my gaze away from him and looked up to the clouds, watching them move quickly in the blue sky above. “I don’t know. Hopefully soon. I haven’t gone this long without sex since I was sixteen… or fifteen, however you want to look at it.”

  I felt him adjust himself next to me. “You had sex with him when you were sixteen? That made him, what, twenty-one?”

  “It’s a long story. One that’ll make me sound like a slut. We’ll just leave it at that.”

  And we did. He didn’t ask me any more questions about my sex life, and I certainly didn’t ask him any about his. Pot tended to make me horny… it was what Billy and I did. We smoked and fucked. We had sex without being high, but I don’t think we ever got high without having sex. And smoking with someone as sexy as Lincoln only made me think of getting laid. At least it wasn’t making me think of having sex with Link; I was only thinking of finding a way to get to Billy, so that my desires could be fulfilled.

  I climbed under my covers that night, pulling my phone out and checking my friend request status again. He still hadn’t approved it. I decided to call him, excited to finally hear his voice.

  “Hello?” His voice was deep and I could tell he was in bed.

  My words caught in my throat, why, I didn’t have a clue. This was Billy. “Hi,” I finally managed.

  He let out a long breath. “What are you doing? Why are you calling me?” For a second, I felt rejected, like he didn’t want to talk to me, like he didn’t want me anymore.

  “Jeri bought be a cell phone. She knows I’m talking to you; well, she knows I will use it to talk to you. I miss you,” I blurted out, rattling on like some love sick teenager. Why was I so nervous? It made no sense.

  “You shouldn’t be talking to me.”

  I wasn’t expecting to hear him say that. “Why?”

  “Baby, you need to focus on you right now, not me. Not us.”

  “I am focusing on me. I’m going to therapy and I’ve even made a friend here. I just really miss you and wanted to hear your voice. I love you, Billy; being away from you doesn’t change that.” I could hear my desperation in my tone. I wasn’t trying to sound desperate, but that’s how it came out and if I am being honest with myself, I felt it, too.

  “Billy?” I questioned softly, afraid that he had hung up after a long, silent pause.

  “I love you, too, Kendall. But I know you have a lot to learn about yourself and about everything that happened. You should really be focusing on that. And to be honest, I thought you would blame me for it all.”

  I roll
ed my eyes, frowned, and shook my head at his words.

  “I could never blame you for any of it. You’re not the one that took me. And I can’t seem to find it in me to regret being taken. Without John taking me, I would have never met you. I won’t lie, I have questions, but I’m not ready for the answers just yet. I’m really horny and hoped you might be able to help me out with that,” I teased. That part just slipped out. I hadn’t meant to say that. I guess I just needed to break the thick air between us. I didn’t like it, it wasn’t us.

  “You always are, baby. But I can’t right now. Call me tomorrow night; I’ll walk you through it then.” I felt rejected, but his voice was so quiet and soft I knew I must’ve woken him up.

  “Okay. Goodnight, Billy,” I sadly spoke, letting him off the hook. I didn’t want to hang up yet. I hadn’t spoken to him in five weeks. Feeling rejected, I closed my eyes hearing him say goodbye.

  “Goodnight, Kendall.”

  I placed my hands over my head and stared up at the ceiling, following the swirl marks with my eyes. I drifted off to sleep, thinking about our first time together.

  I had been living with Billy for a little over a year. For the first six months or so, he never brought anyone home—guys or girls. But then he started having late night female visitors come by. His room was right next to mine, so I heard everything.

  I had just turned sixteen, and the noises coming from the other side of the wall used to make me tingle in places I had never felt before. When it first started happening, I would touch myself to ease the ache between my legs. It didn’t take long before I was envisioning myself in his bed with him while letting my fingers do what I wanted him to do to me.

  Within a few months, my ache had reached a point I could no longer ease. So I had convinced one of his friends to help me out while he was high. The itch seemed so strong that he hadn’t quite scratched it, but I figured it was because I was still new to it all, so I kept going back to him, hoping it would get better… it never did. I tried a few more of his friends, but still nothing. I had gone to parties, experimented, did everything I could think of, but I still found myself excited when he’d bring a girl home.

  I even thought that maybe it was the girl that excited me, but learned quickly it wasn’t the case.

  One night, just before my seventeenth birthday, he came home drunk with yet another girl. I heard the moaning and heavy breathing. I felt myself become moist and the deep ache between my legs returned with a vengeance.

  I stood outside his door, thankful he had been too drunk to close it all the way. I watched through the crack as he stood at the side of the bed and pumped his cock in her mouth. She was on the bed, on her back with her head hanging off the mattress, taking him hungrily as he thrust into the back of her throat. The sight alone made me wet. I pushed my hand into my panties and started rubbing myself vigorously. He started breathing heavily through clenched teeth and I found myself pushing the door open wider.

  I wasn’t sure what caused me to do it, but I found my way onto his bed. My clothes had been discarded in the hallway and I crawled in between the girl’s bare legs. Once my tongue was finding its way through her slick folds, I chanced a look at Billy. He was looking at me while pumping into her mouth harder and faster.

  The girl stilled for a moment before I pushed two fingers into her opening. She immediately pressed her hips into me, looking for more. I kept my eyes on Billy the entire time, and he didn’t look away. After only a couple minutes, she clinched my fingers with her warm, wet walls as her orgasm ripped through her body. She let out a long moan and Billy pulled himself from her mouth, letting out a popping sound from her lips. That’s when she finally looked at me.

  “What the fuck, Bill?”

  I laughed because she didn’t seem to mind it while I was between her legs, now she was suddenly offended with the idea of my tongue on her pussy.

  She moved away, allowing room for me to crawl to Billy. I slid up his body as he stood motionless at the edge of the bed. My lips found his, and it was the first time I had ever felt his demanding mouth on mine. It was the first time his warm tongue found its way to mine. I couldn’t help but let out my own lustful moan.

  His hands grabbed my hips and squeezed as he lifted me slightly, throwing me on the mattress onto my back. He leaned over me and kissed my neck. The wetness pulled between my legs faster than I had ever felt before.

  It wasn’t the first time anyone had ever sucked that spot just below my ear, but it was the first time it made me literally want to beg to have someone inside me. The desire was strong and powerful, unlike anything I had ever felt before. My pussy throbbed and clinched, hungry for what he had to offer.

  The girl was still making noise in the room, I assumed she was putting on her clothes and bitching him out–probably bitching us both out. I didn’t really care. His lips and tongue were on me and I was lying beneath his naked body. She could’ve been lit on fire while singing the national anthem and it wouldn’t have fazed me.

  I began to move my hips into him, brushing my wet sex against his lower abdomen. Once I did that, he began to move his mouth down my chest, taking a moment to suck and tease each nipple, pulling them into his warm mouth and flicking them with his tongue until they were hard pebbles, aching deeply.

  “Just fuck me already,” I groaned while pulling his thick hair with my closed fists.

  He grabbed the backs of my knees and pushed them to my chest, opening myself up to him in a way I had never been before. There was no hesitation, no brief moment of thought or second-guessing. In one quick move, he pulled me closer to the edge of his mattress and thrust himself into me. I let out a scream; I couldn’t help it. He filled me completely. I placed my hand over my stomach to feel him move beneath it, to feel him fill me.

  His hand released my leg, but I kept it against my chest where he put it. I moved my hand away from my stomach when he put his there, pressing down just above my pelvic bone. I felt a tightening inside, and then I couldn’t breathe. With my lungs burning from holding in the oxygen that was meant to supply my brain, intense warmth began to flow through me. My legs and arms began to tingle as if they had fallen asleep, and my sex became overly sensitive.

  I released a loud moan, tilting my head back and closing my eyes tight. The warmth took over my whole body as I began to shake under him. He thrust in a few more times, harder and deeper than before; deeper than I knew he could go.

  “FUCK!” he yelled as I felt him pull out of me, and I suddenly felt very empty inside.

  A wet, warm feeling hit the inside of my legs and ran down to my ass. My hand immediately went to it, rubbing my fingers into his come and onto myself. I had never been more turned on in my life.

  I awoke on my stomach with my hand in my underwear, pleasuring myself to the memory of Billy. I didn’t let up until my face was buried in my pillow as it muffled my moans and cries, while my hand became drenched with the proof of my desires. I thought of Billy the entire time my body convulsed, picturing his fingers in me instead of my own.

  It took a few minutes before I could finally pull myself from the bed. I felt good, yet still horny. I was amazing at masturbating, had enough practice when I was younger, but I still couldn’t ease the ache the way Billy could. I knew there was only one thing I needed to do that day—I needed to see him. And I was going to.

  After my shower, I dressed and ran out to the kitchen. Jeri was seated at the table and drinking her coffee.

  “Where are you off to?” she asked between sips.

  “I was hoping Link wanted to go somewhere. I’m tired of being cooped up. I feel that’s all I’ve ever been my whole life and I just want to get away.” I knew if I said that, she’d feel bad for me and let me go. I was a master of manipulation. I learned from the best.

  Her light blue eyes began to twinkle. I knew the tears would soon follow if I made any more comments about being a prisoner. I waited until she spoke, knowing she was trying to let the emotions settle so her v
oice didn’t come out all shaky and sad sounding.

  “Where did you want to go?” It didn’t work; her voice still shook.

  “Nowhere in particular. Just wanting to drive around.”

  I almost added that I couldn’t drive myself around because I didn’t have a license, but I stopped before I uttered those words. I knew that would only make things worse, and for some reason, I felt bad enough as it was watching her get so emotional.

  “Okay. Just make sure to keep your phone on you in case I need to call you or something. Or in case you need to call me for anything.” I hated the hopeful tone she used. Like I would need to call her for anything. And if I did need to make a phone call, it wouldn’t be to her. I hated the tone because it made me feel guilty. And I hated to feel guilty.

  I didn’t do anything to this woman. I didn’t kidnap myself. I didn’t willingly go with John when I was three—or, at least I hadn’t remembered doing so if I did. It wasn’t like I stayed away for fourteen years on purpose. So I had no idea what the hell I was feeling guilty for. Oh yeah, maybe for not having any intention of calling her in the event of an emergency. That might be one reason to feel guilty. Oh well.

  “Don’t worry, I’ve got it,” I said and turned to leave.

  “What time do you think you’ll be home?” she asked before I was safely out the door.

  “Not a clue.” I closed the door behind me, just in time to run into Jack.

  Oh, Jack Gaines. Officer Pain-in-my-ass Gaines. I don’t care what he says, I’ll never call him Uncle anything. Maybe Uncle Fucktard, or Uncle Eat My Shit, but that’s about it. I was about to call him something else as my body slammed right into his rock hard chest. I always thought police officers sat at Dunkin’ Donuts and stuffed their faces all day—not him.

  “Why don’t you show your grandmother a little more respect?”