by Emma Dawn
I sensed he was holding back. “What aren’t you telling me?”
The trees around us creaked and groaned in the cold wind that blasted through. It swirled my dark hair around my face, lashing me with the strands. I didn’t take my eyes off Wilder, nor did he look away from me.
“If you can’t shift, you will be considered a Null.”
My heart tripped as it picked up speed. The part of me that I was sure was a wolf cowered. “And a Null is what?”
He didn’t smile. He didn’t give me any indication that there was anything redeeming about that word. “A Null is always culled from the pack. If you can’t shift, you are not a real werewolf.”
Culled, a word they had used for the females if the Bloodfire pack took over.
My grandfather had a farm full of all kinds of animals, and he’d culled his herds, too.
Killing those that were deformed or had bad genetics to keep the rest strong and healthy.
I closed my eyes as it sank in. If I couldn’t shift into my wolf, I would be killed by the end of the week. Something in me shivered and I wasn’t sure if it was because my wolf wanted to be free, or was as scared as I was to actually let a shift happen.
Chapter 8
Wilder took a few steps toward me as I swayed where I stood, letting the truth of what I’d realized sink into me. I would be killed if I couldn’t shift. End of Cassie Denver’s story.
When Wilder moved to touch my arm, I jerked away from him. “I am not some weak woman who is going to fall down at the first sign of danger. I just have to learn to shift. Simple.” I snapped the words and he froze where he was. He didn’t deserve my anger, but he was going to get it.
“Sorry, you were swaying; I figured you’d be more pissed if I just let you fall on your face.” The words were tossed back at me with more heat than he’d shown thus far. His eyes flashed and there was more than a thread of fear through them.
Fear for me.
I bit my lower lip. “I’m sorry. I’m used to taking care of myself.”
He shrugged and lowered his hand. “I’m used to women who need me to take care of them.”
I blew out a breath and with it went my anger. “How can I learn to shift? I mean, is there some way to do it so I don’t end up a Null?” Already my mind raced ahead, planning and working out potential means of escape if I couldn’t shift. Surely Havoc wouldn’t let the pack cull me? Or Lyric? I looked to my bodyguard again for some sign up hope.
“You would let them cull me?” I knew it wasn’t fair to ask him, but I did it anyway.
His lips tightened and he looked away. “I can’t answer that.”
I turned my head from him. “Thanks for nothing.”
A hand snaked out and clamped on my arm. No skin on skin, but he yanked me close enough that we were nose to nose, our breath mingling in the cold air. “I am not an Alpha. I have no say in this, Cassie. I would not see you culled if it were up to me, but it is not my choice.” He let me go abruptly as the sound of crunching snow under big boots reached both of us.
“Cassandra.” Havoc spoke my name and it soothed something in me, my inner wolf seeing something in Havoc that she and I both very much liked. I turned to him.
“Hey.” What I would give to just let him hold me for a minute, but the rules were clear. I got the nights with the men, and the days with Wilder showing me around.
Havoc’s eyes flicked from me to Wilder, then back to me. “You okay? Wilder being a prick?”
I managed a small smile. “No, he’s being brutally honest with me.”
Havoc’s face shifted into a slow snarl. “Wilder.”
Wilder stepped closer. “You should have told her about being a Null. She’s going through all this, connecting with us for what?” His voice grew louder with each word, and I realized he was in his own way defending me, standing up to his Alpha. “She has never shifted, not once, Havoc. Her wolf, if it still is in her, is too asleep to wake, or dead.”
I pressed my hands to my belly, nausea rolling through me. I took a few steps back from the men, the air suddenly too heavy around me. My wolf all but grumped. “I don’t think she’s dead.”
Both men whipped their heads around and stared at me. “You sure?”
I closed my eyes and nodded. “I felt her, a few times. But I . . . I pushed her back down. And the longer I am here, the more I sense her and her feelings about things.”
Havoc strode to me and cupped my face with his hands. “I know it will feel strange, but no matter where or when, if your wolf starts to rise, let her. You must.”
I pulled back from him, slowly. “You should have told me that my life was on the line, too.”
My life. The other females’. The Alpha males, if Raider got his way.
“There is no point,” Havoc said. “Either you will shift, or you won’t. You can’t force this. It is nature and that means it will do what it wants, unfortunately.”
That wasn’t good enough for me. There were too many lives, all dependent on me and my wolf and whether or not she would show herself before the end of the week to just say ‘it’s nature.’
Patience was not one of my strong suits.
Slowly, I straightened my back, and idea forming, rough and uncertain, but at least it was the rudiments of a plan. “How long before I go to Keenan?”
“You have about two hours,” Wilder answered.
“I want to talk to the other women in the pack.” I looked past Havoc to Wilder. “Can you take me to them?”
Havoc frowned. “Why would you do that? They don’t like you much, right now.”
“I have an idea,” I said softly. If he knew me better, he would know to be afraid of those four little words coming out of my mouth. They had preceded many, many of my most ridiculous plans. Sometimes successful, sometimes not. But I had a gut instinct about this, and I’d learned over the years to follow my instincts above anything else. Maybe that was my wolf talking to me again.
Maybe it was just that I couldn’t stay here and do nothing. I would not curl up and wait to be culled, or wait for someone to rescue me.
Havoc let me pass, the weight of his eyes heavy on my back. “Be careful, Cassie. Please.”
I threw a grin back at him. “Never.”
A laugh burst out of him and he shook his head. “Goddess, I hope you find your wolf, Cassie. We need you and your strength here.”
I didn’t disagree with him. They did need me, and maybe, just maybe, I needed them. There was a soft curl of happiness that rolled up through me with that thought. My wolf? I wanted to close my eyes and see her, to know what I would look like if I managed to shift. I let my feet stop, and ignored Wilder as he questioned me.
“Shh” was all I said. At the edges of my mind, I could see the shadowy ghost of a wolf cutting through the fog. Dark, she was dark like me, her body a solid black and her eyes as green as my own. I lifted a hand but she skittered away from me.
I opened my eyes to see that Wilder had closed the distance between us. “What did you see?”
“She’s there, but she’s afraid of me, I think.” I shook my head. “Maybe because I’ve pushed her away so many times?”
He nodded, his dark eyes thoughtful. “Could be. Or she’s just waiting for a moment to give you a dramatic entrance.”
With a tip of his chin, he motioned for me to follow him. We were back at the Haven, and he took me up the stairs and deep into the castle. On the south side, an open courtyard waited for us.
Within the courtyard were several of the women I’d seen the previous day, including one of the bullies, and the woman who’d bitten me.
Their eyes flew to mine and fear laced them along with a healthy dose of anger.
They backed away and Wilder stepped back as well, giving us room. Giving me room to do what? What did he think, that I was going to come in here and kick their asses?
I shook my head and rolled my eyes. “Hello, ladies. I’m here to talk to you. I’m hoping you can help me with som
ething.”
More than one jaw dropped and eyes widened all around. The woman who’d bitten me stood first, slowly. She was tall and slender with medium brown hair that hung nearly to her waist and eyes the color of chocolate. “How could we help you? You are an Alpha, and we are all submissive. Most of us would not even classify as betas.”
“What is your name?” I asked.
She bowed her head. “I am Willow.”
“Why did you bite me?” was my next question. “After I helped you, you didn’t know I was already a wolf like you,” God, that still sounded weird on my lips, “but you bit me. Did you mean to kill me?”
She shook her head, her hair swinging from side to side and her eyes wide with fear. “No, not at all! I wanted . . . I could sense the Alpha in you, and we desperately need an Alpha female. Without one, what you saw yesterday is a regular occurrence. It doesn’t matter that we heal fast, it still hurts.” Her eyes filled with tears as she spoke. A few of the others nodded. The bully wouldn’t make eye contact with me.
That was fine. I didn’t expect them to like me, I just needed their help. The thing was, being a leader meant that sometimes you had to show your weakness, to prove that you were not so far above the people you led. I suspected that being an Alpha was the same thing.
“I need you to help me bring my wolf forward. I’ve denied her a long time, long enough that she is afraid of me now,” I said. “Will you help me?”
“Why should we?” The question of course came from the bully.
“And your name is?” I arched an eyebrow at her.
She stood from her spot on a bench. Thickly built, there was a lot of power in her frame. “Janna.”
“Well, Janna, the reason is simple.” I walked toward her as I spoke. “You will either have me for an Alpha, a leader who is reasonable, fair. One who won’t beat you just for looking at her wrong.” I stopped in front of her. “Or you can have Bianca sweep in here and kill you all just for existing. That is your choice.”
Janna’s eyes widened and her lips trembled. “So, it’s true, about Bianca then?”
I nodded. “I will not hold the truth from you, as far as I know it. So long as you do me the same.”
Janna seemed uncertain, but as the other women gathered around, putting their hands out to touch me, Janna buckled. “Lisa won’t be as easy to sway. She’s the closest thing to an Alpha female we have had for years and . . . she won’t like that you are here.”
I let the women touch me, sensing a need in them. Smells flew up my nose, overwhelming me.
I looked past the women to Wilder, where he stood leaning against the entrance, his eyes on me. There was the strangest glimmer in those dark depths.
I arched an eyebrow, and looked away from him. Right now, Wilder was not my problem. He was not one of the men I needed to choose between, and he was not one of the women I hoped to learn from.
“Show me, how do you shift?” I asked Willow. She bowed her head, and the learning began. Just like in my karate lessons, I let them show me, and then tried to duplicate it. I let their words guide me and focused on my inner wolf.
“You don’t believe,” barked a voice. We all spun and the women dropped behind me as I lifted my hands, my defenses flashing up so fast, I couldn’t catch myself.
Ralph stood next to Wilder and both men stared at me with wide eyes. Ralph bobbed his head and walked toward me. “Good reflexes, at least, and they already know you’ll protect them. But the problem isn’t how to shift, it’s allowing yourself to believe you can.”
I blew out a breath. “No shit. You think my body turning into a wolf might be the slightest of issues?”
Ralph shrugged as he circled the cluster of women. They moved with him—Janna closest to him—and I moved to keep him in front of me. I didn’t think he’d hurt any of them, but there was a game he was playing that I didn’t understand.
There was a moment of hesitation and then he lunged at Janna, grabbing her by the arm and yanking her out from behind me. I leapt forward, a snarl on my lips as I landed between them. I pushed Janna behind me once more and stared down at Ralph, a low rumbling growl trickling past my teeth.
“Don’t touch her.” The words were deep, harsh and anything but my normal voice.
And that freaked me out in a way I couldn’t even comprehend.
Chapter 9
I stood there, staring down at Ralph while this strange growling voice slipped from me, and I knew it was the part of me that was wolf. I knew her, I knew her strength and had felt it before. When my ex-husband Peter had cheated on me, and I’d caught him and his girlfriend in our bed fucking their brains out so hard they didn’t even see me until I threw the lamp at them. The rage that had made it so I flipped a dresser over, scaring Peter’s girlfriend and then scaring him until they both ran out of the house with nothing on but the sheets they were able to grab.
There were parts of that night I couldn’t recall. The police showed up, and then my bestie, Ally.
It had been Ally who’d calmed me down and helped me get myself under control. The almost hypnotic tone of her voice brought me out of that rage spiral. Thinking about that time, though, I knew now that my wolf had been close. Wolves mated for life, and Peter had been my mate, and he’d willingly broken that vow.
A tremor began to spill through me and I fought it with a fierceness born of sheer willpower. “No one touches these women without their permission.”
Ralph winked up at me. “Good. That’s always been the way, but there are a few men who don’t care, and know they can scare the females into submission, and into lying to cover the men’s habits.”
I looked over my shoulder at the cluster of women. Willow nodded. “He’s right. There are a few men like that.”
“I want their names,” I said.
A new voice entered the fray. “It will have to wait.”
All of us swung around to see Keenan in the doorway. Over six feet tall and built like a linebacker, his light blue eyes were on mine and I was walking toward him before I even realized it. He held his hand out to me and I put my palm in his. His fingers engulfed mine, closing over them in a warmth that seeped into my bones, like the heat of the summer sun. Deep and penetrating.
I paused at the threshold of the courtyard, torn between staying with the women and making sure they were safe, and going with Keenan.
“They will be safe.” Wilder seemed to be reading my mind. “Ralph was just pushing your buttons. He can be a dick like that.”
I managed a smile. “Thanks. And Ralph,” I locked eyes with the healer, “you and I need to have a chat tomorrow.”
He smiled at me, all teeth. “Sure thing. If you can walk to my hut after big boy there is through with you, I’ll be glad to answer any questions you might have.”
The women around him tittered, their eyelashes fluttering as they acted like a bunch of birds rather than wolves. I raised my eyebrows. “You underestimate me. Tomorrow then.”
The warmth from Keenan pulled me away from the courtyard more than anything else. He didn’t say anything as he led me from open space and into the castle. On the third level of the castle, he took a turn toward a double set of large wooden doors. Outside the door was a chair and a plate of food.
Keenan gave Wilder a nod. Wilder grinned and sat, tucking into the food. “I’m here if you need me, Cassie,” he said around what might have been a mouthful of rabbit if I was smelling it right.
I couldn’t answer him. Something about Keenan’s energy had me moving, and mute, unable to speak.
He led me into the room and shut the doors behind us, though he didn’t put the bar across them.
The room was not overly fussy. There was a large bed in the center with four posts rising to the ceiling and a dark green comforter covering the mattress. A thick rug was laid out in front of a roaring fire, and there were a couple of stoutly built chairs scattered around the room along with a table nearest to the fire.
I didn’t know how to
proceed with this man. While he and his brother were twins, this close, I could see there were subtle differences. Keenan’s skin was a shade darker, and of course, his eyes were blue to his brother’s green. But more than that, Keenan was quiet, and I wasn’t sure he would change that.
He’d not let go of my hand, and I finally found my own words. “Keenan, tell me about yourself.”
His smile was slow. “My brother is the chatty one.”
I laughed. “I figured out that much on my own.”
I made myself wait on him, to not overwhelm him. Initially, he didn’t seem like an Alpha, and yet the more I observed him, even in that moment, the more I could see the quiet strength. The power under his skin he held in check so he didn’t hurt anyone. I squinted at him. “A warrior then?”
Shock filtered across his face. “Yes. I am what you might consider Havoc’s general.”
The leader of the fighting forces. I could see that easily. Thoughtful, and yet full of strength and probably an absolute terror once he was riled. I tightened my hand on his, and took his other hand in mine as well. “You’re very warm.”
He grinned at me. “You have no idea.”
I blushed what felt like all the way down to my toes. He was gorgeous and chiseled and the smell of cacti and cardamom floated up my nose. I drew it in and held it against my tongue, tasting him, tasting his desire. I didn’t realize I’d closed my eyes until I opened them and found his face very close to me.
“You smell very good, Cassandra.” His low rumble skated across my skin and dove to the center of me.
“You don’t smell half bad yourself.” I laughed after I spoke because it was the most ridiculous come-on line I’d ever uttered, and yet it was true. I went on tiptoe and licked the edge of his collarbone wondering if he tasted just as good.
A growl rumbled out of him. And I blinked up at him with as much innocence as I could muster. “No?”
“Yes.” His hands were on my waist, and he squeezed, his big hands spanning me. Good God, if his hands were that big . . . I couldn’t help but drop my gaze to his cock. It pushed against the front of his pants, begging to be released. I swallowed hard, struggling to get moisture into my mouth.
