by Syndi Powell
Dr. Frazier held out the file for April to peruse. “Read the results yourself. It might not be cancer, but I’d rather rule it out than just dismiss it, wouldn’t you?”
April examined the file and sighed. “If this was my patient, I’d send her for a scan, at least. If only to rule it out.” She groaned and tossed the file onto the desk. “Now I know how Page felt when you told her it was back.”
“I’m not saying it’s back yet.”
April gave a decisive nod. She knew what had to be done. “So let’s schedule that MRI and PET scan. And probably a mammogram to be safe.”
Dr. Frazier crooked one of her eyebrows. “This is why I don’t like doctors as patients. They think they know more than me.”
“Do you disagree?”
“No, you’re right.” Dr. Frazier handed her a sheet of paper with a prescription for the test. “Let’s start with a PET scan to narrow our search.”
“Great.” April folded the paper and stuffed it into her purse. “Gut feeling, what do you think it is?”
“It’s one marker, so I’m not too worried. But I want to be positive that it’s not cancer.”
“And if it is?”
“Then we’ll deal with it.” Dr. Frazier’s practicality did little to buoy her spirits.
April sat with the receptionist as she called to set up the time for the test to be done. She left the office feeling as if she’d been wrung out like a washcloth. The excitement she’d had while choosing paint chips had fled with the phone call.
She pulled out her cell and searched her contacts. Her mom answered on the first ring. “April, honey, I was just thinking of you.”
“Mom, where are you?” It sounded like she was in the middle of a construction zone with sounds of saws and hammering.
“I finally convinced your dad that we needed to remodel the kitchen.” The background sounds got softer. “I moved to the bedroom. Can you hear me better?”
“Yes. Are you sitting down?”
Her mom agonized in her ear. “That’s how you started the conversation when you told me you had cancer. What is it now?”
April told her about how the results had come back and that new tests were planned as a result. “I’m scared, Mom.”
“You beat it once. If, and it’s a big if, that’s what it is this time, then you’ll beat it again.”
Page would have smirked at her mother’s response. Her mom was the original Mary Sunshine, espousing an optimism that she’d passed on to April along with her blond hair and blue eyes. “And Dr. Frazier didn’t say that it was cancer. Just that she wanted to make sure it wasn’t.”
“I know. But I didn’t think it was cancer last time, and it was. I won’t be fooled again.”
“You’re not a fool for wanting to believe it’s nothing. We’ll believe it’s not cancer until we’re told otherwise.”
That’s why she’d called her mom first. She needed to believe that everything would be okay. “Thanks, Mom. We’ll have to plan a weekend for me to come up and see you and Dad soon.”
“You better.”
They chatted about her dad’s plan to retire in the coming years as well as her brother and his new girlfriend. They ended the conversation with a promise to talk in the next few days. April felt worlds better after finishing the call. Her mom was right. She’d believe it wasn’t cancer, until Dr. Frazier confirmed if it was. And she was going to hang on to that word if for all it was worth.
* * *
ZACH’S CELL PHONE BUZZED, but he didn’t spare it a glance. Instead, he highlighted a section of the contract on his computer screen and typed a question mark in the comments section. He needed to get the injury clause verified before he could allow his client to sign his life over.
A knock at the door, and Zach glanced up. Dalvin pointed to the phone. “Your mother’s nurse on line four. She said she’s been trying to reach you.”
He didn’t need another interruption in his jam-packed schedule, but he also didn’t want to jeopardize losing another good caretaker. He picked up the receiver. “Dolores?”
“You need to come home.”
Zach glanced at the pile of papers on his desk and checked his watch. “It’s not even noon. Can’t you handle whatever it is?”
“I wouldn’t call you at your office if I could. Your mother is threatening to hurt herself if you don’t come home.”
He didn’t need this. Not now. Not today. He loved his mother, but there were times when that love became a challenge, an overwhelming one. “Can it wait an hour?” Silence on the other end, and he cursed himself for sounding so unfeeling. “I need to clear some things up here and then I’ll be right over. Tell her I’m on my way. Tell her I’m stuck in traffic. Just tell her what she wants to hear, and I’ll be there as soon as I can.”
He slammed the phone down harder than he had intended. He groaned and pushed his thumbs into the temples on his forehead. How long could he go on like this? Pressing the intercom button, he summoned Dalvin.
His assistant entered the office with his tablet and stylus, then shut the door behind him. “Today is not a good day for your mother to have another meltdown.”
“When is it a good time?” Zach started shoveling papers into his messenger bag. “I’m supposed to have dinner tonight with Lorelei and her father so that we could sign her contract. I should be able to make that if I can get my mother calmed down by then.”
Dalvin scanned his tablet and shook his head. “That’s tomorrow night. You have a meeting with the big boss Mike and the other agents at four this afternoon.”
“Right. If I hurry home, I’ll be back by then.”
“And if Mike stops by to talk to you beforehand?”
Zach put his coat on and buttoned it while he tried to come up with an excuse besides the obvious one. “I’m checking out a potential client.”
Dalvin raised one eyebrow at this. “That’s what we used last week when you needed to duck out early. How many fictional clients are you scouting?”
“I don’t know. Make something up.”
Dalvin made a note on his tablet. “You should be paying me more.”
“I agree. And when this chaotic mess with my mother settles down, we can discuss it.”
“When do you think that will be?” He put a hand on his hip. “It’s getting worse, not better. I’ve been covering for you as best I can, Zach, but our luck will eventually run out if you don’t do something.”
“Well, I haven’t exactly been on a beach somewhere sipping piña coladas, Dalvin.” Zach spread his arms out wide. “I can’t just drop my mother off at a home and hope that she gets better. I’m responsible for her.”
“Being responsible doesn’t mean you do it on your own.”
Zach gritted his teeth. He didn’t need another lecture from someone who thought they knew better than he did. They weren’t there every night when his mother’s mercurial moods decided to come out and play. They didn’t see the confusion and pain in her eyes when they put her to bed. They didn’t lie in their bed and pray for peace just for one night. “I’ll be back as soon as I can.”
Dalvin colored slightly and put out a hand. “I didn’t mean—”
“I know.” Zach pushed past him and hurried out of the office.
* * *
OVER THE NEXT few days, April had all three tests, so there was nothing to do now but wait for the results. To distract herself, after work, April stopped at the home improvement store and picked out a soft lavender paint for her bedroom. It reminded her of the color of lilacs in spring, a sign of hope and renewal. Two things she needed at the moment.
She bought the paint, brushes, roller and various other tools. In her car, she called Page and asked if she wanted to come to a painting party if April supplied the pizza and chips. “As fun as that sounds, I have to be at the hospital tonig
ht. Why this yearning to paint all of a sudden?”
“It’s on my second-chance list. When I was sick, I remember staring at those four bedroom walls and longing to have a new color.”
“Sunday’s my day off. Could it wait until then?”
April sighed. “I guess it could.” She paused. “Dr. Frazier saw something in my blood work and sent me for more tests.”
“No.”
“Yes, she did. But for now my mom and I believe it’s nothing.” She waited for Page to say something else. “I’m sorry I wasn’t more understanding when you told me that your cancer was back last year.”
“What are you talking about? You were amazing. You said you’d take the cancer on yourself to spare me.”
“Well, I didn’t realize what it felt like for you.”
“April, I love you to death. But you did nothing wrong.” Page took a deep breath. “And I’ll believe it’s nothing along with you if it helps.”
“Thanks. See you Sunday.”
“No mushrooms.”
“Fine.”
* * *
IT TOOK A few days, but Zach was finally able to nail down a dinner date with April. He waited at the table, anxiously watching the door for April to enter. He’d invited her to dinner. She’d accepted, but warned him that she was coming straight from work after a twelve-hour shift so not to expect miracles with her appearance. He’d tried to reschedule for a more convenient time, but she insisted that she’d need a good meal after the day she was having.
She entered the restaurant and scanned the room, smiling when she saw him. He stood as she approached the table and held out a chair for her. He had to admit that she might look tired, but she was still beautiful with pink in her cheeks and a snap in her eyes. She sat down, and he took his seat across the table from her. “Everyone should look as good as you after a long stint at work.”
She blushed even more. “You don’t have to say things like that. I know what I look like.” She reached up to touch her hair and pat it into place. “I’ve been looking forward to this dinner all day.” After picking up the menu from the table, she perused it.
Zach already knew what he was ordering since he tended to get the same thing every time, but he lifted up his menu all the same and watched her over the top of it. “The chicken verde enchiladas are wonderful here.”
She glanced at him briefly and nodded, but returned to the myriad of choices on the menu. Finally, she closed her menu and he did the same. Placing her napkin on her lap, she smiled up at him. “It was nice of you to do this for me.”
“It’s my pleasure. I appreciate all the help you’ve given me.”
The waiter arrived, and after their orders were taken, Zach looked over at her. “So, how were things at the hospital?”
She rolled her eyes and moaned. “It’s a full moon. I work in an emergency room. How do you think it went?”
She regaled him with a few stories of what she’d experienced, and he ended up chuckling loudly. “My bad days can’t compare to yours.”
“Oh, it wasn’t bad. More an adventure.”
“How do you do that? Turn bad situations into something akin to fun?”
She shrugged and smiled wider. “I grew up that way I guess. I’m just a positive person, even when things don’t look so good.”
“Is that how you got through your cancer treatment?”
“Don’t get me wrong. There were some bad days, but that’s why I wrote my second-chance list. I knew good days were coming, and I wanted to fill them with things that I’ve always dreamed of doing. Like going to New York.”
“You’ve mentioned that before. What’s stopping you?”
She fidgeted and rearranged her silverware before answering. “My doctor found something in one of my tests that concerns her. So now I’m in the middle of wondering what if. What if the cancer is coming back? What if it’s not?” She peered up at him. “Do I put my life on hold while we figure this out, or do I make plans that might have to get canceled?”
“My opinion? Go for it. Book the trip. Even if the cancer is back, shouldn’t you keep working on that list?” He took a deep breath. “Easy for me to say, though, when I’m in a holding pattern because of my mom. But if I had your independence? I’d be calling the airline and buying a ticket.”
“You could, you know. Come with me.”
“And what would happen with my mom? She needs me to take care of her.”
“Even caretakers get to take a vacation every once in a while.” She reached across the table and grabbed his hand. “I’ve seen what happens when a person makes the sick family member their whole world. They die along with the patient. You have family and nursing support that are there to give you a break, but you don’t use them enough. You tell them and yourself that you can do it on your own. But you can’t, and you know it.”
He bristled under her criticism. She didn’t know what it was like to put in a full day’s work at the office then go home and do another full night caring for his mom. She had no clue what it was like to want to be able to run away for just a few days, to get a respite from responsibilities. Instead, she sat there and lectured him on it. He checked out the other customers, unable to meet her eyes for a moment. Trying to get his anger and frustration to dissipate. When he looked at her again, he shook his head. “I’ve been taking care of my mother for almost twenty years. So don’t tell me what I can and can’t do.”
“Zach, I’m not saying that you don’t take good care of her because you do. But the time is coming when you won’t be able to do it no matter how much you want to. And in the meantime, you’re running yourself ragged. Who’s taking care of you?”
He cleared his throat. “Can we change the subject? I don’t want our date to end in an argument.”
She frowned at this. “We’re on a date? I thought dinner was a show of gratitude.”
The waiter chose that opportune moment to deliver their meals, and Zach thanked him for rescuing the conversation. He started to eat, but looked up from his plate to find April watching him. She raised one eyebrow. “This is a date?”
He nodded. “Our second, from my estimation. Third, if you want to count being at the wine tasting together. Granted, I didn’t invite you to that, but it was like a date all the same.”
“I thought you didn’t date.”
“I don’t have time. But there’s something about you that speaks to me, that drags me away from my routine life and makes me want to explore life differently.”
He meant it as a compliment. But her eyes blazed with a determination that made him want to wince.
“So come with me to New York.”
“You know I can’t.”
“You just said that I make you want something different, so come with me. Let’s explore the Big Apple together. We could go see a show. Walk through Central Park. Maybe catch a game at Madison Square Garden.”
She gave him a dazzling smile, and he had to swallow the disappointment that he couldn’t make this happen for her. “You’re asking the impossible.”
“But it is possible, if you would just let yourself accept help. To loosen that fist you clutch on to your mom with and let someone else take over for only a few days.” She thumped the table with her fist. “Let’s do this together.”
He wished he could. He could see the two of them discovering New York City’s treasures. Strolling hand in hand along Fifth Avenue. Eating dinner in Little Italy. Shopping at Saks. He could picture kissing her good-night outside her hotel room before turning and walking into his own. He could imagine it, wanted it, but he couldn’t do it. “No.”
April’s jaw set into a tight line. “Well, I’m doing it. Like you said, what’s stopping me?” She picked up a taco and bit into it, letting the insides fall onto her plate and not caring if they did.
* * *
PAGE S
AT BACK on her heels and dipped her brush into the can of paint. April made broad strokes of lavender with the roller. “You asked him to go with you?” Page asked.
“And he turned me down.” Her voice was tinged with disappointment. Even she could hear it. She continued to fill the huge expanse of wall with the loveliest shade of light purple. “Can you believe that?”
“What I can’t believe is that you expected him to drop everything and go with you. You barely know the guy.”
“I know enough.”
Page snorted and attacked the baseboards. “You’re too impulsive, and you get upset when everyone else around you doesn’t throw caution to the wind along with you.”
“I’ve been cautious for far too long. It’s time for me to be more free-spirited.” She stood back and admired her work before putting more paint on the roller. “If I asked you, would you have come with me?”
“Of course I would. Because I’m your best friend.” Page paused and glared at her. “And why haven’t you asked me?”
“Because you hate New York.”
“I don’t hate it. I just have bad memories of my last time there with Chad.”
“Do you want to come with me? We could replace those bad memories with good ones.” She smiled. “We could even throw in a day at the spa. We’ve always talked about doing that, but never found the time.”
“Sounds tempting.”
“But...”
Page stood and groaned as she put her free hand at the base of her spine and stretched. “These back pains are killing me. I should set up an appointment with a chiropractor. Or a massage therapist. I don’t understand why I’m so old and feeble all of a sudden.” She rested her paintbrush on the drop cloth and walked toward April. “I’d love to go. Let me talk to Joanne and see if I can use my vacation time. When are you planning on going?”
April squealed and hugged Page. “That would be amazing if you could go with me. In a few weeks. I’ll check the dates. We are going to have so much fun. We won’t even have time to sleep because our days will be so jam-packed with activities.”
Page sighed. “I’m starting to regret this.”
