Jonathan turned Kina toward him. He looked in her eyes and hoped she could see his sincerity. “I don’t want to control you, love. I can’t deny I want to take care of you, but not like he did. I want to make sure you’re comfortable. I want to be there for you when you’ve had a bad day. I want to make your lunch for you. I want to drive you places, but not to be controlling, but to just be with you for an extra five minutes of the day. When I say you’re ‘mine,’ I don’t mean as a possession. I mean you’re mine to protect, to care for, to be with, to care about.” Jonathan couldn’t say ‘love,’ it was too soon. Oh, he meant that, but figured it was too soon for her to hear it.
“I’m not him. I’ll do everything in my power to try to make that clear to you. I love that you can take charge. I love that you’re independent. There’s no way I want to decide what you should wear each day or even make all the decisions about what we should eat and when. I just don’t want you ever to be too independent to want me around.”
Kina took a deep breath. “Just give me time.”
“You got it, hon. As much as you need. You got it.”
Jonathan leaned toward her and kissed her gently on the forehead. He then gathered up their trash and tried to get both of them back on an even keel. They still had a long day ahead of them and he knew they had to get going. After putting their lunch things away he looked down at Kina, pulled her hand up to his mouth and kissed it tenderly.
“Ready to go?”
At her nod he dropped her hand and they both grabbed up their cameras and headed back towards the contestants.
The rest of the afternoon was much the same as the morning. Roger and Darius had finally seemed to get the hang of the knots and lashings they needed to make their raft float. It was a good thing they’d only have one more night outside, however, because their tempers were flaring and it was clear they were ready to have a break from one another.
That night, the four of them sat around the fire for a while, talking about their lives back home and why the two contestants decided they wanted to be on a reality show. Kina wasn’t surprised to hear they’d thought they’d be on a different kind of show.
“I agreed to be on the show because I thought it was a bachelorette type of show,” Roger said. “It was only right before we were to leave to come up here Eddie told us the show had changed.”
Darius agreed. “Yeah, I’m not really cut out for this type of thing. But I figured I’d already told everyone I was going to be on television, so I might as well still come.”
“Did he give you a chance to back out?” Kina asked curiously.
“Yes, from what I understand, there were a few guys who refused to come, after hearing it was some sort of ‘ultra man’ challenge thing.” Roger answered.
Kina nodded. She’d thought it was odd there were only twelve men to start with. That number seemed low. But Eddie obviously hadn’t wanted to open auditions again so he went with what he had.
“So far,” Darius went on, “the show’s been kinda lame. The challenges haven’t been too hard, especially since they’re trying to make this show out to be some sort of macho man thing. But I suppose that’s okay with us since we weren’t really prepared for it.”
Kina had to agree. After the sun started to set, Kina looked over at Jonathan. Would he want to sleep in the same tent tonight? She was so nervous. She wanted to sleep with him again, but only sleep. She wasn’t ready for more…yet. She felt pretty raw after sharing how her relationship with Matt had been like with him. She didn’t think Jonathan was the type of man to run scared after hearing something like that, but how well did she really know him after all?
Jonathan was waiting for Kina to look at him. He’d been ready to hit the sack a while back, but was enjoying the camaraderie Kina had with the two men. She was fascinating to watch. Her natural, bubbly personality made people want to confide in her. He gestured with his head towards their tents, asking nonverbally if she was ready. She nodded and picked herself up off the ground.
“We’re going to head off to sleep,” she said half-apologetically, knowing she’d be warm and relatively comfortable tonight, while they’d have to sleep on the hard ground and in the cold again.
Jonathan was feeling pretty mellow until Roger opened his mouth.
“Yeah, wish I could have me some of that,” he said not too quietly.
Jonathan was in his face before anyone could react. “You want to say that again?”
“Ah, no, sorry,” Roger stammered, obviously taken aback at how quickly Jonathan had gone from friendly cameraman to pissed-off in-his-face male.
Jonathan glared at him some more and said before turning back toward Kina, “No one disrespects my woman.Especially not in front of me…got it?”
He watched as Roger nodded furiously and dropped his eyes to the ground and away from him.
Satisfied, Jonathan reluctantly turned back toward Kina. He had no idea how she’d react to his actions. After all she’d told him, he figured she’d probably be pissed. She’d told him often enough how she hated to be treated like she couldn’t take care of herself. But when he’d heard the crude words coming from Roger he just reacted. He couldn’t have sat there and allowed him to diss Kina like that. No way.
When Jonathan turned around he saw Kina standing with her arms folded across her chest…grinning.
Thank God.
Jonathan didn’t say anything, but put his arm around her and rested his hand at the small of her back before steering them toward their tents. He waited to hear what she had to say. It didn’t take long; they hadn’t even made it ten steps when she said, “God, that was hot.”
He smiled.
“Would you rather have a guy fight for you or over you?”
He wasn’t expecting an answer, but heard Kina say under her breath, “For me.”
* * *
As Jonathan lay in his tent with Kina in his arms, he thought about what would happen after the show was over. He knew he was headed back to Arizona for good. He was telling Kina the truth when he’d explained that he wasn’t cut out to be a camera operator anymore. He was excited about his new career. He didn’t know what Kina thought was happening between them, though. Sure, he’d told her she was his, but he didn’t know if she really understood what that meant or what he’d meant by it.
They’d had a lot of serious talks lately, but he figured he might as well start one more. He hated to disturb the sweet feeling of her lying in his arms. Kina fit him perfectly and he could imagine them falling asleep this way every night for the rest of their lives, but that was the problem. He had no idea if she also could see that, or even if she wanted it.
“You awake?” he asked Kina softly.
“Yeah,” she murmured sleepily.
“What are your plans for after this show is over?” he asked bluntly, not beating around the bush. He might as well throw it out there. Jonathan knew Kina would rather he be upfront and honest than prevaricate.
Kina was tired and half-asleep, until she heard the seriousness behind Jonathan’s question. She had no idea how to answer him. She knew what she wanted, but she wasn’t sure what he wanted to hear.
She decided to tread carefully. “Eddie’s offered to sign me on for another three show contract, but I’m not sure I want to keep working for him. I’m not thrilled with the way he treats people and what he’s done to the contestants on his shows in the past.”
She squirmed when Jonathan didn’t answer right away.
“What if I asked you to come back to Arizona with me?” he finally asked.
God. Kina didn’t know how to answer him. It was way too soon for her to be thinking about moving to a different state for a man…wasn’t it?
“I don’t know what to say,” she told him honestly. And she didn’t. She wanted to jump up and scream ‘Yes!’ but the more practical side of her said she didn’t even know him.
“Say yes,” Jonathan urged, but said no more.
“What would I do there?
”
Jonathan wanted to tell her that she didn’t have to do anything but love him, but he knew that’d sound crazy. And besides, Kina was the type of woman who needed to do something; she needed to feel like she was contributing. She’d never let him earn all the money.
“I don’t know,” he said honestly, “but I’d help you find whatever it was that you wanted to do there. All I know is I want you with me. I don’t want to leave in a few weeks and never see you again. You’re all I’ve ever wanted in my life. More than I ever thought I’d have. I want to introduce you to my folks as mine, have you see how happy they are on the animal refuge they run. I know you saw them when you were there for the last show, but I want you toknow them. I want to have double dates with my brother and Becky."
“You’re smart, Kina; if you want to stay in television, I’m sure you’ll find your way to do that. We have lots of TV stations there, with your experience, someone will snatch you up quickly. If you want to do something else, we’ll figure that out too. I just want to share my life with you, however you’ll let me.”
Kina teared up. She was thankful it was dark in the tent and Jonathan couldn’t see her. “I’ll have to think about it,” she finally said, once she had her emotions under control. “I’ve been at the mercy of a man before, I told you about that,” she told him honestly. “I don’t know if I can do it again.” She felt him nod, but he kept silent.
“I’m not asking you to be at my mercy, hon. If anything, I’m atyour mercy. You could tell me you wanted to live on a nudist colony and I’d be helpless to deny you anything. If you wanted to get your own place, I’d understand. I want you to feel comfortable and not feel like I’m smothering you. It would kill me to have you living there and not in my arms every night, but I understand why you’d need that. I do.”
Quiet settled over them. They both had a lot to think about.
When Kina didn’t think Jonathan would say anything else before they fell back asleep, he surprised her.
“All my life I’ve heard from my dad about how he met my mom. He told me and Dean stories about how when we found the woman for us, we’d know immediately. We’d take one look and know she was theOne. Kina, I swear I thought he was crazy. There was no way anyone could do that. It wasn’t logical. Dean and I always laughed at him behind his back. Then Dean met Becky. He told me it was exactly as Dad had explained to us. He met her and knew she was it for him. He was done. Period. I still didn’t really believe the whole thing. I mean, it’s ridiculous...Then I met you.”
Silence filled the tent again.What was he saying? Was he saying…no.
“Jonathan,” Kina started. She had no idea what she was going to say, but Jonathan interrupted her by putting his fingers across her lips. His fingers were warm against her mouth. She felt his lips skim across the top of her head.
“Don’t say anything, love. I know it’s crazy and hard to believe, hell, I didn’t believe it and I had the proof in my dad and ancestors right there in my face my entire life. But you’re it for me. If you don’t want to go to Arizona, I’ll go wherever you want to go. I’ll follow you around as you advance your career. I don’t care. I’ll stay at home and clean and cook and do your laundry. Whatever it takes. I won’t lie, I was looking forward to working with Dean and living near my family, but you mean more to me than all of that. You think about it. Whatever you want to do, I’ll be there, if you’ll let me.”
Kina didn’t like it. Not at all. She didn’t want to be hisOne. She wasn’t good enough for him. How could he feel that for her? She had so many questions and so many doubts. It was too much pressure.
Jonathan sighed. He knew it was too soon for him to reveal his feelings, but he couldn’t help it. He loved her. Period. He’d let Kina think about what he said and hope like hell he hadn’t just chased her away for good.
He put his hand on the back of her head and held her to him. “Shhhh, don’t say anything. Just go to sleep. No pressure, hon. I swear. Just sleep. We’ll talk about it later.”
He felt her nod. Neither fell asleep right away.
Chapter Nine
Kina woke up first in the morning. Jonathan had slept peacefully through the night and hadn’t had any more nightmares, at least none that had woken her up. She lay there waiting for the day to start, enjoying the feeling of being held tight. Even in his sleep, Jonathan hadn’t loosened his hold on her. It felt…good. Not stifling, as it would have felt if another man held her like that. Kina breathed in Jonathan’s smell. He hadn’t shaved in the time they’d been out there, and the beginnings of his dark beard were sexy as hell. She would’ve gotten up, but somehow knew if she moved, he’d immediately wake up. She was enjoying being close to him and listening to him lightly snore.
She thought about everything he’d told her last night. She’d been way freaked out, but this morning, lying in his arms, she’d mellowed. She had no idea why, but she believed him. She’d seen Dean with Becky. She’d even seen his parents with each other. There was something about their relationships that seemed magical. She never saw any of them being overbearing or too controlling. Yes, Dean was protective, but Becky never complained. The more Kina thought about it, the more the tight ball of doubt in her stomach began to loosen.
Eventually, Jonathan began to stir. The real world would intrude on their idyllic time soon enough. She looked in his eyes as they opened for the first time.
“What time is it?” he mumbled sleepily.
“I have no idea.” She decided to go on as if their emotional discussion the night before hadn’t happened. There’d be time to re-hash it and figure everything out later. “Would you rather have to wake up at six am every morning no matter what, or not be able to go to sleep until one am?” As far as a “would you rather” question, it was kinda lame, but Jonathan laughed anyway. He squeezed her once and stretched.
“I’ll go out first, give you some time to get changed, unless you want to go first?”
Kina nodded and waved him on. He was always looking out for her, never forcing her to do things his way. Would that annoy her down the line? Would it get old? She wasn’t sure. She wasn’t submissive, but it was nice to be taken care of now and then. She’d been honest with Jonathan about that. She figured it had a lot to do with her childhood, when she’d not really had anyone to take care of her. She sighed. She was worrying herself to death. Kina decided to take the day as it came and not worry about anything other than getting the best shots for the show.
Darius and Roger were actually still sleeping by the time she and Jonathan had finished getting ready. Kina filmed some quick shots of them sleeping that could be spliced into the final version of the show, then helped Jonathan pack up their tents. They’d be picked up today and the competition would commence to see whose raft floated the best in the lake.
Not too much later, the two men woke up and started their morning. They didn’t have any food left, having eaten it all in the days before, and they hadn’t found anything else to eat near the campsite. They were grumpy and tired, and it showed. Kina tried not to laugh. It wasn’t nice, but she knew it’d make for great reality TV.
Precisely at noon, Eddie strode into the camp area. Kina had no idea where he came from, but thought it was funny he just sort of appeared out of thin air. He asked Darius and Roger if they were ready to go and simply nodded when an emphatic ‘yes’ was the answer.
They all trudged down to where a boat was waiting on the lake. It had Benedict and Nash in it already, along with Taylor. The plan was to collect everyone and meet Shannel back at a rendezvous point. They’d film some of the ceremony there and then make the rounds to each of the campsites where the men would show off their rafts and attempt to make the six-hundred-yard round trip, to prove their raft was seaworthy. Of course on television, it would be seamless and the traveling from campsite to campsite wouldn’t be shown. More of the magic of editing and television.
It was a pretty sad group that gathered with Shannel. Trent and Ian apparently were
n’t speaking to each other because of something that happened back at their campsite. Roger and Darius weren’t too bad, although Roger looked like he had a three-week beard instead of just a three-day one. Benedict and Nash looked like they hadn’t slept at all in the last three days.
Shannel went around the group, asking the men how they fared, whether they’d had anything to eat besides the one MRE they were given, and if they were able to light a fire with the flint they were given.
Kina was scared that Roger and Darius were going to spill the beans about how she’d cheated and given them a few matches, but she should’ve known better. There was no way they were going to let anyone know what had happened. They were too thankful they’d had fire to give her away.
The others had also managed, from what they’d said, to light their fire. It seemed that was the best thing that happened to any of them, however. Trent and Ian fought over every aspect of their time out in the wilderness. Trent had wanted to build the raft one way and Ian disagreed. So they’d spent the first day and a half arguing about it. They didn’t want to cooperate with each other in building a place to sleep because they were so mad at each other, so they suffered as a result of that as well. Since Ian was a restaurant owner, he had all sorts of ideas about how to find food, but Trent’s occupation as a nurse made him wary of eating anything that wasn’t packaged and safe. All in all, it sounded like they’d had a perfectly miserable time. Kina knew they would be highlighted pretty heavily in the airing of the show. While Eddie might not like drama personally, it made for great television.
Kina thought Roger and Darius’ recounting of their time by the lake was actually pretty boring, especially compared to Ian and Trent’s. She knew Eddie would cut most of it from the show. There just wasn’t anything fun to watch about two people getting along and not having anything dramatic happen.
Frozen Hearts (Beyond Reality Book 3) Page 8
