by Arden, Mari
I realize I'm playing a deadly game.
Chapter 16
I haven't been able to sleep for days so I'm not surprised when, hours after being brought back to my cell I'm still up staring into darkness. Sometimes I'm afraid of the stillness, and when that happens I curl myself into a ball and imagine the person I love most.
For the thousandth time I think about my father, and how abandoned he must be feeling. Is he looking for me? Has he stopped? Is he drinking more to fill the void? I can guess the answer to the last question, and it only fills me with more sadness.
I want to cry, but I don't let myself break down entirely because I'm afraid I won't be able to put myself back together. I allow sniveling sobs to come through, hating how weak I sound, but craving the release desperately. I permit myself to think about the idea I might not make it out of here alive. In the real world I have no one to count on, but unlike the real world, aliens and supernatural creatures that aren't supposed to exist surround me. For the first time I find myself wishing I had stayed invisible and unnoticed. What had made me stand out to Rhys? Why had he taken me?
I'm exhausted, physically and mentally. What if I stop? What if I simply let go and surrender? Give myself to whatever they want, even the crystal, and let myself fade the way I already was before all this started?
Surrender can be a form of release, a dark part of me whispers. If I submit maybe I can see my mom again…
The floodgates open, and I see her as clearly as if she's across from me. When I close my eyes, she's in my memories, and her laughter trickles, linking one image to the next. I see her face, pinched in worry, waiting anxiously after my first day of school. I smell her skin when she hugs me good night, and I can almost feel her hair brushing against my forehead. I remember holding her hands as we walk through grass, the sun creating drops of light that seem to center around the woman who saved me from death eighteen years ago.
Next Rhys's face drifts into my mind. His glowing eyes are soft, and I remember his arms pressed around my body. I recall his warmth, and the hot tingle of his breath over mine. Instead of anger, I'm feeling bittersweet.
Every emotion crashes together simultaneously, spinning, and boiling out of control. I cry, wailing and sobbing in a way I've never done before.
Kenna.
The sigh is so sweet, and it feels sad, too, and damn it every part of me is cheerless. I scream at the top of my lungs. I do it over and over, and over again, until my throat's as raw as my heart. I close my eyes, and pray for numbness because it might be the only thing keeping me alive.
My outburst over, I take a few shaky breaths and open my eyes. My dad's face flickers into my mind again.
Don't let go.
I won't let go. I can't leave him. I wipe my tears, and trace small circles on the floor to calm my breathing. Then I close my eyes and force things I don't want to think about into my head. Who to trust?
With that thought Rhys flickers into my mind again and I start bristling inside. He is the reason for this. He carried me to my doom. He trapped me in this hellhole! But even as I curse him my heart knows it's a lie. I'm the one who followed him. I'm the one who begged him to look at me every chance he could. I wanted to be noticed, and he made me feel things I've never felt before. I shake my head mournfully. I'm the villain of my own nightmare.
Hey now, cheer up. Look at it this way: you're rocking a fabulous dress everyday.
I shoot up, motionless. Silence.
Seconds tick by. "H-hello?"
Kenna.
My name is a caress. I scream when I feel it, physically jumping back. My heart is pounding so hard I hear it in my throat.
"Who's there?"
Not there. In here.
A flash of heat warms my head.
Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god. I'm hyperventilating again, my whole body shaking uncontrollably as I try to take in precious air. His voice is in my head again. Is it real? It can't be.
Kenna. Rhys voice sounds amused. Breathe, like this.
I can almost feel him breathing with me, taking slow gulps of air, and exhaling them softly.
I'm shaking my head even as my whole body trembles with shock. How can this be possible? His voice is as clear as my own, louder even. I can feel his presence in my mind, and it's just as I remembered: pulsing, intense, and completely glorious.
Glorious? No one has ever said that about me before. Instead of sounding arrogant, he sounds modest and a little pleased.
I squeak with surprise again. "Stop that!" My voice quivers a little. "Stop doing whatever it is you're doing."
Stop this? And this? He's sending me flashes of heat, and they send delicious tingles down my body. Slowly my skin becomes less cold, and I can actually wiggle my toes. I'm wondering how he's doing that, how he can be in my head, controlling my body.
"What are you?" It seems to be the theme question of my time here.
Saguinox, he answers as if I should know what that means.
"Do you- are you a mind reader?"
He laughs, and the sound is husky, tickling my senses. No. I think those died out a while ago.
"Then how can you do this?" Is this a dream?
I feel him shrug, but he doesn't answer.
My mind is racing with possibilities. "Is this… Hell? Have I died and gone to Hell?" My voice is small, and a deep sorrow sprouts inside me.
I almost cry when he doesn't reply immediately.
No, he says, before I can embarrass myself and start bawling. It's real. There's a catch to his voice, as if he's thinking about something deep. I suddenly wish I could hear his thoughts too.
"Then everything you told me was a lie," I whisper.
Kenna. His voice is a sigh but he says no more.
"You're not even going to deny it?" I snap, thinking about how he saved me from the fire only to throw me into a hotter one.
I wish there was another way…
"Why are you so hot and cold all the time?" I accuse, thinking back to his warm smiles and cool indifference. Maybe that's how they lure their human prey. Hurt, I fight back the sting of tears. "You saved me so you can kill me?"
Somehow he feels my pain. He knows how deep it goes. He does something in my mind, and for a second it almost feels like he's holding my hand. I clasp my fingers together, but they're cold. Another shift ripples in my head, and there's something pleasant coming over my body, humming as it gently spreads over me.
I buzz with pleasure. I can feel his smile. My aches and pains from the last couple of days are being massaged out, which isn't possible, but the sensations he's creating in my head make everything feel pleasant.
"Why are you doing this?" I stretch to feel more.
I like it when you feel good, he says. Another hot blush instantly fans through my face, and I look away.
He laughs. You're adorable, Kenna. Which only makes me feel less adorable, and acutely embarrassed. I tell myself he's a cold- blooded human kidnapper, but the warm tingles inside my body make it hard to remember that.
Unexpectedly, I'm bombarded with sights, and feelings, and sounds. At first it's coming so fast I feel like I'm right in the middle of a twister. I see colors, and they're so intense I want to shield my eyes.
Sorry, he apologizes.
The images come again, but this time they're muted so I can see without hurting. He shows me a door opening, then a flash of light. A thunderous roar is heard, and it sounds like waves crashing. He blinks, and I realize what I think are waves are actually a sea of human faces applauding. He's sharing his first memory of landing in Hugo. The adoration from the crowd is so potent he can still feel the vibrations from it weeks later.
Abruptly, I draw back. Why are you doing this to us when you feel something like that? I ask bitterly. They love you, Rhys. And you turn us into slaves.
It's complicated, Kenna.
No, you're making it complicated! I retort back. Fix it. Help us get out of here.
He sighs. You'll survive, Kenna
.
Maybe. I doubt it.
You will, he insists.
"How?" Will you save me?
Silence.
No. His voice sounds raspy.
Didn't think so. "Then it's going to be pretty damn impossible, isn't it?"
Another silence. Do you want me to leave?
No. "Yes."
Kenna. Rhys's voice is a whisper, and it's filled with a hint of longing.
Hot and cold, I think angrily.
When he leaves I cover my face with my hands, knowing I'm truly alone in my prison, and in my head.
Chapter 16
I haven't been able to sleep for days so I'm not surprised when, hours after being brought back to my cell I'm still up staring into darkness. Sometimes I'm afraid of the stillness, and when that happens I curl myself into a ball and imagine the person I love most.
For the thousandth time I think about my father, and how abandoned he must be feeling. Is he looking for me? Has he stopped? Is he drinking more to fill the void? I can guess the answer to the last question, and it only fills me with more sadness.
I want to cry, but I don't let myself break down entirely because I'm afraid I won't be able to put myself back together. I allow sniveling sobs to come through, hating how weak I sound, but craving the release desperately. I permit myself to think about the idea I might not make it out of here alive. In the real world I have no one to count on, but unlike the real world, aliens and supernatural creatures that aren't supposed to exist surround me. For the first time I find myself wishing I had stayed invisible and unnoticed. What had made me stand out to Rhys? Why had he taken me?
I'm exhausted, physically and mentally. What if I stop? What if I simply let go and surrender? Give myself to whatever they want, even the crystal, and let myself fade the way I already was before all this started?
Surrender can be a form of release, a dark part of me whispers. If I submit maybe I can see my mom again…
The floodgates open, and I see her as clearly as if she's across from me. When I close my eyes, she's in my memories, and her laughter trickles, linking one image to the next. I see her face, pinched in worry, waiting anxiously after my first day of school. I smell her skin when she hugs me good night, and I can almost feel her hair brushing against my forehead. I remember holding her hands as we walk through grass, the sun creating drops of light that seem to center around the woman who saved me from death eighteen years ago.
Next Rhys's face drifts into my mind. His glowing eyes are soft, and I remember his arms pressed around my body. I recall his warmth, and the hot tingle of his breath over mine. Instead of anger, I'm feeling bittersweet.
Every emotion crashes together simultaneously, spinning, and boiling out of control. I cry, wailing and sobbing in a way I've never done before.
Kenna.
The sigh is so sweet, and it feels sad, too, and damn it every part of me is cheerless. I scream at the top of my lungs. I do it over and over, and over again, until my throat's as raw as my heart. I close my eyes, and pray for numbness because it might be the only thing keeping me alive.
My outburst over, I take a few shaky breaths and open my eyes. My dad's face flickers into my mind again.
Don't let go.
I won't let go. I can't leave him. I wipe my tears, and trace small circles on the floor to calm my breathing. Then I close my eyes and force things I don't want to think about into my head. Who to trust?
With that thought Rhys flickers into my mind again and I start bristling inside. He is the reason for this. He carried me to my doom. He trapped me in this hellhole! But even as I curse him my heart knows it's a lie. I'm the one who followed him. I'm the one who begged him to look at me every chance he could. I wanted to be noticed, and he made me feel things I've never felt before. I shake my head mournfully. I'm the villain of my own nightmare.
Hey now, cheer up. Look at it this way: you're rocking a fabulous dress everyday.
I shoot up, motionless. Silence.
Seconds tick by. "H-hello?"
Kenna.
My name is a caress. I scream when I feel it, physically jumping back. My heart is pounding so hard I hear it in my throat.
"Who's there?"
Not there. In here.
A flash of heat warms my head.
Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god. I'm hyperventilating again, my whole body shaking uncontrollably as I try to take in precious air. His voice is in my head again. Is it real? It can't be.
Kenna. Rhys voice sounds amused. Breathe, like this.
I can almost feel him breathing with me, taking slow gulps of air, and exhaling them softly.
I'm shaking my head even as my whole body trembles with shock. How can this be possible? His voice is as clear as my own, louder even. I can feel his presence in my mind, and it's just as I remembered: pulsing, intense, and completely glorious.
Glorious? No one has ever said that about me before. Instead of sounding arrogant, he sounds modest and a little pleased.
I squeak with surprise again. "Stop that!" My voice quivers a little. "Stop doing whatever it is you're doing."
Stop this? And this? He's sending me flashes of heat, and they send delicious tingles down my body. Slowly my skin becomes less cold, and I can actually wiggle my toes. I'm wondering how he's doing that, how he can be in my head, controlling my body.
"What are you?" It seems to be the theme question of my time here.
Saguinox, he answers as if I should know what that means.
"Do you- are you a mind reader?"
He laughs, and the sound is husky, tickling my senses. No. I think those died out a while ago.
"Then how can you do this?" Is this a dream?
I feel him shrug, but he doesn't answer.
My mind is racing with possibilities. "Is this… Hell? Have I died and gone to Hell?" My voice is small, and a deep sorrow sprouts inside me.
I almost cry when he doesn't reply immediately.
No, he says, before I can embarrass myself and start bawling. It's real. There's a catch to his voice, as if he's thinking about something deep. I suddenly wish I could hear his thoughts too.
"Then everything you told me was a lie," I whisper.
Kenna. His voice is a sigh but he says no more.
"You're not even going to deny it?" I snap, thinking about how he saved me from the fire only to throw me into a hotter one.
I wish there was another way…
"Why are you so hot and cold all the time?" I accuse, thinking back to his warm smiles and cool indifference. Maybe that's how they lure their human prey. Hurt, I fight back the sting of tears. "You saved me so you can kill me?"
Somehow he feels my pain. He knows how deep it goes. He does something in my mind, and for a second it almost feels like he's holding my hand. I clasp my fingers together, but they're cold. Another shift ripples in my head, and there's something pleasant coming over my body, humming as it gently spreads over me.
I buzz with pleasure. I can feel his smile. My aches and pains from the last couple of days are being massaged out, which isn't possible, but the sensations he's creating in my head make everything feel pleasant.
"Why are you doing this?" I stretch to feel more.
I like it when you feel good, he says. Another hot blush instantly fans through my face, and I look away.
He laughs. You're adorable, Kenna. Which only makes me feel less adorable, and acutely embarrassed. I tell myself he's a cold- blooded human kidnapper, but the warm tingles inside my body make it hard to remember that.
Unexpectedly, I'm bombarded with sights, and feelings, and sounds. At first it's coming so fast I feel like I'm right in the middle of a twister. I see colors, and they're so intense I want to shield my eyes.
Sorry, he apologizes.
The images come again, but this time they're muted so I can see without hurting. He shows me a door opening, then a flash of light. A thunderous roar is heard, and it sounds like waves crashing. He blinks, and I
realize what I think are waves are actually a sea of human faces applauding. He's sharing his first memory of landing in Hugo. The adoration from the crowd is so potent he can still feel the vibrations from it weeks later.
Abruptly, I draw back. Why are you doing this to us when you feel something like that? I ask bitterly. They love you, Rhys. And you turn us into slaves.
It's complicated, Kenna.
No, you're making it complicated! I retort back. Fix it. Help us get out of here.
He sighs. You'll survive, Kenna.
Maybe. I doubt it.
You will, he insists.
"How?" Will you save me?
Silence.
No. His voice sounds raspy.
Didn't think so. "Then it's going to be pretty damn impossible, isn't it?"
Another silence. Do you want me to leave?
No. "Yes."
Kenna. Rhys's voice is a whisper, and it's filled with a hint of longing.
Hot and cold, I think angrily.
When he leaves I cover my face with my hands, knowing I'm truly alone in my prison, and in my head.
Chapter 17
The next morning I awake with less soreness in my body, but my mind is completely battered. I have a pounding headache, and my veins are pulsing like they're going to burst.
"All clear."
The doors open, and I step wearily out. The usual Saguinox guard is not here. Instead, the female guard from the cave is standing at the end of the hall, alert. I suck in a breath when I recognize her as the one who almost caught me down at the caves. Her spiky blonde hair looks pointier in the dreary room, and a nose ring glints menacingly underneath the glare of hot lights. Her hair is cropped short to her head, and the chains on her belt and pants make her look sinister. She carries herself like a Goth, but her glowing eyes are amber, and the furthest thing from black.
"All the females will be coming with me," she informs us. Her announcement is met with varying degrees of horror, and she smiles, relishing the fear. "The men will stay behind." She pauses, making certain all attention is on her. "They will wait for the crystal."
