by Mason, V. F.
Savannah kept telling me stories about her friends getting married, and I didn’t know what to say to that except to nod, but deep down I knew she wanted me to pop the question.
Yes, we were young, but this sneaking out wasn’t working much anymore. Her father breathed down her neck, demanding security all the time since she’d started college, and he monitored her whereabouts. He also introduced her to different prospects with the hope of her choosing someone from the brotherhood. And although she agreed to wait for me, I knew she became restless and needed at least some type of security. I would have gone to Kuzmin a long time ago, but she didn’t want to disturb the status quo.
I knew how the rules operated, and I’d be damned if she was married off to the highest bidder.
I drank my tea in one gulp when Gleb sat on the barstool next to me. “Don’t do this,” he said, and my hands tightened on the glass, hating the fact he wouldn’t let it go and just agree with my decision.
“Like it or not, she will be my wife. Accept that or we will have a problem.” He paused with his glass midair, visibly tensing as he looked at me, and shame prickled my skin.
I’d basically told my best friend, who was always there for me, that if it came down to him or my girl, it would be her. But what choice did he leave me?
“Message received loud and clear, Yuri. It’s not about her though. She is a nice girl.” My brow rose, since I thought he didn’t like her. Noticing my reaction, he chuckled, although it lacked any humor. “First love and all. But are you sure this first love is your once-in-a-lifetime kind of love?”
What?
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
He huffed in exasperation, tangling his fingers through his hair and exhaling loudly. “I mean, she is your first kiss, first fuck.” It came off as a question but I gave no reaction. He didn’t need to know there was no sex between us. Our love was pure. “First everything, okay? And it’s cool that you have such a chance. But dude, you are twenty-two and haven’t seen life. She hasn’t seen one. Are you sure you’re marrying her because you want to? Not because you feel obligated to?”
Funny how people who had no fucking clue about relationships wanted to question you on your choices.
I wanted to reply to him, having prepared a speech, a speech I told myself every day, because I so fucking needed to believe the words, but they stuck in my mouth as the energy changed in the room, and it wasn’t hard to guess why.
Everyone rose as Vasya entered the space. The bartender turned off the music, other members stopped drinking, and everyone’s attention belonged solely to Pakhan.
He rarely stepped down to us mortals; it usually meant the shit was fucking bad.
“Kuzmin thinks he can steal my guns and drugs, and there will be no retaliation for it,” Vasya spat as Radmir walked closer to him, wanting to tell him something, but he raised his hand, indicating he didn’t care much for it. “Everyone, get in the fucking cars and take the guns. We are attacking the Kuzmin mansion. Now!” While the men spun into action, getting ready for the shit to go down, fear rushed through me for a second, stilling me in the moment.
No!
Dominic was by my side in a second, pulling me to him and Gleb. “Yuri, focus.” I couldn’t see past the red haze of rage that penetrated me, because if he went as far as attacking their family mansion, it meant Vasya was in the mood to teach them a lesson.
And usually that meant hurting family members.
Savannah was the only family residing in the mansion at the moment, since her brothers Cosmos and Aleksei were away at college in Moscow.
And Lev never resided in the main house.
“Where is his fucking code?” I asked Dom while he gritted his teeth.
Mafia doesn’t attack family.
Bullshit. Fucking bullshit. “I need to get to her before anyone else does.” They nodded and pushed me to Vitya, who was ready and held the key to our bikes.
“We will get there faster. They’re using cars anyway. Get her out of there as soon as possible.” We rushed outside and hopped on the bikes, starting them with a loud roar, and took off. The drive took approximately twenty minutes.
I didn’t have to turn back to know the guys followed me, probably serving as backup in case anyone decided to attack us.
Finally, we reached our destination and I cursed as the first of our men—Vasya probably sent them in advance—were already firing at the house, and the Kuzmin men shot right back. Chaos erupted around us.
I bounded off the bike and shouted to Gleb, “I’m going inside. Back me up.” He trailed after me, firing at Kuzmin men who wanted to get to us.
We moved swiftly to the main door and got inside. I ran upstairs, screaming. “Savannah!” I didn’t give a fuck if anyone heard. After this shit, I’d make our relationship official and Vasya would have to deal with it.
I wouldn’t put her in this danger again.
“Savannah!” I tried again, opening up different rooms on my way, because I had no fucking clue which one was hers.
Then a door at the far end cracked open and she ran to me. “Yuri.” Within seconds, she was in my arms, squeezing me tight. I exhaled in relief, calming a bit and clearing my mind since she was okay. “What’s going on?” she asked, shaking.
They scared my girl!
“Your house is under attack. We need to get you out of here.” Her eyes widened in fear and shock while I continued talking. “Walk right behind me, okay?” She nodded and I spun around, holding my gun in front of me as we moved downstairs and encountered a few men from different brotherhoods as I fired at them, not caring in the least for their safety.
If they wanted to kill my girl, they had another think coming. Gleb was still downstairs, doing his best to fire at enemies, but knocking out other members.
We were almost down, when Savannah shouted, “Yuri, be careful.” And that’s when a threat came out of nowhere and a man jumped on me. We tumbled down the stairs, rolling as he punched me, and landed on the floor, but it took us a second to stand up as I searched for my gun. I didn’t find one.
He had his ready though and pointed it at me, and in that second, he fired it.
Right at the same time, Savanah jumped in front of me. The bullet pierced her heart and the air stilled in her lungs, shock etching on her face. “No!” I shouted, catching her in my arms as she gulped for a breath she couldn’t get. “Savannah.” My hand was soaked in her blood that continued to pour out of her, and all while she still wore a shocked expression. “Someone call an ambulance!” I shouted, hugging her close, while hoping help would come in time to save her.
No one moved, as more men rushed inside and stopped dead in their tracks as I rocked her in my arms. “Why is no one calling an ambulance?” I shouted, and then Gleb came over, agony reflected in his face as he kneeled. “Yuri.”
“Stop talking and call an ambulance!” I glanced down to Savannah and pressed my finger to her pulse, but I couldn’t feel anything. “Savannah.” Why didn’t she change? Why wasn’t she breathing? “We need help.” Doctors would fix her. This couldn’t end like this.
She had to live. What about all the dreams she had?
“Yuri, she’s dead,” Gleb said, but I refused to accept it.
Instead, I shook her in my arms. “Come on,” I pleaded, but she didn’t react, and then I squeezed her hand. “Please, baby, say something.” But no sign of life came from her.
Instead, her beautiful blue eyes looked at me with fear permanently settled in them. “Yuri.” Vitya made a move to touch her, but I grabbed the nearby gun and pointed it at him.
“No one touches her. No one. She will come back to life. She is not dead,” I screamed, but all my brothers looked at me with remorse, and some of them turned, as I sat there and rocked her in my arms, refusing to let go.
The minute I let go, the nightmare would become reality, and I couldn’t allow that.
“Savannah, please,” I begged and begged; not until her body be
come cold and heavy in my arms, not until her blood dried, but until Dom and Vitya forcibly pushed me away from her as her father cried over her body.
I held on as long as I could.
But it was not enough.
New York, New York
September 2017
Melissa
Flushing the toilet, I walked out of the stall and gave a weak smile to Honey as she waved to me before exiting the bathroom, leaving me alone with my hectic thoughts.
Leaning on the sink, I opened my palm, gazing at the pregnancy stick that had yet to show me the result. I breathed heavily, my heart beating rapidly against my ribcage.
I washed my hands and raised my gaze to study my reflection in the mirror where nothing but pale skin greeted me.
What if I am pregnant?
Grabbing the paper towel, I pressed it against my neck while shaking my head and thinking positively. I couldn’t be pregnant; we always used condoms, and it wasn’t like Yuri was good father material to have a child with.
Resting my back against the counter, the last month flashed in my mind with various images of Yuri and me walking in the park, attending Broadway shows and dinners while he was in town or I had a day off, and nights filled with making love till we both exhausted our bodies.
He had spent his time between here and Russia, but mostly stayed there since he had to oversee the brotherhood while Dominic was away with Rosa.
It looked and sounded like a dream, like a new couple discovering their newfound relationship, except I knew the truth. Each time he checked for danger that might lurk in the shadows, each time he never stayed the night and always, always detached himself emotionally from me.
His body might have wanted me, but his heart… his heart probably felt like he was cheating on Savannah.
And all this broke my heart, which despite all the warnings, fell stupidly in love with a mafia man.
A man who never could be mine, because he never wanted me to be his.
I rubbed my chest, holding back the tears threatening to spill, and willed all my courage as I looked at the stick.
For a second, I didn’t breathe or blink, just stared at the result while the outside world ceased to exist.
Pregnant.
I was pregnant.
Automatically, my hands ended up on my stomach; I couldn’t believe it.
Fear unlike anything I’d ever experienced swept through me at the prospect of pregnancy and what it entailed, a living creature that would depend on me completely and demand all my attention and love.
What did I know about such things, considering my past? Would I be able to protect him or her from the evils of this world? How could I raise a child in a world where my family—
“Stop,” I muttered, and then looked at the test again. A soft smile pulled at my lips, imagining a little bundle that would be mine and Yuri’s, and warmth filled me so much I could have basked in it.
But with that thought also came the realization that Yuri would never want the baby.
No-strings-attached sex until this thing is settled. Then each of us will go our own way. I’m incapable of a deeper connection.
And although his words brought nothing but pain, I raised my chin in the mirror and wiped away the tears that slid down my cheeks then took a deep breath. I wasn’t a lonely teenager who ended up with an unexpected pregnancy.
I had a successful career, condo, and money saved up. I might not know how to give love or receive it, but I’d do everything for my baby.
It was up to Yuri to be part of this journey or not, and whatever he chose… I’d accept it, because that was the way of life.
I learned the lesson a long time ago to let go no matter how much it hurt.
Throwing the test and paper in the bin, I went to my office while mentally preparing myself for a conversation that would happen in a few hours once I gathered enough thoughts to face Yuri.
One way or the other, I’d know the answer soon.
Yuri
Picking up the last folder on my desk, I opened it up and frowned at the amount the Siberian brigadier wasted on security. It was twice what the others did, so where exactly did all the money go?
Grabbing the file from last month, I noticed the same situation and quickly made a note to myself to address the issue with Dominic once he was back. I had to give it to people; they made the report believable enough, but they dealt with me.
And I never missed details or numbers or a scam that was supposed to slip them money.
A knock on the door sounded, and I called, “Come in.” I expected Larisa to enter and bring me a much-needed cup of coffee, but instead, a furious blonde barged in, her white dress swirling around her legs and her brown eyes heated with rage.
Kostya behind her cleared his throat. “You have a guest.” I chuckled at this, because I could see Alena clearly without his explanation.
He nodded to me and closed the door as she fumed at me. “What’s going on with you, Yuri?”
I raised my brow at her, leaning back in my seat as my eyes studied her form from head to toe. She was an attractive woman, although her kind of beauty blended with the rest of the female population for me.
She didn’t have pale skin that highlighted every blush or mole, didn’t have mousy brown hair that seemed more suitable on someone else yet gave her an adorable look.
She didn’t wear oversized suits that added nothing to her body, nor did she bite her lip while she tried to solve something.
Simply put, Alena was not… Melissa.
But ironically enough, Alena’s looks were exactly what made me choose her as my lover a year ago. “I told you not to come here.”
“You left me no choice, Yuri. What is this?”
She waved the paper in her hand in front of me, and I replied, “A deed. The apartment is yours.”
She huffed, crossing her arms. “I don’t want an apartment. I always wanted you.”
Sighing in resignation, I rested my elbows on the table and decided to end this dramatic scene. “Alena, let’s be frank. I picked you, because I needed to fuck a couple times a month.” Her lips thinned, but she stayed quiet. “And you picked me, because you love the lifestyle. Our… let’s call it friendship has ended, and I gave you the apartment where we used to meet. What is the problem?” Out of all the women I’d fucked through the years, I never expected her to have romantic fantasies about me.
I wasn’t even that good or gentle with her, only arranging the meetings when the need to fuck was strong enough to keep control. I didn’t need or want sex.
Until Melissa that was, because she only had to blink to stir my dick. The kind of emotions we experienced together could never even be measured by my previous encounters.
In fact, this month with her only showed me how empty and dull my life had been, even before Savannah’s death.
She allowed me to be the man who could freely show his desire, who could share anything and not be met with judgment. My mind rested with her even if I never allowed myself the luxury of staying the night with her.
I got more attached to her with each day, slowly recognizing the emotions swirling in me but denying them, even though deep down I knew there was no point.
Love, as sappy as it sounded, grew somewhere in my good-for-nothing heart, but I would destroy it before it had the time to bloom.
My love brought nothing but disaster to women.
She finally exhaled heavily. “I guess I thought with time we’d marry.” Then she smiled, cocking her head to the side. “Who is she?” I stayed silent, and this time she laughed. “Guess that’s none of my business. Thank you for this.” She waved the papers again but then glanced at me one last time. “You deserve happiness, you know.”
And although she was nice, I somehow couldn’t stand her presence and hated the idea that I met with her without Melissa’s knowledge. How fucking confusing. It wasn’t like I was cheating; I just knew she had to go. “Goodbye, Alena.” She shut the door behind her
, and I leaned back in the chair, closing my eyes.
The encounter with Alena brought back the most important point though. I had to end it with Melissa when I could do it. A little more time with her, and I’d never let go.
And the last report I got from Gleb allowed me to do it surgically, quickly with one cut.
The phone on my desk vibrated, and seeing Melissa’s name flash on the screen, I quickly answered, as she never called me. “Yes. Are you all right?”
Silence, and then, “Yes. I just called you.”
“You never just call me.” I turned down the harshness in my voice and started gently. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to be rude. I wanted to call you myself.”
“Oh?” She sounded surprised and then cleared her throat. “Are you coming tomorrow as you planned?”
I wanted to so fucking badly. To go to her condo where she would greet me with her love, a love she never confessed but I knew she felt. She’d give herself to me, her body surrounding mine. For hours, nothing would exist in my life but her.
Oh, how I wanted to.
But I couldn’t. Ending it over the phone was a dick move, but we’d never do it in person. And I had to. “No.”
“Something happened?”
“Kuzmin finally settled. He won’t attack again.” Aleksei acted as if he had no clue what I was talking about, but I didn’t give a fuck. With Dom back as the reigning pakhan, I got what I wanted with enough pressure.
“So you are ending this, us,” she whispered, and the pen broke in my hands. I hated the pain etched in every word.
“It’s time,” I replied, and she laughed bitterly.
“I can’t believe you are doing it over the phone. You are a coward, Yuri.”
If it was a man who told me that, he’d be dead.
But she was right. I was a coward and didn’t hide from the fact. “I never promised you anything.” Lies. With every touch, I promised her something, but she didn’t call me on it.
Instead, she spoke words that filled me with happiness and dread, words that had the power to shatter me and put me back together, words that I loved and hated at the same time. “I love you, Yuri. Don’t run from it.”
