This Courage of Mine

by Amanda Bennett

“Nothing. It’s nice to see you smilin’ and laughin’, that’s all.” I smiled back at him and kissed him one last time, before turning my attention onto my food that had just arrived.

  The rest of the night went by rather quickly, just like I knew it would. Time always seemed to fly by when the guys were due to leave. We got my mom all settled in the guest room, and then we both made our way into our bedroom. My pain medicine had started kicking in half way through dinner, but now it was making me practically fall asleep where I stood. Unfortunately, I desperately needed a shower.

  “Hey babe, I’m gonna jump in the shower real quick. You gonna lay down?” I was already in the bathroom disrobing when I asked him.

  “Yeah, but I’ll stay up until you’re done.”

  “Okay.” I closed the bathroom door all the way and locked it. Fear rose inside of me, consuming my every thought with horrible things. I could feel my body trembling as I turned the shower on. I closed my eyes tightly and tried to shake off the feeling, but that only made it intensify. I quickly searched for my purse that I had brought in with me, as the room filled with steam. I pulled out the small yellow bottle and took out two pain pills. It wasn’t quite time yet, but if it would help ease the anxiety that I was feeling, who gave a shit.

  I tossed the pills into my mouth and took a long drink from the faucet. I was leaning forward against the counter as I looked up and caught my reflection in the mirror. The once barely noticeable black eye was now unmistakably noticeable. My fingers skimmed the top of my eyelid as I felt just how puffy it really was. In addition, the cut on my forehead now had some bruising around it as well. I shook my head at the mess on my face, and couldn’t help but feel a little sorry for myself.

  I pulled back the curtain and let the scorching hot water rush over my skin, causing it to redden. I wasn’t sure what I thought the hot water was supposed to do, but I needed to feel as though I was washing everything about this morning off of me. I guess I was hoping it would help me feel safer, knowing that all remnants of that sadistic man’s touch was now gone. I was just about to jump out of the shower, when a sharp shooting pain had me falling to my knees.

  I tried to make as little noise as I possibly could, not wanting to catch Glenn’s attention. I tried to pull myself up with the bar that ran across the inside of the shower, but every movement I made seemed to make it that much worse. I hugged my knees to my chest as I sat under the running water, praying that the pain would subside soon. Lucky for me, it didn’t. I could here a knock on the bathroom door, and I knew it was Glenn, but I couldn’t bring myself to tell him something was wrong.

  “Babe, you okay in there?”

  “Yeah.” I moaned. “I’ll be out shortly.” I didn’t hear him respond, so I assumed he went back to bed.

  Just then, I looked down at the tub and noticed bright red surrounding me. And now all the pain made complete sense. I wasn’t due to have my period for at least another week, but it looks like my body had a different time in mind. I sat in the tub for a few more minutes waiting for the pain medication I took to kick in. As soon as that happened, I would be fine.

  A few minutes later, I pulled myself up and washed off one more time before exiting the shower. I got myself cleaned up and ready for bed and quietly opened the bathroom door. I made my way over to the bed as fast as I could given the amount of pain I was in, and slid underneath the covers. As I pulled my legs up to my chest and made myself comfortable in the fetal position, Glenn slid up behind me. When he draped his arm over me and onto my stomach, I flinched.

  “Baby, what’s wrong?” He looked extremely worried.

  “I started my period and it is super painful. That’s all.”

  “I thought your birth control was supposed to make them less painful?”

  “So did I.” I muttered.

  Glenn placed a gentle kiss to my arm before getting up off of the bed. “I’ll go get you the heating pad and some water. You okay on meds?”

  “Yeah, I’m good. I took some before dinner. Thanks baby.”

  “Anything for you.”

  I hated lying to Glenn, I really did, but I also didn’t need him watching over my shoulder when it came to taking medication. Besides, it wasn’t even a big deal. As I lay on our bed in writhing pain I couldn’t help but think about what it would be like to be pregnant with Glenn’s child. From the minute I met him, I knew that I wanted to have his babies. If there was even the slightest chance that I could have a small piece of him forever, I was willing to do whatever it took to get that.

  Chapter 18

  Glenn

  My eyes were simply refusing to accept that it was morning and I needed to wake up. As much as I wanted to get up and spend time with my beautiful wife, I was far too comfortable lying on my pillow top mattress, wrapped up in my feather down comforter. I rolled away from the sadistic light we call sunshine, as it was peekin’ through our blinds. I tugged the comforter along with me and as soon as I was on my side, I practically had a heart attack.

  “Morning baby.” Cami’s voice was high pitched and beyond chipper.

  I moaned at her before pulling the blanket over my face. “Who are you and what the hell did you do with my wife? You know, the somewhat moody one that hates mornings just as much as I do?”

  “Stop being so dramatic. Get your grumpy ass outta bed. You’re sleeping the day away, and I would like to spend time with my husband before he goes leavin’ me for six weeks. Now get up!” She shouted as she smacked my ass.

  I tried to reach out and grab her, but she evaded me and ran out of the room. “I’ll get you. You just wait.” I shouted through the closed door. “That’s what I thought.” I muttered to myself as I shuffled my way into the bathroom. I wasn’t exactly sure what Cami had planned for today, but I figured I should take a shower regardless.

  I emerged from our room about thirty minutes later showered, shaved and ready for the day. I walked into the living room with my arms out to my sides. “The king is ready. Where’s my breakfast wench?” Cami immediately started laughing hysterically. Her mother on the other hand, she was busy givin’ me the death stare. I lowered my arms and playfully rolled my eyes at Cami’s mom.

  “Your breakfast is on the table, dear Sir. Now go plop your ass down at that table and eat before this wench poisons your food.” I laughed all the way over to the kitchen table, but stopped abruptly once I sat next to my mother-in-law.

  “Mornin’, Ms. Holt. How did you sleep?” I didn’t really care, but I knew if I didn’t make some sort of small talk, Cami’s mom would go off an a tangent of how rude I am.

  “Glenn, you know you can call me Olivia. I actually slept amazingly. Thanks for asking.”

  “Glad to hear it, Olivia.” It felt weird to call her by her name, but I guess it was a step in the right direction. “So my love, what are the plans for today?”

  “I called Kayla this morning and told her my mom wanted to see Mia. So I was thinking we could take her over there for a bit, then the rest of the day I’m all yours.”

  “Sounds good to me. You feelin’ better this mornin’?” I continued to fork eggs into my mouth as though I was in prison. For some reason I woke up with the appetite of a giant.

  “Better.” She answered as she leaned over my shoulder to set some more toast on the table. “Well as soon as you’re done eating, we’ll head over there.”

  About forty-five minutes later, we were on our way to Kayla and Madison’s house, and I was oh so thrilled to be spendin’ some extra time with my mother-in-law. The best part about Cami’s mom being in town, was now I was gonna get to see Kayla and her go at it. This was going to be the best day ever. I smiled a wicked grin knowin’ that I was going to get entirely too much pleasure out of this.

  We pulled up to their house and I quickly jumped out of the truck and hauled ass to the front door, laughing the entire way. When Madison opened the door, I practically skipped past him and into the house. “What’s goin’ on Madi?” I teased.

 
; “Don’t call me that, dick. Why are you so chipper?”

  “Oh just wait. You’ll find out soon enough.” Madison had never met Cami’s mom, but Madison was exactly like me, which meant he was gonna hate her. “Where’s Kayla?”

  “She’s up gettin’ the baby dressed. Where is Cami?”

  I pointed over to the door just as Cami and her mother came walkin’ in. Although Madison and Kayla’s house was brand new, it wasn’t huge by any means, so I knew exactly what Olivia was gonna say when she came in. I sat there on the couch, countin’ down the seconds until she spoke. Three, two…and one. Right on cue.

  “Oh well isn’t this place quaint.” Yeah, also known as small and not fancy enough for her. “You must be Madison.” She reached for Madison’s hand and he happily obliged.

  “Nice to meet you, Ms. Holt.” No it wasn’t. He was lyin’. “Can I get you somethin’ to drink?”

  “No, thank you. So where is this adorable little baby I’ve heard so much about?”

  “She’s right here.” Kayla replied as she came down the last step and joined us all in the living room.

  “Well hello Kayla. How are you? You’re looking rather…um, nice.” You could tell Olivia was struggling with tryin’ to say something nice.

  “Let’s just spare each other the pleasantries, because we both know you don’t mean them.”

  My eyes went wide with shock. I knew Kayla hated Cami’s mom, but I never imagined her talkin’ to her the way she just had. I glanced over at Cami to see if she was gonna intervene, but she just stood there with a wicked little grin plastered to her face. All I could think to myself was, at least I wasn’t the only one finding this amusing.

  “You’ve always had quite a pleasant attitude Kayla, I don’t know why I thought it would’ve changed.”

  “Aw, now why would I change who I am? Most people like me just the way I am.” She smirked at Olivia, and then made her way over to Cami. “Here’s your auntie Cam Cam. Can you play with her for a few minutes while mommy gets you your breakfast?”

  “Actually, your auntie Cam Cam needs to talk to your mommy for a minute. You wanna go see Uncle Glenn? Yes you do.” Cami flew Mia over to me, pretending she was an airplane, causing Mia to let out the cutest laugh I think I have ever heard. “Here he is.” Cami passed Mia off to me, and then leaned into my ear whispering, “Please try and be nice to my mother and take Mia over to see her. Thank you.” She kissed my cheek and disappeared, leavin’ me and Madison to fend for ourselves.

  Chapter 19

  Cami

  “I still can’t believe your mom actually wanted to meet my daughter. She can barely stand me, why on earth would she want to see the spawn of me? I swear Cam, I have tried to like your mom, I really have, but why does she have to be such a bitch?”

  It amazed me how much my mother and my best friend hated each other. I’m sure it would bother most people to no end, but I found it rather amusing. “Kay, I don’t know why she does the things she does, but she was pretty adamant on meeting Mia. Trust me, I was just as shocked as you are. Anyway, enough about my mom I actually really do have something to talk to you about.”

  Kayla pulled a bar stool from the breakfast bar and took a seat after offering me one. “Okay, shoot.”

  “Well, I told Glenn about your idea of me working for you, and then possibly becoming partners.”

  “Yes honey, I was there for the conversation. Just get to it.” She joked.

  “Shut up whore and listen to me. He was okay with it, with all of it. He says he just wants me to be happy. He even went to the college yesterday and got me a course catalog. I don’t know what changed his mind, but he’s all for it now. So if it’s okay with you, I would like to take the job.” I laughed.

  “Well…I kind of already gave away the position.”

  My mouth dropped open. “Are you kidding me right now?”

  “Of course I’m kidding you, you stupid twit. Oh, I’m so excited and so happy for you.” Kayla stood and wrapped her arms around my neck from behind. “Now, how are you doing today?”

  “What do you mean?”

  She walked around the island and looked me straight in the face. “Cami, are you joking? You were attacked yesterday. A man broke into your apartment, and practically-“

  “Stop. Just stop. I’m fine. I don’t want to talk about it.”

  “Cami, you know you’re gonna have to talk about it at some point. You can’t go through something like that and keep everything bottled up. Trust me, I know.”

  I stood from my chair and started to walk out of the kitchen. “Kay, when I need to talk I promise I’ll come to you, but until then, please just leave it alone.”

  “Fair enough.” She replied. “Well before you walk out on me, can I talk to you about something else?”

  “Of course.” I walked back over to my chair and sat down. “What’s up?”

  “Well, your husband is a bit worried about you. He wanted to know if it was okay for you to come stay here with Mia and me while they’re gone, but only if you felt comfortable enough. I don’t want you to think that we were planning all of this without you. Joey says he’s even willing to go stay at the apartment with you if you don’t feel safe, that is.” I could tell Kayla was treading lightly, not wanting to piss me off again.

  “Can I have a glass of water, please?” I quietly reached into my purse on the counter while Kayla’s back was turned and grabbed two pain pills out. I tossed them in my mouth before she turned and took a big gulp of water to wash them down before she could tell what I was doing. “Thank you. Honestly, I haven’t given it much thought. I mean, my mom is gonna be here for four days, then after that, I have no idea. I think I’ll be okay by myself.”

  “I just want you to know that the offer is open ended. You know you are always more than welcome here, for as long as you need. Six weeks is a long time to go without someone home with you.”

  “You think I don’t know that? Just because you’ve done this longer than I have, doesn’t mean you know better. God, I just wish everyone would just back off.”

  “Whoa, Cam. I don’t know what your deal is today, but I’m just tryin’ to be a good friend. I care about you. I love you like a sister and you know I’m just lookin’ out for you. I have to feed Mia. You staying in here?”

  “Yeah. I’ll be out in a minute.” I gave Kayla an apologetic look and she reciprocated. And just like that, without saying a word, all was right with us again.

  “Oh and you start work tomorrow morning.” She smiled as she walked away.

  I made my way out the side door and out onto the wrap around porch. The sun was high in the sky, and it sent shivers down my spine as the warmth hit my cool face. I closed my eyes, soaking up the vitamin D for as long as I could before I was interrupted. I glanced around the property, taking it all in. I couldn’t wait to be walking distance away from my best friend. Soon enough, our house would be done, and we would be starting a whole new chapter in our life. I couldn’t wait.

  I heard the screen door squeak open behind me, and I knew it was most likely Glenn coming out to check on me. When his hands touched my shoulders, my body melted into him. This was my comfort, my safety in a world where it was anything but. I loved this man whole-heartedly and there wasn’t a single thing anyone could say to change my mind.

  “How are you doin’, baby?” His voice was low and smooth, like silk.

  I turned in his arms and pressed my lips against his. “I’m good. You doing okay, I mean with my mom here and all?”

  “I can handle your mother. Besides, it’s not her I’m worried about, it’s you. You seem down and I don’t like it. How are your cramps?” Glenn’s hand fell to my belly, moving it in a soothing motion, and all my mind could envision was him doing that while I was eight months pregnant with our child.

  “They’re a little bit better. I took some medicine this morning and it seemed to help a bit. Glenn, I don’t want you to worry about me while your gone. I’ve got it han
dled. I promise if I get scared or anything like that, I’ll come here and stay with Kayla.”

  “That’s all I ask.”

  I stroked his cheek with the back of my hand before cupping his face, pulling his lips against mine. I kissed him so passionately and so deeply, that there was no doubt in his mind just how much I loved him. “You mean the world to me. I’m going to miss you so much, it hurts.”

  “Me too, baby. Me too.” Glenn turned me back around in his arms, giving me a tight squeeze as we both looked out onto the vast open land laid out in front of us. “I can’t wait to be able to do this at our house. It’s like everything I ever dreamt of, is comin’ true.”

  “That’s because it is.” I smiled up at him.

  “I have a secret to tell you.” He whispered.

  “Oh do you now?”

  “I designed the house.”

  “What? Are you serious?”

  I walked him over to the rocking chairs and sat down on his lap. “Yeah. It’s somethin’ I’ve always loved doin’, and I figured this was the perfect time for me to test out my mad skills.” He laughed.

  “You’re extremely talented, Glenn. Well at least you know if this whole band thing doesn’t work out, at least you have something to fall back on.”

  “Thanks for the vote of confidence, babe.” We both started laughing, but then I stopped, just as I remembered that we had left my mother and Kayla alone. “Shit.” I jumped up from his lap and ran inside. When I got to the living room, all was quiet. My mother was busy playing with Mia and Kayla and Madison were discussing something over on the couch. I was baffled at the scene playing out before me. How on earth did we get here?

  Chapter 20

  Glenn

  It was amazing to see how nice Olivia was being to Mia. Who would’ve thought that the devil that was incapable of loving anyone but herself would be able to love a child? Luckily, Kayla and Olivia found it in their hearts to stop their childish banter, long enough to let us enjoy these last couple hours with our amazing wives.