Chapter Twelve
The whole world screeched to a stop. My heart didn’t beat, and I couldn’t take a breath. I couldn’t do anything but stare at them, and the moment stretched out until it became unbearable. Then with a snap inside my head time restarted with a kick that left me reeling, and I jerked upright with a low cry of pain because it felt like my heart had just torn in two.
Dannika and Allison stared at me wide-eyed, then as one their gazes followed mine over to where Walker and London sat. I saw their dawning suspicions dimly through a veil of upwelling tears.
How could he? But I knew exactly how. Hadn’t I been halfway convinced all along that he was just playing me, that it was all an act? That didn’t keep my stomach from knotting up, or protect me against the cold, searing pain that was like a knife stabbing into my chest. With a strangled sob I turned away, unable to look any longer.
Allison’s hand covered mine. “Laney? Are you okay?”
“Yeah,” I choked.
“I think we need to get her out of here,” Dannika said.
I barely noticed as they gathered up our things, and I stumbled blindly after them towards the road while Dannika summoned her sister to come pick us up. I was lost in a flood of memories that I couldn’t shake off. I’d spent hours with him, and we’d shared our thoughts and dreams. We’d felt so perfect together, and our kisses had been nothing short of magical. How could he do this to me? How could he do something that he knew would hurt me so badly?
But this was Walker Dean. It was who he was. Girls were a dime a dozen, and once kissed easily forgotten. Except for London. It seemed he couldn’t shake her.
The tears started in earnest as we drove away. No one said a word on the way back to Dannika’s house, although both of my friends sat close to me in the back seat to offer what comfort they could. When we got there Allison opened the door for me.
“Come on,” she said, and led me by the hand to Dannika’s room.
She pushed me gently to the bed while giving Dannika a significant look. The other girl nodded and walked out. Allison pressed her phone into my hand. My home number was already pulled up on the screen.
“Call your mom and tell her you’re spending the night.”
That made sense. Fortunately Dad was off so I didn’t have to go home to babysit Shelly. I took slow, deep breaths until I got myself under control enough that I could talk to Mom without arousing her innate motherly suspicions. It turned out that I needn’t have worried. She had her hands full dealing with Shelly and barely paid any attention to me at all.
“Just be sure you’re home early enough tomorrow that your sister isn’t here by herself when I leave for work.”
“Sure, Mom.”
When I hung up, Allison plucked her phone from my numb fingers. With nothing else to do I stared out of the window. There wasn’t anything to see; it was just where my head happened to be pointed. If I’d been facing the wall, I would have stared at that.
Somehow the sun was still shining. It was still a beautiful day. How could that be when it felt like my whole world was ending? It should be black as midnight with hail falling from the frozen sky while the earth shook and opened up to spew fire and brimstone. But it looked just like any other summer day, and somehow that made it even worse.
The pulsing ache in my chest was more painful than the time I’d broken my arm falling out of a tree house when I was twelve. Or that time I’d slipped on a patch of ice in the school parking lot and split my knee open on the edge of a concrete parking block. I’d needed twelve stitches and I still had a long, pale scar on my kneecap. The wound on my heart might not be visible, but it was beyond fixing with mere stitches.
I clutched a pillow to my chest and bent over it with a silent sob as the door opened and Dannika came back in. When her hand squeezed my shoulder I drew a deep, shuddering breath and pushed myself upright. She was holding up a cell phone in her other hand, and it only took one glance to see that it was mine and that some of Walker’s texts were on the screen. Busted. I was in too much pain to even gripe about the invasion of my privacy.
Allison sat down facing me on the floor by my feet, worry hovering in her eyes. “I think it’s about time you told us just what’s been going on while we were away.”
I shrugged. There was no reason to keep it a secret anymore. As I’d done a few days ago with Molly, I told them everything—from that very first day when I thought Walker was going to kiss me to our final, passionate kiss on the beach. In between I cried a lot, sometimes the tears coming so hard and fast that I couldn’t choke out any words at all until the crying jag had passed.
By the time I finished I was completely drained, the sharp pain in my chest replaced by a throbbing ache that I was afraid would never go away. I risked a glance at Dannika. She and Ashton had broken up over a year ago, and she still wasn’t over him. Would I have to go through all the rest of high school nursing the shattered fragments of my heart? Would I still be longing for Walker when I graduated and started the rest of my life?
“Why didn’t you tell us?” Allison asked.
I sniffled and blew my nose on a tissue, and Dannika handed me a fresh one from the box in her lap. It took me a minute to find my voice again, and when I did it was hoarse and strained from all the crying.
“At first I didn’t believe it was real. I thought he was just messing with me, and I didn’t want you guys teasing me about it. I just wasn’t sure. I mean, it really was nothing when I thought about it. He was nice. I thought he’d looked like he wanted to kiss me. Big deal. It was nothing but pathetic little Delaney being delusional. Then later…” I forced back another sob.
“It’s okay,” Dannika soothed.
“I knew better. I knew who he was and that it was just a game to him, but nobody had ever paid that kind of attention to me. I was afraid that everyone would think I’d been chasing after him, just like all the other girls do. Because everyone knows that Walker Dean doesn’t chase girls—they chase him. And when things got real and he started talking like he wanted us to be a couple, I wanted it to be true so much that I ignored what my head was telling me. I was afraid that if I said anything to you that you’d burst my bubble and I’d find out that everything he’d said would turn out to be nothing but a lie to get me to fall for him. I wanted to hold onto him as long as I could, even if it was just for a little while. Does that make sense?”
My friends looked at each other for a long moment then nodded.
“I was going to tell you when I came over today,” I sniffled. “But then you said we were going to the beach and I didn’t have time. And then we got there and Walker was there with Ashton and Quinn and everybody… I don’t know. I don’t know what I was thinking. I knew it was too good to be true. He was probably sitting there telling them all about it and giving them a good laugh. For all I know he didn’t actually go to work on the fence at his uncle’s ranch at all,” I added bitterly. “He could have spent the whole time with London, laughing about what a gullible little girl his new neighbor was.”
A knock on the door interrupted my pity party, followed quickly by Molly’s golden curls. “Can I come in? I got here as fast as I could.”
“Molly?” I squeaked.
“I brought ice cream.”
Dannika saw my puzzled look and shrugged. “Well, we’re having a sleepover, right? Allison called her from your phone earlier.”
“But…” I stared at my newest friend in concern. I knew how hard it was for her to handle being around strangers. “I was going to try to ease you into things with us.”
She came over and gave me a fierce hug. “You’re my friend and you need me. It’ll be okay. Allison said on the phone that something had happened with Walker?”
I started sniffling again when she mentioned Walker, so Dannika caught her up. Even as the tears fell, I felt numb. It was surreal, like some out of body experience, like none of it was real. When I woke up in the morning I’d find it had all been nothing but a b
ad dream. I’d sneak out and go to Walker’s and everything would be fine.
When Dannika finished, Molly turned to me with a puzzled expression. “Are you sure that’s what happened?”
I nodded unhappily, brushing fat teardrops out of my eyes.
“We both saw it,” Dannika added.
Molly shook her head. “I don’t know what got into him. I know what you guys think, but this isn’t like him at all. He never brags about the girls he hooks up with—not at school and not in private, either. It’s the girls who brag about it. Well, until he dumps them, anyway. And I’ve never heard of him chasing after a girl, much less doing it to break her heart. Some of the other jocks do that, but not Walker. Have you ever heard of him doing that?”
We all shook our heads.
“I don’t understand it, Delaney. From the way he was acting, I would have sworn that he really liked you. Not that he confided in me or anything, but that was sure the impression that I got.”
“I don’t understand it, either.”
She frowned, considering. “Maybe I should ask him about it. Maybe this is just a misunderstanding.”
I stared at her. “Misunderstanding? How could Walker letting London hang all over him in front of everyone be a misunderstanding?” Despite my words, my heart soared with irrational hope. Maybe I hadn’t lost him after all. But just as quickly, I snuffed the hope out before it could burn me again.
“No,” I told her. “It’s better this way.”
That earned me dubious looks from all three of my friends. I gave a sad little shrug.
“We all know he would have gotten tired of me and dumped me eventually. It’s better to have it over with so I’m not wondering every morning when I wake up if today will be the day. It’s done, and I can quit worrying about it.”
Molly looked like she wanted to argue, but a glance at Dannika and Allison warned her that she would be alone in that. Apparently my logic wasn’t completely off base. I wish I could have been happier about that.
Dannika ordered pizza, and I vaguely caught Allison’s disappointment when it wasn’t Seth who dropped off the delivery. As we were eating I did my best to drag myself out of my despair and take some notice of my friends. Molly was sticking close to me, concern plain in her eyes, but I could also tell that she wasn’t comfortable there. When Dannika and Allison made a run to the kitchen for more sodas, I took advantage of those moments alone to thank her again.
“I appreciate you coming, but if you need to go I understand.”
“No, I’m all right. They’re both really nice, and they’re not pushing.”
“You don’t mind that I told them about you?”
She gave me a knowing smile. “I figured it wouldn’t take long after they were back before you started trying to pull me into the group, so I’ve been psyching myself up for it.”
“If you’d rather not…”
“Nobody has bothered trying in a long time, and I haven’t felt much like making the effort until now. But I’m glad you wanted me here.”
The three of them did their best to keep my mind from dwelling on Walker. Dannika and Allison told me all about their vacation, and then we watched a marathon of old horror movies on one of the classic movie channels. Even Dannika didn’t argue when Molly put her foot down and insisted it would be better for me than chick flicks. And it did sort of help, a little. I didn’t feel quite so empty and raw inside until we finally shut the television off and went to bed in the early hours of the morning.
Long after my friends were asleep I lay awake staring into the darkness remembering when I’d spent most of the night watching movies with Walker. I remembered how we’d held hands while we sat together on his couch, and how perfect it had felt. Then the tears came again, rolling unheeded in hot, fat droplets that rolled down my cheeks to soak my pillowcase. They didn’t stop for a long, long time.
It didn’t get much easier after that. For the next week I hardly left the house other than to go over to Molly’s to play games, and then only when I knew Walker wasn’t at home to see me crossing the street. I’d blocked him on my phone, and when he’d come over and knocked on the door a couple of times I’d ignored him until he went away. Fortunately he never tried it when Mom or Dad was home, and Shelly wouldn’t answer the door unless she was paid to do it.
I’d given up my former favorite pastime of watching Walker through my windows, too. It hurt too much to see him. I needed to push through this, to get over him and erase him from my thoughts and from my heart. It was going to be hard enough seeing him again at school in the fall. How much worse if I was still hung up on him?
I could only hope that he hadn’t spread word of what had happened to everyone. I didn’t know if my mangled ego could handle the mockery which was usually served up to the girls foolish enough to think they could win him over.
Instead of getting better, though, I seemed to be getting worse. Any time my mind wasn’t completely absorbed in something, my thoughts strayed back to the brief moments of joy I’d had with him. Even when I was busy, little reminders could jolt me out of whatever I was doing. By the end of that week I was staggering through the house like a zombie, worn out from crying myself to sleep every night and wrung out from the constant emotional strain.
I tried telling myself that it was better this way. It would have been so much worse if it had happened during the school year, when there could be no escape from him or the necessity of going to class. Any time I dared to think it might have turned out differently, the image of London appeared like some tanned, bikini-clad goddess to kill that little fantasy. I’d been a complete idiot to think that he’d ever actually seen anything in me.
That was my state of mind the next Saturday morning when the dying duck sound of our doorbell summoned me away from the show on mega-volcanoes I was watching. When I opened the door I found Molly waiting anxiously on the porch.
“I need your help,” she said, her blue eyes pleading.
Chapter Thirteen
My eyebrows rose. My help? I could barely help myself. What on earth could she want with me? But this was Molly, and I owed it to her to at least listen. Once we were in my room I sat on the bed and gave her my complete attention. Well, at least all of it that wasn’t still wrapped up in pining for Walker. So maybe fifty-fifty.
She looked embarrassed and wouldn’t meet my eyes. When she started to talk, it came out in a quick, rambling stream. “I’m sorry. I wouldn’t do this if I knew of any other way. I can’t do it by myself. I just can’t. And while I like Dannika and Allison a lot, I don’t know them well enough. You’re the only one I really trust and feel comfortable enough with.”
Despite my internal angst, I was intrigued. “What’s wrong?”
“I need you to go with me to the seniors’ Fourth of July beach party.”
My defenses came crashing down like steel walls. Walker would be there. No way I could go there and be around him right now.
Molly saw me shutting down and tears sprang to her eyes. “I have to go, Delaney. He’s going to be there and I’ve heard that she’s going to make a move on him. I can’t let her. So I have to be there to try to stop her and you’re the only person I can go with who can help me hold it together in the crowd long enough to do…”
“What in the world are you talking about?”
Her lips quivered as she looked up into my eyes. “Quinn.”
Quinn? My jaw dropped. He was the quarterback, and Molly was going after him? Sure, she was really pretty, but with her reputation at school and her anxiety? How could that possibly work?
A cold, sickening feeling awakened in my stomach. Molly was at least going to go fight for the guy she wanted, even though just the thought of being around that many people must have her on the verge of a panic attack. Not to mention how hard it would be for her to open up her heart to him. Is this what I should have done with Walker? Did I not want him badly enough to even try to find out what he really wanted? Maybe I didn’t deserve h
im.
“So you and Quinn?”
A ghost of a smile touched her lips. “We’re teammates in a couple of the games that I play. He’s been trying to get me to tell him who I really am, and begging me to go out with him since Christmas break. But to him I’m Valkyrie the badass, not Molly the biggest dumb blonde at school who’s afraid of her own shadow. I haven’t been able to work up the nerve.”
I nodded. “I’m sorry. I can see how hard that must be for you.”
“Yeah. But Walker…” Her eyes flew to mine in an apologetic look. “He found out that Andrea White is after Quinn and plans to make a play for him at the beach party. If she gets her hooks in him I’ll never have a chance, so I’ve got to be there to stop it. Somehow.”
“Are you sure you can’t just tell him the truth?”
She shuddered and looked down at her hands, which she was wringing in her lap. “I’m so scared, Delaney. It gets hard to breathe when I just think about talking to him in person. I’d be lucky to get two words out.”
“So how do you plan to stop this?”
“I don’t know! I’m going to have to wing it. But I need you there to support me until I can come up with something. I can be braver if I know you’re there, that I’m not all alone with all of those people.”
I really didn’t want to do it. I was terrified of what seeing Walker there, on that same beach where we had kissed, would do to the still-bleeding wound that was my heart. Especially if he was with London, which seemed highly likely.
But Molly was my friend, and she needed me. If she was going to fight this kind of battle I just couldn’t let her do it alone.
“I’ll go with you.”
She heaved a sigh and sagged with relief. “Thank you. You have no idea what this means to me.”
After the last week my lips weren’t used to it, but the smile that formed on them was genuine. “Actually, I think I just might.”
Nagging doubts remained, even though I knew I was doing the right thing by going along to hold Molly together. But if I ran into Walker, who was going to hold me together?
A Little Bit Haunted Page 10
