He remembered his adorable little sister, so sweet, with big eyes and big curls and a laugh that could light up the room.
Losing her had been the worst thing he had ever gone through, worse even than having a father who stopped loving him when he was ten.
“You probably don’t remember, but during that difficult time after she was first diagnosed, they wanted to test you as well since both Joe and I were carriers of the particular gene mutation that caused her CF.”
“Let me guess. They did blood work.” He had a vague memory of going to a doctor’s office at the children’s hospital in Boise but it might or might not have been at that time. Lily had spent a great deal of time in the hospital and he had spent hours in waiting rooms there, which was why his personal charitable foundation gave millions to provide entertainment technology to children’s hospitals around the country to help siblings and patients pass the time.
“Not only did we find out you were not a carrier of the mutated CF gene but the testing also revealed there was no possible way you could be Joe’s son.”
Everything changed when Lily got sick. He could see that with stark clarity. All this time, he never knew why Joe turned away from him. Ben had felt guilty, somehow, that he was the healthy child while his beloved little sister had to endure so much. At the time, he remembered thinking his father must have blamed him, somehow.
“That’s why he hated me.”
“Oh, darling, no,” his mother whispered. “He hated me. You were only a very unfortunate by-product of that.”
He couldn’t seem to think through all the shocks that had been thrown at him the past half hour and he didn’t know how the hell he was supposed to respond to all of this.
“You were still his son, DNA or not. I wish he could have seen that. You were still the sweet, loving boy who was always so thrilled when his father walked through the door. He just couldn’t accept it. All he saw when he looked at you was my betrayal.”
He had tried so hard to earn his father’s approval, never guessing it was completely impossible.
“Did he know that Warrick was my...real father?”
Again, the shock of it poured over him in waves, as if he stood under an icy waterfall somewhere up in the mountains being pounded by snowmelt.
“I never told him, but I’ve always believed he had to know. He knew I...loved Russell, that he had broken my heart when he ended things between us before he left. It was the logical conclusion.”
Ben frowned, thinking of how often the doctor was in and out of their home. “And yet he let the man treat Lily?”
“He was the best physician in town. Your... Joe knew that. And maybe he knew how difficult it was for me, having to be calm and casual with Russell. It was yet another punishment.”
The moon had come up, Ben realized. It glimmered on the lake, rippling across the waves with almost unbearable beauty. They sat in silence for a few moments before he finally asked the question he had wondered since she first threw this hand grenade into his lap.
“Did Warrick know from the beginning?”
He thought of the man’s searching looks over the years, how he had paid perhaps inordinate attention to what was going on in Ben’s life.
“Apparently. He never told me but...yes. He knew. He had access to the medical records. I should have realized but it never once occurred to me that he knew. He stayed quiet out of respect for his marriage and mine but...I know it was hurtful to him, not being able to say anything to you or acknowledge you or, I don’t know, make things better for you.”
There it was. The part of this that hurt the most. He was angry, suddenly, bitterly angry as he thought of the years and years of coldness and cruelty. He was also, he had to admit, angry that she was making him see things through a different perspective. Joe was a cruel man...but he was also a man who had once loved a woman who had cuckolded him, in the literal sense of the word.
“Why didn’t you say something before now? All those years when Joe was so cold and you let me think it was something I did.”
“I live with regret, every day of my life, that I stayed with him and let him put you through what he did.”
“Why? It wasn’t just me. He was worse to you, Mom. All those years, why did you put up with it? You’re not a weak or stupid woman!”
She was silent for a long time, her ragged breathing the only sound between them. When she spoke, her voice was small and filled with pain.
“He would have taken Lily away from me. He threatened it often and I knew he had the money, the influence and the resolve to back up those threats with action. It was a terrible situation and I didn’t know what to do. You were miserable, neglected, starving for his affection. Meanwhile she was happy and had everything she needed to prolong her life as long as possible. I told myself you were all right, that you were healthy and tough. I tried to convince myself my love could be enough to make up for Joe withholding his.”
He couldn’t soak it all in—nor did he understand why Joe had left him everything when he died. He had no other heirs, but wouldn’t he have rather let some foundation somewhere inherit his property and holdings in Haven Point rather than leave them to another man’s child?
Was it guilt, perhaps, at how he had treated Ben for all those years? He didn’t want to think about that, not when he was still reeling. “What now? Am I supposed to just pretend we’re now one big happy family? You, me, Russell.”
“No. Of course not. This changes nothing. He would like a relationship with you now, an honest one, but if you don’t want that or aren’t ready, he understands. He’s a good man, Ben. He always has been.”
He had always liked Doc Warrick but he still wasn’t sure he was ready to take on a new father at this point in his life.
“He would like to have dinner with both of us before you leave town. Will you...think about it?”
He would be doing nothing but thinking about all of this. His history, who he was, what he was, had just shifted into an entirely new reality.
“I’ll think about it.”
“I understand. I’m sorry to just drop this on you. I didn’t know any other way.”
“Right.”
She rose from the swing with a soft rattle of chains. “I love you, my darling. You and Lily are the best things that ever happened to me, no matter what pain and loss happened later. Please remember that. I hope you can someday forgive me.”
She kissed his cheek, then started to head to her car. Out of the good manners she had drilled into him, he walked her to her car and opened the door for her. She stood for a moment, her hand on the door frame, then stepped toward him and wrapped her arms around him in a quick, fierce hug.
“I made so many mistakes. I cannot tell you enough how sorry I am for them. I wish I could have had a little of the strength both of my children showed me over the years. Good night, Ben. Call me if you want to talk about any of this again.”
He didn’t. He didn’t even want to think about it, but he had a feeling he would be able to focus on little else. His entire worldview had just been thrown into the air, the pieces rearranging themselves as they fell.
“Please don’t forget I love you. More than anything.”
She hugged him again, then slipped into her car and closed the door before he could answer.
Feeling numb inside, he watched her drive away for a long moment, until her taillights disappeared around a curve in the road. Hondo finally nudged him, probably trying to figure out why he was just standing there. After a long exhalation, he walked around the house again, drawn inexorably to the lake.
He walked all the way out to the end of the dock and sat down on the wood surface, Hondo on his haunches next to him. Together they watched the moonlight dance across the gentle waves and the stars peek out, one by one.
He wasn’t sure
how long he sat there, lost in thought as he tried to come to terms with the stunning news and all its implications. It was too big—impossible, even—for him to comprehend.
How had he never guessed, all these years, that Joe’s change in behavior might have been caused by something like this? He should have made the connection. Some part of him had always wondered why he didn’t look at all like Joe, other than similar-colored hair. They shared no other features in common and he had always been grateful for that, glad he didn’t have to look at the man’s face in the mirror. Now he understood.
He had a father. One who didn’t think he was a waste of the very air he breathed.
He still had no idea what he was going to do with that. The idea of trying to establish a relationship with Doc Warrick left him feeling twitchy and overwhelmed.
Beside him, the Delphine bounced a little on the waves, reminding him of the other inescapable fact. The boatworks. Apparently he wasn’t a Kilpatrick. He had no connection, at least paternally, to the Kilpatrick family or the boats they produced. His mother’s family had worked at the boatworks for generations, so he supposed he was still linked to the history of the watercraft but not the way he had always supposed.
It seemed inevitable, somehow, when he heard a door opening in McKenzie’s house. A moment later, she and Rika joined them.
She stood for a moment on the edge of the dock before she walked out to join him.
She must have sensed his upheaval, though she couldn’t know the reason for it. She placed a hand on his shoulder for just a moment, enough to bring a swell of emotion to his throat.
“Is everything okay?”
He wanted to laugh at the sheer magnitude of the understatement. “Not really.”
“I wondered,” she murmured. “Your mom was here for a long time—not that I was spying or anything, I just happened to hear her car pull away as I was settling the boys for bed in their tent.”
He was a private person by choice and by necessity. As a top-level executive at Caine Tech, he had learned early that discretion was a vital skill. He nevertheless had a powerful urge to confide in her.
Why? Why McKenzie? He realized the answer to that almost before the question formed in his mind. She was a friend. He cared about her, more than he realized until right that moment.
Besides, after their conversation the night before, she knew more about him than anyone else he could think of. Even Aidan, his closest friend, didn’t know why Ben had been so very eager to sell Snow Angel Cove at the first chance.
“She had some earthshaking news for me,” he finally said. “I haven’t decided yet how I’m supposed to feel about it.”
She sat down beside him on the edge of the dock and wrapped her arms around her knees. “You feel how you feel. There’s no ‘supposed to’ about it.”
He trusted her discretion and her wisdom and he suddenly wanted to tell her. In a few short sentences, he relayed the information his mother had shared.
When he finished, she was silent for a long moment while the breeze off the lake curled strands of her dark, silky hair around her face. In the light of the three-quarter moon, he could see her features, soft with compassion. Something tight and hard in his chest seemed to loosen a little.
“Oh, your poor mother. It must have been so difficult keeping such a huge secret all these years.”
“I’m just still not sure why she did. I would have thought after she left my...Joe, she could have come clean.”
“It wasn’t only her secret,” she pointed out. “Maybe she was worried about the impact on Doc Warrick and his wife if she told the truth. Take it from the voice of experience. Not everybody is thrilled to find out their spouse produced a child with someone else.”
If anyone could understand that, McKenzie could. This seemed yet another link between them, their tangled paternity.
“I suppose.”
“Would you rather she never had told you?” McKenzie asked.
“I don’t know. Right now it all just seems so...daunting.”
“You’ll figure it out,” she murmured.
She rubbed her hand up and down his arm, a gesture solely meant for solace. Her concern seemed to seep through him, warm and comforting.
“Thanks.”
She rose to her feet and he did the same, though his bones felt old and creaky suddenly.
“I wish I could stay out here with you but I left the boys asleep inside their tent in the living room. They were completely exhausted—thanks for that, by the way—but I should still probably get back to keep an eye on them. If you want to talk or something, you’re welcome to come over. We can talk in the kitchen or out on the terrace without disturbing them.”
“Thank you, but I’d better not. I need more time to absorb everything.”
“I understand.”
“Thank you, though. For...everything.”
Her soft smile gleamed in the dark. “You’re welcome.”
Before he realized what she intended, she wrapped her arms around his waist and hugged him hard. He stood frozen for just a moment as that sweetness and softness encircled them. Did she sense the threads that were beginning to tug between them, to tangle and bind? It was exactly what he needed, the comfort and peace of her embrace.
Something fundamental was beginning to shift inside him and it had nothing to do with the shock of learning he wasn’t the person he had always believed.
“Seriously. If you need to talk, you know where to find me. My bedroom is the window right there facing the water. You can throw a pebble or something to wake me up.”
If he came looking for her bedroom anytime soon, he had a feeling talking would be the last thing on his mind.
“Thanks,” he murmured, then waited until she went inside before turning to his own solitary—and temporary—home.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
“THIS IS NICE. Why don’t we do this more often?”
“I saw you two days ago at Lake Haven Days,” McKenzie protested to her sister. “If I recall, there were fireworks.”
“Which you slept through.”
She made a face. “I saw most of them. But you’re right. We don’t see enough of each other—maybe because you work sixteen-hour days, between the hospital and your practice with Doc Warrick, and when you’re not working, I’m busy here or at city hall.”
“That’s really pathetic, when you think about it. We’re both single, not unattractive women—thank you very much—but it’s been months since either of us had a date.”
She decided not to mention the few steamy kisses she had shared with Ben. None of her interactions with him qualified as a date, exactly.
He hadn’t been far from her thoughts since the night before, when he had shared his mother’s stunning news with her. When she woke early with the boys—who were spending the day with their grandmother until Mac and Lindy-Grace returned that evening—the Delphine was gone and she couldn’t see it anywhere in sight. He must have gone for a long cruise on the lake.
How was he dealing? It was definitely a shock. She only hoped a night’s rest had helped him gain a little perspective and realize he was still the man he had always been.
She forced herself to turn back to Devin and the unexpected gift of an hour with her sister. “Thanks for lunch. Sorry I couldn’t go out with you. These aren’t the most grand accommodations but I just can’t leave the store right now.”
“You know I don’t mind.”
They sat in the back workroom, eating Chinese takeout on the huge table she had bought at Goodwill.
This was where she taught classes on flower arranging or wire-wrapping techniques and where the Haven Point Helping Hands met regularly for their little projects and smorgasbord lunch dates.
“I don’t mind,” Devin assured her. “It
’s just my bad luck that the one day I had time to meet for lunch, you’re too busy at the store to break away.”
“Between Lake Haven Days last week and the general mayoral craziness all the time, I feel like I’ve been gone lately more often than I’m here. Lindy-Grace and Kaylee have had to hold down the ship without me but today they couldn’t be here. I suppose I need to occasionally come in and at least pretend to be a business owner. Not to mention, the Foster wedding is Saturday and I’ve got ten corsages and four bouquets to throw together.”
She didn’t add to Devin that after all the excitement of the past week—and, okay, she wasn’t just thinking about having Ben Kilpatrick next door, though that was certainly enough excitement for any girl—she had actually found it a relief to slide back into her routine.
She had enjoyed changing the window display that morning, going through invoices, catching up on correspondence, finding comfort in the ordinary.
“You’ll do great,” Devin said with humbling confidence. “You’ve really found your calling here. I’ll admit, I worried you were making a big mistake when you walked away from your job in Chicago after Dad got sick but you are thriving here. I love seeing it.”
She smiled. “It’s a good life,” she said, even as she felt a little pang in the vicinity of her heart. Ben would be leaving soon. Would she still find her life here so rewarding and fulfilling once he returned to California and Caine Tech?
Yes, she told herself, especially since she fully intended to be busy helping her town get ready for a new Caine Tech facility.
“What’s new with you?” she asked her sister.
“Well, Mom is coming to town in a few weeks. We Skyped last night during my break at the hospital and she broke the news.”
McKenzie felt another pang. Though she had tried to keep up a cordial relationship with Adele—she was beyond grateful the woman had opened her home all those years ago—they both seemed to have given up the pretense that they could ever be close as the years passed, especially after her father died.
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