by Lisa Heaton
“I’ve never said this is a secret. Have I made you feel that way?”
“No, you haven’t. But like with my roommates and my parents, I’m being secretive. Because honestly, I know if I tell them, it will sound exactly like I’m a call girl, or kept woman, or whatever.” Her face flushed at the comparison between herself and such women. Biting at her lip, she admitted, “I can’t stand the thought of them being disappointed in me.”
The look on her face caused John to sigh. She was so incredibly sweet and beautiful and innocent. His heart was heavy that she was feeling dirty because of their relationship. Thinking for a moment, he offered, “Okay. My suggestion to you then is to say you are my travel assistant, which is true. When I travel, you assist me in not being so lonely and bored. Say this is your job, because it is, technically. We signed a contract. Or, you can say it’s an internship for a year. I’ll put it in writing that you are my intern.”
He was right. It was a business arrangement. She was getting paid for spending time with him and not for the wrong kind of spending time with him.
Sensing she was considering his take on it, he said, “You said that was one thing. What’s next?”
“I want you to know why this matters so much to me.”
Taking her hand, he asked, “Why does this matter so much to you?”
When John reached for her hand, it caused her to momentarily stumble with the words. What she was about to tell him was incredibly personal, and the fact that he was touching her felt intimate beyond what she had known in many years. For so long she had remained cut off from any interaction with a man. She felt suddenly nervous, but blurted out anyway, “I’m waiting until I get married before I am with someone.”
For a moment he sat there, unsure of how to respond. Considering what she said, he thought several things about that, but mostly, he admired her. In the world he knew, there was no one who made such a commitment. He certainly never did. Squeezing her hand, he told her, “I think that’s one of the sweetest things I’ve ever heard. Some man will get a great treasure when he marries you.”
“Because I’ve made this choice, though, it’s made life much more difficult in many ways. I lost someone I really loved because of it.”
“Then he didn’t deserve you.”
Shaking her head, she said, “It wasn’t exactly like that, more indirectly because of it.”
“Is that why you moved to L.A.?”
She simply nodded. It hadn’t escaped her notice that he was still holding her hand. As much as she felt uneasy about their relationship, especially the secretive aspect of it, she could hardly regret it. Already she was crazy about this man. How could she regret the best time of her life? Somehow, she would have to find a level of balance between what felt so right yet appeared so wrong.
Early Sunday morning, Chelsea sat on a pew in a small church off the Vegas strip. Tentatively, she had invited John, but he had meetings during the morning hours. He assured her that by the time she was back from church, he would be hers for the remainder of the day. Their plan was to sit by the pool together, then later in the evening have dinner and see a show. Glad to have him all to herself for the remainder of the day, she was relieved that there would be no more parties or mixers while they were there. What happened with the offensive man the night before was still fresh on her mind. His comments had stung her, leaving her to question the arrangement she and John had.
Glancing at Terry, the one she called “the guy” the day before, she had to grin at his discomfort. When she reached the door to the church, he suggested he should stay outside and wait, but she insisted he go in with her, for her protection of course. She had to wonder how often he’d been inside a church, if ever. From the way he squirmed, he didn’t feel at all comfortable.
Chelsea found the church service was a good one. It was interesting to see how different churches worshiped. This place was so unlike her church, but it wasn’t unpleasant. As a matter of fact, she felt very welcome from the moment she walked in. Several people came up to her and shook her hand. Many of them seemed extremely down on their luck. It was possibly her imagination, which might have stemmed from the fact that she found gambling to be a rather seductive, yet hopeless venture. Once, when she and John passed through the hotel casino on their way to dinner, she stopped to watch an older woman with an oxygen tank play some machine. The poor woman didn’t appear as if she could afford to be dropping dollar after dollar into the machine. In her estimation, the city gave false hope to people who had little. Most everywhere she looked, she seemed to encounter sadness.
After service, she and Terry went back to the hotel. Indeed John was finished for the day, free to be with her. He had an elaborate lunch waiting for her, and they ate together in the room. Once they changed into swimsuits, they went down to the pool. Chelsea learned that John’s idea of poolside was a bit different than hers. When they arrived at the pool, there was a cabana set up and waiting for them. Two chairs were near the entrance, allowing them shade, or if they wanted to move the chairs only slightly, they could sit in the sun. Since they were in a private area, a waitress came by several times offering to bring them drinks. Chelsea found it amazing that some people lived in such a way.
“Are you sleeping?” John was reading the paper and figured Chelsea was asleep. She hadn’t spoken or moved in more than twenty minutes. Since knowing her, he hadn’t heard her quiet that long.
“Maybe a little.” Having had such a difficult time falling asleep the night before, she found a small nap was exactly what she needed to make it through the evening with John. When she returned to bed after their talk, she could think of little else other than what, if anything, she should tell her parents. Nothing seemed right. Even if she told them she was John’s travel assistant, it would be a lie. More than three hours later, she finally decided she would simply not mention John at all. As for her roommates, she would avoid saying anything to them too. If they asked questions, Chelsea would dodge them as much as possible.
“It’s getting late. If you want to take a real nap before dinner, we should go on up to the room.”
“I’ve dozed enough.” She sat up and looked at him, then quickly diverted her eyes to the paper in his hands. Just as when he removed his shirt when they arrived at the pool, she again found herself prone to stare at him. He was much more fit than she expected him to be. She had really imagined him to be a bit more doughy in the stomach like her dad. Trying to divert her attention from how attractive he was, she decided to pick a fight. “Are you still reading the same paper?”
He grinned at her, noticing she looked incredibly cute with sleepy eyes. Holding it up, he showed her the paper. “No, this is a different one.”
All around them people were laughing and talking. And there they were, him reading stuffy financial articles and her sleeping. They were like a ninety-year-old couple. The term couple caused her to grin inside. “Is that all you do, look at business stuff?”
“Mostly.” Amused by the exchange, John rested his paper in his lap, thinking how much he’d like to toss her into the pool.
Grabbing his paper away from him, she teased, “Do you even know how to have fun?”
“Are you saying I’m no fun?”
“I’m saying if I would’ve known you were so boring, I would have charged you double.”
Determined to show her how much fun he could be, he stood and easily scooped her up from the chair. Walking with her to the pool, her arms wrapped tightly around his neck and squealing like a little girl, he stood at the pool’s edge. He asked aloud, “Hmm, what should I do with this girl?”
She squeezed him even tighter and buried her head in his neck. “If I go in, you go with me.”
“That’s my plan.” With that, he jumped in still holding her.
Sputtering, Chelsea surfaced. Already he was above water and holding on to the edge of the pool. Reaching for her hand, he pulled her near, promising, “I’ll be more fun.”
In order
to stay above water, she circled her arms around his neck and for a moment, gazed into his eyes. As he held her around the waist, smiling at her, there was something in his eyes she’d yet to see before. He seemed to be enjoying himself. “See, you can relax and have fun.”
“I figure I’ll have to be more fun or pay you double.”
“You know I was kidding. Don’t you?”
“Of course I do. But just so you know, I’d gladly pay you double.”
Extending her arm, Chelsea reached for the side of the pool. The conversation had taken an unexpected turn; there was a sudden charge in the air. By the look in his eyes she could see he wasn’t joking. Being honest in return, she admitted, “If it weren’t for school, I’d hang out with you for free.”
Though her statement shocked him, he sensed she was being sincere. Her soft smile when she said it warmed him, causing him to feel a bit flustered. She was close and beautiful and so full of energy that it made him forget, if only momentarily, they were more than two decades apart. Fortunately, someone knocked a ball their way and John reached for it and returned it to the group playing volley ball. He was glad for the distraction. There was something about the direction of their conversation that felt extremely dangerous to him. Redirecting the moment, he asked, “Want to join the game?”
For more than an hour they played volleyball with a group of people around Chelsea’s age. It was the most fun he had in a very long time. Anytime she could catch him not looking, she would grab his head and try to dunk him. Each time, though, it was he who dunked her. With her, he felt young again, something he never anticipated he would feel at his age. It was hard to believe he’d lived twice as long as her.
Once, when he overheard one of the guys ask if he was Chelsea’s dad and if she wanted to go out with their group for the evening, John could only smile at how she stammered in her response. She said, “No, he’s my, he’s my, um, well, we are…” She was never really able to answer the question. He could tell how awkward the question was for her, and for some reason, in that moment, his fondness for her grew immensely.
While watching her, he could see how she looked past the guy and at him, as if to see if he noticed. Intentionally staying out of the way, John decided to allow her to make her own choice. After her encounter with the young man, though, he found himself wondering if she was attracted to him and if she regretted not being free to pursue more with him. For just a minute, he suspected he might be slightly jealous but quickly dismissed the idea.
When Chelsea swam over to where he sat on the side of the pool, she grabbed onto his feet to stay above water. Grinning up at him, she told him how much fun he was to be with and what a good afternoon she’d had, settling his curiosity about whether she wanted to go and hang out with the younger crowd. From what he could tell, she was happy with him, and he was determined to keep it that way.
Their evening together was all Chelsea hoped it would be. After dinner John took her to see a show. The night before, before their evening was derailed by what happened at the party, they’d planned to see a show that Chelsea had never heard of. But when he heard she wanted to see Phantom, he was able to get last minute tickets. The story made her cry. It was, by far, the best live performance she’d ever seen.
Often during the show, she would find him looking at her, watching for her reaction. When they were together, he made her feel as if nothing else mattered to him but her happiness. While there at the theater, she felt as if she belonged with him. At the gallery, and even at the party the night before, she felt terribly out of place. But this night, sitting beside him in his dinner jacket and tie, she wasn’t out of place at all. He smiled at her warmly, often held her hand, and on more than one occasion, leaned in close enough to whisper and tell her how beautiful she looked. It seemed at every turn, he did just the right thing, and she found that it was drawing her much deeper into him than she ever anticipated. If she weren’t so thrilled by the sensation of it, it very well might have scared her to death.
Later that evening they sat together, lights turned off, watching TV. The day had been amazing, and all Chelsea could do was recount it over and over in her head. He was watching some financial report, and she was lost in thought.
“What have you thought of Vegas?” He had been watching her for several minutes. Clearly, she wasn’t interested in the program he was watching. Being with her made him much too aware of how focused he was on business and money. When absorbed in his computer or on a phone call, he would see her out of the corner of his eye waiting patiently for him. Occasionally, he would think that there may be more to life than the deal, or wonder if life was passing him by while he chased another dollar. Such thoughts were not like him at all.
“The food has been amazing. The show took my breath away.” Stopping, she blinked hard. “Like literally, it took my breath away. The pool was a pool,” grinning, she added, “but with you today it was a playground.” She tilted her head and thought for a moment. Determined to be honest just as he’d asked of her, she finally admitted, “The city itself is kind of smarmy though.”
Chuckling, he asked, “Smarmy?”
“I think it’s kind of sad too. There’s this false hope offered to people who desperately need hope. I think these casinos are making money off of broken dreams and lost hope.” She realized how critical she sounded, so she added, “That’s just what I’ve felt since we have been here. But what do I know?”
“I think you know a whole lot for such a young woman.” Her insight was certainly accurate and made perfect sense to him. He wondered though, when had he stopped looking at people and only looked at numbers? How did she see such a thing and him not? When considering becoming involved in any business, as he was currently doing with the hotel and casino they were staying in, he was always keenly aware of how that industry affected people. In this case, he hadn’t thought nearly enough about it. Certainly he knew what Chelsea said was true, but he hadn’t filtered it through his belief system the way she had, which made him wonder if he had a dependable belief system any longer.
After Chelsea had gone to bed, John sat alone in the living room thinking of their conversation the night before. He considered what the drunken man said to her and how it made her feel about herself. The last thing he wanted was for her to feel dirty in any way. Without question, she was the sweetest girl he had ever known and to think that maybe he was causing her to feel anything less than the remarkable woman she was, was entirely unacceptable. He considered too the fact that the one man’s supposition would be most people’s assumption. It would have to make her uncomfortable, and he had to wonder, had she known what to expect when the deal was struck? She had been in a desperate situation, forced in a way to make such a commitment of the year. For the first time, John considered what might have happened if he’d not been the one to choose her profile. What if it were some perverted old man who would have taken advantage of her? That thought caused him to be thankful it was him. Still, as glad as he was to be the one to bail her out of her financial crisis, he could hardly stand the thought of her living a life of secrecy.
Hearing her TV still on, he went and tapped lightly on her door. “Chelsea, are you still awake?” When she answered the door in the same shorts and t-shirt she wore the night before, John sighed heavily. She was just a kid.
“I was just getting into bed.”
“Will you come out for a minute? I need to talk with you about something.”
Following him to the sofa, she sat with her feet curled up beneath her and waited for him to settle in next to her. John stood for a moment, seeming hesitant, and because of it, she felt a bit concerned about what he might have to say to her. A knot formed in her stomach in anticipation of it. Finally he sat near her and gently patted her leg. Such a sweet gesture allowed her to relax somewhat.
“I’ve been giving this some thought. I realize you’re a bit uncomfortable about how others perceive our relationship. I know you feel ashamed to tell your parents.”
Her eyes were so large and innocent as she looked up at him waiting to see where he was going with the conversation, that for a moment he faltered. The night before, when the drunken idiot upset her the way he did, the look on her face was one he was sure he would not soon forget. Those same innocent eyes were so filled with hurt and shame, he could hardly continue on being responsible for putting her in such a position. Finally, blinking long and slow, mostly to get the image out of his mind, he continued, “I guess what I want to know is if you feel you’ve made this commitment in error? If so, we’ll work around the tuition thing. I will gladly pay for your classes and…”
Interrupting him, she said, “No, not at all.” In that moment, understanding how kind and thoughtful John really was, she was certain he was unlike anyone she would ever meet again. He was offering to pay the tuition for a virtual stranger and let her out of their agreement – all because she felt uncomfortable about it. Chelsea reached out and took hold of his hand, and when she did, he sighed just as he had standing in her doorway. No matter his concern, she would never consider such a thing, if for no other reason than she was too intrigued by him to walk away so soon. Already the thought of walking away was something she didn’t look forward to. “John, I’m not ready to end this. Not so soon.”
Relieved, he admitted, “Good to know.”
Monday arrived much too quickly, and Chelsea was filled with regret that life would soon be back to normal. They were driving in John’s SUV, heading away from the airport. Just as he had on the way to the airport, she found he took an unfamiliar route to her place. Going instead toward Beverly Hills, she asked, “Why are we going this way?”
“I have something to show you.”
“Do you live here?”
“Close by.”
When he didn’t elaborate on where he lived, she sensed it was on purpose. There was something about his lack of particulars that stung a little. Clearly, he was maintaining a boundary. It was her reminder that this was not a relationship or even a friendship. No matter how well they got along or how comfortable she felt with him during their trip, it was business, nothing more.
